I drank a tall glass of room temperature tap water recently
(my favorite). I ate a bacon
cheeseburger recently and was immediately reminded that I don’t actually like
burgers very much and that are always a bit gross and make me feel disgusting
afterward. One of my favorite luchadoras
is currently auctioning off a used thong of her’s on instagram and i am full of
sadness and regret that I am at one of the poorest moments of my miserable
worthless life. I was at a book store
recently and was going to buy some Superman comics but I remembered I don’t
have any money to do so. I think I’ll
get a beer here in a little bit. Maybe I’ll
take a nap before. I’m so depressed
lately. Understandably so given my pathetic
failed life. I’m listening to some music
right now that I like. Someone being
stabbed in the back. a concert for an
imaginary artist. I’m crying right
now. my hands feel tired. keep forgetting to buy quinoa. I love the way melatonin pills make me feel
the next morning. Wish I’d been born
during another era so I could be a failure there too. mustard sea secrets. Was chatting with someone the other day who
has a real fat ass. Was listening to
someone sing about pirates recently.
everyone has more money than me.
they must have made all the right decisions where I only made all the
wrong ones. man, sleeping all day and
all night sounds divine. I need to
become a full on day drinker. Man I’m
depressed. Monsoon third eye. Was driving around yesterday feeling sadness
over all the fake memories. The air
smelled nice, smelled like spring. I kept
remembering things that never actually happened. Remembered something else from a long long
time ago. Some hills, some local hills. We spent all day planning out an awards
show. There was truth in all of
this. In early morning pancakes. Secret knocks. I just screamed through my teeth. Hills.
Some kind of vegetarian pizza. I care
about you were words written in black ink on a glossy page. There is beauty here. can’t find anything real anymore. maybe in death. Kept reliving imaginary memories. Scarlet thing in. hurts to think about all of this now. divergent paths. Someone here went on to be a glorious success. On the other side is misery. River of.
Kicking not going so bad. not so
good either. Probably be time soon to
start something new and dead end. Yes,
and afterward when at home I was able to watch a cartoon. Such a wonderful cartoon. These memories are all mixed up now such that
I can’t accurately explain anything. I don’t
want to remember anything. If I could
just be annihilated in reverse. Not enough
to be gone from this world, this universe, I would like everyone to completely
forget I ever existed, leave no trace. Can’t
even get words out anymore. they were
never good for anything anyway. Thirsty. Think I’ll go drink another glass of room
temperature tap water (my favorite). Need
a ride on the back of a motorcycle. Coming
out of a tunnel. Where is the morning? Drowning. What I want is not important. Never has been. God talking to people hurts so much. I hate people. I hate the people I was born into. Thinking about that empty space. If I have to be there I’m afraid I will blow
my brains out. Need that beer soon. I’m weak.
Ever so lonely. I was all hazy
last night and watching a third part. Mustard
suit with a ketchup shirt. Seeing things
now that I haven’t for years. Depth. ahead of it’s time. hands slowing down. weighed down by the lack of anything. Trapped always as me. blurriness.
Blind dumb anger. Sitting outside
a college on some concrete. Having a
chat. Witnessed. The rage over having a chat. This was around 18 years ago. How could someone go from being so hateful to
being so dumb, so decrepit and disgusting and useless. That word hateful is funny. It was funny when you gave such a stupid
incorrect definition of it. so many
awful memories. He hates you so fucking
much. And is killing time until one of
you is no longer here. I remember a
presentation wherein I titled a slide “a preponderance of exposition” and then couldn’t
stop laughing when that slide came up. I’m
chuckling about it now. someone else was
giving a lot of smooth talk about tessellations but she hated us. That was a time a of my life heavily marked
by failure which in some ways makes it difficult to distinguish from other
times in my life because they have all been heavily marked by failure. This will never be finished. Hourglass with yellow sand. Someone brought up the price. Sad that people can’t think beyond having
kids. Eras. Trying to break all this down but there is
too much meaninglessness. I have a
homemade scarf somewhere. I think I’m
going to eat cereal for dinner. I was
taking a walk today along a joyous and sinful and regrettable path. Shopping around for intimate things. remember when everything felt awful? You can have that again. I’m listening to an album right now that I really
like. Or am I?! the more I learn the less I want to
know. Don’t waste time on people that aren’t
worth it. that’s an awful feeling and a
terrible way to treat your life.
watchers of the night. Remember that
red poster I had. how that authority
figure attacks your interests is important.
We’re all standing around seeing who is going to die first. I feel exhausted. It’s all catching up to me. it’s fading now. but that’s the more reason for completion. Otherwise it will all have meant nothing. He should have done better. Can someone cashapp me some money so I can go
to the bar? I think I felt a small
glimmer of something nice and then I lost it.
