Yes, that is my great hope (and hopefully that could be the last polite question,sorry i!)!

I need to buy a book of Clive Barker’s paintings.  But before that I need one of Franz Kline, Pablo Picasso, Francisco Goya, Francis Bacon, and Willem de Kooning (great memory of an experience with a loved one).  There’s some lush and lavish books of all those chaps!  

I’m having a cup of tea right now but not even thinking about leaving my apartment.  Regina again.  The green one this time.  cooking again in the future.  New book?  Came up short this time?  Don’t I always?  My life is an imaginary story.  Aren’t they all?  hahahaha, boy I truly am a loser.  We all have our roles to play.  I can’t stop myself (lightning is striking again!)!  Next Generation one of my favorite shows of all time.  

It’s a shame and costly sin how much of my life I waste on things I do not care about.  And I only have myself to blame.  I only have myself to blame!  I started it off with yellow and then went to grey.  Maybe I’m going through a yellow phase.  I’m at the beginning of this Fugazi deep dive.  It is exciting.  I need to shave.  I’m going to read another book about the Virgin Mary soon.  

Bought some picks the other day.  Highlight of my month?  Too modest.  Year at least.

I was watching Time of the Wolf last night around midnight and there came a scene which scared the hell out of me.  I went to bed afterward.  Something very bad was going on in my home last night.  there was someone or something in the walls making noise.  I was very scared.  

Need to get oily.  Need to get an imaginer (start with 4?).  Or do i?  for one of those I am not so sure.  I need concrete.  think i'll listen to Lodger again.  

He was watching when the horse’s throat was slit.  Once again, he was drilling through the…

I am doing damage to my body.  I am being foolish.  Loves are all here before me, no need to look elsewhere.  

I have been provided clarity.  Thank You so much.  I have ignored for so long.  Only my fault.  I’ve done it once before and it worked.  It was a little forced.  My hand was forced but it still worked, that’s all that matters.  The concept is not mine but…it is very effective.  I heard it once more this morning.  O must be revived.  No, that’s not quite right.  but another 10,000 words.  This is must take place.  As many times as necessary.  Pieces of water.  Writing water.  We’re all in water.  I need to embrace this again. killing myself.  Hurting everyone.  I am sorry.  Through the glass in the dark.  Forgive me.  I can fix this.  

I just want to keep an eye on you.  that could be the last thing.  It’s as good a line as any.  It’s as good a conclusion as any.  You must see the error in things.  the lines below the eyes.  those are not the error.  Remove this.  Omit yourself (as a favor).  Black on black again.  this is the end.  I could not say the word opal.  Things will seem better in the morning but they won’t.  too much pain you have provoked.  I ask for forgiveness.  Please.  Never again.  I promise.  I know I’ve made so many empty promises.  From the very beginning I was awful.  this must be the end.  The way is through water.  Death bag.  Everything so empty, spilling.  Down at my feet.  Sad and pathetic.  This empty thing.  Everything is leaving me and crashes down onto the floor.  This is the expression of the pain and emptiness you spread.  I am awful.  how awful it is to be seen through the eyes of others.  How awful to see me, to know I’m there.  I’m sorry.  From the very beginning.  If I could take it all back.  Rub it all out.  Starting with myself.  Be free of me.  Don’t worry.  I can do this. 

He ate something lovingly made today.  He is terrible.  He must leave this place.  17.  He left 17 for pineapple.  You can do this, numbers system master it.  Numbers have me.  scott may have the answers I seek in this coming year.  Perhaps not the Scott you think though.  Turd hats. 

This will be grand discipline.  

I got that Fugazi documentary. I’ll watch it soon.  I have neglected everything important.  I love sleep so much.  I love not being awake.  

How have you been?  These words will never need to be uttered again.  too kind.  Probably nicest ever.  nothing much makes sense anymore.  I’ve neglected too much.  here at the end this seems like the most appropriate course of action.  Body Count's newest album was one of my favorites of the year!  Don't forget it!!!

 I really love Michael Mann.  I love Heat.  And Heat (track 14)!  

Milk and eggs knew the truth last night.  is Alesis the answer?  Little by little things will all come together.  I think.  It’s a good noble goal.  Alesis and then things with three numbers for names.  He seems to be a big numbers fan.  Good and proper allies are the key.  When did he realize he was a villain.  Perhaps just the other night.  couldn’t help but smile.  Must feel good doling out the richly deserved punishment.  We shouldn’t take ourselves so seriously.  

I watched Once Were Warriors last night while consuming copious amounts of cheap booze.  It was a great great GREAT film.  I plan to watch it again immediately sometime in the very near and/or distant future.  Beautiful cinematography I might add and two strong and meaty lead performances.  I can’t believe I waited so long on that one.  

I’d rather just home today. I don’t like going outside.  Don’t like seeing or talking to people.  I think now I can, will and need to watch and listen to Mozart.  Then, eventually, I will be wheeled through the hallways of the loony bin.  

I listened to Trickfinger’s new album today.  In many ways he bookended my day.  And he showed me the way.  I know now what I must do.  The pastries of another. Big on kneed him in the groin and he loved it.  reminiscent of spiked.  

Another year up and I’m still a miserable failure.  No surprise there.  children around the world put camel shit on the walls after all, and it’s no game.  I say that very calmly now though, the rage and grit has gone out of my voice.  it feels very appropriate.  needs a little turquoise there.  

He’d rather not bother these fine folks again.  time is blurring out.  Suppose that’s good, since I’m running out of it.  

I love Edwige’s cameo.  Gorgeous.  

More than anything, I hope Estrellita comes back this year.  

Okay

I finally did what I’d been promising to do for years now and started listening to Ataxia again.  I can’t believe I’ve literally and figuratively sat on this album for so long because it’s great!  Joe Lally contributes some supremely tasty bass playing to the project which inspired me to listen to Fugazi again!  I need to obtain some PiL albums.  Waiting Room has a great bass line.  I’ve been practicing it with Dunlop bass picks, one green and .88 mm and another more salmon colored and .58 mm.  the feel f P in my hands is all I need sometimes.  

I can’t forget about Love Streams.  I’ve also been catching up on Woody Allen pictures recently.  Manhattan was great.  That’s hardly a revelatory statement.  I’m such an idiot.  I missed some key theatrical releases.  What a moron I am.  

Does only digital exist?  For los angeles.  

El Corrido de la Barbie.  I thought i’d spend the rest of my miserable worthless life not knowing the answers and then there it was before, laido ut like fresh fish on a smelly dock!  A double!  A sister!  A twin!  Cheetah.  Grey.  Pink.  There was caffeine fueled obsession there for a moment but I think I’m okay now!  I forgot all about heart of glass.  How could I have spent so much of my miserable life ignoring Marilyn?  I will be asking that question ad naseum until I toss my frosted cookies.  

Turquoise was the order of the day.  Just the other day.  It was white just like you wanted.  I’m excited to listen to more Fugazi tday. I’m also excited to hear the new Trickfinger album.  I watched Amadeus in the middle of the night last night.  it is a near perfect film. 

 
His ejaculation was extremely propulsive.  The imagery didn’t much matter in the end.  In the end almost nothing matters.  

Rosalia sounds interesting. Good be good summer jams.  I ain’t jam on toast this morning (no I didn’t).  I’m having trouble with O.  I love the song WMA!! Love it!  tribal.  That breakdown gets me every damn time.  

I had to give Godard a break.

He realizes the obsession taking place.  All because of the seam.   Rosalia promising. 

I wish I could dance in the streets.  I wish I was a woman.  I don’t know.  maybe sometimes.  I love the sun through the screen, on glass. In streets I dance. 

 
There is roughly 5 hours of special features on the new Twin Peaks box set and they are fascinating.  I love seeing Lynch behind the scenes and giving direction.  He is such an inspiration.  (singing in melody now): you’re the inspiration.  Lynch, what I would do without you?  

The seam down the middle was so glorious. 

I watched Ms. 45 the other day.  When it was finished I had desires to watch it again.  I watched a movie called The Past the other day most inspiring.  I don’t think I truly understand Godard.  But I keep coming back to him.  There’s something there.  some thing.  

Regina was electrocuting him again.  he landed on a conveyor belt.  

Finally there was some relief.  He couldn’t remember the name.  it will go down though.  Put it on the list.  Tan.  That’s not quite the right word.  One.  Peace.  Line down the middle.  Canary.  Not quite.  But could be.  Hair up.  I got really full.  Double or triple stamps.  What’s the occasion.  Chagoya.  Debt of gratitude.  Head clear need drink. 

I was listening to the last Dead Weather record not long ago.  There’s some great bass playing there.  I rather like the playing on Three Dollar Hat.  Reminds me a bit of Timmy C’s playing or maybe Eric A.  I immediately tried to—

Implied question, you’re brilliant!

I  put on Superman The Movie last night while I fell asleep on my bourgeois sofa. Love that movie.  True classic.  Went a bit overboard last night.  or did i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  There were many helpers before Chagoya.  Including a magenta sight.  Hair wet.  Down.  Up.  child screaming but did not prohibit.  

There is loose change on the table before me.  I strongly relate to Salieri.  

I haven’t listened to em in ages but I reckon there are at least a couple pretty darn good Goo Goo Dolls albums out there.  The chimney is leaking.  That’s just how it goes sometimes.  

That corrido is on again.  the pink with the grey cheetah goes supremely well.  And black on top.  

There were rivers of seminal fluid.  

Hands numb again.  

Water is hotter than steam.  Truer words were never spoken.  Time for me to eat excrement stew.  

Hosiery clouds my judgment on a daily basis.  It is everything.  

As David said – “Research has pierced all extremes of my sex.  Call it a day. Call it a day.”  Personal fave.  

I think the untamed goes very well with we are the flesh.  Both bold and great.  I think I prefer the latter ultimately.  I want to paint today. Lots of pink.  I need glue.  I need beefheart.  

I need to go to the craft store.   I need a very specific type of glue.  Then I need to go to the bookstore.  I need a very specific book if I want to be part of that book club.  Tentacles have you.  and vore as well.  How he longs to be crushed between her pearly white chompers!  Fetishes have you.  

Oh yes, my fugazi phase is in full swing.  I listened to Long Division 17 times in a row and loved it dearly each time.  Thank you God for this music.  

He fantasizes often about headscissors.  Few things are as great as that.  Headscissors KO!  He can always manage with that.  in the afternoon a new obsession took place.  Gym wear.  Love what you’ve done with your hair.  

We’re all too busy lying to ourselves but that’s okay.  I am no different.  I am the very worst of all.  hahaha, I am laughing while they push my chair down the loony bin hallway.  I am pure nothing.  I need to figure out which drum machine to buy.  I don’t know which me I hate more.  I remember photograph with a white shirt.  He loved your hairstyle.  Can I ask you a question?  I don’t think you should drive home.  I wrote a lot of water.  The words were almost enough.  Not in but out.  Never saw in high.  But imagined oh so much.  sorry the bottle tipped over.  He tried to read that back.  It was the only way to know her mind.  2 poems dropped into the submission box.  Cinema fan.  Artist.  I miss you dreadfully.  

It was a delightful little affectation.  We all have to start somewhere.  Only on Saturday nights.  It sometimes gives me comfort to think about killing myself.  

The twist with the dog was ingenious.  It made everything sweet perfection.  

beautiful tography beach (if only the slippers weren't)

The finale  of Candice.  A worthy finale.  Fantastic attire.  It reminded me of something but I’m not sure what.  I suppose everything reminds me of something.  Even this river.  This river reminds me of another river.  Let me put on my cowboy hat for a moment.  You can’t take the Wisconsin out of the girl.  And the great Tuesday of new values.  It was everything.  

The quinoa was a success.  I thoroughly enjoyed the process of cooking it and of eating it.  I think it shall become a semi regular part of my diet.  Don’t feel so bad.  We’re all subject to dog and pony shows every once in a while, am I right? I was at the police station being interviewed by a sweaty detective when I finally pulled the screwdriver out of my arm.  No matter what I try it always ends up in the resoundingly negative.  

I purchased Dunkirk and Mother! today.   They are two of my favorite movies of the year.  I also purchases a bottle of Don Julio (Reposado) tequila.  My big plan – arguably the best plan I’ve ever concocted in my miserable life – to watch one or both of these movies whilst getting blackout drunk!  I also purchased some cheapass eggnog which should assist in my plan.  

I am roughly 1/8 (or 12.5% for all you percentages fans out there) through the book Dune.  I plan to continue reading it in the very near future.  I am enjoying it a good deal so far.  I listened to a lot of Kylie Minogue while driving around today.  I considered listening to Kraftwerk but never pulled the trigger on that one.  I guess I just didn’t have the chops.  I couldn’t cut the mustard.  I bought a newspaper today.  I am typing this out on a laptop which sits on a table made of wood.  If I look up I can a Vizio television set which is by no means small but it is also not as big as I would like.  As I stated earlier, I’m going to be more Godard very soon but probably not within the next 12 hours.  I hit refresh several times today on a specific website which provides clean and informative content.  I also watched someone providing something of a saucy campus tour and at the end she cheekily declared that the likely reason her feet were so tired was because she’d been running through our – that is, the viewers – minds all day.  It was an amusing comment and not without some element of truth.  I will need to travel to Federal Express tomorrow to print out 3 sheets of paper.  Then I will write on or “fill out” these papers with a BIC pen (nothing writes like a BIC in my experience) and then I will paperclip them and travel to another locations where I will drop them off along with ten dollars American.  This plan does not excite me but it also does not fill me with dread. There are elements I like about it.  there is a pleasant person at the second location.  Someone I know disagrees about an element of this person’s pleasantness but concedes the point in other ways.  So there is that much too look forward to.  While reading Dune today I periodically paused so I could smell the pages.  Dune is a thick book and its weight feels pleasant in my mind.  The smell of the pages is rich and the combination of the book’s pleasant weight and the rich smell of its pages creates a very enjoyable experience.  I did think about suicide today but it was not as much as in other days.  I did not interact with many people today and I wonder if that had anything to do with it.  I thought about pantyhose encased feet on at least two different occasions today.  Both times my thoughts were sexual in nature.  I suppose I enjoyed the thoughts but they also depressed albeit in a mild way.  Sexual desire occasionally sparks a bit of self loathing as I begin to gravitate toward the ever more convincing idea that we are all awful, needy grotesque things.  Kenneth Branagh gives a very good understated performance in Dunkirk.  I ate ham from a can for lunch.  I also drank a glass of water as part of the meal.  I have not yet consumed dinner though I suspect it will be another canned provision.  I am a big fan of canned provisions.  I also like using the word “can” as playful slang for a woman’s ass.  Perhaps it is not very sophisticated but I like it all the same.  The walls here are painted white or maybe it’s an off white.  It’s not a bad color but I can easily imagine several others which would be much more pleasing to my eyes.  the carpet is something of a beige color and I do like that.  I also really like pugs and I love their beige color.  The black pugs are cute too but when I think of those little scamps it is always in classic beige.  What a great color that.  beige lingerie is very sexy.  I have not cried at all today and that’s good for me.  I feel reasonably calm right now.  It’s very possible that I would pick The Wire as my favorite show of all time.  I recently purchases season 1 of the show Treme which was made by the same folks behind The Wire but I haven’t watched any of it yet.  Dare I hope it matches the earlier show in quality?  I don’t know.  I don’t know much of anything anymore.  I suppose it could be dangerous to hope.  I wanted red wine today but I forgot to buy a bottle but that’s okay because I still have white wine.  I was at a clothing store today and purchased a shirt and the person working the cash register was a transsexual woman.  We chatted for a bit and she told me she did all her Christmas shopping online and was eager to end her shift and get home as she believed all her ordered items were set to arrive this very day.  After we exchanged a couple more general pleasantries she handed me my receipt (or did she put it in the bag? I honestly can’t remember) and then I left to go to another to buy an item this clothing store did not have.  

I really want to see that one [with the one from LU (Oh Sadika, the one with the Fire one was great!)]!

Well I just burst into tears again. seems I do that at least once an hour these days.  This time it was the Martika song Love Thy Will Be Done which brought on the wetworks.  Beautiful tune that gets me every time. 

Cyrk Zalewski has the answers I seek.  

I need to write a scene with some prostitutes.  I need to read more Jack Ketchum novels.  I need to buy a carton of Neapolitan ice cream.  I am utterly fascinated by Neapolitan ice cream.  

I’m betting in 50 years, it will be seen as one of the greatest of all time.  

I kept saying oh my SD150 because I am a supreme idiot!  What I meant was oh my PD150!  PD150!  

Corn cob holders were made so you wouldn’t burn your hands on corn on the cob.  There are no easy answers in this life.  I have to get my ice cream as late in the day as possible.  I was able to find a proper carton of Neapolitan for a single instant my life was complete.  I listened to Kylie Minogue and before that Blur and after that David Bowie and sometime within all that I listened to some other things too.  My taste is so eclectic I like to brag about it and laugh at the shitty tastes of other, lesser, individuals.  

Genetics. That’s what it all came down to recently.  Do you understand?  A colorful beverage the likes of which he never orders and plentiful genetics.  But that’s not quite the right word.  It’s more like an abbreviated yet alternate version of the word which would be more applicable.  And from that the joys of experience.  And a dream which has never been real but could it be a possibility?  Maybe from across the table over festivities there was a mutual imagining.  Flesh colored.  Or black. He never knew it was black until it was explained to him.  I always thought you knew it was me!  I need to watch more Cassavettes movies.  I need to drink more booze.  I started reading Dune recently.  I enjoyed the first two chapters.  So much so that I think I’ll read the rest of the book!  For my bookmark I’m using a ticket stub for the movie Justice League.  I was pleased to find a theatre which projected the film in its proper aspect ratio.  I’m a huge aspect ratio buff.  

When I woke up this morning I felt so awful.  the sky was grey as ever and part of me loves that.  I realized I wanted to sleep forever.  It was early but I desperately needed a drink.  I repeated a mantra about wishing for death and wondered what this was all for and why my life is so utterly pointless.  I despise myself and often present with suicidal ideation but I’m not yet convinced it isn’t just an act.  In a dream the night before a robot which looked an awful lot like Sean Penn broke both my knees.  I imagine that would be a surreal and unpleasant experience.  

I can’t think of Sean without thinking of Kate.  So I think of something awful and then I think of something wonderful.  Not so bad then.  Story of my life really.  Story of my utterly miserable, worthless life.  That south scene.  Purple I think.  One on top of the other (must be mindful of censors).  Glorious.  Such anger.  I’ve never seen the movie Monster’s Ball.  Sorry all you Ball fans out there.  I just never got around to it.  I need to obtain a bunch of tapes.  But how to transfer the information?  Nothing adds up.  the more discover the less I want to know.  

Regina made things okay for a while.  Sleeves are everything. Flesh colored.  Black.  Turquoise.  Lavender.  For a brief time he could forget about everything.  

I consumed devilled ham as part of my breakfast meal.  I drank black because I forgot I wanted to drink tea.  Stupid me. Stupid idiot me!  

I have suspicions as the reason why.  I would like to think I’m like the dreamer but I don’t know if that is the case.  I need to spend 10 minutes sweeping the floor.  Frank’s quest is somewhat relatable.  Or is it?  it looks like she won another fight.  This is pleasing to see.  Thoughts began to race.  He deserves it and yet he doesn’t deserve it.  I forgot about Ataxia yet again.  I so wish everyone would just leave me alone.  

I need to buy some pie and decaf coffee.  I think I’ll some (sweet) cherry pie, lemon meringue, banana cream, key lime, boysenberry, cookies and cream and classic chocolate.  Then I’ll consume pie while drinking decaf coffee while watching a specific program.  Then maybe afterward I’ll fling myself into the river.  Then folks can throw a party.  

1999 is one of my favorite albums of all time.  Thick and beautiful electronic infused Minneapolis funk.  A benchmark.  A watermark (another album I love).  Stone cold classic.  Goodbye my son.  Meaningless revelation.  That’s how it’s done.  Not like being chopped in half.  I think I need to shower and shave now.  I’d like to see that new Woody Allen picture and a couple other pictures but oh dearie me I don’t think I’ll have the time.  I never get tired of the drive through the woods, the entrance to the hotel, the electricity, the exit to the hotel, the courtyard, the re-entrance and then the steaming British and Southern teapot.  It haunts me.  Nothing closer to my heart than a good cup of British char.  

I’m preparing a gorgeous quinoa dinner tonight.  It is my first time trying quinoa.  I’ve no idea what to expect but I’m betting it will be truly epic.  I cannot think myself.  Anyone who’s been following my work will no doubt guess the true reasons behind my imminent consumption of quinoa.  

The man of mail recently arrived.  I’m looking forward to a couple more Godard flicks and Abel’s cult classic (which I’ve never seen) and Hooper’s Cannon film (one of them).  I feel so odd right now.  I’ve not been balancing things well internally.  Maybe I should take up smoking?  A gift also arrived.  Not sure I am.  

The Most Violent.  Thunda ocean.  The Most Violent inspires such….  Deep blacks.  Aquatic life.  I have such impurities.  Stabbing me in the back.  The sounds.  Brutal and dominant.  And then so fragile and lovely.  sadistic.  Wonderful lust.  You want to be extreme?  

Happy birthday to The ‘Berg and Sono; two of the greats!

LJR

There were more things that happened.  That’s for damn for sure.  There were more things that happened like ballerinas and quinoas.  I woke this morning and felt so disgusted to be in my body.  I need to scream and lash out but I cannot.  I’m only happy when I’m drinking.  If you want me I’ll be at the bar.  Oh my SD150!!!  You are the dream now!  Spectral energy rising from a large ironing board.  I should have listened to a friend.  That sentence doesn’t really mean anything to anyone, least of all me.  Oh what a miserable person I am.  I am truly deeply unhappy but it’s only because I hate everyone in the world.  I need to start designing my own furniture.  Then I’m going to start sending videotapes to myself.  You don’t know what the word depth means.  Its not what you think.  Is today the day I start reading the book Dune?  You know, I think it just might be.  I would like to throw off the rusty shackles of my pathetic responsibilities and be free!  But freedom is not meant for someone like me.  For the gift, I opted for the non collector’s edition.  I went cheap. A cheap gift for a cheap bastard.  Fuck!  No one provides any support.  Folding clothes.  I need those clothes folded now!  You are going to be so sorry one day for the way you treated us.  Do you remember who said that?  An ugly, awful, atrocious unholy thing.  Not a person, a thing.  A disgusting thing.  I should just move out to the wine country area of California and be done with it.  how did those shoes get over there?  I gotta quite my fob.  No my  job, mind you, that’s what Laura needs to do (when she’s not confusing ketchup with blood), but my fob!  I think it was lost in a rain puddle somewhere but if I do my finger trick I should be able to find it.  the man who did the finger trick also sought fame by being complicit in some copycat crimes.  Those torches are scary.  Digital’s uneasy relationship with light, eh?  It is lovely.  yuck, I sure do hate the mornings.  Luckily, I ordered a couple more Godard films which should help me get through things.  just a little bit more of my miserable and utterly worthless life.  One day at a time!  One fun at a time!  Why is the sun only shining on my eyes?  Yessir, I sure do love this man of mine!  I have a bunch of wrist watches here in my jacket if you want to buy one.  

The code word was peanut butter.  Would you remember that?  Probably not but that’s okay. Orange shirt.  Black pants.  Peach.  Delicious.  That last sentence is not complete but the true answers can easily be found elsewhere.  It was the quote of the day and the beginning of something controlling terrible and beautiful.  Pillow over the head.  We are all evil.  There is something quite vampiric taking place.  You’re just a junkie.  I’m going to show you how weak you are.  Rhapsody in Blue.  Peach.  We will meet one evening there and take off our masks.  You seem like a really nice person.  I have utterly failed.  Coastal Culture needs to make a comeback.  Ripe for dismissal.  I like that phrase.  

So I showed up around midday and I was smack dab in the middle of the thick of it all but it was actually quite fortuitous.  Lovely to look at in many respects.  Several nice artistic flourishes.  It’s only an island if you look at it from the water.  Island was his favorite.  But only to a point.  Issues given lip service and then not extrapolated on.  Interesting issues but nothing more than service of lip.  Potential lost.  Inland empire connections but more special.    Something underground.  Mirrors.  This was generous.  But my desired path led to nowhere.  A minor arc for the charismatic one.  Everyone else stagnant.  The end is the beginning.  Needless largely?  Lovely looks again.  red salt.  Too much self sacrifice.  Awful casino zone and animal stampedes.  Needless fading.  What do originals mean these days?  The death of the beloved admiral.  It seems much of it is already fading away.  Somewhere in the midst and thick of things is something very prime and unique.  But not grasped at all.  still, I need repetition.  Things may dramatically increase or decrease with repetition.  But I always have a super awesome great time no matter what!  Gotta stay positive so I hope everyone was filled with pure love.  I hope everyone jumped with glee.  I did love the nests.  Nests are very cute.  

My heart was all over the place last night.  

Whoops!  A case of you made me cry again (need more version stat!)

I need to pen a tone poem about the failure of my life.  Then maybe I’ll write a critique of that tone poem.  Is there a chemical balance going on?!  Speaking of all that, the soundtrack to Mann’s Miami Vice really is quite good.  Not sure about Li’s line readings though.  Of that I am just not sure.  

That’s right, we were both there at the grand opening.  Fittingly awkward because I am fittingly awful.  can that $14 please be the last?  No more self control.  The death of everything.  stop fucking with me.  The only joke is that if I did it no one would actually care.  So would there be any meaning behind it?  volleyball was quite the sport back in the day and we all know the reason why.  She prevented my band’s big performance with joyous venom.  Red sweater if I recall.  Former companion loved her.  I did too eventually.  And then there was awkward confrontation.  And the sweet girlfriend of the guitarist overheard.  But we got over it.  or did we?  I think so. Warm hands.  Not clammy.  Just warm.  My gosh, what that who he saw at that conglomerate collection the other day?!  Could it be true?  And he as ugly as ever.  uglier!  So there you have it, my thoughts in a shell of nut!  Red guys finally seen were cool.  Loved all the red.  Surprises added up to knot(s on a counting rope).  

Everything is increasingly grey.  I’d like to just go back to sleep.  

In the end it really all does come back to the pretty body of land surrounded by water.  Rhapsody in blue.  Peach.  Nicest person.  All angling.  We’re all just anglers.  

She was hiding the money between the sole of her nylon clad foot and the bottom inside of her cream colored high heeled shoe.  $25.  That’s also the price of a new plate.  

That Michelle Branch song still kicks beautiful ass!  

She’s….

And that’s why I always make sure to buy and drink that type of juice!  Because of the hot pants!!!  

Cela

So I was completely wrong.  I gave Danny Elfman’s score for Justice League a good couple listens the other day and found the music to actually be quite stirring.  I’d previously classified this work as minor Elfman but I dare say it is a good deal better than that.  Upon listening to the music I realized how much of it I did enjoy while watching the film though I suppose I was concentrating more on the imagery, characterization and general fanboy reaction to certain things that I was unable to properly gauge the music’s effectiveness both within context of the movie and as an enjoyable listen in and of itself.  But there are some rousing marches here, some lush melodies and strong creative themes for the characters.  Listenting to the score in this way I was also much more able to appreciate how Elfman incorporated earlier themes for Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman into this score, to great effect!  I reiterate that the Wonder Woman (which I’ve never been big on) has never sounded so good as it does here.  And of course, John Williams’ Superman theme and Elfman’s own Batman theme are always welcomes additions.  To any score for that score!  I want those themes in every score for every movie from here on out!  

Camille Paglia’s commentary track for Basic Instinct is a fascinating and insightful thing.  Its refreshing to hear a feminist perspective on such a controversial work, especially from someone who also seems to be quite a cinema enthusiast.  I must give it a closer listen while consuming large quantities of alcohol (simply because I use alcohol as a crutch for everything in my miserable day to day life).  

That uploaded Fri program looks perfection.  That pin.  Mar (missing letters here), better and better. 

Not nurturing.  Is that opposite what we usually attribute to…and what he desires?  Does he desire that?  Do I?  Odd thoughts during these nights. He was being cared for on an island.  I had a dream last night that I was driving rather furiously through the night. I was taking some turns a little too sharply.  Suddenly the road narrowed exponentially.  I was unable to slow down in time and there I flew off what appeared to be an extremely high cliff.  I remember seeing weeds at night.  I had a second to wonder how awful this was going to be and visualize some consequences to my physical self.  My heart beating very fast.  My breathing very fast.  I was quite scared. Perhaps something felt good though.  I’m not sure that I wasn’t at least a little disappointed upon waking up.  

At this world of men and their tools.  I think about cows using tools.  As a child I was certain brown cows made chocolate milk.  But oh how wrong I was.  Life’s hard.  I love Thief and Manhunter.  And the music behind them.  Need to revisit.  Probably prefer Manhunter.  Love the colors in both of those.  Fucking gorgeous cinematrography. The tiger scene.  It means so damn much!  So damn much!  tonight, my take home pay $410,000.  Tax free of course.  I need to listen to Scott Walker albums again!  Those old familiar cravings are coming back.  Then maybe afterward I’ll sit on a flag pole or two or convert myself into a dwarf star!  Such is the nature of wisdom.  

I don’t even know anymore.  I consumer runny eggs and steaming black coffee for breakfast.  Overall, I found it to be satisfying.  My vinyl copy of Blue by Joni Mitchell played in the background.  A Case of You has some of my favorite lyrics of all time.  That song makes me weep every time I hear it; massive crocodile tears.  Blue is a great color.  Blue Velvet.  Terciopelo Azul.  Hopper was the best.  Prime Lynch.  Oh my SD150!!!  That’s for all you continuity nuts out there.

What awful wastes we all are.  Everyone and their miserable useless

lives.  Laughing.  Fucking.  Not understanding anything.  I didn’t understand week end at all.
Accountant is a very respectable position.  I strong encourage it.  I believe in you.  I know you can.  I have incentives for believing but my belief is no less real for it.  right there, retrieving the leftovers.  Glorious.  So black.  Watch your step.  Over the shoulder.  

My Rhapsody in Blue returned to me.  How appropriate.  I am a terrible.  I think I wished to die recently.  But the returns.  It was a lovely.  a wink and a smile.  A breath and a…!!!  we must follow that advice and see it all.  See the world!  Quit touching yourself and do something!  Just do some fucking thing!  Pillow over the head.  Awful learned behavior.  Are we born evil?  We are awful things.  What am I looking for?  A baby chicken.  Still have to do a bit of shopping.  No charge for the coffee. Lots of chocolates so I don’t reek of booze.  

Those red life legs are going to be the death of me!  If only!  Only.  Only.  Only.  

I’m seeing the new Star Wars movie today, of that much I am certain.  That Blur album is shaping up nicely.  The Celebration is beautiful.  I mean the aesthetics.  The look.  Digital awesomeness.  And I forgot 28 Days Later.  How could I forget?  I’ll tell you how!  It’s because I’m a fucking moron.  And such a fucking loser [mmm, but you can be my loser, she said (does it count since it was largely at my behest?  Of course it does!  Everything is false!)]  With Teeth is an extremely important formative album for yours falsely.  Only.  Only.  Only.  Love it.  Live it too!  I was watching on the day she died.  You didn’t believe me about the scratch, did you?  And after all the coin I’ve sunk into that miserable fucking place!   

Executrix.  What a lovely word.  Sometimes gentle.  I don’t have all the money in the world.  And then things get mixed up. The Master of Languages.  I am the driving force behind my maladies.  The neck ties.  One and the same?  The Master of Languages.  The Accountant (not that shitty Affleck thing).  The Rhapsody in Blue.  O.  I had to write only water for so long.  I may need to do so again.  I’d like to think we’ll meet again somewhere where we can take off ours masks.  He may be crazy at that point.  Tears running down my face whilst I laugh.  Thought all about scissors.  Forced.  

Quit eating dirt!  You need something more rich in vitamins and minerals!  Without minerals we would all turn into marshmallow popsicles!  

So, do you like your coffee [(not picky, fishes and fences)+(for lack of a better title)]

I’d forgotten what a great song Limo Wreck is!  Cool bassline too!  All those pug and foot fetish videos (oh the glorious hosiery!) must have distracted me!  12 beat thing wrapping around 15 bars or something!  I have trouble with all time signatures because I’m a terrible magician!  And a terrible musician for that matter!  Need to read some penguin paperbacks about magicians at sunrise.  Pop by U2 is a very interesting album!  Haven’t decided what I feel about it even all these miserable decades later.  If God Would Send His Angels is beautiful though, that’s for sure.  Listened to the Joni Mitchell album Hejira yesterday while driving through grey and then pink skies.  Joni’s work is growing on me in leaps and bounds.  Beautiful bass playing on that album too! Our boy Jaco if I’m not mistaken.  Loved that Nine Inch Nails rehearsal video that was posted the other day.  These EP’s have been great.  Groovy lighting and photography too on that one. The Day I Tried to Live has even more great bassmanship!  Shepherd, you’re killing me here!  Sumptuous playing!  

Ah, everything is going all blue and pixilated right now.  We’re at the turn, love it.  The feel of the Precision in my hands is so inspirational.  As is Unknown Pleasures.  They go hand in hand.  Someone keeps shining a flashlight in my face.  Primitive but innovative.  At the same time.  Perfection.  Our Mother is there on the back.  Colorful and caring and emblazoned on a humble stick of wood.  John Frusciante’s solo albums are beautiful.  It’s hard to pick a favorite but I love the raw beauty of his debut.  The interviews and footage are tragic; the music the pure sound of a tortured self destructive and dying soul.  Really great guitar playing too.  

I need to start listening to my Savina Yannatou albums again!  I’d forgotten how vital and beautiful that music and especially her voice is!  

You know I’m a bad writer for how often I fall back on using the word beautiful!  The Maries of the world. I wonder how that sounds.  

Is that next to last song played on a fretless bass?!  I love like suicide.  

I was looking through the glass and someone who looked familiar was looking back at me but he or she could not actually see me and in the end I could never be sure if that person was really the person I knew or someone who looked exactly the same but was actually from another dimension or another time.  

The O writings are amongst my very favorite.  It was necessary.  I thank you again, John, for the needed idea.  It worked as much as could possibly be hoped for.  Yet, she is still present.  It is not bad though.  He may again know himself.  he may again know her.  I deleted the photos but they exist somewhere.  White and red on Valentine’s Day (he’s got something to say).  Heston?  

I keep waiting to see if the mythical city of gold has been cancelled.  

The bunnies in the red room with the cross on the wall and carrying those candles still frighten me.  Then I realize it’s not a cross.  

I love the album Body Count released this year.  Bloodlust has been a mainstay in my car and my posh flat since the day I purchased it.  It’s a real raw and uncompromising and vital release, really tapping into the vein of the cultural zeitgeist!  Just really tapping the fucking shit out of that fucker!  Yeah!  Love it!  

The UPS man showed up at my doorstop recently (was it the middle of the night?!) and I realized for the second time I knew him well.  I’m sorry I wasn’t quick enough with those pull boxes!  I truly am sorry!  Please forgive me!  Still, you didn’t have to be so damn snarky about it!  it was a good boxing match though, wasn’t it?!  Oh, what a world!  And what a writer (Patterson!)!  
But what did this tall man bring?  He’s not actually that tall but his name evokes that response from me.  Of course, he brought me Jodorowsky’s new film Endless Poetry.  I’ve been renewing my Jodorowsky love and am excited to dive into his latest work (still need to check out the Dune documentary).  Love Streams.  It’s time to do that deep dive into Cassavetes work and this is as good an entry point as any.  Or is it?  A single disc edition which has Hostel and Hostel Part 2.  Alas, I did not read the fine print and now I see this disc omits all the special features which would be found on their individual releases.  Roth does great commentaries.  Worry not though because I can regift this particular disc to a short but proud and overall great man.  I think he’ll enjoy it.  Danny Elfman’s score for Justice League (also includes the pop songs which were featured in the film including a great cover of Leonard Cohen’s Everybody Knows by Sigrid.  I’m looking forward to filling my driving space and living hole with Elfman’s orchestral stabs (the Wonder Woman theme never sounded better).  After seeing the film twice it does feel like minor Elfman but minor Elfman is still a great listen.  And lastly Blur’s classic album Parklife.  I must confess to being a Blur newbie and most of this album is a mystery to me but I am eager to remedy this.  Also, the lyric books seems to have some of the chords written down next to lyrics so I’ll be interested to see if I can works some of these songs out on the bass.  I doubt it, he said.  

I sometimes go by the name snake.  I’d forgotten my receipt book you see.  She made me nervous.  Pregnant?  Need to watch Barry Lyndon again.  and some documentaries.  I cannot dance like the little man.  Allgoodthings.  That did the job today.  It was perfunctory.  Evaporating satisfaction.  I don’t mind perfunctory.  I may go back to that ugly city this weekend.  Of the entryways, I have 1 of 6, 4 of 6 and 6 of 6.  I think it’s time to fill in some of those odd numbers.  The odds on favorite is 2 of 6 but 5 of 6 could certainly pull off an upset win.  Only time will tell.  Time, patience, the right berries.  

pulling the screwdriver out of my stomach (all yellow and wavy!).

Still waiting on an HD release of Dangerous Minds.  I adore that film.  I watched a Godard movie last night.  I adore Godard.  

I keep wondering what’s going to happen if I reach the end of my life and realize it was all a dream.  

Why disembowel him, he wondered?  Don’t forget about the fish and eggs.  It’s good to eat healthy.  I exchanged one form of grunginess for the other.  Superunknown is a difficult album but a formative one for me.  A touch of black would be nice, eh?  Weekend was very daring.  

There was no sound as the bones broke.  This was a most startling enterprise (no allusions here).  He considered how all the fantasies predated this twisting, this language of terror and tears and awful distortions of the flesh and bone.  Is the end of her era?  Like climbing up to the top of the Empire State Building.  Beauty.  But not yet dead.  

Will the ancient ocean be my brother?  When I wake up in the morning it still looks like night.  I love to kiss midnight.  There is an ancient prince waiting somewhere.  That lake was covered in ice.  The skies are eternally grey and I would not wish for anything else.  I think a drum roll may signal the end of things yet I do not feel a bit uneasy.  I could only sigh in the end at the rampant excuses.  What sad creatures we all are.  

The only way to overcome the horror of the bourgeois is with more horror.  Brad Pitt’s performance in 12 Monkeys is possibly the only performance of his I’ve ever truly liked.  I’m reading a short book right now and I may read another short book when I finish this one or maybe I’ll read a long one.  Why do things always end with a proverbial bloodbath?  As far as elseworlds go I’ve always been of the one where he is a vampire.  I knew a songwriter named Ben who tell them to string em up and grab the wire.  

That gummy bear was utterly spent.  I love to shove multiple gummy bears into my mouth.  Multiple fierce explosions were provoked by The Jackal, The Most Violent and The Darkest.  Corruption, seediness, sweat and so much denier.  I should have taken up that career as a commercial fisherman.  Flesh on flesh.

That reminds of the song And God Created Woman by Prince and featured on The Love Symbol album.  That is one of my favorite albums of all time, containing such beauty and reach.  Desert island disc.  That song is smack dab in the middle of the ending quarter of perfection, beginning with a Biblical number and ending funky biographical date and more Biblical allusions.  I did not have any cream in my coffee this morning.

Superunknown sounds great on vinyl.  Get it in wax says I!  I’m a waxman (and the clown).  I just did a very poor job playing along on bass guitar with My Wave and Fell on Black Days and it felt great.  Lovely tunes.  Evocative as fuck!  

Let’s Play Two!  It’s time to renew my love of The Jam (as the great writer Ed would say).  
It feels good this morning.  The grey ambience really works.  Time to paint?  All these electronic mechanisms; the retracting arm is key.  If only we could all just smoke and drink coffee and paint and read books and watch films and love everything.  I don’t understand anything but I think that would be right!  Or would it?  The one with the rain and the turquoise car would be excellent right now.  

Dreaming of You by Selena is another one of those utterly perfect pop love songs.  It brings me to tears every time I hear it.  

Oh boy, I’m about to watch Inland Empire again!  I can’t be stopped.  It can’t be stopped!  The digital ugliness is so beautiful!  It’s so harsh and gorgeous!  I want to live inside the non-celluloid.  That dogme one may be up next.  Maybe that will give me more of my standard addiction!  One can only hope!  At least no hypnotizing phantoms are chasing me (yet!)!  I wonder if I’m still able to order any of that signature coffee?!  That would surely make the experience even more pleasurable!  Pure pleasure!  Original Doberman!  Automatic writing, as the kids say!  I always forget about Ataxia!  That red lamp at the strip club was eerily familiar.  All those one way straights and the giant milk jug really confuse my easily confused stupid ass self!  

Who knows how it will be but I’ll be watching Black Lightning.  

The ring fell on the ground.  

Was this all a blip in her mind?  Maybe I was nothing more than a blip in her mind.  Trying to decide between a drink later on and no drink.  Decisions decisions.  I referred to him as the prince of puzzles but my proclamation fell on death ears.  You called me the better friend and I was too polite to argue.  

I would like both of them to be ready by Christmas but I’m not sure that it is possible.  Still, I suspect at least can be completed and submitted by that time.  I am leaving the band.  It feels good.  I am being drawn to something else.  I am neither resisting nor indulging at this point.  Did I get that right?  I’m never sure.  A habitual nothingness keeps invading.  The bass is so much more improved on this pressing than to what I am accustomed.  Is Shepherd underrated?  Hard to say.  He’s quite skilled though though often not given many favors in the mix.  Is mud the design?  Certainly more mud as opposed to the sludge of Chains.  I love how long he waits to change his strings! I’m the same way though that has more to due with general laziness to say nothing of that fact that I don’t have a lick of natural talent on the instrument!  

And the night before?  Power in the number three being that it is a prime number.  Technology prevented proper indulgent exploration.  New face but not so new anymore.  A lot of altitude to hold the taser nunchukus.  This was the thought at the forefront of his miserable brain.  That and the glorious black constriction.  Very dark and lovely.  and then the third for the surprise attack like a massive forklift arm.  And afterward all around the pillar.  

They’ll kill us both if you—! 

I like when the ice explodes in the hot mockolate!

I find it rich, rewarding and increasingly necessary to start my day off with a steaming cup of mud and Adamari’s gorgeous gams.  They are life affirming.  They are everything.  Magenta this morning.  Please remove them.  I strongly desire slavery.  For myself of course.  I’m not making any sort of political statement here.  I don’t get political.  If denier were introduced into the mix the resulting combination would highly explosive and utterly unstoppable.  One day, may I see this wettest of dreams become a reality?  Only time will tell.  Time.  patience.  The right berries.  

I had an overwhelming urge to listen to Sly and the Family Stone’s classic 1969 album Stand! on vinyl this morning but I don’t actually own that one on vinyl so I was left wanting.  Still I remain,ever vigilant, ever waiting for signs of threats extraterrestrial.  

The digital video is enchanting.  You’ll know what I’m talking about later on.  It is so very enchanting.  Filler.  I need to go back to those dogme (sic) films and catch up.  then  I need to hitchhike on over to ye olde conglomerate and bite the bullet the same way my faithful comrade in arms did.  Everything is better through the glass.  There are no limits anymore.  We can only see the worst in ourselves.  Its very logical.  Put your fingers in the dirt.  Going to order more Abel soon.  As long as I keep drinking coffee maybe that’s the only thing I need to emulate.  I definitely don’t have the hair for it.  

It’s a most interesting holiday.  I should not allow myself to indulge.  My reward will be watching a Lynch documentary today.  I deserve so little.  I’m being encouraged to look for kindness but I don’t know where to start.  

I need to catch a big fish.  I think a local bookstore can assist me with this. Then I’m going to shell out my life savings to hear a word which will unlock all the mysteries of the universe (shame my particle accelerator is in the shop otherwise I could just use that).  I need to reread The Soft Machine very soon.  Maybe whilst reading it I’ll also listen to Pretty Hate Machine!  

I watched a movie about the forbidden dance of Lambada last night.  there still remains one more film to watch on this topic.  I am just starting to catch up with Cannon films.  I wish the calls would stop.  The incessant neediness.  Everyone bothering me, talking to me.  Why, oh why.  

We need to put together a library replete with Swiss skin.  Perhaps I can produce Fellini’s next film as well.  I’ve been drinking a lot of hot cocoa lately.  Black cobras unexpectedly fill the glass as he is once more shamefully controlled by a smaller agent.  Are these the mythical glass traps?  And that tinfoil hair.  Accuracy abounds.  However I do not think we will be gods, certainly not I.  And beauty would never be so kind.  We are controlled by terrible things.   in a sense I am always waiting on Luciano.  It’s been this way for untold years.  Trudging through the snow in the hopes of finding a big brown truck.  One piece.  Still need to read something to that effect.  The first few.  The Jackal had me.  Then, now and forever.  I need to eat something soon.  Maybe grab a café.  I don’t know much of anything.  

Cannon is an utterly inspiring story.  

I think I’ll have to watch Inland Empire 17 times in a row.  It’s on right now.  I think I love Inland Empire.  But I’m not really sure.  I’m not sure of anything.  Caroline Knapp is a good writer.  To my knowledge she had nothing to do with Inland Empire.  

Perhaps something has died deep inside.  

That Altman film is still bouncing around my brain.  I think I need to watch it again and seek out similar fare.  It haunts me!  Haunts!!  

Could the Showtime Twin Peaks series be my favorite thing ever?  I’m not sure. Only time will tell.  But which time?  The past or the present?  Or somewhere in the future?  What year is this?!  

The PD150.  Oh my PD150!  Is this the connection I’ve desperately sought!?  Driving around from Station to Station and the 3 and 3 are perfect, just perfect sides, the perfect amount (it would later recall a Blackstar though that was a decidedly more Biblical 7 as opposed to two 3’s!)!  But therein, as we were inhaling the floor and running from our man-eating television it all became so clear!  Through space and time and through the cosmos he sang about his simultaneous love and fear through a glorious letter and number combination (it begins one side, but one with a 2) and now I may have one of my own!  Proconsumer!  That’s what I am.  So much Sony product placement in this post!  I’m just a corporate shill!  I wouldn’t have it any other way!  Yes!  Oh my PD150!!! Oh oh!  PD150!  

We became different people as we engaged in intercourse.  The room turned from blue to black.  I can’t force any happy endings.  

There are squishy cats on the shrubbery.  The music by the same man is questionable.  Very.  In comparison to the celluloid.  I appreciate the passion.  No Rodriguez.  He is not.  Still, what a grandiose ambitious incredibly ugly beautiful thing.  I can’t take my burning eyes off it.  just as my hands stop working again.  I wish I could grab a coffee with Monica Bellucci in my dreams.  Maybe she could unravel some of the deepest mysteries of my utterly worthless life.  
You are so deeply inspiration. What would I do without you?  I need all of you.  he said a silent prayer the other day while on cold roads and wondered if it was blasphemous.  Is that the right word?  It did not feel bad at all.  who was listening and who was watching?  Does he crave a bit of comfort?  How sad.  

It was the barefoot match which caused the explosion.  Of course, they weren’t really barefoot at all.  Not truly.  And that’s the point.  The most violent.  And the darkness.  There was only a Jackal missing.  And a Huntress.  But those come later.  Many things will come later.  There is an awful cycle.  He is the reason and the assailant.  There are no victims in this.