glitter glass with handle and bland and SSStay

 

Still haven’t bought that green rock yet but the time is getting closer and closer for me to make the purchase.  And then what?  Only time tell.  Time, patience, the right berries.  I ate fish n’ chips yesterday.  There I go again!  Always smashing goals!  I am always filled with great sadness and unease and that particular location which makes me wonder if some hurtful and humiliating event took place there back in my youth.  I ate a cheeseburger for breakfast and another one for lunch.  Or did i? the more I learn the less I want to know.  It wasn’t until I saw a little clip of La Primera that I realized just how much I’ve been missing her.  not yet sure what to think of Keel.  He seems genuine.  Sometimes.  That one book I read of his was a total godawful mess yet it has stayed with me so he must have done something right.  I was jolted awake last night several times by nothing.  Such is the cost of over a decade of using a bottle or two of wine (with whiskey and nyquil chasers) to fall asleep.  I ordered a couple books yesterday and one is set to arrive today and the other tomorrow.  Wish I had more money right now to buy some more used hosiery.  Alas.  I keep looking at a melted screwdriver.  Was recently reflecting on what an unmitigated failure I am.  I’ll probably go out later and buy some liquid soap, store brand ibuprofen, apple juice, bananas and maybe something else.  I’m going to boil some rice soon.  boiling rice soothes me.  and then I sniff it.  I was remembering my metal phase earlier today.  Calmness now as it has been a while since I’ve seen The Symbol.  I like when things leave me.  as more people forget about me it starts to feel like I am fading me away and that is a very comforting feeling.  Of course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper.  but then again I was also spying on a public pancake meal so what does that mean?  Hoping for more ass shots really.  Oh to bury my face in that glorious bountiful ass!  I didn’t shave today.  It’s rare that I don’t shave.  I feel typically feel gross when I don’t shave.  I dug around around my old copy of Zietgeist cause i wanted something different to write to.  Lately I’ve also been writing to Slayer and Fergie.  It’s all a bunch of crap though.  My writing is such utter shit and will never go anywhere.  I drank a glass of room temperature tap water (my favorite) recently.  but I’m still thirsty and I think I’ll drink another.  Listening to the green mix now as I peck out this crap.  it’s been so long since I’ve listened to the green mix.  It feels good and brings back nice bad uncertain and occasionally decent memories.  There was a hand on my forearm while I leaned against a wall and drank soda through a straw.  Of course, I’m excited to learn about this new director’s cut of I want to believe.  I’ve long championed that one and am curious to see what this new cut has to offer (if anything). Speaking of green I still haven’t bought the green rock but I will soon because time is running out.  My time is running out (drop of blood falls from my nose).  I was thinking about leaving my posh flat today but I never did.  this green mix reminds me of someone riding a futuristic motorcycle while being chased or something.  Awful memories.  Almost all my memories are awful.  I am full of hate.  I think I’m getting closer to some truth though.  And as things increasingly seem to lean toward finality then there is bound to be relief of some kind.  I almost had a thought that was too grim.  JUST SHUT UP! I HOPE YOU’RE FUCKING HAPPY FOR THIS FUCKING MOOD YOU PUT ME IN!!!  You know, you really are ungrateful person.  I have an image of a fat scowling ugly person taking down some decorations prematurely.  Bunch of fucking idiots have always surrounded me.  man I could use a drink.  You are going to be soooo sorry one day for the way you treated us.  I was thinking about a chocolate donut at the time.  Stop it!  Just stop it!  I asked nicely!  Voice pouty and angry and stupid.  Much later on I would be thinking about a chocolate donut again while watching a red light move back and forth, left to right and back.  it was some piece of technology that was somehow both retro and futuristic.  Later on I would see this same incredible tech accompanied by massive and beautiful eyes which haunted my dreams and provided some of the only comfort I’ve ever known.  I might need to buy some kind of felt pouch.  I see everything happening in a very casual relaxed way.  What the heck is broadcasting?  Conversations are so useless and difficult.  I hate you so much.  Where is the morning?  It will be casual because it has always been casual.  Or it won’t happen at all.  I plan to eat a large plate of food in a couple days.  I wish people wouldn’t talk to me.  but then I put myself in situations where they talk to me so whose fault is that?!  I recently rubbed one out to clip 214 which featured a woman squashing a juicy and appetizing cheeseburger with her gorgeous sheer pantyhose clad feet.  Do you see the power of my writing?  The thematic unity there in terms of bringing it all back to the beginning?  But seriously, it was a fantastic clip and with my face straining against the smelly pair of used hosiery I had wrapped around my head I shot off like a pop gun!  Or did i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  I read some lovely words earlier today which really summed up everything I’ve been feeling these past couple of years. 

 

poker bar and biker gang and big fluffy coat in springs past

 

I’m more impecunious than ever!  I take great pride in being impecunious.  Or do i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  I have a real hankering for fish n’ chips!  Some dreams simply cannot be denied.  Im listening to an album that has a three legged dog on the cover.  Recently saw photos for a deluxe rerelease that looked quite lovely.  Too many things have been normalized.  Damn brain.  Bits and pieces.  I was recently drunk in a performative sense.  need to write about things.   every time I think about walking out the door.  Someone told me they were really going to miss me.  or did I imagine that?  need to buy a green rock.  At some point last night I was weeping uncontrollably.  Woke up to my throat burning.  I was trying to remember all the things I was probably never going to say.  Remember playing basketball and talking about cartwheels?  There was a lost neighbor’s cat somewhere in the mix.  Today makrs two days in a row that I’ve eaten a bowl of piping hot chicken noodle soup.  Was staring at an amazon the other night with a real terrific weighty ass crammed into tight black leggings.  I see there is a replacement underway which is the perfect time to make my clean getaway.  It would be so nice to be forgotten.  very few left.  This is all going nowhere.  But first I need to buy a green rock.  I know where to buy one too.  maybe I’ll go buy that rock and on the way back to my posh flat I can stop somewhere and buy some fish n’ chips and thus satisfy this hankering.  I thought of things to say and then thought it wouldn’t really matter much anyway.  A good few chance encounters.  A good few stories.  Some ink.  One day mayhaps they will meet again.  With a paper firmly in hand.  It’s better to ruin a moment sometimes.  Mortal.  Regretting a non existent friendship.  Because I could have seen.  I’m wasting myself.  And I may actually be out of chances.  It’s my fault.  Absolutely no one else to blame.  Admitting something is your fault doesn’t change things or give you any extra points.  Clean escape.  Forgetting.  Erasing.  Someone was dancing, looking very happy.  I tried to be happy but could only feel sad.  This place is not meant for me anymore.  need to become more isolated.  Isolation is the gift.  Mortality.  There is a mortality to things.  everything in this moment feels so tender and fragile.  Can’t question someone else’s choices.  They will go farther than I ever will.  My God, so many just stay trapped forever.  My posh flat Is a mess a right now.  need to clean up this sty.  And then what?  Am I just going to carry around this green rock?  Am I gonna off chance it?!  a warm green rock just would never do.  words at the ready!  There will not be a moment.  But there were a few good conversations.  And there are a few good stories.  And probably a couple more left.   Whales.  Crystals.  Vampires.  All that crap!  the number is thirty.  I am a jackass!  Gotta say, I really enjoyed both trailers for the upcoming Lanterns miniseries.  I am officially excited for it and look forward to that late summer show.  Or do i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  I need to finish Grant Morrison’s run on the book and then read a few silver age Green Lantern archives before the show premieres.  I exhibited unusual restraint and good behavior today. Thought perhaps that’s because I’m being eaten alive.  I am actually starting to worry if this is the end of things.  I’ll keep ya’ll posted.  I was listening to a metal album earlier while writing some garbage.  At some point I went to McDonald’s and ordered a Spicy McCrispy which I then proceeded to eat in my car wihle parked outside McDonald’s.  I washed it down with a bottle of Sunny D.  I listened to a little Latin pop while driving around.  Few genres of music make me happier and combine so well with spring and summer as Latin pop.  Also, I’m just a big pop fan in general.  Or am i?! the more I learn the less I want to know.  Worked my inches to couple a Brazilian bbw’s several hours ago.  It really helped take the edge off.  I think I’ll tomorrow I’ll venture downtown and buy that green rock I was talking about earlier.  If I have any guts at all I’ll stop somewhere afterward to buy a basket of fish n’ chips.  That sounds like a terrific way to spend my afternoon.  I’ve probably run out of chance encounters.  i'll have to leave it all on a greasy and stained plank of wood.  There was some good news today.  The radioactivity proved it.  maybe that is the trade.  If that is the to be the trade I’ll have to be thankful and accept it.  maybe blow my brains out with a dramatic black and white background.  All these occult theories are interesting.  I need to read more books.  If there’s still time.  wasted way too much of it.  was chatting a lot with ChatGPT earlier today about occult things.  and the morality of buying used pantyhose.  Don’t have the scratch right now to buy anymore.  to say nothing of what I may have inside.  Been eating a lot of soup recently.  big ol’ gut.  Always cordial.  Always coming and going.  Missed those things.  will continue to do so.  Maybe next time around.  I could see a friendship the next time around.  Quite a good one.  the kettle’s gone.  Something ethereal sums it all up.  There was a brief walk outside then cut short.  Not understanding.  Zoo.  The end of zoo before the wanderer.  Death’s head mother.  Brother bear.  There’s a fruitbat somewhere.  And some very colorful arachnids.  He just culdn’t let himself go.  He has never gone anywhere or done anything. 

like a triangle with someone screaming in the background, belies the happy sentiments

 

 

Crying now because of only friends but not in the way that you’re thinking of.  Recently ate some boiled chicken and pickled beets.  Or did i?! the more I learn the less I want to know.  Was recently driving the hot steamy streets listening to the  same song over and over again.  Racy thoughts were racing through my red hot cock whilst I put pedal to the metal!  Blue jean.  I was recently at a place where hats were prominently featured.  There was some makeup that matched the same colors as a flag.  And so I began to imbibe.  Desire itself is a very pleasant feeling.  Don’t wish to discuss the feeling of desire consummated.  Don’t wish to discuss things evaporating into the air.  At the same time someone was having one big bastard of a party celebrating a youngster’s first communion.  Makes sense, a kiddo eats and drinks the body and blood of Christ for the first time – fully understanding the implications of such – and thusly a big group of bloated adults and smelly kids should celebrate by hitting a pinata, stuffing their fat ugly faces and getting sloshed! What a beautiful celebration!  Humanity is such a fucking joke.  But I think we were talking about my fiery lust!  Oh yes, please crush my face until I pass out with your fat gorgeous dumper!  That’s one of the classiest expressions of desire I’ve been able to muster in my heretofore utterly miserable and worthless life.  luck of the draw really.  There were a lot of ducks outside.  First come, first serve.  If only alcohol didn’t get me intoxicated I could have stayed all night.  Yes, yes, I see it, moonlight and such.  I’m obfuscating.  Everything is too buried due to lack of practice.  Handshakes linger.  If I could just.  But I can’t even speak romantically.  Because it would just disappear.  None of this is real.  Such is the struggle.  As written in song it is so beautiful.  But in actuality….  It would  just simply cease to be.  Then I watched a recording that was improvised on the spot.  And immediately I imagined being electrocuted while I begged for forgiveness and everything felt right.  Then things came down to some kind of ball as they inevitably do.  I can’t imagine beyond that for some reason.  I was just hitting myself in a tender area but I drank too much and it did not elicit very much pain unfortunately.  Thinking of a comfort film now and being thrown off a balcony.  This could be your lucky day.  yes, what I’m thinking of is intimate.  And comfort.  sweet comfort.  which is the only way maybe I can think of it.  and then there is the other side of things.  blue jean.  But things would not cross properly and there would only be disappointment.  So best to not even.  But at the time I was watching a knot being tied, I was watching a knot being tied and I believe I was being watched watching the knot tying and there was salt on my fingertips and everything in life was so wonderful.  Full.  Leaning.  There was a plaid pattern filling everything.   And blackness.  Passed the turn now.  at some point I was going to eat catfish but then I decided against it due to the…. Of course I need to make plans.  This cannot continue as such.  He just has to pull a disappearing act.  Of course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper.  it’s been done before.  My life is a sequence of meaningless repetition.  I just never learn.  I do note that this world is full of incredibly lonely people.  No one should be looking at me as a source of comfort, love or with desire.  Desperation makes fools of us all.  I’m reminded of one of my all time favorite albums, likely top 5, maybe sometimes top 2.  There are a bunch of squared images on the cover.  Horses.  Horses.  In some ways I’m just being an ass by discounting.  Not properly thinking through the individual experience.  And then I’m back again, wanting to taste liquor.  Wanting to find someone on that dance floor.  There is a craving somewhere for an embrace.  With a lovely rhythm in the background.  but after that there is nothing.  It wasn’t quite chance.  But it could have been any other day.  he just has to disappear.  This cannot go on.  Was reminded of how the other day I was accused of not paying for a beer!  The audacity of it all!  The mendacity!  The way the word miracle is said.  I understand this.  I don’t want to but I understand this.  Gone on for far too long.  Through a couple different equally lovely cycles of blissful unemployment.  There are no conclusions to be drawn because the answers are already crystal clear.  Black then blue jean then black again.  Watching as a knot is being tied.  I do not have much.  Crumbs.  I was recently driving around with my window rolled down.  perhaps wondering what it would be like to be driving with the window rolled down and with company.  But that trail always leads to nothing.  I can enjoy these flimsy stages.  So much biology.  I don’t deny it.  I just realize that there is nothing deep about it at all.  Of course it feels good.  We would all go extinct  if it didn’t.  but everything that follows.  I can’t.  and I don’t find it to be terribly unique or enjoyable.  Or do i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Such a magical.  Not my words. But probably a couple dozen times by now.  and what I’m really cursing myself for in this moment is somehow not taking proper notice of the footwear!  Snow Queen soon at some point . much easier to handle.  Nothing.  Chances all evaporated.  But yes, please make the disappearing act OR yes, please let there be some type of status change.  That would be the most deliriously perfect outcome.  That would be ideal . that would be truly wonderful.   Shouldn’t be hard.  throw a rock.  I am such a piece of shit.  Someone was talking to me about eating some imitation crab.  It was everything and it was nothing.  Isn’t that the entire damn point!?  Been reading phone books lately and loving it!  I also really love a tremendous ass!