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Was watching The Dark Angel again.  And was momentarily happy.  Came out in purple which was new.  Looked lovely.  Put on a very good match.  Good opponent.  Good drama, good back and forth.  The Dark Angel retained which also made me very happy to see.  There was a nice little setup for a future match as well.  She received several good pops.  This push still seems to be very effective, going very well and is very deserved.  Promos are improving.  I won’t provide any criticism right now other than to reiterate that I really liked what I saw and it did me much good on a depressing evening.  Twas a little ray of light.  She seemed so genuinely happy when she retained.  I’m tired.  I drank a beer earlier.  You know me, big beer drinker.  Johnny  Impotency here again, doing whatever.  I often find that I’m too ubiquitous in my own life.  I’m just staying the course but pushing through it.  way out is.  I’m doing it though.  I was once again in the presence of The Symbol of Purity.  Can’t spend the rest of my life eating my own guts though.  Or can I ?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Pink.  Lovely pink.  Too tired now. just want a hand on the shoulder.  just want a hug.  No sections brings the trouble.  Plateaued in the sense of properness.  Course staying is what my life has always been about.  Things will transform into calmer things . secret life of plants to my left.  Still wishing to see someone on a fast moving European train. Found an old receipt in a French book of poetry.  The hours toil away into the night.  I’m a terrible writer.  it’s exorcising though.  It’s bringing him closer.   The timing was off but she still said hi to him anyway which made him feel good.  He was staring at her beautiful ass some of the time which also made him feel good.  The other night I went to sleep because it seemed better than being awake.  Maybe orange tomorrow morning as I am seen in profile.  Through these things I can beat the depression.  Berlin.  Yes, idiot.  And Legion and Fantastic Four comics.  Tired tears in my eyes now.  maybe time to dig out Francoise again.  All the old familiar emotions.  Don’t come any closer.  Shake baby shake.  Not what you think.  I was listening to a song about a car to offer me some comfort.  finished reading an utterly fantastic novel earlier today.  It has a pretty green cover.  Or does it? the more I learn the less I want to know.  Gotta push some paper around soon.  trying to remember the last time somebody apologized to me.  do narcissists make good partners?  I think Dream Girl was my favorite during The Great Darkness Saga.  I would like to reread that soon.  or would i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Gonna drink some wine soon.  I’d be even more of a useless hopeless mess if without writing.  Would like to reread The Tommyknockers soon.  and once the weather heats up even more I need to read a Clive Barker book.  YOU CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!!!  Bit of a windy day.  heated.  But windy.  Nice weather, eh?  Balloons and watering the greenery.  Milkshakes, someone said while wandering around in a lovely foreign city.  Whatever you think it’s worth.  I just took a tremendous crap.  I am left confused.  I am The Bitter One.  well, it’s as good a name as any.  Of course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper.  Elated when responsibilities were fulfilled which yielded in an excess of time.  raced!  I am The Bitter One.  I am the villain of the piece.  Remember how they were chatting and he said he considered calling himself Mr. Coffee back in the day then they cracked up.  Haha, that was great (if slightly derivative of Killing).  Pizza and twenty dollars.  I should have called myself Mr. Coffee but instead I am The Bitter One.  I am so confused.  Brightening up as things finish off.  which makes sense in a way.  Remember that novel?  Remember the joys of crossing streets at odd angles?  Of course the joys of the last hour of the day phenomenon that exists in every office and which can also be applied to all types of social situations including romantic ones.  makes sense in that sense.  Blunt, straight forward.  There are reports to be done.  I understand.  Much of my life has been spent writing reports.  All kinds of reports.  If only I could have been in Tangier and strung out while writing some of those reports.  Eye contact has me.  YOU CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!!!  Time and again.  He’ll stay clean tonight.  He’s disappeared several times before and he can do it again!  Probably go for a jog later.  He’s the kind of guy who can’t take a hint.  Always gets distorted.  Always gets turned into a mystery to unravel.  But there is no mystery, see?  It’s all blatantly obvious and he just doesn’t want to see it.  I’M EVIL I’M EVIL I’M EVIL!!!  I was looking at a woman recently who was wearing a couple different layers of hosiery.  I drank a beer recently.  I predict that tomorrow is going to be a boring day.  found a book of poems recently that’s been helping me out.  The words are printed on that flimsy newspaper style paper that discolors quickly and smells so good.  I was reading in the sun and smelling the pages and it smelled so good.  But I bet her feet in pantyhose after the end of a hard workday would smell even better.  Or her glorious derriere as it crushes my face and while she berates me.  can’t remember very many other words.  Oh, now I do.  relating future plans.  Last minute desperation to evoke.  It’s all winding down which is good.  Push through.  My mouth is very dry. 

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Smelled like soap.  I’m probably going to buy a planner today.  It will be a sensible purchases that will help me plan things.  my stomach is going all wrong.  Need to order some t-shirts too.  I’m really enjoying the book I’m reading now. or am i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  I drank sitting down next to a woman last night who had really nice thighs.  We talked about random life bullshit.  It was clear that neither one of us is really going anywhere.  In life.  was hoping to get a good lead on a mystery but she did not have any tea to spill.  At one point I asked the bartender for a screwdriver but he made me a greyhound by mistake.  Another bartender noticed and mocked him in a friendly way.  The first bartender repeatedly asked if I wanted him to make me a new one.  I tried to stress that I was fine with the greyhound and the mix really didn’t matter to me at all but he was so consumed by guilt that he couldn’t accept this answer and so he finally made me a screwdriver when I was already halfway through the greyhound.  This was during the morning hours, closing time as it were.  Nothing else really happened at the bar that I can recall.  Lot of people on the mend there.  lot of people who have been on the mend before.  We’re all running to catch up to the wagon.   I look better than some and worse than others but it’s all just varying degrees of bad so what does it really matter?  heard a song I liked this morning.  Fantasized about being stabbed in the back.  tomorrow I would like to wake up earlier than necessary.  Let’s see if I have what it takes.  Probably not.  As ever, I don’t have the chops . I can’t cut the mustard.  One of my big plans for today (other than the cheap planner) is to eat a slice of pizza . are there no limits to what I can accomplish?  Already, I’m doubting my pizza plan.  It’s because I don’t have the chops.  I can’t cut the mustard.  I’m such an incompetent piece of shit.  Maybe if I had that planner I would write down the pizza plan in it and then have the balls to actually go through with it.  can’t believe it’s going to be tomorrow at some point.  There’s my Sheena Easton collection.  I was looking all over for it.  it was pretty close to my Kylie Minogue collection.  Or was it?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Exciting update!  I went to an office supplies store and looked everywhere for a planner.  The vast majority of them were for planners for 2026 despite only being a little more than halfway through the fifth month of 2025.  I was able to find a few planners that were combination 2025/2026 however all of those began in July of 2025, leaving out the entirety of May and June (and also the first four months of the year).  As part of the reason of this planner is to accurately map gathered intelligence I need this month and the previous month.  I looked around the store to see if there was perhaps a discounted section of crap nobody wanted anymore but to no avail!  I left frustrated and hating my dumb fucking loser self more than ever and my ability to successfully see a plan through to fruition.  Then I went to amazon on my cellular and ordered a cheap 2025 planner that features all 12 months of the year, even the ones that have already come and gone and the one that is currently in progress.  It is set to arrive in two days.  this made me feel a little bit better and I look forward to its arrival.  Or do i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Awful number just now.  then I returned to a Shangri-La I’ve been frequenting a great deal lately.  Pink. There was a lot of pink.  Metallic.  Chrome.  Trying to understand if there are links here.  no complaints.  Lovely as ever.              YOU CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!!!  Frequency was learned.  Four in one.  four in one.  sometimes.  Lovely day then.  No rain to call it.  up and up and down, very quick, then water, sustenance and time to serve.  Fantasized about pink cotton panties.  Fantasized about light blue and light green cotton panties.  Update on the poor bastard who was ditched by all his friends on his birthday: he was asked if he wanted to cut the cake and said no and that he would just take it with him.  So sad.  Think I am starting to understand the character at play here.  the inner machinations.  One more.  Smile again, tearing me to pieces.  Fingers clashing during the plastic exchange making him red.  Ah, but this was significant for the pain.  How he’d forgotten the pain and what a glorious and necessary step to pushing through.  Picked the wrong corner is all.  It made sense until it didn’t.  until the arrival and then all the other arrivals which followed and the dividing lines simply put him in the wrong corner.  No one’s fault but so painful all the same.  Liquid eyes.  The indulgence of being thrown into some live wires.  Industrial haptic feedback robotic arm.  Pettiness again.  Oh how he simply yearns for that hug.  To be wrapped up like that, to be so central and then to die right there.  I recently ate shrimp.  Things cannot be the same now.  logistically.  But the planner will help tremendously.  There will be enough.  Still he desires for his face to be crushed by her gorgeous derriere and for her to playfully let a big suffocating one rip while she laughs that lovely laugh and berates him.  Remembering the pink now.  pink and yellow.  I’m off to commence new ventures destined for failure.  All the while The Symbol of Purity has me .  I miss her dreadfully.  sliced cucumbers.  

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At a piece of packaged salmon for breakfast and washed it down with a tall glass of tepid tap water (my favorite).  Laid around and thought about triangles for a while.  Tried to analyze my relationship with the Dangerous Sacred.  Was I born in the wrong decade.  Missing out on the glory days of AM radio.  Black helicopters.  Military bases.  Faeries.  There is something there but I just can’t quite figure it all out yet.  I am privy to a great awakening to nothing.  Back to nothing.  Not really back, he never left, just deluded himself.  Greek again. Need to remember.  Greek.  The strange words and symbols hastily scrawled on a small pad of paper.  Twins was it?  counting the days now (motherfucker I count the days).  if there is one today there will probably be two without but there is none today then there will probably be three without.  These are all under the idealistic of circumstances though he’s never been an idealist.  Would really like some coffee but lately everytime I drink coffee it makes my delicate tummy heart.  Or does it? the more I learn the less I want to know.  Yes, need to get back to palm springs.  Not sure exactly what’s happening, everything closing in.  a reverting is taking place.  But a plan to palm springs is in order.  Need to go to an office store soon and buy a cheapass planner.  The cheapest they have.  Need to start planning shit.  Aimlessness is an enemy.  Remembering The Senators now.  remembering someone using the phrase “very very hot”.  YOU CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!!!         Can feel the old madness taking hold again.  Withnail love.  It’s another prelude to an uh.  Before lurching toward the vodka sleep last night I thought of The Symbol of Purity.  Started at one spot but culminated in another.  Smile has me.  raised brow has me.  I’m listening to some odd guitar work recorded on a 4 track while I write some trash.  Or am i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Just got to envision the fiery crash.  Remember that video showing the wet shave in honor of one of my favorite movies.  Just splattered myself all over the porcelain; abstract slippery brown on white.  I sat there in the hot stink for a while, ruminating over my septic thirties.  My asshole felt all hot and bothered.  Johnny Impotency here again, belching up more Mexican food and sweatin’ out the booze!  At some point I was staring out the window, watching rain and traffic, seriously wondering why I’m such a hopeless fuckup.  I felt bad earlier for a would be party goer.  Predictably the best part of my day was when I could once again be in the presence of The Symbol of Purity.  I’m a lost individual.  All I’m looking for is to experience something epic and spiritual play out in a very dark way on a European train.  Yes, who I am staring across at sometimes changes (though increasingly less).  But the scenario largely remains the same.  Gonna walk around with my shirt tucked in for a while looking like a jackass.  I do so love repeating old destructive patterns.  I am my least favorite person.  YOU CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!!!  One lovely moment where the next move was anticipated.  Knowing glance.  Lovely, seductive, so beautiful.  Unbelievable.  “okay.”  I don’t even like beer in the real world.  My face was being melted off which initially made things difficult.  Celebration with no one in attendance.  But the ambience still filled the room.  The details wonderfully provided.  That okay.  Yes, that okay.  Offering the choice.  So lovely.  Rhinoceros.  At one point so close.  Scents.  Oh God all he wanted was an embrace.  Just a lovely hug.  Because he is vile and pathetic and repugnant and disgusting.  Another one of these please.  Of course this cannot last.  The way out is through!  I can’t get anything done.  Hair.  Maid. So close.  He just wanted a hug so much.  It would be everything.  A lovely hug to breathe in her scent and then die.  A great deal of information was given in a short span of time.  suddenly he remembered an empty bottle of soda pop which is now roughly 15 years old.  And other assorted things.  I’m such a fucking piece of shit.  YOU CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!!!  But there was rain.  Things get called on account of rain.  Lovely slumber in it’s place.  Coffee.  Red.  Eating with a mask on.  Even the progeny noticed.  Of course, through it all he desperately wanted a face full of glorious derriere.  To be totally subsumed.  He craved complete dominance and utter humiliation.  For her to let big suffocating ones rip right in his in the process of being crushed face while giggling so beautifully and berating him.  You’ll have your place in the lake.  There’s nothing I do that isn’t destructive.  Renewal.  I see now a deeper symbol that calls.  Statues.  Be careful during worship, who you choose and why.  Yes, the reminders.  Greek.  Cups of fruit.  I see the wonderful simplicity of things.  I see the willing end of me . J. Impotency doing his level best just to be a person, largely failing.  My best feature is typically my shadow.  Blood rush to the head during the close proximity.  Should have stayed but instead decided to go to my usual haunt which was a big fucking mistake in a life full of them.  Hope to read some silver age comics tomorrow.  Maybe Green Lantern.  Then maybe some bronze age Fantastic Four.  Need to feel good.  Write some garbage.  Think about a hug and feel repulsive.  I’ll probably drink some juice too.  Also probably won’t be able to resist the bold new obsession.  Which means I’ll probably have an early evening session enlarging my heart.  Apropos of nothing, my life for Sofia Gigante.  Thinking of manicured yellow again.  Thinking about petty jealousy again.  This will all pass.  I am such a sad individual.  Total fucking worthless loser.  Mop handle. 

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A squid in the hand!  Johnny Impotency here, belching up a lot of Mexican beer and well tequila as I peck out this latest chapter of my failed and useless life!  my dinner left me unsatisfied as food always does.  Or does it? the more I learn the less I want to know.  But only the food itself.  I recently drank a tall glass of tepid tap water (my favorite).  It really hit the spot.  Of course the fans want to know my reaction to 2 things.  the first is my reaction to the last Superman trailer.  I liked it . it made me happy.  I am looking forward to watching that movie.  or am i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  The second is of course that casting announcement that I literally and figuratively slept on, that of Moore and Domingo.  How could I not have known.  And what does those in the inner circle make of this?!  Of course, they are both too pretty for their real life counterparts.  But then again that could easily be fixed in any number of Hollywood magic ways.  But even if it isn’t who cares?  This is just an interpretation.  I’m just excited that the story will be told and brought to light again . I’m disgusted with myself that I missed the announcement.   We must never be apart.  Was recently watching a woman empty the contents of several jars of peanut butter and jelly and then smush around the contents with her feet and I nearly fucking lost it.  it was so deliriously wonderful.  Then another video of her doing with a pile of cooked macaroni and cheese.  Just drove me fucking wild.  Just ruined my inner life.  but never forget that I am Johnny Impotency,  Patron Saint of the Repressed.  Later on I might have to walk around this filthy town, trying to figure out my kinks.  Booze is taking hold.  Delayed reaction.  How strange.  Let’s not bury the lede here.  good intelligence again.  A week of good to great intelligence as the season of freedom ends.  Thus commences the summer of living dangerously.  Red heart.  Red heart.  Need to rewatch that Italian movie but that summer truly starts.  Is there still time?  for me it’s always too late.  Handshake felt wonderful.  YOU CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!!!  THE RULERS OF THE WASTELAND!!!  I can’t get anything done.  Just want to smell her ass.  My degenerative ways.  No, The Symbol of Purity has me but I am too dirty and awful to meet her gaze.  Every moment needs to be recorded. No, they’re already all fading.  Because I’m so deeply flawed.  They’ll all be lost.  Evil.  All that worry evaporated in an instant.  Chinchilla.  Can’t get anything done . happy to see him.  Anywhere you want.  Sat at the usual table with the godawful uncomfortable seats.  Explained the differences.  Then with a band accompaniment explained the lack of necessity to make it to the dawn.  So willing to share.  So lovely.  Need to avoid the gaze.  So wonderful.  Just kept paying for additional sin.  At one point seemed the sin would be at an end.  Time to call it a day and all that.  but when questioned, paused, impossible to resist, couldn’t speak, and then the smile and raised brow was just too goddamn much, would have exploded right then and there if I wasn’t your old pal Johnny Impotency.  So instead the synapses instead the greasy inner corridors of my mind starting shooting off everywhere.  Oh, to just be trapped in that moment forever with the loveliest smile and the arched brow.  And the giggle somewhere.  All too much.  All too glorious.  More options laid out.  All sounded so honeyed.  Of course, I went for the cheapest.  I’m a dirt cheap kind of guy.  A real skinflint.  Real tight with a dollar.  Can’t entirely say that given the hundreds I’ve gone through already in honor of The Symbol of Purity.  Collar up.  Ink.  Couple different meanings of course.  Bare witness.  And then it was all done and more information gleaned, more crucial intelligence.  Every other one.  YOU CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!!!  FACE TO FACE!!!  How perfect, to stumble upon that phrase right now.  masquerade.  Visionary alliance.  I wouldn’t know what to do in that moment.  I’m desperate.  I’m awful.  Awful.  Times given, all so fast, clocking the trajectory of the mountain.  Lovely to hear.  Understanding more and more.  Parting is such sweet sorrow.  How many hours (or days?!) until I may be alive again.  Beautiful.  Just gotta get through this phase.  The way out is through!  The killer is me! and the derriere.  So wonderful.  So hypnotic.  Just want to be shrunken down to grasshopper size and crushed beneath her beauty.  Then plopped in her mouth like a treat, crushed between her teeth, scraped off the roof of her mouth with her tongue as though I were peanut butter.  No, he just wants a hug.  With a hug he would melt and die, the sweetest death, want to come quick then die (tell the truth).  How he would love to hear her say his name again.  To make her laugh again.  Already jealous when others have that privilege.  Oh yeah he has it deep.  He’s so wrong, so degenerate.  Filthy awful thing.  He would kiss and worship her feet.  Yellow.  Don’t forget the yellow.  The same term again, the same term.  What does it all mean in the grander scheme of things?!  dear.  Like honey.  It’s a good thing a big full time distraction is right around the corner.  That will help balance things out.  Or will it?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  The derriere!!!  I can’t get anything done.  Maybe soon again.  Maybe less than twenty four hours.  Maybe forty eight.  But soon.  oh, the joys of waiting and anticipation.  Oh the sweet suffering.  Need to read something by Clive Barker soon .  oh The Symbol of Purity, you are everything in this moment.  You have consumed me.  He’s falling into a spiral, in back of the spiral is a massive image of her face, smile, brow, lovely. 

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Heart positively racing from the unusually strong pot of black coffee I drank earlier.  All in service of The Symbol of Purity.  Dialogues exchanged.  Touched by the yellow.  Coffee soon with giggles.  Long days (and pleasant nights).  Sidetracked there, long days, to the dawn (specific phrase, lovely word), and then right back there once more.  Information gathered.  Sabbath.  Oh for my face to be pressed suffocatingly against that gorgeous derriere.  I had a beer earlier before the coffee.  At some point I promptly proceeded to take a dainty shit in a public location.  The other day I took a piss in one of those public bathrooms at a park.  Prior to that I was sucking on a life saver.  Or was i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Love the golden age Sandman, love his look and the general feel of his world.  Or do i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Communication is the key.  It so often is.  Questions . questions are the key.  They so often are.  dialogues.  People love dialogues.  Johnny Impotency here again as my mind reals with wonderful and surrealistic imagery.  Disconnect somewhere with it all.  Chemicals.  Is it all chemicals?!  Oh, when she has the mop and is making everything so clean.  When she leans over to mop the harder to reach locales.  Like a siren beckoning.  I declined to make a purchase today.  That is good behavior.  I’m hungry now.  think I’ll cook up some decent meat.  Thinking about magnets and lollipop kisses right now.  maybe that will be the name of my debut album: magnets and lollipop kisses.  Johnny Impotency here; full of desire and unable to do a thing about it.  of course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper.  Did you hear about that massive 24 disc deluxe anniversary box set thing being released of metallica’s utter shit album Load?  Guess what I won’t be getting myself for Christmas?!  Load!  Ha!  They should have called it Load of Shit!  Speaking of loads, guess what your old pal Johnny Impotency won’t be shooting anytime soon?!  I was watching something utterly entrancing while nursing a relatively minor tummy ache.  I recently discovered I had an unopened jar of Jif crunchy peanut butter in my posh flat and I really saved me come dinner time.  been loving the Fantastic Four comics I’ve been reading recently.  Or have i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Need to buy juice and shaving cream. Lather.  Things are about to change.  Life is about change.  The chain mesh on the Dark Angel!  Seems the advancements will be incremental until the upcoming big event.  Makes sense.  The initial push was very strong.  It’s fine to take it slow for a while.  Love how at the beginning of that one comfort movie I love you can just barely see someone pull on his arm as he exits the scene right before the death knell.  That’s good subtle work.  just watched it again a couple nights ago while guzzling cheap white wine and prior to having a relatively sleepless night fraught with paranoia and irrational fears (regrettably it was too late to go to a bar and drown those emotions with wholesome liquor).  Looking forward to the new Stephen King coming out at the end of the month.  I’m going to figuratively and literally devour it.  I know what to do!  I’m going to pay some bills!  That’s the sign of a mature responsible adult.  WHY ASK MY NAME?!  WHY ASK MY NAME?!  The Symbol of Purity has me.  my brain is sauce.  Drilling through the spiritus sanctus.  Time is running out.  I ordered a few more drinks because time is running out.  Information gleaned.  So much intelligence gathered.  Obsession taking hold.  Petty jealousy over laughter.  I’M EVIL I’M EVIL I’M EVIL!!!  I guess I’m depressed in some way.  I dunno.  It’s kinda hard to tell sometimes. Oh God the red!  THE RED!!!  It was a change.  And then when it was a little tied, that little knot, oh God!!!  Things can only go to a certain degree.  I’m not made for things to go beyond a certain degree.  I’m a certain degree fan. Apropos of nothing, I’m running out of films to watch in one of my all time favorite film franchises.  I see the problem now.  I need to eat a lot of vanilla ice cream.  I’ll have to stock up tomorrow when I go to the department store, I’ll have to buy several cartons.  I know I was writing about water recently but I can’t remember what it was all about.  I see now I have to catch up to that wagon even though it is miles and miles and miles ahead of me.  too much vice, battling against each other.  The squishy crevices in a small Tupperware.  The issues are clear.  Plastics are the key.  This country was found on the plastics industry.  (I love the movie Superman 3, as a quick aside).  The Symbol of Purity has me.  Showing me the proper way.  The proper way to a proper obsession.  Flatline right before my heart swells.  Gonna pour myself some wine here in a bit.  Maybe eat some wings a day or two earlier this week.  Like I said, everything’s changing.  Handshake sent a jolt through me.  times laid out clean.  People love federal reserve notes.  Is this all about goods and services of real value exchanged for currency plain?  The way out is through obsession. Two super powers going at it.  I see the winner.  Grasping my hand.  Yellow.  Lines beneath the gaze.  Red.  The little knot was everything.  Following to the plastic transaction.  Again, plastics are everything.  Repeat three times before generous intelligence.  And still, all he wanted was for her to smash his face with her derriere, to blast hot ones right in his face, while laughing at and berating him, such a lovely laugh.  As previously stated, for to sit in a mound of freshly made guacamole  and then smash his face again with her derriere that he may be forced to eat the freshly made guac that was stuck to her delightful can, more of her lovely laughter and perhaps detailed explanations of mundane tasks and recounting lists of things that need to be purchased.  Now I’m off to sniff boiled rice and sit down on a turned on waffle iron!  Or am I?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Research again.  The little red knot. 

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Calm now as night falls like a dandelion.  Earlier I was at some random street parked near one of those 2 hour signs reading a small book I recently bought with the AC on a window down.  Sheriff parked down the block from me and stayed there for some time.  I wondered if I smelled like alcohol.  I most likely did.  I’d just had a big lunch with several lunch drinks.  Got some nasty looks as I paid.  Wonder what that was all about.  Actually, I’m not entirely sure they were meant for me.  probably doesn’t matter either way.  Toilet keeps running but for some reason I never call maintenance.  Need to replace my shower curtain and vacuum the whole place.  Make it a tomorrow thing.  Need to buy some new flouncy shirts tomorrow.  Probably not the word I’m looking for.  Need to stock up on linens.  I think around seven shirts should do it.  multiples of the same color.  Might need a jacket too.  Maybe find some cheap ones.  i’m reasonably calm now.  the coffee is wearing off.  manager said she’d be up and at it til 2 am.  Sometimes working 18 hour shifts.  Long days.  Better hope you enjoy it.  I ate some kind of bean for dinner.  And an egg and some fruit.  Washed it down with a tall glass of tepid tap water (my favorite).  Need to order that Legion omnibus.  And the other Fantastic Four and Question ones.  need to write that stuff about the post funeral.  Listen to avenue b while doing some of this.  Peaceful night.  Probably smells good outside. Not as good as those pairs of used hosiery.  Those special bonus pairs.  The foot smell in those was ecstasy.  Rewatched an episode yesterday and my love was born anew.  Overall been spending much less time in bars these days.  not sure how I feel about that.  or am i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Read a good few Riddler centric comics these past couple days.  not a fan of Tom King’s ultra edgy violent nihilistic take.  Seems to be trying too hard.  Give me more whimsy.  Really dug that annual from 95 with Query and Echo.  Need to buy the followup issues to that one.  or do i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Something is certainly crumbling.  I can feel it.  that’s okay though.  Something will takes its place.  Bold new era starting soon.  just more of the same of course.  Bartender looks ethereal downtown just after midnight.  I’m going to drink a lot of white wine in a little while.  Really dig Sheena Easton.  Yellow today.  The nails.  looking quite nice.  Good intelligence was gathered today.  Note taking for the future.  There was a sign earlier.  What I took as a sign. Song signified by numbers.  On the same blue moon as what’s underneath (or is it above) the nomenclature.  Took it as a sign and so I had my wet shave and went on a lovely drive through the sun drenched streets, passed the old place of racial divide.  To reach the Shangri-La.   Just beginning the long long day.  feel lost without the words.  Even craps like I’m crapping out.  But there I was, brimming with joy upon meeting The Symbol of Purity once again.  One more glorious fortuitous day.  yellow.  Pockets.  And perfect clarification on the hierarchical ranking of the avant-garde of the new aesthetic.  Mijo. The recognitions now (though the double meaning of that in the future).  Handshake with another, she of the eighteen hours.  I imbibed and created a warm hazy and indulgent afternoon. Couldn’t say anything but the most basic of pleasantries.  But recognitions.  Patterns.  Industrial haptic feedback robotic arm.  Taking out the seeds.  In profile.  New details emerge.  Am I seeing now the vice I must leave behind for The Symbol of Purity?  Too much vice deadens things.  I’m seeing that now.  or am i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  I miss her dreadfully.  I miss you dreadfully.  I know where I’m from….  I just want to kiss her feet.  I just want her to wear pantyhose while she works a long long shift that I may kiss her feet when it’s all over.  That she may use my ugly face as her personal footrest while she laughs at me and berates me, tells me what a loser I am.  I just want to kiss her big can.  I want to be collared and chained and forced to kiss her ass while she laughs at me and berates me, tells me what a loser I am.  Just want her to look at me with tenderness while I’m being tortured, while I’m being electrocuted.  I might watch a French movie in just a bit.  Need to take out the garbage tomorrow.  My days are planned around The Symbol of….  I just want to be masticated food inside her mouth.  Black lace. Pink lace.  Keep on the jewelry.  Oh God, a little ankle bracelet.  I can’t get anything done.  Animal.  One of my personal favorites.  The previous entries had the odder stuff I suppose.  I’m just a little tired now.  all this unhealthy obsession has me worn out.  Omit myself?  Probably there now as the party is popping off.  just please stuff my mouth with them when all is said and done.  I need a drink.  A new identity is from.  I am Johnny Impotency.  I always have been.  Lovely hands and nails.  everything so lovely.  Would be screaming out compliments as I’m fitted with a straight jacket and dragged to the loony bin.  No, what is the essence of it all?  That I want to shrunk down to insect sized and smushed under your smelly pantyhose clad feet and then further flattened by her your pantyhose clad ass and then daintily tossed into your mouth (after being clasped by your beautiful nails) where I am crunched by your teeth and dissolved by your saliva.  Repetitions have me.  and research. 

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Realized last night that it’s been years since I thought about parallelograms in any serious way.  Also realized I need to make more of an effort to cross streets at unusual angles.  Photos of the Little Star.  The Most.  But also The Most.  Thinking about The Symbol of Purity again.  There is a mystery here.  recent live footage only muddies the waters.  Thinking about Elizabeth Pena and how she gave one of my favorite performances.  I ordered a book online yesterday.  Any further chronicleings of the Dark Angel today?  Bit about karma.  Meaning is ivy.  Interesting  toxic.  How will that all be reconciled?  Shall I make a long drive today?  Would now be a good time to conjure up a flock of woodpeckers?!  I really do love Kirby’s art.  So much energy in that line!  Or is there?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  The Symbol of Purity has taken control of my mind.  “help me,” I say, hands at my temples.  A fly buzzing around an old moldy sandwich on the countertop says the same thing, albeit in a much smaller tinnier voice.  It’s alright, just gotta ride the wave.  Gotta gather as much intelligence and then schedule appropriately.  A wig?!  A double?!  Going into convulsions as I drive.  Gotta peel off my flesh mask.  Funny how.  If she ever wore hosiery I would beg to kiss and smell her feet.  Gotta go to the bookstore in a bit.  Gotta call a prospective employer in a bit.  I found the album that reminds me of you from beginning to end.  Starting the day off with a lot of coffee again to ensure that I have stomach pains and heart burn for most of the day . I should take a walk later on.  I remember the anticipation of that album some 19 years ago . I’m going to be tied down again.  My life is largely bereft of meaning.  All the different paths.  Need to renew some licenses.  Need to get to palm springs.  Need to get into the game.  I can still turn this around.  But not while I’m thinking about The Symbol of Purity in lovely lace panties sitting in a big mound of freshly homemade guacamole and then sitting on my face, forcing the guac into my gaping maw while laughing and mocking me.  will be hard to turn my failed life around while focusing on things like that.  maybe if I have a drink.  I GOT TO RID MY STINKIN’ BRAIN!!!  I wish I’d never met anyone.  Meeting people always causes me problems.  I never met a man I didn’t meet!  The problem with congress is they’re all liars!  I’m gonna go read 10 pages of the book I’m reading now.  everything is covered in grease.  Slick disgusting world.  Filmy world.  Membraneous world.  I once lusted after a pastor’s wife.  Maybe I should confess to murders I did not commit.  I’ve been pretty responsible lately with my night drinking.  I like the idea of more and more people forgetting about me.  it’s like I’m slowly ceasing to exist and that is a very comforting thought.  I need to print out more things that I write.  The physicality of things is nice sometimes.  Or is it?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  There are empty glasses all over my apartment. What happened to their contents? I love Stephany Amalbert and I need her in my life.  love the bow.  Nick Dixon!  Is Nick Dixon perhaps the greatest name of all time?  I am writing this now post another encounter with The Symbol of Purity.  I’m thirsty.  My throat is parched . I need to have a tall glass of tepid tap water (my favorite) to quench this powerful thirst.  Just ate a cup of apple sauce with a dirt spoon . I knew it would be dirty.  I love the taste of unclean metals.  Or do i?! the more I learn the less I want to know.   More glory, more glory.  Though a tactical error was made.  My fault, my fault.  Underestimating the length of the beautiful game.  It was ultimately a minor error.  And the end result was key.  Confirmation of symbolism . confirmation of nomenclature.  I understand it now.  the mirror image, the reverse image.  Slight delay in the understanding but always working out.  What color?  A pale pink?  No, apricot?  Where have all the good times gone?  No hood, perhaps due to heat.  Forelimbs in the foreground.  I’m okay, thank God.  Intensity in the eyes.  The contact.  Requests for a signature.  I see it all now, the truth under the digital iteration.  Rich information gathered.  But still more to go.   Gotta make it on time.  (Zoo).  Maybe wait, maybe just hang on to the memory.  Need to wait on palm springs but not the palm springs I mentioned earlier but the one home to cardboard boxes.  I know, I need to drink another glass of tepid tap water (my favorite) while I ponder when I might next be reunited with The Symbol of Purity.  I have a new bookmark.  I’m yawning now, no doubt due to the beer and sunlight.  Should have had another, should have had another.  Man, I was so angry a while ago.  I wanted to slam my head into a large piece of wood repeatedly until my melon was only bloody pulp and I was freshly fucking dead!  I wanted to rip my testicles and penis off and scarf them down.  but I didn’t do either of those things.  nor did I lash out.  Nor did I utter and unkind word.  I merely stayed true to my word (not an unkind word) and did what I said I would do. then I took the steps to work through and process my emotions in a healthy way.  I am a level headed responsible adult.  Treasure me.  I also ate a chicken sandwich and some point and washed it down with a tall glass of tepid tap water (my favorite).  Ultimately, I culminated things by thinking about The Symbol of Purity once more, about her having finished up a long work day wear she wore lace panties (lots of different colors flash through my sticky brain) and flesh colored hosiery and then she steps on a huge mound of freshly cooked kraft macaroni and cheese, squishing it under her hosiery clad feet!  And then she adds another pot or two of freshly cooked kraft macaroni and cheese and then she sits in that mound and she’s enjoying it all and providing commentary on how much she enjoys it.  and then she alternates between stuffing my gaping maw with squished kraft macaroni and cheese using her feet and using her hosiery clad [and her lace panties (color as of yet indeterminate) clad] derriere, laughing girlishly all the while and berating me, undermining me, making me feel less than!  I’m a symbol of hope!  Treasure me !

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I’d forgotten how effortlessly sexy Kate Del Castillo is.  How I would love for her to torture and murder me and give me incredibly tender little kisses right before I expire.  How I would love to kiss her feet.  I would give slavish devotion to her feet.  I would love for her to look at me with disdain with those sexy eyebows, to let me know how beneath her I am, how pathetic she finds me.  I enjoyed her new Netflix movie too.  Or did i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Hope she keeps coming out with new product.  She’s at a very sexy point on her life and it just drives me fucking wild.  I just fucking lose it.  I really do.  I just took a tremendous squelchy eye-watering crap!  Don’t know if want to end the end with shrimp or chicken wings.  Your old pal Jimmy Adjudication, writing from the gutters and sewers of this fair city.  White trash cackles outside my window.  This town is full of bloated sweaty white trash.  Disgusting people, all.  I’ve been a responsible young lad and paid my rent, had a wet shave and now I’m getting ready to go see The Symbol of Purity.  Or am i? the more I learn the less I want to know.  Been relatively flatlined recently, wonder if this will wake me up.  Ate some delicious shrimp last night.  Need to make some plans soon.  passeggiata!  Mama Roma!  Need to move to tangier, drink a lot and write reports.  I just took a tremendous crap!  Very satisfying.  Recently I was in the presence of The Symbol of Purity.  It was even lovelier than the first time.  twas grazed by the well manicured.  Cybernetic confirmation of the symbolism.  Kept drinking because the offers kept coming and did not want to leave the presence.  Recognition.  But everything basic so far.  Need to learn the rhythms.  Glorious weight . so powerful.  Fantasized again about being electrocuted.  Fantasized again about being mocked and strangled.  Fantasized again about being fantasized by a giant glorious ass.  There is a nice breeze coming through my window.  I recently read a largely plotless novel and really enjoyed the plotlessness of it all.  Those who know me best know that I love reading in parking lots.  I would one day love to be at a grocery or department store where a clerk handles all the bagging and to be purchasing roughly twenty items and for the bagging clerk to give each item it’s own individual bag.  Oh yes, she was glorious, wondrous.  How I crave emasculation and humiliation.  Oatmeal paste.  Oatmeal.  Need to order a book of photographs.  Looking at a sad and lovely woman dancing with a half burnt out fag between her lips.  Looked like a punk scene.  Chest hurting from too much coffee and booze.  Feel some relief.  Gonna include a passage from my longhand diary here: 5.5: The Symbol of Purity has me again . leaving me breathless.  So lovely and gorgeous  those lovely strong and rough hands.  Her sweet little voice.  Her big beautiful derriere.  Is she a new muse?  Who do I have left?  My only hope is to see BLANK at the ball one night.”  See, my God I am a terrible writer.  using the word lovely too much.  But it’s all so lifeless.  Just want the hell am I trying to say?  Still, writing longhand gets you connected to the source and the language in a different way.  What am I trying to say?  I guess I’m trying to say I want to mercilessly cause my demise while somehow simultaneously comforting me in the final moments.  Cruelly mocking and being so tender at the same time.  is that it?  are the chimpanzees culturally indoctrinated?  Should have bought a bag of chips when I went to the store earlier.  Holy sin . I was remembering something beautiful and tragic earlier today while driving around.  No, tragic is not the right word.  It was awful.  I am awful.  Awful.  There seemed to be recognition.  I’m hunched over now while I peck away.  Hooded sweater again?  Very polite.  I only ordered another drink because she asked if I wanted another one.  then the sun hit me hard.  I’ve been neglecting dessert options.  Still gotta hone down the formula.   Unfortunately Jimmy’s needs may get in the way of all this.  But perhaps that is for the best.  I’m so clear minded right now.  or am i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  How to best impart that all I want in life is for her to be crushing and trumpeting all over my face with her big can after a suitable amount of time has passed following her enjoyment of a good meal, laughing and berating me all the while, perhaps also holding my hands and wrists with her beautifully manicured hands.  Firmly or gently?  Little of both?  At some point perhaps kiss her feet in hosiery.  At some point she uses a shrink ray and dips me in a big mound of homemade guacamole and consumes me.  would love to watch her step in and sit in a massive mound of homemade guacamole.   I’m looking at a melted screwdriver right now.  I’m also squinting.  Will those lotus drinks give me the same heartburn that coffee and booze does?  Sucking down pepto right now.  hosiery all over the place indicates an out of control mindset.  Novels are a wonderful thing.  Not sure how much I can deadlift but I can promise you it isn’t much. Missing all of them tonight.  Where is the Dark Angel?!  Mayhaps tomorrow.  I really like that one album of what she described as a bunch of gross songs.  It has good stylings all over it.  I strongly associate it with a certain time in my life and with certain characters in my life.  a time that has not yet fully reached it’s conclusion.  That and one that is very beautiful.  Two sides of the.  Counting down the days now til I may return.  Motherfucker, I count the days.