Calypso was an inspired choice

I received a fantastic gift for Christmas and it was a Captain Beefheart box set called Sun Zoom Spark which contains 3 long out of print and great albums from the 70’s and a disc of outtakes.  Upon tearing off the shiny wrapping paper and seeing this in all its beefy glory I hugged it to my bosom as I would a beloved and freshly deceased relative.  I’ve been listening to the Captain constantly while contemplating my own bizarre place in this universe and smiling at thoughts of my demise. 

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one literally plastered to my Vizio TV screen Sunday night watching the Golden Globes.  One aspect I particularly liked about this year’s ceremony was how sweaty everyone looked; there were shiny foreheads all over the cheesin’ place. I relate to this because I often feel a little too warm in any room. I’m constantly perspiring.  It really humanized these celebrities and there were many instances where I truly felt I was in the room with them. 

However despite my deeply unhealthy infatuation with Salma Hayek (Everly is one my most hotly anticipated movies of the year and I frequently imagine scenarios where Ms. Hayek is brutally gunning me down, painting the walls with my blood and decorating the carpets with my brain matter) I mainly tuned into the GG’s to see how my boy Michael Keaton would fare in the category for which he was nominated – best actor in a motion picture comedy or musical.  I was eating a bowl of Cap N’ Crunch and counting down the seconds until this category was announced near the tail end of the program.  I squealed with girlish glee when he won and found his acceptance speech quite heartfelt and moving.  As a lifelong fan of The Keats it felt wonderful to see this recognition.

But here’s the rub and the central thesis of my discontent: I am a fat ugly hypocrite.  Care to know why, dear readers?  I’m pleased as punch you would ask.  For my entire miserable and worthless life I’ve maintained that things like awards and critical praise don’t mean crapola for any artistic medium.  Yet here I am following every major award gala and actively hoping that Keaton will get the win.  It seems to be working so far as he’s won millions of awards for his lead role in Birdman with another nomination already in place for the Screen Actors Guild (SAG is such a great acronym) awards later in the month and a high chance (so say the pundits) of securing a nomination for the much ballyhooed and coveted Oscar.  

Why should this matter to me?  Why should it matter to anyone?  Point in case: I was reading an article this morning which discussed how the Golden Globes acceptances speeches have an influence on who may win the Oscar.  The article mentioned an Eddie Murphy GG win which culminated in an acceptance speech many found arrogant in tone which may or may not have precluded an Oscar win.  It went on to further discuss how Keaton’s speech was much more liked than Eddie Redmayne’s speech [Redmayne won in a similar category but with an emphasis in drama instead of comedy (and with a Spanish minor hahahahaha)] and this apparently improves Keaton’s Oscar chances since both men will likely be in competition for this trophy.  How can an award based on such arbitrary bullshit as this possibly mean anything?! 

And yet I know these awards will increase his Hollywood stock which may mean more movie roles and more high profile flicks.  I’m already excited for his role in Spotlight later in the year and he just signed on for a new King Kong movie (which isn’t too exciting considering the last Kong movie was Peter Jackson’s predictably 17-hour-long borefest and this year’s Godzilla proved a great cast can still populate a crapfest monster flick).  There have also been hot rumors aplenty of Beetlejuice 2 being this close to a reality with Keaton and Winona Ryder returning under Tim Burton’s direction.  Of course that would only be good if Burton could somehow channel his younger self and not the soul-sucking monster who’s been excreting out abominations like Alice in Wonderland and Dark Shadows and a host of other heartbreaking motion pictures.  But the point is these awards likely mean more Keaton and that’s a bottom line I can get behind.  Still…I am a damn hypocrite for caring about these now.  I still believe an award like this should not make anyone like a performance any better.  If someone thinks Keaton is crap this shouldn’t make them change their mind.  Just watch a movie – any movie – and form your own opinions.  I just don’t know anymore.  I think we’ve lost touch with what made this country so great. 

Lucha Underground.  Holy fuckstick.  Last week’s episode – Aztec Warfare – featured one of the best matches I can ever recall in my history of watching wrestling.  I am consistently stunned at the fantasticness of this program.  This 9^th episode was the absolute perfect culmination of the rivalries and storylines which have been featured.  Every wrestler was used appropriately and the choice of who should win the first title belt was perfect!  Those last few minutes had me biting off my fingers in suspense.  I’m breathless just thinking about this show.  The characters, the spots, the development of the heels and faces, the way the backstage segments are presented, the successful incorporation of intergender matches (something VERY difficult to get right) and the featured talent – Fenix, Prince Puma, Sexy Star, Chavo Guerrero Jr, the list goes on of fantastic performers doing fantastic work.  This is truly some of the best wrestling stuff I’ve seen in years.  YEARS damnit!  I can scarcely believe my eyes when it’s on the television and even now I have a strong distrust of my own memories.  I feel it is probably too good to last but I am going to continue to enjoy it to its maximum and anticipate every new episode for as long as it’s on the airwaves. 

The newest trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron was released last night and looked pretty much the same as the first trailer which isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it could mean they’re saving all sorts of amazing navel exploding things for the feature film.  I realized though that Ultron is actually really cute.  I’m not joking at all, his facial expressions coupled with that overly menacing James Spader voice is somehow adorable.  Just watch the first trailer again and pay attention to that last scene where he says “there are no strings on me” and his eyes turn real mean, its sooooo cute!!!  It actually makes me more excited to see this movie because I can’t remember the last time there was a really cute villain (cute in a Nermal from Garfield way, not cute in a sexy Eva Green evil is hot way). 

 

I’ll remember 2014 most prominently as the year I discovered my signature.