i may again

 

After living with mayhem for a bit.  Allusions.  Fallen angels riding through the tunnel.  Afraid of the natives.  In other news I am desperate for dirty pantyhose clad feet to be rubbed in my face.  Need to go out for a drink, that’ll take the edge off.  loved thunderman.  Key work.  I’m gonna go buy some chicken.  Damn those noisy down below.  Gonna watch more of Brenda Starr.  Oh Brooke in hosiery!  If only after a hard day of investigative journalism  I live for drugs.  Comics with an x.  dug out my old blu ray box set of the Lynda Carter Wonder Woman tv series so I can continue to feel nice and randy.  Need to read more silver age comics.  Golden too.  And that post Miller Daredevil run.  I’m sleepy.  Some whiskey will help with that.  it is so draining to be a failure.  Need water again.  Need ten of water.  Last night so whimsical.  Sacred geometry on flesh.  Shirt.  Hours of nothing.  Need water.  Ten of it.  that is maybe the only chance he has to crawl out of it.  maybe read a memoir of someone I’ve never heard of.  Everything shaking.  Pull myself up off the floor.  Cassavettes.  Need to have a wet shave. Need to get that silver age omnibus.  Been watching the bay a lot lately.  If only it had been anyone but Slater that mess of a baboon story could have worked.  Still, the other two almost made it happen.  Another thousand today as my overall value continues to decline.  My sleeves are rolled up.  Ezada.  Lovely.  Cracked blue.  Denier . flowing black.  Need to get doom generation.  Thought I had but no.  traci lords and jesus lizard accompany me as I near the final stretch of the first down under iteration.  You them her wear the tights!  One of the greatest lines of all time?  recently shot my load.  All I could afford was the feet but it was more than enough.  My tummy hearts.  Probably eat some microwavable slop for dinner.  The day goes by fast when you sleep through half of it.  fearless has been added to the list.  I recently finished reading a book and watched the film adaptation that same night and greatly enjoyed them both.  Or did i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  And the lights came up.  Happened so quick that the lights came up.  Golding.  All shames exposed.  It was like the times before but there was something hopelessly lost.  My creep eyes staring around and zoning on something undeserving.  I go out so I can experience the good and proper self loathing.  I crave humiliation and need to feel normal.  I’m reading about a unicorn.  Been watching a lot of good movies lately.  I understand too these strange texts I am seeking out.  Akin to religion.  Even through fear, the need for something more helps to offset the failure and futility of my pathetic existence.  How sad.  Roberts creepy in 80.  But great.  zwan really cranked apparently.  Redbricked.  Not the right word.  But so much like that later raw mix of power.  Violent.  The proof is in the pudding, he said.  Regina, the nicest of all of them on the home shopping channel.  Missing Sofia.  Replacement parts are not adding up.  You go to the familiar place of sin for relief only to be crippled again and again by that punishing absence.  I lost my zwan stickers.  I’ve shown a lack of self control recently.  So sad.  So someone last night.  Pink lace brassiere.  The pounds and inches melt off when you imbibe less.  Or do they?  The more I learn the less I want to know.   Scream 2 is among my very favorites.  Air smells good.  Sinn rewarded with a pantyhose clad foot pic.  Yawning lately. Need to drink some coffee.  Need to have a wet shave.  Mayhem still working.  I’m so empty.  The turner stuff almost reads too well, too fluid and genre oriented.  Why can’t I just disappear?!  Gotta disappear! Gotta disappear!  Water.  An arcade.  A brother? A twin?  Shoots on the warrior. Killing massive crab aliens.  I miss so much.  Bruiser had his place in the business.  White man’s burden.  two really terrific asses.  You can have whatever you want.  Double whiskey and three screwdrivers later I was stumbling through the dark.  Now the coffee has me.  I’m all a jitters.  The Turner stuff has me.  deonna.  My alcoholism has become too prevalent.  Or has it?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Whole place reeks of sausage.  Ate sausage for dinner last night and for breakfast this morning.  Probably gonna buy a meatball sub later on.  The soul stuff.  All this hippy new age crap.  Crystals.  Someone standing in the corner.  Couldn’t perform when it was asked of me.  sex is alien.  Cake in a can!  Severed rubber hands covered in blood!  That one’s for.  You have to live!!!  An old western saloon in an underground military base.  No one important around last night.  Not entirely true.  Tomatoes.  Was watching Barbarella last night.  Melted screwdriver has me.  thought it sounded like a good idea til I realized he was talking about murder.  Brutal fucking murder!!!  But is that really necessary.  Time to open up a can.  I don’t like chunky soup.  I like stew though.  Renie!  I like things that don’t make sense.  I got a lot of negative balances.  Pulping.  Everything shaking.  The buck stops here.  playing dice on wood.  Should I read the Roth bio?  Need to read a more boring life.  The Excessive Machine.  Need to get some sun.  I’m deteriorating.  Been drinking a lot of pineapple juice lately and it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  I miss you dreadfully.  Maybe I am being given clues as to how to proceed.  Just gotta write it all down.  and stay indoors.  Muse gone.  Amazon in booty shorts.  Terrific ass.  I don’t know me. 

S.S.S.

 

            I will never solve any mysteries.  More failure.  Failure stacked atop failure.  Much imbibing while reflecting on a native friend.  an awful person I wish I could be.  I need to buy a bright red bed spread.  I need to drink more often.  Last night telling me about a DUI and a totaled car.  They were surgically inserting wings into people.  There was something else too but I’ve since forgotten.  ugly goatees on bloated disgusting pale men.  Waiting for mayhem to commence in less than a week.  Comforted last night by wood.  Beating the meat to a Brazilian bbw.  All that pressure on one head.  I’m also believing the strangest things these days; loving the alien.  A rare moment of self control the other day.  dousing the thing in aftershave and tossing it in the rubbish bin.  Doesn’t really matter though.  Still a failure in all the ways that count.  Such a small meaningless life.  Smelling old pages.  This is too disparate.  I need to find the rhythm again.  Oculars are going on me.  gotta set the type size real big.  Issue with tissue.  Can only eek things out in loving diarrhea esque spurts.  Doesn’t quite add up.  Tips of fingers smell like the sweat the inner leg crease at the crotch.  All that hair.  I rematerialized.  “can you watch my purse for me?” she asked with a smile and the most stoned eyes I’d ever seen.  Couldn’t finish the last screwdriver.  Couldn’t form sentences anymore.  Voice was deep and dumb.  I shook hands for the departure.  Shaking hands is so classy.  Good to avoid unnecessary contact.  No easy way to say that morning as I was handed a white envelope.  One extra week.  Not bad I suppose.  Then I had a breakfast of oatmeal, bacon and black coffee.  Then sliders at lunch while talking about the uncertain future with someone pretty and competent.  Then I got the last copy.  Then I resisted.  The oilman is down for the count it seems.  Even after he bought those crystals.  Crystals and then taking out the trash, an equation that led to short lived exclusivity.  Word looks weird.  “you’re not her,” he was thinking.  When he should have been focusing more on the murders on the train.  Damn, there were a lot of people there last night.  The normal people don’t have an outlet.  Smiling monkey wants the cherries.  Swords being swung.  Red hair has me rarely.  I’m part of the cast.  A very sad pitiable figure.  Thursday night riff raff.  I love hateful glances.  “where is the morning in my life?”  end things??  need to drink more coffee in a bit.  Then happiness.  Have to prepare for the week end appearance.  Ringing in the new phase of failure.  I quite like pop music.  I drink a lot of mango juice and apricot juice.  Funny how funny Americans find sex.  Obsessed but so immature.  Funny I am unable to succeed at anything.  I’m going to eat chicken later on.  Screwdriver in my stomach while the police are interrogating me.  do so little and can’t even do that well.  Think I’ll order a margarita tonight.   Hell, it’s my own damn fault.  Ate a meatball sub the other day.  was tasting it for hours.  No more crapping at mcdonald’s for me! ate a mcdonald’s breakfast this morning!  Needed more sausage.  Gas bill is gonna go down.  would like to eat pasta soon.  Feeling kinda sleepy now?  maybe time for coffee?  Maybe reread soon that book with the green and black cover.  Need to keep expectations low so I don’t disappointment myself even more.  He is capable of very little.  Storks.  One last roll of the dice.  Maybe get some fresh air soon.  Submit submit submit.  Horses soon?  I’ve all the time in the world.  Or do I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Does jewish bear have the answers I seek?  Is all hope lost?  Donut in the sky.  Can’t find Bronson.  Two rubber crocodiles.  Need to read some Gifford soon.  Of course: right angle rooms.  Drilling through the spirit….   Dj.  Camel shit. It’s no game.  Gotta get back to the eyeball kid. The lemon kid.  Fifth dimension.  Or is the fourth?  All black grid. Evil in architecture.  Kisses from a nonspeaking nurse.  Seemed alien.  Stallion.  Number four all blue and wishful.  There was me, looking for a total mindfuck from the goddess.  Various iterations of mindfucks through the years.  Word on the streets is that a fake alien invasion is being planned.  Global stoppage.  My God the country’s going to run out of food!!!  Dark angel at the hockey game.  Threatening the make up lady in previous days.  Here I sit covered in grease.  Need to indulge more in mayhem.  Need to buy red wine and cereal.  The costuming of Shields has me.  the reporting.  Used to be you could trust reporting. Abel thought so.  Before that stay in the hotel looking for the perfect blow job (it’s gotta be perfect).  Cole blew his brains out the day after a night of hard drinking, long removed from a decade of plastic.  This country thrives on the plastics industry.  That strange man and the assistance he receives from his implant.  Captivated two days and two hours in a row.  Maybe make time for all the Caroline iterations.  Need to start drinking soon.  Learning about man of storms.  Two rubber crocs or gators providing assistance.  Can feel rejuvenation.  I’m a weak man.  Sometimes a week man.  But not now, not for the time being.  Frogman likes the plastic.  Rediscovering the richness of the old thick grainy stock.  Man walking out of a burning fuselage.  Man trying to kick a junk habit.  I’m always trying to kick.  Not really.  Again, I’m looking for the mindfuck.  Positively gooning for it while the High Priests and Priestesses of fear continue to fuck my life up, just burn it right to the ground, in truly ghastly and unimaginable ways.  But the Dark Angel smile makes everything alright.  always wistful thoughts of her at the dawn, wishing she would dislocate my shoulder and ask me questions in broken english.