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As I secretly alluded to in one of my last post’s I am an obese fan of composer Danny Elfman.  I recently purchases a new copy from a third party seller of his score for Ang Lee’s 2003 film Hulk.  I like to imagine myself listening to this disc in my automobile but not nearly as much as I like to imagine myself crashing in my automobile, being ejected from my seat and splattering my brains all over the unforgiving concrete. 

Hannibal tv series showrunner Bryan Fuller recently described the show as like a “pretentious art film from the 80’s”  Recently I watched the premiere episode of season 3 which was entitled Antipasto. 

Saturday morning I spent a great deal of time contemplating suicide before eventually settling down on my bourgeois sofa to watch a bit of television.  Fate had grandiose plans for me that particular day as I happened upon Gilberto Agustín Martínez Solares’s 1952 film El Bello Durmiente.  Is there anything greater than watching a beautiful Mexican cavewoman devouring what appears to be a chicken leg (standing in for some dinosaur meat). 

Oh Jade, you have stolen my heart.  I would let happily let you bash me over the head with a massive club made of prehistoric rock.  How I wish I could live with you millions of years ago and dance and play and be with you in the sun. 

I recently finished Clive Barker’s new book The Scarlet Gospels.  It is a relatively short book and I read it in roughly 4 days time.  It was a fast, brutal read and I quite loved it.  Early buzz from years ago said this was going to be a massive 1000+ page tome with multiple timelines and plot threads juggling a cast of who knows how many and there was a fair amount of controversy amongst Barker/Hellraiser/Pinhead fans when the final product was released with a huge amount of that stuff edited out. 

I will also say it seems the cartoon The Flinstones ripped off many of the ideas presented in this film.  One day I will own a massive home theatre system and illegally charge average American citizens to watch this film on it. 

I saw American Sniper at some point recently as well. Or did I?  The answers may be more difficult to accept than you had hoped. 

Back in January I made one of the biggest mistakes of my miserable worthless life and it will haunt me forever unless I am able to rectify.  Will I be granted a second chance?  If so, I swear I will not fail you again.  Deanna, I swear. 

She was in a house and there was a dead child by the stairs.  Anyone who looks at the child is hypnotized; their eyes roll over black and they start to scream.  How did she come by this knowledge? 

Self destruction is my heart.  And I have so much room to grow, so much to explore. 

The sweet pull of temptation.  I thought of you before falling asleep.  This was so wrong.  Have you ever thought about me?  You cannot possibly be this virtuous.  My diseased mind is playing elaborate tricks on me.  Still, I see such elegance, such grace and passion.  Art flowing freely out of you.  It is so intoxicating to be a part of that.  And in those moments the desire is so strong I just want to get down on my knees.  How I long to be subjugated.  I desperately want to be enslaved.  You are all in white.  And then black.  With a shroud.  There are two of you, one good and one evil, both glorious.  There is such tenderness in your eyes and that is something I have never and will never deserve.  Would you hold me in the palm of your hand?  And then crush me between your white teeth. 

They want me to be like all the other zombies.  What a disgusting world.  Despite my best efforts I could not muster the strength to care.  All that will ever be is reflected in their eyes.  It is an empty and horrifying vision; so much nothing.  We build our lives on nothing, create nothing and then die and our lives mean nothing. 

This is the house that Jack built.  That’s what one old man said to the other.  The 5^th dimension terrifies me.  Oh God, it hurts.  I’m sorry I failed you again.  I’m sorry for my whole rotten life.

Somehow David always makes things better again.  Is he the only one who truly understands?  I think of him driving like a demon from station to station. 

The ends of my fingers are all bitten off.  I was so terrified the other night and convinced someone or some thing was going to walk into my bedroom.  I pictured it walking in slow but silently and I would lying in bed awake but unable to move. 

My heart is a shameless disgusting whore and I hate it so very much. What right do I have to imagine?  How dare I dream the unthinkable. 

I listened to the album Ahi Vamos by Gustavo Cerati while writing all this garbage.  It is a great album.