Last
night I watched the movie Watchmen again. It filled me with the same sense of
unbridled joy which always comes with viewing this film. How I love it so. Immediately after I reached for my well-read
but still well preserved copy of the trade paperback and started re-reading all
my favorite parts – not realizing until untold hours later I had just re-read
the entire story once more. Watchmen truly is one of my favorite
literary works and I often cling the trade paperback to my bosom the way a
child clings to a beloved and comforting plush bear. It is a fully absorbing and
inspirational work. Likewise
the film also has a spot amongst my all-time favorites. Mark my words: Watchmen (the movie) will one day be held in supremely high regard
in the cinematic world. I
predict a 2001: A Space Odyssey-like
resurgence in critical and popular opinion. I am often correct about these
things. I wisely predicted
back in my review of I'm With You by the Red Hot Chili Peppers blog post from September 4th, 2011 that Ben Affleck would one day don the cape and cowl
of the dark knight (though some predictions I wish would never come true. Still, I am doing my level best to
remain optimistic).
It’s
occurred to me recently U2 are one of my favorite bands. This occurs to me at
least once a week. What
more could possibly be said about Achtung
Baby? Tis’ only one
of the greatest albums ever made and I say that with all the authority of a man
who has not listened to nearly all of the albums ever made. I feel so bad for those misguided
fools who cut themselves off from entire decades of music. What pathetic parasites that deserve all the
hate in the world. It makes me
want to take hammer to nails and build a log cabin out in the wilderness where
I would live off the land and never have to see their vile faces again.
I
watched the movie Out of the Furnace
this weekend and before the feature presentation there was a slew of previews
of coming attractions. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
arrives at the multiplex this Friday and even though I have no real interest or
desire in seeing it I am certain I will. Not sure what other movies I’m looking
forward to this year. November
and December are those ultra-tacky months with all the miserable award-bait
movies. How the academy
disgusts me. How award-bait
movies repulse me. I don’t
reckon The Hobbit will be an
awards-bait movie (especially considering the not-great critical reception of
its predecessor) so perhaps I should be more excited for that movie. Honestly, I cannot recall when I was
more looking forward to watching a movie as much as The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. I still need to get my hands on the
director’s cut of The Hobbit: An
Unexpected Journey. I
wonder what uncut goodness has been added to the film! Perhaps another 27
rousing hours in Bilbo’s house, washing dishes and singing songs! Maybe another 19 hours of running in
tunnels from horrible CGI goblins! Perhaps
each and every scene was simply extended even further, thus ensuring that a
single line from the book now takes 59 hours to unfold on screen rather than
the previously rushed 34.
Fantasy
fans are amongst the absolute worst when it comes to arguing about adaptations
or taking personally a criticism of their favorite works. So to that end I will just say to all
you Hobbit fans (movie, I enjoyed the book) out there that I respect your
opinion and believe there is room enough in this vast, ever expanding crazy
universe for all types. I
will be there opening night for this new adventure in Middle-Earth though I am
a bit worried since Benedict Cumberbatch played the Necromancer in the first
one and is now playing Smaug in this one and I fear I may confuse the
characters throughout the entire film!
Transitioning
back to the more level-headed and calm world of comic book movies, all everyone
on the planet has been discussing this past week is the announcement of Gal
Gadot playing Wonder Woman and the news of this character set to appear in the
upcoming sequel to Man of Steel which may or may not be a Superman vs. Batman
movie (though it definitely has Ben Affleck as Batman). I cannot recall another movie in the
history of my worthless life which has subjected me to such a consistent and
dramatic fluctuation of emotional highs and lows, each devastating in their
impact. To say the news of
this casting broke the planet into a billion irreparable pieces would be the
gross understatement of the millennium. Reaction
to this casting choice has been mixed at best with many folks and sites
throwing out some particularly venomous comments. I would not be much of a smelly comics fan if
I did not throw my 2% of one dollar American currency into the mix so here goes
less than nothing:
I am a huge fan of Wonder Woman and have been so for untold
centuries. It is true that she cannot
claim the number one spot on my list of favorite superheroes on a particularly
consistent basis though she can claim it at least a few times a year and this
is something which cannot be said for 99% of the rest. She is simply a great character. I am deeply in love with her. The combination of beauty, power,
intelligence, compassion and sexuality is utterly irresistible to me and in a
future blog post I would like to delve uncomfortably deep in what I find so
fascinating and wonderful (haha) about this character (icon). I have not seen any of Ms. Gadot’s work (for
better or worse I tend to avoid the Fast and Furious movies) so I cannot comment
on her acting. At this point it is largely
irrelevant anyway without any idea of the story or the size of her role. Comic book movies have a rich history of
casting not-as-well-known actors to great success. As far as acting is concerned I am far more worried
about Mr. Affleck. So instead I am going
to be a jerk and comment on her physical appearance like everyone else is
doing. Then I can happily be labeled
superficial or chauvinistic or some other delightful thing. She looks too skinny. There.
I said it. It’s all out in the
open now. It’s been twisting around in
my stomach since I first saw the announcement.
I know, I know, I’m being a superficial jerk but the look is
without a doubt a significant part of this character (as are my heated S&M
style fantasies). I know, I know, I’m
also not paying attention to history.
Plenty of actors have been deemed too skinny or short or out of shape or
just wrong for these types roles and again and again have proven living jokes
like me wrong (Henry Cavill most recently and Heath Ledger quite
famously). Why, just a couple years ago I
was screaming to anyone in earshot how Tom Hardy did not look physically
imposing at all and would not be a credible Bane but I was proven so wrong I should
have been forced to watch The Hobbit: A Long Drawn Out Journey again before being subjected to The White Stripes entire discography. Additionally, from interviews I’ve seen, Ms.
Gadot is very personable, very charismatic and yes, very pretty, which are all
qualities inherent to the character. I am
ashamed of my fanboy self just as I try to resist his pull. I want nothing more than to be proven
completely wrong (as I happily often am) by a photo or piece of footage and to
then be ridiculed for ever doubting. I
was so happy to hear that one of my favorite characters (from any medium) was going to finally have a
big screen debut and I want that feeling to only grow. And so I will focus only on that feeling from
now on. I am sorry Gal, you deserve so
much better. The negativity is all out
of my system. I can now be cautiously
optimistic.
Regardless
of all the misgivings I've discussed in this insightful blog post I must now
express pure happiness at simply being able to watch so many movies! Watchmen,
Out of the Furnace, The Hobbit, the upcoming Superman vs. Batman and introducing Wonder Woman and featuring Everyone
in the World! Regardless
of whether I love or hate something I am just so gosh darn thankful to the
powers that be for the opportunity to view it all! And what a great time to be a
nerd! At what other point
in cinematic history could we witness a Hobbit
trilogy and the makings of a Superman vs.
Batman movie? Repulsion from director Roman Polanski
is so captivating and the Criterion blu-ray so beautiful that I am tempted to
simultaneously gouge out both my eyeballs with a horseshoe just from thinking
about it. I like to have
binge marathons where I watch Repulsion,
The American Friend and La Nave de
los Monstruos 17 times in a row at 5 minutes past every hour.
I
have been thinking of getting the logo of my favorite XFL team tattooed on my
back while waiting for the new season to start.
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