I really want to see that one [with the one from LU (Oh Sadika, the one with the Fire one was great!)]!

Well I just burst into tears again. seems I do that at least once an hour these days.  This time it was the Martika song Love Thy Will Be Done which brought on the wetworks.  Beautiful tune that gets me every time. 

Cyrk Zalewski has the answers I seek.  

I need to write a scene with some prostitutes.  I need to read more Jack Ketchum novels.  I need to buy a carton of Neapolitan ice cream.  I am utterly fascinated by Neapolitan ice cream.  

I’m betting in 50 years, it will be seen as one of the greatest of all time.  

I kept saying oh my SD150 because I am a supreme idiot!  What I meant was oh my PD150!  PD150!  

Corn cob holders were made so you wouldn’t burn your hands on corn on the cob.  There are no easy answers in this life.  I have to get my ice cream as late in the day as possible.  I was able to find a proper carton of Neapolitan for a single instant my life was complete.  I listened to Kylie Minogue and before that Blur and after that David Bowie and sometime within all that I listened to some other things too.  My taste is so eclectic I like to brag about it and laugh at the shitty tastes of other, lesser, individuals.  

Genetics. That’s what it all came down to recently.  Do you understand?  A colorful beverage the likes of which he never orders and plentiful genetics.  But that’s not quite the right word.  It’s more like an abbreviated yet alternate version of the word which would be more applicable.  And from that the joys of experience.  And a dream which has never been real but could it be a possibility?  Maybe from across the table over festivities there was a mutual imagining.  Flesh colored.  Or black. He never knew it was black until it was explained to him.  I always thought you knew it was me!  I need to watch more Cassavettes movies.  I need to drink more booze.  I started reading Dune recently.  I enjoyed the first two chapters.  So much so that I think I’ll read the rest of the book!  For my bookmark I’m using a ticket stub for the movie Justice League.  I was pleased to find a theatre which projected the film in its proper aspect ratio.  I’m a huge aspect ratio buff.  

When I woke up this morning I felt so awful.  the sky was grey as ever and part of me loves that.  I realized I wanted to sleep forever.  It was early but I desperately needed a drink.  I repeated a mantra about wishing for death and wondered what this was all for and why my life is so utterly pointless.  I despise myself and often present with suicidal ideation but I’m not yet convinced it isn’t just an act.  In a dream the night before a robot which looked an awful lot like Sean Penn broke both my knees.  I imagine that would be a surreal and unpleasant experience.  

I can’t think of Sean without thinking of Kate.  So I think of something awful and then I think of something wonderful.  Not so bad then.  Story of my life really.  Story of my utterly miserable, worthless life.  That south scene.  Purple I think.  One on top of the other (must be mindful of censors).  Glorious.  Such anger.  I’ve never seen the movie Monster’s Ball.  Sorry all you Ball fans out there.  I just never got around to it.  I need to obtain a bunch of tapes.  But how to transfer the information?  Nothing adds up.  the more discover the less I want to know.  

Regina made things okay for a while.  Sleeves are everything. Flesh colored.  Black.  Turquoise.  Lavender.  For a brief time he could forget about everything.  

I consumed devilled ham as part of my breakfast meal.  I drank black because I forgot I wanted to drink tea.  Stupid me. Stupid idiot me!  

I have suspicions as the reason why.  I would like to think I’m like the dreamer but I don’t know if that is the case.  I need to spend 10 minutes sweeping the floor.  Frank’s quest is somewhat relatable.  Or is it?  it looks like she won another fight.  This is pleasing to see.  Thoughts began to race.  He deserves it and yet he doesn’t deserve it.  I forgot about Ataxia yet again.  I so wish everyone would just leave me alone.  

I need to buy some pie and decaf coffee.  I think I’ll some (sweet) cherry pie, lemon meringue, banana cream, key lime, boysenberry, cookies and cream and classic chocolate.  Then I’ll consume pie while drinking decaf coffee while watching a specific program.  Then maybe afterward I’ll fling myself into the river.  Then folks can throw a party.  

1999 is one of my favorite albums of all time.  Thick and beautiful electronic infused Minneapolis funk.  A benchmark.  A watermark (another album I love).  Stone cold classic.  Goodbye my son.  Meaningless revelation.  That’s how it’s done.  Not like being chopped in half.  I think I need to shower and shave now.  I’d like to see that new Woody Allen picture and a couple other pictures but oh dearie me I don’t think I’ll have the time.  I never get tired of the drive through the woods, the entrance to the hotel, the electricity, the exit to the hotel, the courtyard, the re-entrance and then the steaming British and Southern teapot.  It haunts me.  Nothing closer to my heart than a good cup of British char.  

I’m preparing a gorgeous quinoa dinner tonight.  It is my first time trying quinoa.  I’ve no idea what to expect but I’m betting it will be truly epic.  I cannot think myself.  Anyone who’s been following my work will no doubt guess the true reasons behind my imminent consumption of quinoa.  

The man of mail recently arrived.  I’m looking forward to a couple more Godard flicks and Abel’s cult classic (which I’ve never seen) and Hooper’s Cannon film (one of them).  I feel so odd right now.  I’ve not been balancing things well internally.  Maybe I should take up smoking?  A gift also arrived.  Not sure I am.  

The Most Violent.  Thunda ocean.  The Most Violent inspires such….  Deep blacks.  Aquatic life.  I have such impurities.  Stabbing me in the back.  The sounds.  Brutal and dominant.  And then so fragile and lovely.  sadistic.  Wonderful lust.  You want to be extreme?  

Happy birthday to The ‘Berg and Sono; two of the greats!