Still haven’t bought that green rock yet but the time is
getting closer and closer for me to make the purchase. And then what? Only time tell. Time, patience, the right berries. I ate fish n’ chips yesterday. There I go again! Always smashing goals! I am always filled with great sadness and unease
and that particular location which makes me wonder if some hurtful and
humiliating event took place there back in my youth. I ate a cheeseburger for breakfast and another
one for lunch. Or did i? the more I learn
the less I want to know. It wasn’t until
I saw a little clip of La Primera that I realized just how much I’ve been
missing her. not yet sure what to think
of Keel. He seems genuine. Sometimes.
That one book I read of his was a total godawful mess yet it has stayed
with me so he must have done something right.
I was jolted awake last night several times by nothing. Such is the cost of over a decade of using a bottle
or two of wine (with whiskey and nyquil chasers) to fall asleep. I ordered a couple books yesterday and one is
set to arrive today and the other tomorrow.
Wish I had more money right now to buy some more used hosiery. Alas. I
keep looking at a melted screwdriver. Was
recently reflecting on what an unmitigated failure I am. I’ll probably go out later and buy some liquid
soap, store brand ibuprofen, apple juice, bananas and maybe something
else. I’m going to boil some rice
soon. boiling rice soothes me. and then I sniff it. I was remembering my metal phase earlier
today. Calmness now as it has been a while
since I’ve seen The Symbol. I like when
things leave me. as more people forget
about me it starts to feel like I am fading me away and that is a very
comforting feeling. Of course, I think
as my head goes light, how utterly proper.
but then again I was also spying on a public pancake meal so what does
that mean? Hoping for more ass shots
really. Oh to bury my face in that
glorious bountiful ass! I didn’t shave today. It’s rare that I don’t shave. I feel typically feel gross when I don’t
shave. I dug around around my old copy
of Zietgeist cause i wanted something different to write to. Lately I’ve also been writing to Slayer and Fergie. It’s all a bunch of crap though. My writing is such utter shit and will never
go anywhere. I drank a glass of room
temperature tap water (my favorite) recently.
but I’m still thirsty and I think I’ll drink another. Listening to the green mix now as I peck out this
crap. it’s been so long since I’ve
listened to the green mix. It feels good
and brings back nice bad uncertain and occasionally decent memories. There was a hand on my forearm while I leaned
against a wall and drank soda through a straw.
Of course, I’m excited to learn about this new director’s cut of I want
to believe. I’ve long championed that
one and am curious to see what this new cut has to offer (if anything). Speaking
of green I still haven’t bought the green rock but I will soon because time is
running out. My time is running out
(drop of blood falls from my nose). I was
thinking about leaving my posh flat today but I never did. this green mix reminds me of someone riding a
futuristic motorcycle while being chased or something. Awful memories. Almost all my memories are awful. I am full of hate. I think I’m getting closer to some truth
though. And as things increasingly seem
to lean toward finality then there is bound to be relief of some kind. I almost had a thought that was too grim. JUST SHUT UP! I HOPE YOU’RE FUCKING HAPPY FOR
THIS FUCKING MOOD YOU PUT ME IN!!! You
know, you really are ungrateful person. I
have an image of a fat scowling ugly person taking down some decorations
prematurely. Bunch of fucking idiots
have always surrounded me. man I could
use a drink. You are going to be soooo
sorry one day for the way you treated us.
I was thinking about a chocolate donut at the time. Stop it!
Just stop it! I asked
nicely! Voice pouty and angry and
stupid. Much later on I would be thinking
about a chocolate donut again while watching a red light move back and forth, left
to right and back. it was some piece of
technology that was somehow both retro and futuristic. Later on I would see this same incredible
tech accompanied by massive and beautiful eyes which haunted my dreams and
provided some of the only comfort I’ve ever known. I might need to buy some kind of felt
pouch. I see everything happening in a
very casual relaxed way. What the heck
is broadcasting? Conversations are so useless
and difficult. I hate you so much. Where is the morning? It will be casual because it has always been
casual. Or it won’t happen at all. I plan to eat a large plate of food in a
couple days. I wish people wouldn’t talk
to me. but then I put myself in
situations where they talk to me so whose fault is that?! I recently rubbed one out to clip 214 which
featured a woman squashing a juicy and appetizing cheeseburger with her
gorgeous sheer pantyhose clad feet. Do you
see the power of my writing? The
thematic unity there in terms of bringing it all back to the beginning? But seriously, it was a fantastic clip and
with my face straining against the smelly pair of used hosiery I had wrapped around
my head I shot off like a pop gun! Or did
i?! the more I learn the less I want to
know. I read some lovely words earlier today
which really summed up everything I’ve been feeling these past couple of
years.
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