the colors explain everything to those who...tues again is good...

What will be the theme of today?  I think I have a pretty good idea and I thinks it will be failure.  But maybe not!  It’s all up in the damn air right now!  The little star has returned and thusly some semblance of meaning in my life has returned as well.  The only meaning in which I am permitted.

I’ve been renewing my love with the ol’ horizontal black and whites lately.  It’s been a worthy experience and I think it may lead to great things.  no one has ever considered me to be a world class plate spinner.  I’m just Ricardo, failure extraordinaire.  I was walking down the streets of spain and the paparazzos wouldn’t leave me alone.  Wait, no, that was someone else.  I’ve been spending a great deal of time down in the treme recently and find it to be very satisfying.  That team has not let me down yet.  I need to make the rounds to a few pawn shops and see if my trombone has been recovered.  Then I’ll eat some fried food.  Been listening to The Germs recently.  And a lot more of The Ramones.  Watched a great Altman movie the other day.  My Brando impression cannot compare.  Green.  I bought a Scrooge McDuck comic book the other day but I’ve not yet made the time to read it.  Soon I hope to rectify this error. 

The real question is whether or not I am willing to attempt that 37 hour drive.  Were I younger man it would already be a foregone conclusion but time stops for no one.  still, I picture that far away meeting amongst siblings and crawfish.  Who knows what would happen and why but I imagine a nice peaceful walk where the air smells clean and the lights of bars and ships guide our way.  Ah, the discussion, the misheard words.  The sweet poetry inherent in the laws of accounting and of course multiple languages neither one of us really understand.  Let us not forget the archaic writing.  Or that brave soul electrocuted and then bodily slammed onto a conveyor belt. That was always the fantasy. And white belts.  And white collared shirts and ties.  Hair dye.  Different and lovely and then dark again.  Homemade pastries.  There is no chance for a new beginning for anyone.  Turning dangerous. 

Of course, if I haven’t already expressed my extreme excitement that The Vampire and the Ballerina is finally receiving it’s blu ray release next week then that I was mistake.  I will order it, pay for next day shipping and then watch it 17 times in a row while sipping cognac.  I am eager to add this to my collection.  Apropos of nothing, I am regretful that I never paid for a headscissors session.  So many regrets.  I love music but I don’t have a lick of musical talent.  Tom Waits, love his stuff.  Love Haim’s albums too.  Maybe I’ll go for a midday jog?

You have been so good.  Why break things now?  That is the question to everything.  But really, have you been good?  Caffeine surges through the rivers of life!  I don’t know even know what anything means any more but I was down by law.  It was in paris that I most properly utilized a stick of butter. 

You see, he can resist the one but the other one – the Rhapsody in Blue – is so much harder. Do you understand the mental and emotional addiction taking place?  You are unsane.  That is you, right there shrinking down in your seat.  You are the terrible thing no one wants to see.  They say I can’t be killed!  They say I drink blood!  I was all alone and then the party came.  I am goat.  Goat am I but unfortunately I cannot use my special goat powers to get me out of this situation.  I’m going to read the book Annihilation and maybe another book or two before re-reading The Stand.  Then I’m going to stand. 

White cotton.  Ah, but of course there is another, always another says he.  Dock hands.  Red devil.  Nothing adds up anymore.  Balanced precariously while the steps cover the face.  I try the best I can but the best I can is not (ever) enough.  I need to go the craft store soon and pick up some craft stuff.  Yes, it really is a question of brute strength isn’t it.  These words are all meaningless.  Cash back.  The sun was in my eyes.  Mayhaps Ballard has the answer.  I adored that Bukowski book I read and promptly purchased 7 more.  That’s too bad man, I’ll pray for em.  The ending that I thought was the ending was no more.  Love the new nails.  it sounds so very much like the blackstar.  That should never be confused with the little star (the most but also the most.).  hope I didn’t miss my chance.  

Though I’ve come to realize I don’t really need much of anyone.  I would rather never leave my room.  Shear will on the horizon again.  I’ve seen her in action, she’s a monster.  And then comes the screaming.  Voice inside the inside comforting and admonishing.  Everything is planned days and weeks and years in advance.  Something is so cold now and I fear it may never unthaw.  Once the club is willing to let you in it’s no longer fun to be a member.  My own personal touch.  Pink drink with a cherry on top.  I will stay after they leave.  I am awful. 

Yes, it seems he cannot keep from sinning.  Of course it is all his own choice.  And things may yet work out for the best.  Do you recall…?  Peanut butter.  That always the password.  No, password isn’t quite right.  It was a key word but also a code word.  It with that the kingdom and every soul within was lost.  It was orange at the beginning as I recall.  The color of insanity.  Or course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper. 

So back at the beginning again.  Meanwhile, back at the old wrench.  After a long hard sweaty day’s work.  red devil.  And the one made out of ice.  Stand on your tiptoes to….  The Rhapsody…why does it always come back to…I miss you dreadfully…forgiveness not forthcoming.