That’s
right! It’s your old pal Jimmy Adjudication!
AKA Johnny Impotency! Here I sit, in my Fortress of Ineptitude, pecking
out purple prose, more worthless musings of deeply pathetic man. THE FUTURE IS INFINITE!!! Hands shaking now. so depressed lately. Is TM the answer? it’s a hunger. EVERYTHING IS AWFUL!!! I punch holes in the walls of my apartment
and it is inside those holes where my children will live. They will all grow up to be cultists and
serial murderers!!! Good thing I bought
a new box of Space Flakes today, my favorite cereal! Missing her tonight. going to drink for a while then go to
bed. Lot of crutches to get rid of but I
porbably can’t.
words as a necessary thing. All wound up
right now. booze is not helping. Slept a few hours earlier. Saying goodbye to myself in a crowded
room. Fat assed Latinas everywhere. Felt very little. Toward that.
saying goodbye to myself while others laughed and sang and danced and
cheered. A friend who will always put a
negative spin on things. of course, I think
as my head goes light, how utterly proper.
MY BABIES!!! Need restoration. I feel
very grateful. I fell love. Electronic godliness someone once said. teared up multiple times while saying goodbye
to myself. Never fully realized the
beauty of anthology. Tearing up
now. going to revive the love of certain
things. there is so much beauty. And too much time spent on awful things and
things that don’t matter. very
grateful. Inevitable. And everything feel so sad. All this struggle for nothing. On the streets selling things. desperate.
Never rising above this station. We’re
barley eeking out an existence. Taxi service. Old man liked the way she dressed. Seemed nice.
We’re barely anything at all and then we’re nothing. I’m crying and writing and it is the only
thing that barely makes me feel better. Hot
dog stands all over the place. Hot dog
stands and fat asses. I’m homing in on
the signal’s origin. We’re all dancing
the waltz. More than two decades
ago. Laundry service. Saying goodbye to myself. I felt positivity earlier in this summer. Lovely positivity and I can feel it
again. It all went so smooth. Handfuls of sand. Ocean water.
Remembering the first thing I heard.
If you leave. If you go. Everything is so different now. and we’ve left behind beautiful versions of
ourselves. And the current versions are
so fragile and so full of compromise and pain and insecurity. And sometimes they are betrayals of ourselves.
And we spend so much time and energy to fight our way back to something
pure. And when we find it, it is so
fragile and tender. And needs to be held
and reminded that we are loved. We barely
eek out an existence but this fragile moments in between all the bullshit and the
nothing, those are what matters and what remain worth it. thinking of wallets now. …and all the things I deserve, for being such
a…. need to read up on white dreams. And anthology. From whom did we learn how to leave. This is all so fleeting. All this pain in our bones. Please forgive me. A mother and daughter with the same
smile. In that moment, feeling the
words.
Words still
as a necessary thing. As I proceed to
make a total ass out of myself. Not in
every context though . I did not take that four minute journey to indulge in
nostalgia. Need to hit the sauce
soon. neck is sore. Dressed all in black. Silver chain.
Revitalizing. Lovely dresses all
around. Something like a massive
club. Orange and red. Starting off quiet. Storm.
Unknown. Destination known. One of the all time best. Watching on the day she died. Peaks.
Revitalizing. One two of the two
with the same name. nationality and then
narcotics. Metaphor for romance and
sex. Man of few words. All went perfect. I ate a disgusting hot dog recently but the
woman who sold it to me was very friendly.
I also ate a very disgusting breakfast recently. Think I’ll fry up some fish tomorrow. Somewhere in the midst of all that I was
watching something fantastic on my phone.
Great transition. The cat in the
hat, take a shot of tequila if you can spare it. I was drinking tequila the other day. or was i?
the more I learn the less I want to know. Need Clive’s voice again soon? hands
sore. Fingers sore . feel kinda weary. General sense of unhappiness somewhere but
that’s okay. Shaved late. Wow the
words are coming so slow . so very little to say. Sore neck.
There is a connection I need to cut.
Maybe that was the start of rekindling.
All done with electronics I think.
Security. Start of rejuvenation .
go on now to us. Red in front. Blood.
I can get back to that. whether
there is another chance or not I can get back to that. penance.
Bookended, don’t you see. They were
right there in the themes of betrayal and then later on it all came roaring
back to deny you the moment you wanted. A
couple of awful villains. I get it. I was the asshole. we. But
time to be separate from all that.
things just go awry sometimes. Go
on the deep dive. Dream. Saga. Remember
the shot of positivity. Remembering when
a shame was shared. Because there was no
one else around. The canonical moments
are so important and be returned to again and again. Everyone has their secret shame. Been hearing a comforting cricket a lot
lately. Need to watch good things
soon. need to feel good. But the words are the way too late. Push away the days. her fat ass looked great in those little
black shorts. And the exposed pale jiggling
thighs. It’s good to sit things
out. Jeez, it’s been. Candy, so fine. Would there be anyone there to dance with? Who does he miss?
