I’m a tad bit tired this
morning. Perhaps I should chug a gallon of iced coffee and then perform
twelve sets of 47 jumping jacks. Then maybe I’ll strip naked and dance a
ballet. I hope everyone has been careful about that extraterrestrial form
of mysticism I warned y’all about the other day. Last night I properly
envisioned the punishment and it sent me off into such a deep and comfortable
slumber. Don’t ask me any questions about the subjective nature of
reality because the answers are likely to be much darker than you ever
imagined. If somebody wears a hat on their head I will wonder if they
have always worn said hat or if it is nothing more than a chance occurrence
based on many incremental changes in the weather and likely also related the
price of tea in China. It is entirely possible that I will drink from a
glass filled with whiskey at some point in the future but it is equally
possible that I will wear a plaid shirt.
This is where everything pushes
back, isn’t it? This is where we find out what we are truly made
of. I do not wish to traverse those snowy mountains but I suppose I will
and face my own base mortality. I saw different horizons the other day
and strange voices were speaking to me in unison and sometimes whispering in my
ear and it was none too easy to eliminate these fleshy tempestuous forms from
my line of sight. At once I began screaming in fear. Something long
and metallic. Everything was bathed in light but nothing glistened.
I feel cold and my body is tense and my mouth is open and I believe there is very
very little of my actual personality left. I have so reduced. What
the heck is broadcasting? I think I’m seeing things throughout my entire
life. I really did hate your guts didn’t I? is my heart made out of
Lego? That question literally just occurred to me. there’s only
truth after all: the milk and cheese truth! My metal wings are going to
cut you in half!
Do I weep for any lost potential or
lost causes? It happened one day after a trip to the grocery store. That
moment was designed especially for me and I would like thank You now for
it. where the other half of eternity run off to anyway? At some
point I came back looking for a job. I was more worthless than ever but
at least I had better chances of making things farcical, no more need to
believe in possibilities. I’m not someone on whom to rely. That is
richly appropriate, no? all the chance encounters afterward. I
don’t think anything was truly known. There was only mortality here and there.
There was fantasy unspooling around her feet.
Inside the church everything seems
well on hold. There is a particular maneuver he so desires. I have
not even begun to pen a single thing. I hope you are staying hydrated as
it is a real scorcher out there. Be mindful of those terrifying radio
stations and their static. One wonders about the origin of those sinister
signals. Yes, those eyes definitely caught his attention though not to
the point where he would request a cheap replica. Down on the mat now.
This is all quite improper and if anyone were to learn the truth it would
almost certainly result in swift excommunication. Yet, what happened on
that most recent of get togethers? The same tree of resentment continued
to grow in its vain search for the sun. that is no one’s fault but your
own so don’t start putting the blame on any innocent bystanders. Still
lovely. Wishes always remain the same. Until he passes out of
course. Then tell him everything is ok.
I think it is a sign of far too much
maturity that the world does not suddenly stop in it’s rotation and begin
spinning the other way. Oh yes, you can probably guess what I viewed last
night. It still holds up so well, I love it so. Feel so much pity
for so much. Why do you choose to waste everything the way you do?
Just don’t judge my son Stu. Always the workaholic. Your sin was
trying to save the world. Come on, lets go inside and have a snack.
Nothing is as serious as all that. We can relax and have fun and frolic
and everything will be great. I so badly want to believe this. I
remember turquoise Nikes. That image is clear. And a white t-shirt
and then color placement further up. It hurts an unbelievable amount to
recall these details but in the center is a feeling so sweet and lovely.
Why could I not stop everything in that moment? I fail every single day,
attaining new levels and ranks of worthlessness. You would have to really
ask me. no one else would remember that line but me. it is
everything. Please forgive me for remembering. He says he does not
want to be a slave anymore but who knows if that is really genuine.
What happened afterward
was…surreal. Ah, the notes. As you get older you see it is always
the hairier ones who leave notes. That was a little humor there for all
you folks who are young and wild at heart. I should pile em all up and have a
wee bonfire and dance around it like I don’t have the sense I was born
with. Afterward, maybe I would have a couple brews and watch a ball
game. Was something written in multicolored ink? How much sense
does that even make? I’m waiting. I believe she is spinning gold
now. Funny how those things travel and change. Where did all those
parts of himself run off to? Afterward, at the cardboard party.
Collar grabbed. Woodson. Awful, horrible, but in a chintzy harmless
way. And yet. Something that repeats forever. Do you recall a
blue slushee(sic)? Me leaning against a wall. And then there was a
brief and wondrous encounter with nary a word spoken and yet it remains as true
and vibrant as ever. What is the meaning of something like that?
What is the meaning of a singular moment which everyone in the entire world has
forgotten except yours truly? A moment so special to only one single
individual. When that individual is gone, that moment and it signifies
and all it meant will also be gone. Forever.
When the shackles come out, chains,
green glow, swimming pool, I love that part every time.
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