catching up with specifics (but new inside the square, corner is ref to square and a specific brand of face!)

Do you remember when you confronted me during the Great Depression?  Ah, those were the days.  I have not yet begun writing in pure liquidity but he was able to resist slipping into the blue today and that is a victory.  I’m not speaking of electric blue of course which is and shall always be the color of my room (where I will live).  There are several different blues floating around.  I am starting to say goodbye to blue Monday in this very moment.  It is the first of its kind for me.  what I fool I’ve been. 

It was in the middle of waffles when he realized he is deeply obsessed with the image of her crossing her eyes.  Lots of hairs.  Purple monster.  Bah bah bah bah bah bah bah! 

Need to get my hands on Captain Britain. So I am 3 volumes into the 10 volumes of Scott Snyder’s run on Batman and it is great stuff.  I declare Death of the Family to be a classic Joker story.  And I really dig Greg Capullo’s artwork!  I dig it!  Love this stuff!  Love it! 

I need to get my hands on Jerusalem.  I’m so illiterate.  I’m so ignorant.  You already know!  I remember back in the day when I spilled fruit punch all over everything!  Twenty dollars down the drain!  Get the hell out of my face!  Firsts!  Page long introduction.  I turned yellow and then I was a bunny with robotic appendages (not the bunny again, so much failure and so little time, THAT is my story) and I began things with a zero or something and I was using the word palooka and I had red dreadlocks at one point and cried because I spilled fruit punch over everything.  He tried to blame me! 

I love how Batman #5 plays with the actual physical format.  I have a fondness for works which play with (utilize) the medium itself.  Big fan of Morrison’s work as well. 

I just happened upon one of the greatest ideas I’ve ever heard in the history of my miserable life.  Just as the red devil unleashed full splendid force during the previous night.  I’ve just come to check the meter though, I have to remember that. 

The red crab migration has you.  And each individual hair stands out he noticed, apropos of nothing.  I’m talking about Flex of course. 

I’ve loved Brian Bolland’s Animal Man covers since an early age.  And his Wonder Woman covers.  And his Batman covers.  And his interiors.  I love all Brian Bolland’s work.  Though I am in strong disagreement with him on his disapproval of the initial coloring job on The Killing Joke. I do like his recolored version too. BUT I vastly prefer the original and I think it adds a great deal of atmosphere to the story.  Animal Man!  Yes! That’s the real British Invasion!  Fuck it, I love the punk rock stuff too!  Fuck!  Gotta love those Brits!  They really know their shit! 

At the exact halfway point in the non narrative.  I’m sitting in a messy room.  I hear a dog barking but the dog only exists in the past and only in waves.  Everything comes down to waves.  Someone is painting me with a brush right now, ignore the dead wolf on the side of the road.  I really am nothing.  Dirt digging down.  feeling dizzy lately.  That probably isn’t a good sign.  but now i know the proper time to arrive; bleach, not quite, so obvious, bountiful and wonderful.  

The day the world turned day glo, I was not familiar with this phenomenon before today.  Are the trades spinning today to paint a kinder picture?  Maybe.  Though I am in a state of great anticipation.  Big bang could create a big new obsession and that sly relates to the greatest idea I’ve heard which was mentioned earlier.  That’s right, I’ve upgraded my assessment of that idea to the coveted spot of the greatest idea I’ve ever heard in my miserable life.  Decimation is the key.  A very specific brand of decimation. 

The search for enlightenment.  Silver spheres entering my room now.  The one earmarked as a replacement.  So many all vying. Put those up for a rest.  Sharing affection while torture underneath.  Yes, that cross-eyed stare exerts a very potent form of mind control.  Is it time to properly engage with psychotropics? 

If I only I could have been around when animal man was first hitting.  And all that other great stuff.  If only I’d been there when there was a serious house being constructed on a serious earth.  And yet he was very present during a very lovely time.  all while he (another he) was going somewhere he has never been before.  Away.  Jones knew the secrets then.  Ah, Jones.  It all adds up.  And very soon will be a full two decades on from the true start, the brilliant revival.  The love.  I’m just going to walk in and take it.  Summer time with the fruit and transformative clay. 

Bolland is British!  I’m such an idiot! 

Ah the honor that is unleashed on Wednesdays.  I should have known.  And there is also a knighting taking place.  No, not knighting, a nighting.  I think I’ll understand.  Elise is not the right name either.  Feeling dizzy now, always a pleasure. 

I didn’t have the presence of mind twenty eight odd years ago to make the necessary purchase.  Would I have the guts to connect myself to a car battery and freely give my own feces as transcendental gifts?  The original inclination for transvestitism was the right approach.  Still, I ultimately understand the contrarian arguments and decisions.  Later on the inclination for full frontal nudity was also the right approach.  Still, I ultimately understand the contrarian arguments and decisions. 

These new (but based on longstanding) obsessions are taking hold.  Trapped in the corner.  Lovingly trapped.  That is where everything ends.  The final sight.  Three easy payments and it could potentially work.  eager now, paperwork is the missing link between man and bird!  No, it is the means for a blatant and loving propagation of sin! 

prelude to a agh (second fry, can he resist The Rhapsody in Blue and what of The Jackal and The Mean One in Between!?!)

Ana Gabriel’s music is just so gorgeous.  Sometimes it hurts to listen to it.  I love her live albums.  Yeah, I’m not saying anything new but the Rolling Stones have 4 perfect albums in a row.  Esta Noche by Ana Gabriel is a personal favorite of mine.  As is Esta Noche by Amaral.  No Creo, Donde Estas Corazon and Inevitable get me every time.  And Quiero!  Tears in my eyes.  Shine a Light too!  And A Case of You.  Thank you Lord for the music!  Back to back I love the ablums Achtung Baby and Zooropa. 

I need to get my hands on several thousand dollars and blow it all on statues.  I have a list ready!  Please please let her be okay!  I ate bananas and fried chicken for breakfast.  I should probably pick up Sonya Yoncheva’s Handel album.  I should probably through myself into the river (I’m already making plans for that, hopefully I can stretch that twenty five dollars American into something which yields great results!)  Black pants!  But the consistency remains a mystery.  Gothic.  Not sure why I chose to put that word there.  I need to visit an anti-diner.  I was investigating something in seattle before being reassigned to Buenos aires.  I left behind a sister.  I’m now talking about someone else.  

The mole is simply adorable, it makes it all work, never lose it.  I really need to get my hands on some beige suits and also read and re-read “King” Kirby’s work.  can’t seem to think straight these days, not with all these cameras on me anyway.  Do you have the?  I wish I came from a planet composed entirely of creamed corn. 

Breakfast story

A man woke up at the crack of dawn, the acrid taste of self-loathing thick on his tongue.  His gut hurt due to all the booze he consumed during the previous two days and nights.  He pulled his jeans up over his naked buttocks and got out bed.  He walked to the kitchen and cooked up eggs over easy and put on a pot of black.  Then he sat down and ate his breakfast, wondering what to do with another empty day.

End of Breakfast story 

I have tendency to literally and figuratively shit myself when asking pertinent questions.  Is he having some type of breakdown (as found on part 2 of that double release, the blue cover).  When I said he I know I meant me (or I, another riff there albeit one from the golden age, speaking of that I need to get around to reading  more golden age comic books).  I now I can resist the siren song today.  I know I can do it!  Or can i?  the more I learn I less I want to know.  Does anything really matter anymore?  It would be the jackal today, yes?  I suppose the identity truly is now the jackal. 

I’ll say it again, someone needs to donate about $700 to my statue fund right now.  Then I’ll record myself and everyone will watch me use a Swiss army pocket knife and handle Styrofoam.  Then I’ll probably eat bread. 

Fuck! I already missed out on the bunny rabbit.  I wanted the bunny rabbit so badly I could almost taste it!  I could almost baste it!  But now because of my gross inadequacy all I can do is fucking waste it!!!!  Maybe I can just imagine a world where I can paste it!  If I’d only known earlier I would have chased it!  But now I will never have that bunny rabbit!!  My face is so contorted and distorted now!  I don’t understand what anything means!  I’m going to cry!  I want to cry so badly because it’s all just falling to shit around me!  why didn’t I know about this sooner!?? Why?!  Why did  you leave me!?  now that bunny rabbit will never be mine!!! incredible how ten dollars American can make all the motherfucking difference in the world!!! Oh please someone help me!  Oh God please!!! My stomach hurts so much and my brain is on fire!!! Why can’t I fucking do anything right?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I have no choice but to just eat paper.  It’s good roughage.  It add valuable fiber to any well balanced diet.  Need a drink now.  Nothing works anymore.  Someone help me.  hacking up black stuff now.  My hands shake and then go numb.  Lets work!  I wish I was out to lunch with lunch meat.  My plan is so risky I may end up consuming a bowl of delicious sugary cereal.  Or maybe I’ll glide around on rollerskate underwater.  No, I just don’t think it’s a practical idea.  Not without anything beneath us or joyous ice cold air filling our lungs.  Shame.  I hope there may be another chance.  Red moon now but where’s the fall dog?  I’ve never forgotten that my ultimate destiny is to have eight sons all named Richard.  Luckily there’s more than one way to skin a cat, eh?  Pump’s dry as a bone, I won’t be able to get what I want today.  But that’s okay.  But if I try sometimes….

Lemon has me.  it’s a great soundscape.  I can see the crumbling castles falling into the ocean and then I’m inside several absolutely gorgeous churches.  Maybe I’ll take some classes soon and get things back on a good straight line.  Maybe I’ll visit a place with nice architecture soon.  My lady.  Our lady. 

I’m all set to waste the rest of my day!  such is the nature of wisdom.  If I can get just get to Reno by sundown though I know I can turn it all around.  I considered sending a congratulatory missive but should i?  was if the severed foot was in the other shoe?  We all know the answer to that one.  but should that really matter?  Maybe a lovely picnic pinoit is indeed in order.  Sounds positively sumptuous.  I did so enjoy that last sun drenched outing.  What hope do we have?  Quite touching right in the middle there.  native. 

I guess no one leaves me alone anymore but I can’t really understand why.  I’m such a turd.  What did I watch the other day that I liked? oh yea, now I remember!

1100 (really do love that new thing, very inspiring, as is this other thing, different modes + always denier, especially after long hard day, please!)

It is no longer surprising that people are incapable of resolving anything for themselves.  Fucking worthless incompetent sonsabitches!  Ah, I forget about the muse.  The classic one that replete with cubed fried fish and strange dogs.  How could this fucker ramble on for twenty motherfucking pages?! 

Looks like I spoke too soon which is unsurprising given the incorrigible asshole I am.  I actually really enjoy Greta Van Fleet’s double EP thing and I’m looking forward with cat like curiosity to their upcoming debut album.  These are smart young lads who make sunny, blistering rock!  These kids have the stuff! 

I’m listening to teatime dub encounters, right now aren’t i?  always a pleasure to have the iguana invading my hairy and waxy earholes.  Apropos of nothing I must say that Pike looks very sexy in voodoo in my blood.  Speaking of voodoo I’m just barely starting to get bitches brew.  That is truly a difficult and fascinating work.  of course that thing I mentioned before the jazz thing is a very clear riff on that great GREAT 80’s Andrzej Zulawski film Possession, I so love that crazy, sly and natty film.  Earlier Neill too.  Tentacles have me.  Mondo put out a gorgeous special edition blu ray of that on a couple years ago.  It regularly plays at midnight in my posh flat.  Sometimes I….  Now I gotta watch the snowman again.  That’s another movie I loved, giggle.  I see it now that is very Burroughs-esque.  And that is always a good thing for me.  if only I had wings.  Stewardesses and cocaine.  There is a soft pink machine right there on my floor.  The  liquid white nuts are kicking in.  and now there is also the matter of the dark sweaty locale of foreign bitter glass.  This is it. Life fulfilling discussions.  No need to apologize.  I sometimes confuse three with two.  Hahahaha, I laugh about the jungle and monkey sounds.  Maybe times to shove some hot peppers up my ass!  I thought that was Kim Gordon for a second but it turns out I was wrong which makes sense because I’m an idiot.  I really really like this new EP.  Isn’t that great writing?!  Isn’t that brilliant critical analysis!?  My stomach hurts something fierce from all the Nes café (I’m a spy you see) that I’ve been pounding.  Mayhaps a bottle or two of dirt cheap red wine will make my poor tummy feel better?!  Maybe a bucket of fried fuckin’ chicken too!  With. 

G2 is easily the greatest drink known to man.  But it’s badly overrated.  Don’t worry everyone, I’ll be getting my XFL tattoos soon enough.  Then I’ll probably give up on some pipe dreams.  If I win that contest I’m throwing myself into the river, that much I promise!  A couple of the next scores I want to add to my collection are James Horner’s Star Trek III The Search for Spock and Takayuki Hattori’s Godzilla 2000!  Don’t judge me, Joe Brown!  Of course all this trek talk just makes me want to watch Wrath of Khan again.  What a film!  That sequence where the two ships are about to have their first confrontation is EPIC.  From hell’s heart I stab at thee!  References upon references!  Oodles and oodles of o’s! 

Yes, I’m at the end now. This is so inspiring.  And I love the story behind it all, the clandestine meetings in hotel rooms.  It is a portrait of true creativity in motion.  It’s everything as it should be.  I’m probably going to wake up sucking a lemon tomorrow.  I need to get my ass out of the dirt.  I’m sorry that I’ve let everyone down.  yeah, I’m still loving that last NIN release.  It makes a good little buddy to this new thing.  It’s not only The Duke that can be heard in that.  There’s a nice slice of Badalamenti slash Lynch in there. 

Now it’s dark.  Shit yes man, pour the fucking beer!  I was drinking beer earlier.  Fortune smiles.  Lovely smile really.  Please don’t apologize. I love being ripped off. 

I think it’ll be exile later on tonight.    I know less and less…. Why am I doing this. This means absolutely nothing.  I should be making brownies and eating carrots.  It should not be underestimated how much I’ve been drinking lately.  What a rut.  What a butt!  Reminded of the jackal who’s not the jackal, a living manifestation of something already living but only seen through the prism of glass.  How he would love to be her prisoner.  I’m not quite sure if I feel more today than I did yesterday.  Maybe a tiny amount.  Yet I still made largely the same mistakes.  How curious.  Time to just hang myself? 

Grocery store tale

A man went to the local grocery with a carefully written list clasped in his sweaty hand.  He entered the store and said hi to the clerk who knew him by name.  He scoured the aisles until he found every last item on that list.  Then he brought the items to a moderately busy checkout lane and paid for them with plastic.  Afterward he left the store and drove him feeling reasonably satisfied. 

End of Grocery store tale

I metaphorically reached out to help someone today but I’m not really sure why.  But I am pretty sure that my motives were not pure.  Still, I truly hope it all works out for the best.  There are imaginary versions of very familiar people meeting in that park and underneath the stars at this very moment.  I hope they are happy. 

I learned the verse bass line to Slow Burn tonight.  I played it until the skin on my fingers had completely peeled off and then I continued playing with ragged and bloody fingertips!  I do so enjoy the Heathen album.  He’ll be okay.  But I don’t know about me. 

When was the last time i?  I remembered something important in an instant the other day.  it’s too late now, much too late.  That thought occurs to me over and over again as I start to cry.  But of course the phrase too late implies there was ever a possibility.  What a colossal waste of humanity I am.  How I fucking despise myself.  Such an utter failure.  But please let me keep those just a while longer.  Haha chortle, didn’t even realize the precious bookend until now.  So lovely.  Always. 

I’m shitting in the milk again! That one is for you all you continuity buffs out there!  I’m so ugly and awful. Oh wow I hate myself so much!  SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!

my electrifying hands are useless in the face of ruthless and sweet liquidity (in search of a new...maybe?)

I’m flipping in colors!  That’s what I realized when I woke up this morning before promptly taking a shit in the milk.  I think I’ll enter that contest.  If I win then I will happily through myself into the river upon completion of the enjoyment of my winnings; the spoils of victory.  Its going to be a while before I get that Metal storyline though I look forward to it with great relish and sauerkraut.  I should do some light reading later on. 

I regret that there is no straight through the glass conduit to Fairbanks.  I suspect it would be just the unhealthy obsession one needs to regain his mental and emotional faculties.  Especially with the mask related addition.  Always with a tree running down the side.  How many identities is that?  Every time I turn around there is a new one, all so thrilling.  To be slayed like that is a dream.  Cute mugging. 

With twenty dollars American I will unlock all the secrets in the known universe.  Then maybe I’ll paint my room pink and blue. No, wait, my room is already electric blue.  I need to a buy a frame for something.  I forgot the German word for frame but it was richly appropriate at one point, especially because this river always reminds me of another river.  The optical effects were recurring.  I know less and less about….

I saw a lovely Zatanna statue that I would kill to add to my collection.  But I don’t suppose that’ll happen anytime soon.  Oh well, such is bank.  Starting to see that face everywhere, melding now with things.  straight black is the preference but suddenly the opposite was suggested for its strength is ten times mightier.  And now it is seen that there is a perfect melding taking place.  The most important element is already there.  Mother, forgive me. 

If only I could have eaten corn flakes for breakfast today and dinner last night.  Then maybe I might actually be worth a damn.  Today is Kubrick Day.  I love the man’s work.  Could Barry Lyndon by my favorite of his films.  I don’t have the answer to that question.  I don’t have the answers to a lot of questions.  But still I stand guard, ever vigilant, ever waiting for signs of threats extraterrestrial.  I want to eat cereal at some point in the future.  Numbers have me. 

It was bugmen yesterday, more pointedly imagining himself in the place of the bugmen.  Yes, of course there was verbal taunting.  It’s all part of a very specific vinegar laden recipe.  And the denouement could really only be one thing.  But even this…brought him no real satisfaction.  There is nothing left.  Already a search has begun today but only to eliminate unnecessary distraction.  Can’t call in again.  I truly detest myself.  Don’t fantasize too much about dying!

You know, I really like that David Bowie Heathen.  I was listening to it the other day while driving in my car (where I feel safest of all, but of course I don’t know any hallways) and then I was also listening to it the other day while in the comfort of my posh flat though while there I was listening to it on wax.  I once purchased that album as a gift for someone.  I remember hearing it for the first time.  the last cycle always gets me.  don’t stay in a sad place.  If only. 

So it seems The Little Star will be returning this coming Tuesday.  Thank everything.  Perhaps this will be just the thing he needs to regain some semblance of feeling.  If The Little Star cannot bring him back then is there any hope at all?  Army colors and electrified nunchakus.  There has been a wealth of chances lately.  So grateful.  Tears of joy.  I am a separate and opaque version of myself.  I see my actions but have no connection to them save for suffering the consequences. 

Maybe if I were Amoeba Man I would stand a chance at winning that contest.  All the mystery correspondence that was never written.  All the dreams I had that never came true.  I’m alone in bed and crying now though this is actually years and years ago.  Is the circus in town?  How low can you go?  Of course, there’s the answer to how things will be started today finally.  The zeroes and ones iteration for the time being.  It takes me everywhere, emblazoned on my wall. 

Yes, back before the last one…she is the most…but also the most….  That is the best (and last?) chance.  There, now it’s all out in the home and predictably there is no satisfaction to be had.  The native show features such lovely accompaniment.  I am certainly intrigued by Wayne Shorter’s new album and will pick up a copy in a sun drenched town  upon its release.  We should all draw with blue pen more often.  How could I forget about that dreamy recollection?

Ah, so many things he will never see.  Cribbing a bit right now but lets raise our glasses: here’s to a lousy life!  The sundog requires much more attention of course but please let it be a sign of things to come!  The detective aspect of things has not been nearly as satisfying but does that perhaps harken back to those halcyon days of yore where a group of young upstarts created an empire based almost entirely on image.  I have found a vital new player; red and mesmeric. 

The rest in peace piece still remains a favorite of mine though it is crucial to note the only halfway involvement of the aforementioned subject of the young upstart comparison.  The pre purchased videos were not even used today.  I was laughing hysterically when I realized that all this time I was clasping onto to nothing more than an old bused HAM radio.  I’m going to get a haircut today.  Oh but who really gives a flying fuck?!

I’m bellowing like a gut shot pig now because it’s all gone to shit!  No, it’s gone to seed!  Oh, for his life to only be seen in standard definition.  Lots of things seemed to have meaning before but not so much now.  Lie down beneath the stars and look at your life.  All the empty fucks.  All the empty everything.  We demand convenience and the kindness of the in the moment companion.  We must spill our guts.  Maybe I’ll do something that makes me happy today but I kind of doubt it. 

of course there was also the duranguense one (but not from the q sounds like r )

Spend a lot of time with the most violent, the most sadistic.  It’s an obsession.    I recently finished Roadwork by Richard Bachman and loved it; one of my Bachman’s finest.  I recently jerked off and loved it; one of my dick’s finest.  Those last two statements really have nothing to do with one another.  I’m listening to the classic Rolling Stones’ album Let It Bleed whilst I write this.  I ate soup for lunch today.  It was so good that I enjoyed it.  I think I’m going to read a book soon.  By that I mean I’ll start a book.  I scratched everything away recently and realized there was nothing underneath.  It is all so empty.  Sick of people.  I’m drinking more and more these days.  Or am i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.   I need to climb a ladder.  If The Court of Owls rumors are true I think that could make for a very interesting feature film.  Though if it’s true that those rumors are not true then I guess I don’t know what’ll happen.  It truly is anyone’s guess at this point.  Almost time to turn out the lights but there are several people talking about juice.  I betrayed my own principles today.  I’m used to it though, don’t worry.  Words fail me.  weird to say you love something and then to not spend any time invested in it.  Oh what sad disgusting creatures we all are.  how undeserving we all are.  Keaton is still the best Batman no doubt.  Have I said that I would rank Affleck’s Batman (particularly in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice) right alongside Bale’s?  not necessarily his Wayne mind you but his Batman.  It seems to be a sure thing that he won’t play that character in Matt Reeve’s upcoming film but that’s okay too.  Always curious to see who’s next.  Yes, each new bit of news makes me more eager to see this Joker movie coming out.  I need to rewatch The King of Comedy soon.  Did I think about shooting myself in the diner?  I like my coffee black, my eggs runny and bacon crispy. 

So little meaning behind it anymore.  Yet in the moment it is everything.  She was The Jackal again.  She was The Jackal and yet not The Jackal.  She was reality tearing through the seams.  Two full hours of time.  not sure if there was any resentment.  Gotta start watching those old cartoons and then barfing out my assessment.  I ate a slice of pizza earlier.  I purchased pills earlier.  I’m looking a plastic triceratops right now.  Just focus on what you have right now and don’t worry about the connectivity.  Nothing really makes me happy anymore.  The Jackal and then that master of so many different languages.  Everyone working together.  Always stealing when leaning.  I hope she plays the harmonica next month.  But I don’t know if there are any applicable interludes.  I just can’t seem to drink you off my mind.  I feel so sorry for and so disgusted by all these ignorant wastes of life.  I guess what’s here and now is all that matters, yes?  What arrogance.  I wanted to see her in a white sleeveless shirt.  I wanted to run away with him.   

The classic Lynda Carter Wonder Woman while there are dusty paperbacks down by my feet.  Blue cross.  I still remember where I was when I purchased Beggars Banquet.  It takes a nation of…. 

Seeing everything through the glass now.  We are desperate to be seen.  How have we convinced ourselves that it all matters?  Every insignificant moment of our pathetic lives.  We are the collective braindead.  Something green is before my eyes now.  Let’s replace passion with obligation.  Sex has no meaning for him anymore (especially after research pierced all extremes of his sex).  Why is flesh not exciting anymore?  Farewell to the flesh.  We are all so needy and vile.  So much better without contact.  We are so much more comfortable seeing and living a life through the glass.  The majority of the time spent on nothing.  Our lives evaporate.  Still always the same as before.  I guess I never really  knew anything.  Where has all desire gone?  Even as a new queen arrives all desire has fled and there is nothing in its place.  How utterly proper (I think as my head goes light).  Of course only just realizing that it was a feminine explanation through a masculine voice.  Always rising to the top and all.  With twenty dollars American I could easily conquer the world.  No, I can’t I say as I start to weep.  Connections are being lost everywhere.  Perhaps I’m wrong about everything.  But no, there are admissions of failure and sadness all around.  I washed dishes earlier.  The carpet in this room is beige.  Tomorrow I’m going to….i don’t know…whatever.  Still like the queen, yes?  There are multiple queens at play.  And the dark of fire.  Maybe the little star can return and save me.  why don’t I feel anything anymore?  I was joking earlier of course.

I see now that electric blue is very much the color of my room.  Though earlier today things were very much a disbelieving gray.  I would like to believe there are options for this sad place where no one cares how you are but I know this is not true.  The dark of fire again.  Is this everything anymore?  No, I don’t know what’s happened but all feeling is going away. I guess that’s okay though.  I texted someone about lunch earlier and then could not stop laughing. 

Maybe there’s time to reclaim something.  No ,is that right?  There was never really anything to begin with.  I don’t think I was every actually here.  I went swimming the other day.  maybe I should connect wires to myself now.  How sad, how needy.  Always crashing.  I detest humanity.  Red faced.  There are no codes here.  Back in the day with the Mega Man gang we were all about codes.  Do you remember when Megan gave you a kiss from the window?  There was a musician nearby.  I.  he was trying to get her attention but she couldn’t hear a word.  Don’ t forget to take the survey.  She knows about the buff. 

Oh well, maybe it’ll be better later on but maybe not.  I really do like this album.  And lots of other albums too.  Exclamation mark.  I’m not a wonderful person.  but I’ve got problems. 

conr (need to watch the search for...again andthentheonewiththe....)

Impressions all around as I…I don’t even know.  I was reading a book earlier.  Then I considered eating it but ultimately decided against that course of action.  I’ll head into town soon and run some errands.  But in the meantime…I am excited for a Hush animated movie and the other animated move that was announced.  And – as I alluded to yesterday – I am pleased that the trunks are making a long delayed return.  And I’m sure there’s other stuff that I’m excited about.  Not my existence though.  I am a foul and I spent much time looking for just the right color of the hallowed huntress before deciding upon yellow (there was a light blue option).  It got the job done but the joylessness was all my own.  I need to melt a stick of butter onto something.  I watched perfect blue last night and liked it.  What do I have to show for myself.  So I’m gonna react to these three trailers which debuted at Comic Con earlier today.  There was also a panel for Wonder Woman 1984 but alas the footage they showed – Wonder Woman saving a child in a mall – will not be released to the general public.  Sad face.  I understand though.  That movie is over a year away but I still crave it the way a man craves a pastrami on rye sandwich.  The commentary made by the director was lovely.  I am full of hope.  I am also full of mope but that has nothing to do with Wonder Woman 1984.  I need to clean my room.  And my bloody glove.  I am saddened there was no Joker related announcement at the con.  Oh well.  Wonder if those bobby d rumors are true.  Wonder if I will ever be a worthwhile human being.  Seemed to take some cues from lost highway while also arriving ahead of inland empire.  Or something.  bros brought it.  I’m out of cheap whiskey so I’ll have to remedy that at the store. I had a used pair of fishnet stockings wrapped around my head earlier today.  That really has nothing to do with anything though.  I’m going to eat vegetables now. 

I remember watching that big Hollywood Godzilla movie from a years back and feeling utter crushing disappointment at a such a mundane and dull product.  I love the Godzilla mythology and that film did not bring the umph.  It didn’t have the mustard!  It couldn’t cut the chops!  I really like this trailer and really like the music and the imagery is lush and seeing Mothra and Rodan and King Ghidorah (!!!) made me so darn excited but I have to keep my feelings in check lest I suffer another grueling disappointment the likes of which my mother suffered after realizing I would never amount to anything.  Nice to see Ken back.  He is always a welcome presence, as is Vera.  I just gotta keep writing water like I said yesterday.  At every critical juncture I just need to put fingers to board and peck it out.  Gotta use my beak and peck.  I can’t know anyone’s mind anymore.  This is the way it has to be.  Please help me.  I’m so sorry to everyone.  So excitement here but tempered very tempered expectations.  Glad it’s a different director than last time.

Shazam is always a fun and playful character (except in Kingdom Come – great story and ironically my first exposure to Billy Batson) and judging from this teaser they seem to have nailed exactly the right tone for him and his world.  I need to pull out my old Golden Age Shazam (or Captain Marvel if you want to get really confusing to non comics folks about things) archives and reinvest in this groovy mythology.  Ultimately, I’m not sure if this movie is for me or not though I am pleased to see a Mark Strong villain and I like the look of the wizard and the suit.  I say it’s not for me because I’m old and crusty and stupid.  I’m sure I’ll be there opening night though.  Hopefully it will make me feel happy because nothing really does anymore.  I am just an ugly empty thing.  Good ol’ lamar.  Hope everyone is cleaning their garages out today.  I need to clean my filthy bedroom.  Full of old papers with strange messages that I think I wrote but I’m not sure.  Worms though.  I just need some tiny cute little worms.  Just one really.  Show me the worm and maybe Mary and I will scream in sweet agony.  and I also need gallons and gallons of steak sauce.  They have to get the worm in there somehow, right?  I want to eat cereal later. 

Of course twas the Aquaman trailer yours falsely was most looking forward to.  I’m pretty burned out on blockbusters but I still squeal in piggish excitement anyway over certain properties.  I’m just so pleasantly steeped in DC lore that I can’t help but enjoy seeing it brought to life.  They have a real talented director on this flick and I think he’s bringing the goods!  This kid’s got the stuff!  The look and tone of the trailer really seemed to capture the splashy vibrancy of Geoff Johns great run on the comic book.  I’m eager to see this world full realized and I had a uber geek moment at seeing Black Manta toward the end there.  I kind of get an Indy vibe from certain scenes ( I did with Wonder Woman too, maybe I’m just stupid and get Indy vibes from everything) which I think is a smart way to go.  Explore shit!  Make it an experience!  It’s a great cast to be sure but I’m still not fully convinced by Momoa.  I won’t pass final judgement until seeing the movie of course.  Not like my opinion matters or anything though, right?  He’s a big handsome success while I’m a sad ugly loser so really gives really gives a shit if I’m convinced or not?!  I could not possibly be any less important of a person.  I’ll be there opening night for this too. 

I liked the Glass trailer too but I guess I really didn’t talk about it that much or maybe I mentioned it yesterday.  Holy moly I need a drink.  

i'm awful, forgot other things

The other day I drove to a store that carries a variety of items including, books, movies, music, toys and other things.  I walked around for a while and hated myself.  I looked for things to buy and eventually find two items which brought me mental and emotional satisfaction.  I purchased a copy of David Bowie’s 2002 album Heathen on vinyl.  I have loved that album for years.  I went home and listened to that album while finishing reading Stephen King’s Firestarter.  Then I spent much of the afternoon reading volumes 1 and 2 of the trade paperback editions of Greg Rucka’s most recent run on Wonder Woman.  I have read Wonder Woman for most of my utterly worthless life and I would say Rucka is her very best writer.  It was an enjoyable afternoon. 

I am 150 pages out of the roughly 400 pages of Richard Bachman’s Roadwork and am finding it to be an extremely effective and intense character study.  I need to fill in more gaps. 

Am I very specific type of evil?  Round making.  Thoughts scattered.

I am extremely happy with the news that the trunks are returning.  For me, it is just not him without those trunks. 

I like everything I’m hearing about that origin film so far.  De Niro?  Speaking of character studies, You Were Never Really Here was excellent and really wets my corrupt appetite for this other film.  I watched Wrath of Khan last night again.   I didn’t think about killing myself at all during the duration of that film. 

I went back to the store and purchased a copy of David Bowie’s 2003 album Reality on vinyl.  Lime orange.  These albums sound great on wax.  Then I purchased volumes 3 and 4 of Greg Rucka’s newest run.  I feel so thankful for this renewal.  I think the trunks things is not a coincidence.  I’m very excited to see what Grand Morrison will do with the Green Lantern comic book as he has long been one of my favorite writers.  I have missed her so much.  More than I even realized.  All the old happy thoughts returned.  Maybe this can link up with water and good round numbers later on. 

It all runs together in the end.  All blending.  A spur of the moment change in times that results in a recent return from the gymnasium.  Pink ring.  From there back to the sunny drenched place with the master of several different languages and financial numbers. It’s The Rhapsody in Blue again.  It’s everything.  Using that f word but not the word everyone is thinking of.  I’m in a red room somewhere.  Then I’m in a bright place and my eyes are bleeding.  This is me.  running and running down concrete paths and there is green everywhere. 

Fleck, huh?  Lounge act and circus.  My throat was bloody.  With circus there was and is so much spinning.  That is how it would be done.  There’s a little bit of blood in my wine.   

I need to consult that old 202ist again and I need to follow the lead of water and nice round numbers.  I’ve done it before and I can do it  again.  Or can i?  has it ever been that strong or necessary before.  He took things away.  He would say sorry if he could.  The one in the middle.  Enjoying a cool drink on a hot day.  so cruel.  And then two more casting such a large net.  We’re awful.  I suppose it all comes down to blue in the end just as I’m maybe about to make things perfect here on this square screen.  I got lost somewhere and everyone could see right through me and see how ugly I am.  The disdain from who casts a net.  Far too strong to hide yet it all stems from that which makes the bread and butter.  So why do we chose this path?  Ive slaughtered.  Red skin and then I could not even get a word out; fumbling with small slips of paper.  I’m awful.  Awful.  Yes, it goes back and forth and the themes are clear as 30 men storm in and he that is I are the same as the ugliest of them and worse still in so many ways.  Want it fast.  The whites of so many eyes.  And then there was suffocation and electrocution and legs thrashing.  These thoughts are like knives slicing through brains.  And somewhere was that ancient huntress also casting a net and then the master of so many languages was also in the same form and then the cruel one in the middle of things before all culminating back with that who should be the subject of water and I am running and I haven’t even taken pictures.  I want to ask for forgiveness but I am so ugly and undeserving.  I am everything awful with a certain perspective.  That last word isn’t right but something to do with eyes.  Helical comes first, how could I forget?  And just now, he makes all work so much more difficult as her requests the dark cauldron pearl.  This was all so visual and in public and there was a question of comfort but of course I am awful.  We looked right at them.  The main pronouns all need changing.  So little time spent.  I took things away.  Please forgive me.  allow him to stop.  The renewal is the way.  Maybe that could make the difference.  There needs to be a desire to cease.  But all the black.  The lovely rich black across everything, the constant.  And culminating there and not hidden for a moment.  Degenerate.  Awful.  What it feels like for a….  the subject of everything virtual.  What does any of it mean?  Why was I placed there?  don’t ask for anything.  You are the only one who can make any change.  Thanks.  Disdain carried over through so many different sets.  This needs to stop.  If I could just snuff it all out.  Starting with myself. 

The new look of rain is quite lovely.