It took me years to find La Ciudad del Crimen

I sense I’m gesturing out of place here.  There’s a purple book on my knee.  Holy moley I am tired.  I’m always tired nowadays.  And.  I’m not sure why.  My blu ray copy of Cannibal Holocaust arrived today though I’m still waiting on my blu ray copy of Salo (or The 120 Days of Sodom).  When both are in my possession I think I’ll fix myself a delicious rib eye steak prepared medium rare (with a warn pink center) with a sides of green beans and mashed potatoes and a couple glasses of old red wine.  Then I’ll watch em’ back to back and then I’ll probably burst into tears which I’ve already done several times today.

I was pleased to see Mr. McFeely also deliver my Bronson soundtrack and I promptly listened to the second song roughly 159 times in a row while exercising naked.  Then I covered myself in butter and then I drew a little but I ended up crumpling and throwing away every pathetic drawing I made.  

I am not sure what to make of there being two cuts of Cannibal Holocaust included on the blu ray – the original theatrical version and an “animal cruelty free” version.  Anyone who knows anything about this flick knows one of the reasons for its infamy are several scenes depicting the killing of animals – animals which would not have died were it not for their involuntary participation in this movie’s making.  I – like most humble folks – am against animal cruelty.  Yikes, I’ve already lost interest in my own train of thought here.  People are unbelievable hypocrites.  Has anyone eaten meat?  Double checked all their clothing?  Ever killed a spider who just trying to stay warm and taking up a few meager inches of space in their home?  That’s right, I’m no better!  I just don’t know what to think.  Forget this paragraph.  To discuss the complex social issues of the animal cruelty presented in Cannibal Holocaust we would need to converse in person where we could banter back and forth and show our innate superiority.  We could go for coffee!  Or alcoholic beverages.  It’s bad I know.  I guess I just don’t know what I’m saying anymore. 

I was pleased as punch to see that the deluxe blu ray also came with a copy of the soundtrack.  I’ll listen to it while I take part in an upcoming expedition exploring primitive Amazonian cultures.  Is there anything more frightening than people?  I already feel horrible about my decision because animals really are wonderful.  I think I prefer animals more than people because people are by and large ugly and disgusting things.  I am polluting myself.  These confessions mean nothing.  But am I not a participant simply by watching?  That much is fact.  All the disclaimers in the world don’t change anything.  And why did I not have this reaction with Apocalypse Now?  Or Oldboy?  Is it because octopi aren’t very cute?  I am nothing if not a complete reprehensible hypocrite.  I’m ugly too!

The color scheme in Krzysztof Kieslowski’s 1991 flick The Double Life of Veronique reminds me more than a little but perhaps less than a lot (or perhaps not) of the color scheme in Wim Wender’s 1977 movie The American Friend.  They are both gorgeous movies through and through and they both make me cry uncontrollably.  In my greatest moments my ever fracturing mind loses its perennially tenuous grip on reality and I truly believe I am a character in one of those movies.  It is always a brutal shock to the system when I am thrust back into this harsh reality and I typically shake and weep for several hours afterward, sometimes I even soil myself during those moments, staining my crisp white jockies a rich chocolate brown.  

I must acquire a copy of Peter Gabriel’s 1989 album Passion at once.  The music on that release is truly lovely.  I understand there is a companion album full of songs from the world artists that inspired the music on the former release and I must obtain that as well.  The tunes were sumptuously used in Martin Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ and I am eager to see how they feel without the imagery.  

I think there are subliminal messages in the music I listen to which is slowly affecting changes within me.  Things are inside my mind and doing things in there and I don’t know how to stop them.  All I know is that I am very frightened.  I think there was a voice coming from the sink last night.  Someone was speaking to me from the sink.  If you come over, please don’t look at the carpet because I drew something awful on it.  

That little purple book has put a spell on me.  Mavi Gioia has also put a spell on me but for entirely different reasons.  Oh Mavi, can a vision such as you truly be real?!  

I brought up James Bond in my last seminal blog post and I’m going to bring ol’ 007 up again here for a moment and just lay all my cards on the table: my favorite James Bond bar none is Barry Nelson from the original 1954 television adaptation of Casino Royale followed very closely by Peter Sellers from the 1967 adaptation.  I should add that both versions are far superior to Martin Campbell’s gauche hollywoodized 2006 Casino Royale.  I still stand by Monica Bellucci being the best Bond Girl.  I suspect I will be standing by that proclamation until the day of my grisly demise.  

I recently heard the rumored casting choices for Guillermo Del Toro’s Justice League Dark movie which may or may not ever happen.  Ron Perlman as Swamp Thing?  Perfect!  Colin Farrell and Ewan McGregor as John Constantine?  Whatever!  Whoever doesn’t play Constantine playing Jason Blood AKA Etrigan (one of my favorite of Jack “King” Kirby’s creations)?  Sure!  A comedic actor for Deadman?  Great!  Monia Bellucci as Madame Xanadu?  Holy shit yes!!!  A Hispanic or black actress for Zatanna?  Fucking brilliant!  A few happy suggestions: Salma Hayek, Patricia Navidad, Catherine Siachoque, Shakira (she’s made guest appearance on shows like Ugly Betty and Wizards of Waverly Place so she’s an actress!), Chiquis Rivera, Kate Del Castillo, Yamila Herrera, Estrellita, Ana de la Reguera, Lina Santos, Galilea Montijo, Sofia Vergara, Yadhira Carrillo, Eva Garbo, Salma Hayek, the list goes on!  I’ve got a million of them!  Though this project does excite me I think that if someone pointed a standard police issue Glock 9 millimeter handgun to my temple and asked me to choose I would ultimately rather Del Toro make Hellboy 3 or his long gestating adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness.  Hell, just give me all three!

The other day I attempted my first recipe culled from the book Nigella Express.  It was a smashing success and I now consider myself to be an unparalleled mastery in the culinary arts.  I shall be plying my gastronomic trade again tonight!  Oh Nigella!  Oh Mavi!  You are both too much!  I’m not worthy!

If you jerk the handle, I’ll die in my dreams.