tenten(eleven)

I’m listening to Michael Chiklis’s album Influence while I write this.  In many ways it has served as the soundtrack to my life. Certain agnostic mystics are conspiring against me as we speak.  For years, they’ve been gathering information and disseminating a lot of bad intelligence.  Hahaha, I only just now noticed that message from long ago, trying to understand.  It’s because you made a damn joke about it.  That’s why I had to cut it all out.  It never meant a damn thing anyway.  And Weezer’s red album!  I don’t need any other music for the rest of my life other than Chiklis’s Influence and Weezer’s red album! 

We all head back to the same wells for inspiration, don’t we?  I have no idea if I’m the same person as before. Things are cast in black and white when I remember them.  There’s a bit of sexual innuendo.  I know we discussed this and in doing so the stars turned to grief.  Inside there was the briefest moment of purity.  It hurts to remember things so I mostly try to block it all out though with a few drinks a nice hazy recollection is acceptable.  Of course I’m also waiting on the American release of Everybody Knows which looks excellent.  All my lines are canned, even when I’m sporting electric pink hair.  Plastic is going to win out today.  I need.  Say, that bass part in No Friends reminds me of the main riff thing in Rearviewmirror.  I recently had the pleasure of latter liveliness.  Twas grand.  I still need to wrap my greasy fingers around plastic man archives.  All this café really eats me up, twisting inside me like bad oysters. 

Robert James Lees made it all up but it all came true anyways.  How funny.  I can’t seem to simply state anything anymore.  Are the roots tied down in Gnosticism?  And on an unrelated note, would I be committing sin to take that terrifying voyage with the damned?  Those adolescents hate children and all set against a lovely blue backdrop (coincidently electric blue is the color of my room where I will live).  Oh God but my stomach, head, elbows and forearms really hurt and I can’t seem to do anything anymore.  I’m not really sure to whom the end of this whole thing is dedicated. 

I was retracing your steps.  Years prior I was retracing the steps of another with (half) the same name.  I didn’t clearly realize it until just the other day though.  It’s perfect in so many ways.  Of course I was not allowed entry.  And now my vision is growing dim.  There was a cripple with a dog on the stairs as I approached and they were not happy about the impromptu photo session.  I spin the ring just as I realize there are way too many lights on in my posh flat.  Were they fighting some kind of deity?  What if none of our stories have meaning?  I need to take some pills or something.  I drove on the road and was looking for an opportunity to see the unseeable thing that does not actually exist.  All on tape.  and sleep is often the great escape.  Saxophones leading the way to a comforting no wave destination.  What’s a brother gotta do to get paid around these parts?!  Fuck!  Of course, I was only offered my first job because I had that new pair of shoes!  The spirit of punk is such a lovely thing.  Its so great to read. 

Of a couple new trailers…I am interested to watch that third season of True Detective.  I liked year 1.  Never saw year 2.  But maybe I will soon.  We’re all subject to the black hole. I hope your life does not end in a black mass.  I enjoyed the new Halloween trailer.  I am not as excited for that flick as I am of the Suspiria remake but I will certainly be there day 1.  You  know, I do like the Rob Zombie movies.  I would still say Lords of Salem is Zombie’s artistic triumph though and I would love to see him make another film of that caliber. 

Now At Eternity’s Gate. That felt love and necessary right now.  Of course I’m a big fan of Schnabel’s Basquiat.  And those three lead actors in one film make me squeal with girlish glee.  You know I’ve seen Starry Night in person.  it had its very own guard.  I don’t warrant a guard though.  Neither do most people.  But yes, this is amongst my most anticipated.  Oh, and Roma too!  I dare not forget that one though it is sneaking up on me! 

I was listening to Marble Index again yesterday and all seemed right.  Then I bought a book.  I’m going to read that book at some point when there isn’t so much brass in my eyes.  I’ve been a good boy so far though!  That paperchain would be growing nicely if I had the necessary paper.  Mayhaps soon or whatever.  I just gotta stay the course.  But of course I’ll stay the course despite the simultaneous fear of and deep giddy desire for utter humiliation.  Apropos of nothing I’m sure I’ll watch the new year of Ingobernable I say to no one in my posh flat.  I’m gonna go to two banks.  I need to acquire a few more Brian Eno albums.  And pastels.  Noodles for dinner and noodles for lunch and noodles for dinner again.  I think I liked something at some point.  My hands hurt.  I’m nothing.  There is nothing.  I can’t really think of anything about anyone.  We’re all smiles through the glass.  I think those happy memories are fictitious. 

Cause nothing really matters. 

And the crocodile keeps staring at me.  and there’s empty sexual experience vying for attention right now. 

She crossed her eyes and he explosively ejaculated into his rent trousers. 

I’m doing it to myself, that’s the key thing to remember.  For want of the sun coming out I owe considerably.  I miss you dreadfully.