S.S.S.

 

            I will never solve any mysteries.  More failure.  Failure stacked atop failure.  Much imbibing while reflecting on a native friend.  an awful person I wish I could be.  I need to buy a bright red bed spread.  I need to drink more often.  Last night telling me about a DUI and a totaled car.  They were surgically inserting wings into people.  There was something else too but I’ve since forgotten.  ugly goatees on bloated disgusting pale men.  Waiting for mayhem to commence in less than a week.  Comforted last night by wood.  Beating the meat to a Brazilian bbw.  All that pressure on one head.  I’m also believing the strangest things these days; loving the alien.  A rare moment of self control the other day.  dousing the thing in aftershave and tossing it in the rubbish bin.  Doesn’t really matter though.  Still a failure in all the ways that count.  Such a small meaningless life.  Smelling old pages.  This is too disparate.  I need to find the rhythm again.  Oculars are going on me.  gotta set the type size real big.  Issue with tissue.  Can only eek things out in loving diarrhea esque spurts.  Doesn’t quite add up.  Tips of fingers smell like the sweat the inner leg crease at the crotch.  All that hair.  I rematerialized.  “can you watch my purse for me?” she asked with a smile and the most stoned eyes I’d ever seen.  Couldn’t finish the last screwdriver.  Couldn’t form sentences anymore.  Voice was deep and dumb.  I shook hands for the departure.  Shaking hands is so classy.  Good to avoid unnecessary contact.  No easy way to say that morning as I was handed a white envelope.  One extra week.  Not bad I suppose.  Then I had a breakfast of oatmeal, bacon and black coffee.  Then sliders at lunch while talking about the uncertain future with someone pretty and competent.  Then I got the last copy.  Then I resisted.  The oilman is down for the count it seems.  Even after he bought those crystals.  Crystals and then taking out the trash, an equation that led to short lived exclusivity.  Word looks weird.  “you’re not her,” he was thinking.  When he should have been focusing more on the murders on the train.  Damn, there were a lot of people there last night.  The normal people don’t have an outlet.  Smiling monkey wants the cherries.  Swords being swung.  Red hair has me rarely.  I’m part of the cast.  A very sad pitiable figure.  Thursday night riff raff.  I love hateful glances.  “where is the morning in my life?”  end things??  need to drink more coffee in a bit.  Then happiness.  Have to prepare for the week end appearance.  Ringing in the new phase of failure.  I quite like pop music.  I drink a lot of mango juice and apricot juice.  Funny how funny Americans find sex.  Obsessed but so immature.  Funny I am unable to succeed at anything.  I’m going to eat chicken later on.  Screwdriver in my stomach while the police are interrogating me.  do so little and can’t even do that well.  Think I’ll order a margarita tonight.   Hell, it’s my own damn fault.  Ate a meatball sub the other day.  was tasting it for hours.  No more crapping at mcdonald’s for me! ate a mcdonald’s breakfast this morning!  Needed more sausage.  Gas bill is gonna go down.  would like to eat pasta soon.  Feeling kinda sleepy now?  maybe time for coffee?  Maybe reread soon that book with the green and black cover.  Need to keep expectations low so I don’t disappointment myself even more.  He is capable of very little.  Storks.  One last roll of the dice.  Maybe get some fresh air soon.  Submit submit submit.  Horses soon?  I’ve all the time in the world.  Or do I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Does jewish bear have the answers I seek?  Is all hope lost?  Donut in the sky.  Can’t find Bronson.  Two rubber crocodiles.  Need to read some Gifford soon.  Of course: right angle rooms.  Drilling through the spirit….   Dj.  Camel shit. It’s no game.  Gotta get back to the eyeball kid. The lemon kid.  Fifth dimension.  Or is the fourth?  All black grid. Evil in architecture.  Kisses from a nonspeaking nurse.  Seemed alien.  Stallion.  Number four all blue and wishful.  There was me, looking for a total mindfuck from the goddess.  Various iterations of mindfucks through the years.  Word on the streets is that a fake alien invasion is being planned.  Global stoppage.  My God the country’s going to run out of food!!!  Dark angel at the hockey game.  Threatening the make up lady in previous days.  Here I sit covered in grease.  Need to indulge more in mayhem.  Need to buy red wine and cereal.  The costuming of Shields has me.  the reporting.  Used to be you could trust reporting. Abel thought so.  Before that stay in the hotel looking for the perfect blow job (it’s gotta be perfect).  Cole blew his brains out the day after a night of hard drinking, long removed from a decade of plastic.  This country thrives on the plastics industry.  That strange man and the assistance he receives from his implant.  Captivated two days and two hours in a row.  Maybe make time for all the Caroline iterations.  Need to start drinking soon.  Learning about man of storms.  Two rubber crocs or gators providing assistance.  Can feel rejuvenation.  I’m a weak man.  Sometimes a week man.  But not now, not for the time being.  Frogman likes the plastic.  Rediscovering the richness of the old thick grainy stock.  Man walking out of a burning fuselage.  Man trying to kick a junk habit.  I’m always trying to kick.  Not really.  Again, I’m looking for the mindfuck.  Positively gooning for it while the High Priests and Priestesses of fear continue to fuck my life up, just burn it right to the ground, in truly ghastly and unimaginable ways.  But the Dark Angel smile makes everything alright.  always wistful thoughts of her at the dawn, wishing she would dislocate my shoulder and ask me questions in broken english.