Does that box has the originals too[it won't change me either way, i'm awful, awful (curtains)]

The agent was there last night, saving me and then comforting me.  I suppose I frequently find myself at a loss for words and at a loss for simple glad handling these days.  Images still remain.  I wonder how easily memory is twisting everything around.  We must be thankful for its existence.  Without its insistent reach and bend we would all be running around screaming.  
I cannot recall when they first entered.  I am never able to remember.  There is nothing and there is sweating and an ugly caustic feeling of dread and I cannot cry out.  I am a child again even though this is happening in the here and now.  He is in bed, looking up at the ceiling and it is awful and then he is on the floor, in the hallway, down the stairs and on the floor again, so fast and looking up all the time.  What is that color coming in through the blinds?  Why can no one else hear this?  Where is everybody?  Don’t let me go, please.  
Ah, it is always the same old same old.  Why, you could ask just about anyone off the street to describe it and would probably get some version of the same.  Does that discount anything?  Does it discount a fear far stronger than anything….  
One body on top of another.  She offers this as comfort.  
I can’t remember how many times I cried today but I suppose it doesn’t really matter.  Giving it all to that cloaked one sounds like a wonderful proposition.  Is it wrong?  The signs are very real.  I am an arrogant fool.  How many times can one ask for forgiveness?  I tried it for the first time just the other day.  Is that really accurate?  Is it something one just tries?  It feels good to have these outside again.  Not very much has made sense lately.  Ah, urban development.  We must remember to pay attention lest we unleash some sort of tulpa in our midst, committed to doling out the sort of justice we’ve all brought upon ourselves.  
It will probably start on a Friday. The banks will announce a security action…
Crap but Demi has gorgeous legs.  Those recent concerts!  Am I chauvinistic pig for mentioning something like this?  Maybe.  Crazy maybe.  
I think I had a dream about drowning at some point recently and found it to be incredibly comforting.  Please don’t hold that against me.  I have been trying recently to become better at certain things and I think I’ve succeeded in some small, almost imperceptible but still very real ways.  Dollars to donuts but nothing has crawled up inside of me.  

A minor miracle I suppose.  Is that an apt description or am I being too hyperbolic?  That feeling on the tram.  How I have often wished to be a taxi driver.  In whom may I seek refuge these days?  I tried something the other day but felt bad in the middle of it.  
I think I’ve seen ugliness again.  first instincts are not always what they seem.  He is trying to hide behind all these paintings for an allegedly dead artist.  Be careful when you decide not to shake his hand.  Then that beautiful music starts up again.  another one is raising his hands up to the sky.  Another life he was a vampire.  Hard to get back into the swings of things isn’t it?  no one is going to appear.  And that was not a soft lie you told. This is all going to go much worse than we anticipated.  
Everyday there must a be little release or you are converted to a slave once more.  Did you seriously consider that idea?  Shifting that sugary addiction around to something more ethereal.  What kind of sin would that be?  The Jackal easily regained control, oh to be the jobber.  
I often hear everyone’s voice as Tom Noonan’s so twas very easy for me to relate.  
Sad sad sad, I suppose everything is by and large sad and miserable.  His chief goal is to lie with breathe.  Blessed are we inside this….

Yes, I think he was quite correct when he wrote that everything is ugly followed by a smiley face.  The face was there so folks wouldn’t take shit too seriously.  People are so serious these days it makes me want to piss in my cornflakes!!  Sloppy vampires, eh.  Who to consider these days?  I think something blue and metallic or someone using arrows.  He imagines again the dislocation, the complete dominance and control and then forgiveness and comfort.  How he hates….  
Is nothing understood? Do you believe this desire is so easily transferable?  Please refrain from all this mindless boasting.  We are all hiding our pathetic sorrows.  He is deluding himself  we all are.  This is not going to work out how any of us wished.  Dancing in the neon and there is no one else around, only a bizarre and ancient form of mysticism prevailing.  My head hurts all the time.  why does everyone talk to me?  Don’t they see how much it hurts?  I would happily bring over that bottle of wine to hear you say those beautiful words: “I disagree.”  
I’m real enough.  Are we suddenly stuck without any punchlines?  I cannot stop watching the Wonder Woman trailer.  It is so good.  Not just good.  SO good.  I guess we’re all breaking down little by little.  Flesh is melting and melding and merging and the result is a grotesque oversexed monstrosity.  There is a tower of Babel nearby and we all began speaking gibberish the other day.  I think I was screaming for help inside my mind.  I have no hair to pull.  Perhaps if we danced some time.  After he showed off his news toys.  You need to visit me more often.  Please everyone, stop talking already.  I wouldn’t even care except I feel so….  Are the mountains staring at me too? 
Is there someone out there writing something that is going to shift perception?  This idea, the whole fabric flipping is the thing keeping me up.  oh, we are all so very sad and ugly.  Anyone betting on us to go past midnight is going to be very disappointed.  I think I encountered this lunar queen but then I wondered if it was all just a dream.  Real or illusion, it was certainly glorious.  Worship is a tricky word and can be quite dangerous if used improperly.  Everyone please forgive me.  If I ask real nice would all the voices just stop at once?   
I grew up with soft water.  

(k), why stay with that (d)premise?

I’m a tad bit tired this morning.  Perhaps I should chug a gallon of iced coffee and then perform twelve sets of 47 jumping jacks.  Then maybe I’ll strip naked and dance a ballet.  I hope everyone has been careful about that extraterrestrial form of mysticism I warned y’all about the other day.  Last night I properly envisioned the punishment and it sent me off into such a deep and comfortable slumber.  Don’t ask me any questions about the subjective nature of reality because the answers are likely to be much darker than you ever imagined.  If somebody wears a hat on their head I will wonder if they have always worn said hat or if it is nothing more than a chance occurrence based on many incremental changes in the weather and likely also related the price of tea in China.  It is entirely possible that I will drink from a glass filled with whiskey at some point in the future but it is equally possible that I will wear a plaid shirt. 

This is where everything pushes back, isn’t it?  This is where we find out what we are truly made of.  I do not wish to traverse those snowy mountains but I suppose I will and face my own base mortality.  I saw different horizons the other day and strange voices were speaking to me in unison and sometimes whispering in my ear and it was none too easy to eliminate these fleshy tempestuous forms from my line of sight.  At once I began screaming in fear.  Something long and metallic.  Everything was bathed in light but nothing glistened.  I feel cold and my body is tense and my mouth is open and I believe there is very very little of my actual personality left.  I have so reduced.  What the heck is broadcasting?  I think I’m seeing things throughout my entire life.  I really did hate your guts didn’t I?  is my heart made out of Lego?  That question literally just occurred to me.  there’s only truth after all: the milk and cheese truth!  My metal wings are going to cut you in half! 

Do I weep for any lost potential or lost causes?  It happened one day after a trip to the grocery store. That moment was designed especially for me and I would like thank You now for it.  where the other half of eternity run off to anyway?  At some point I came back looking for a job.  I was more worthless than ever but at least I had better chances of making things farcical, no more need to believe in possibilities.  I’m not someone on whom to rely.  That is richly appropriate, no?  all the chance encounters afterward.  I don’t think anything was truly known. There was only mortality here and there. There was fantasy unspooling around her feet. 

Inside the church everything seems well on hold.  There is a particular maneuver he so desires.  I have not even begun to pen a single thing.  I hope you are staying hydrated as it is a real scorcher out there.  Be mindful of those terrifying radio stations and their static.  One wonders about the origin of those sinister signals.  Yes, those eyes definitely caught his attention though not to the point where he would request a cheap replica.  Down on the mat now.  This is all quite improper and if anyone were to learn the truth it would almost certainly result in swift excommunication.  Yet, what happened on that most recent of get togethers?  The same tree of resentment continued to grow in its vain search for the sun.  that is no one’s fault but your own so don’t start putting the blame on any innocent bystanders.  Still lovely.  Wishes always remain the same.  Until he passes out of course.  Then tell him everything is ok. 

I think it is a sign of far too much maturity that the world does not suddenly stop in it’s rotation and begin spinning the other way.  Oh yes, you can probably guess what I viewed last night.  It still holds up so well, I love it so.  Feel so much pity for so much.  Why do you choose to waste everything the way you do?  Just don’t judge my son Stu.  Always the workaholic.  Your sin was trying to save the world.  Come on, lets go inside and have a snack. Nothing is as serious as all that.  We can relax and have fun and frolic and everything will be great.  I so badly want to believe this.  I remember turquoise Nikes.  That image is clear.  And a white t-shirt and then color placement further up.  It hurts an unbelievable amount to recall these details but in the center is a feeling so sweet and lovely.  Why could I not stop everything in that moment?  I fail every single day, attaining new levels and ranks of worthlessness.  You would have to really ask me.  no one else would remember that line but me.  it is everything.  Please forgive me for remembering.  He says he does not want to be a slave anymore but who knows if that is really genuine. 

What happened afterward was…surreal.  Ah, the notes.  As you get older you see it is always the hairier ones who leave notes.  That was a little humor there for all you folks who are young and wild at heart. I should pile em all up and have a wee bonfire and dance around it like I don’t have the sense I was born with.  Afterward, maybe I would have a couple brews and watch a ball game.  Was something written in multicolored ink?  How much sense does that even make?  I’m waiting.  I believe she is spinning gold now.  Funny how those things travel and change.  Where did all those parts of himself run off to?  Afterward, at the cardboard party.  Collar grabbed.  Woodson.  Awful, horrible, but in a chintzy harmless way.  And yet.  Something that repeats forever.  Do you recall a blue slushee(sic)?  Me leaning against a wall.  And then there was a brief and wondrous encounter with nary a word spoken and yet it remains as true and vibrant as ever.  What is the meaning of something like that?  What is the meaning of a singular moment which everyone in the entire world has forgotten except yours truly?  A moment so special to only one single individual.  When that individual is gone, that moment and it signifies and all it meant will also be gone.  Forever. 

When the shackles come out, chains, green glow, swimming pool, I love that part every time. 

I need some of the corresponding posters (beautiful paintings) and soundtracks!

Illusions.  Pretend, this is all just pretend!  He must repeat this to himself while in the fetal position. 

In the end he understood.  The descent was so lovely.  It is likely that we are all very lost.  This is a rather stark juxtaposition, is it not?  Oh how he would rush to secure that sacred spot.  Sometimes so much time would pass by but if in the end a smile could be provoked it did not matter.  To be that ornament.  All planes of existence were at once open.  The totality of so many blissful sleepless nights and tortured words and Farris wheels.  I have a hypothetical question.  That was your overture, yes?  Nyssa, always so much Nyssa. 

I’ve been experimenting lately with ancient alien mysticism.  However I simply cannot recommend it for the faint of heart.  Actually, please do not try anything of the sort for it may result in true heartache.  Also, try not to read any books that have the number 12 in the title.  Charismatic critic Grace Randolph referred to Batman V Superman at one point as a “bold piece of storytelling – The Shining of the superhero genre.”  She then added that everyone initially hated that flick as well. I’m pretty sure that quote is attributable to her but if I am wrong I apologize and I will proffer a swift retraction.  I’m not sure I agree with the statement but I’m also not sure that I don’t not agree.  i liked B v S though, I will never life.  Or lie.  Gordian dip. 

He was thinking about the water when it came rushing back.  There are so many triggers.  He recalled the last one as a black-and-white photograph.  Back and forth, everything returning.  What is the name lingering on my lips?  He is completely separate from himself.  I am separate from both of them.  How unusual.  Yet I’m not sure I really feel anything for the trouble.  It hurts to travel back to that.  Always father away.  You must close your eyes and really focus.  That was the very end, right before reality. 

Constantly baffled by how awful it all is.  There is a tremendous lack of color.  It feels good in a way. As it becomes more difficult to fake anything.  Been listening to the first few Human League albums lately.  And Trickfinger too!  That makes perfect sense though, doesn’t it?  I definitely need to round up a few more of those Kraftwerk albums.  Brian Bolland’s art in that particular one is mind shatteringly perfect…I don’t know how any adaptation could ever….

I’m laying here right now and my arm has recently been pulled out of its socket.  It was a sudden flash of pain, then nothing and brief dizziness before returning back to pain again.  Oddly, there was pain in my head as well.  You were such a clear image.  Scolding but then welcoming there above me.  Wearing a dress.  It was you, silly.  It is you.  It is you responsible.  The one you pulled my arm out of its socket.  You asked polite but I couldn’t and then you asked mean and laughed but I still couldn’t.  so then you laughed some more and punished me.  it’s okay though, I was asking for it.  Oh, but this really does hurt though.  Thank you for wiping that tear from my eye.  And now you offer a comforting smile and your touch is gentle and your voice comforting.  You tell me that you are here now and everything is going to be okay.  And then you fix me. 

Will I watch the Search for Spock tonight?  I guess that’s anybody’s guess but I would probably say no.  maybe I’ll go consume raw sewage instead.  That’s not an indictment of that film however as I actually quite like that one.  I truly do love Trek though and that recent flick lit a literal fire under my hirsute buttocks and metaphorically reignited my fandom.  I desperately need some counseling.  Fetch me my crystal ball and we will dance beneath floating ice pyramids!  We are the ambassador to everything. 

If you mean it.  I suppose I see my hand reaching into that small brain and twisting it and molding in such corrupt ways.  Still, I can not truly pinpoint this as the central cause.  My ideology and reasoning is far more selfish.  He sometimes imagines himself in the center of a large Italian plaza at sunset.  Beautiful couples all around, museums of old and wonderful paintings nearby, and wine of course.  And he is all alone and that is all and that is everything.  Sometimes he is inside a church and a choir is singing and there is a skull on the ground and the skull covers several feet.  He sits in a pew near the front with his eyes closed.  Outside, he is somewhere awful but inside is inescapable.  I sit with him and know myself one time.  Only time.  Once more he is at a costume ball.  This is black and red with some grey in between.  Tears.  I don’t know anymore.  Which one of us said that?  Do you remember, being asked if this is how you thought it would all turn out, if there was nothing more?  This can be even deadlier. 

You are our mother.  You are my mother.  Where do these thoughts come from?  I want to give in entirely yet I am always held back by fear and uncertainty.  Is this something deceptive, corrupt?  You are mother to all of us but I do not fully understand this.  This is kindness and mercy and warmth.  On my knees.  If I could only know for sure what is right here.  Would this ever be allowed?  Your hand on my shoulder.  How long has he searched for you?  You were walking through the fields and there was a child in your arms.  You were everywhere at once, glowing through every passage in the afternoon.  Do you find joy in all things? 

Damn it.  I need to purchase the recently released Criterion blu ray of Terrence Malick’s The New World.  What a gorgeous movie.  Once I have money I will purchase it.  Then I will watch it.  And then?  Who knows!  Maybe I’ll put on a funny hat.  Velia.

What happened to the days of milkshakes and fries?  All those diners we will never visit. 

I needs to learn more about WW1 (I'm a stupid person(

All my homies and all my g’s have been dying to know my thoughts.  During the entire week-end they would stop me on the streets, drop to their knees and beg me for my opinions.  Typically I was eating turkey sandwich on rye during those moments or feeling sweatily terrified over the prospect of alien abductions.  I can’t get out of this!  I’m seeing moments from my entire life.  What is it?  Wow.  I guess it looked like some ancient god. But there was no hair.  I asked if I could smell it (her?), for some reason my screaming brain thought this would provide me with comfort.  The sad fact is that I’ve been away from my children for far too long. 

Boiling heat while I write, that much is true.  You are giving what little virtue remains to the most corrupt and fiendish font of wisdom around.  It seems these nails are a bit rustier than even I could have anticipated.  I loved that jungle look, what bold and beautiful color.  The skull.  I am more anticipatory for that than I would have or could have imagined.  But no, that is not the main course, is it?  Could it be the delicatessen?  We’re just here at the candy shop.  You may make it out of here alive with the chocolate but I’m going to keep the cheese, you can take that to the bank.  My brain constantly feels like it’s on fire.  Oh please, please stop already with all this banal fucking conversation.  You don’t know…you don’t even know.  A fake smile was my only solace.  I want to share it all.  I’ve been searching for this one for so long, wondering if she is a miracle or if I am simply allowing my senses to be wronged.  the. 

The photography is fan flipping tastic.  I absolutely loves it.  I was pleading with all known elements in the universe that it would be colorful.  Please let it be colorful I said.  Purty please with brown sugah on top.  I am tired of everything needing to look so drab.  Diana’s world needs to be colorful.  It looks like some it will still have that washed out filtered look but I can live with it if it’s only some of the time.  No, that footage was glorious and hit all the right notes.  Seeing that lasso glow and her in action was such an ultimate squealing fanboy moment.  I did 47 jumping jacks from the sheer adrenalized excitement I was feeling.  Seriously..  was this a perfect trailer?  For this movie I dare say yes.  Why has they not made this flick before now.  I am ready.  I am so damn ready.  Wonder Woman.  2017.  Yes

And for the league footage.  That is what you are now thinkin, correct?  The Wonder Woman trailer was an easy estimation because it was a clear slam dunk heard round the world.  But the league stuff?  That is the real question.  Oh, let me get Dr. Strange out of the way first.  I liked that trailer an awful lot too!  It didn’t excite me as much as Wonder Woman because I’m not really familiar with the source material and have not been in mad love with that character for half my life but it looked groovy and, more importantly, it has Mads Mikkelsen (swoon) which ensures I shall be there on opening night. 

Ah, but Justice.  I love the logo, it looks so hip and retro and gnarly.  I actually didn’t even mind the icky music playing along with the clip.  But the tone…the tone was a damn shock to me upon my initial 37 views.  I wasn’t ready for zany it was!  This looks like it could be a Patrick Warburton Tick-esque style superhero romp only with the JL characters!  Of course, I’m not a complete moron so I know it won’t be but I would actually love that.  I guess I’m not a fan of how reactionary these flicks are becoming.  Folks apparently disliked the dark and dreary tone of Bats v Supes (though I maintain the tone isn’t really the problem) so the brothers Warner and Z Snyder et al are eager to show that this new movie is a complete 190 and full of jokes and wacky hero antics. That doesn’t mean it can’t be good (or great) but I find the more bloated and contrived these things become they more artless they become as well.  I will always experience a knee jerk fanboy excitement at seeing Batman or Wonder Woman or now Aquaman and Flash and Cyborg and seeing heroes interacting but there’s gotta be more than that, right?!  This was just a hype thing more than an actual trailer and I am excited but the footage was overall…weird I’d say.  Can’t exactly articulate how I feel.  Suicide squad- effin ready! Wonder Woman- perfection! Take thy beak from out my heart!  Justice League – excited but not sure how much of that excitement stems from the content of the footage. 

Diana the huntress and the jackal.  What more could i…?  that lovely technique of tijeras.  And then spinning, rolling.  Please.  Can’t breathe.  That is so so sweet.  now I’m taming the beast.  Watch em fall. Love conquers all!  John, you were right, we are all in water.  Death bags.  I have not been back since you left long ago.  New life.  Red heart.  Red heart!  The orange on the front is still speaking to me.  I guess I’m left wondering what it all really means.  I wanted to scream out, drop everything and leave but I could not do that.  What are the real motivations lurking just beneath the surface?  He falls every single time, it appears he cannot help himself.  I think I’ve been listening to a lot of punk recently but I’m not entirely sure.  That feeling when they’re inside your brain.  There is nothing more awful.  Except maybe us.  We’re pretty awful, aren’t we.  Our desires.  So disgusting.  If we are living in this way, why do we even….  So unnatural, this idea of coming together.  Always moving in herds.  

my feelings have not changed.  every time before i fall asleep...always thinking...not real, not real, does not matter at all