System is good and properly broken down because of course it
is. Such a waste. i knew.
it was all my fault. There were
too many symbols. I lost too much
money. All for not. Strange erratic tapping on the roof. Hopefully some type of foul. System’s really been totally crapping out lately. Just completely unreliable. Though reliably
unreliable. Gotta give it that. listening to an Iggy Pop album while crank
out this crap. instinct. Just overworked
the brain is all. Too much
analysis. Too much questioning. Research. Oh well, like I said, never really much
use to me anyway. that’s right, Ricky
Insolvency here again, writing straight from the gutters of wherever and more
under water than ever. The white cover
of under water really stands out and in general I love those editions. Or do i?!
the more I learn the less I want to know. Kind of a gritty taste in my
mouth now. from used hosiery. Drank a lot of coffee today and it really
affected me because I’ve been laying off the coffee lately. Or have i?!
the more I learn the less I want to know. “I should have done this a long time ago.” Beautiful.
Thank you for everything. I should
have done this a long time ago. Been too
long without my clark nova. Don’t cheapen
things. you do too much of that already. She a gorgeous terrific ass. Been reading about a bear lately. Got a haircut the other day. my dinner was sparse today but my lunch was
bountiful. I’ll be drinking red wine
soon. whatever animals are up there I hope
they calm down and don’t disturb my restful slumber. At a loss again. Too insolvent, too under water. Need to figure something out. I need to sit down in the corner and think
about triangles for a while. I need to
order some books but I don’t have any money.
Too many things not working as they should lately but the books have
been pretty reliable. Comics too. exploring specific corners of the universe. When the body fails the hold on the mind
remains practically the same. but I have
this space now and I have words. Thank
God for the words. Only two months left
in this great year. Man it went by fast. Another year with nothing to show for it. I am such a loser. Missed a birthday but I have a swell used gift
for the little bastard. Don’t make proclamations
or vows. Just do it. do it.
could have been rats. They don’t
compare. I skipped out on going to the
local dive tonight but my resolve isn’t really worth a tin shit in the
insolvency department because I spent money on frivolous things anyway even
though I was well aware that the system was/is breaking down. typical ricky. I have been very disciplined lately, can’t
start pissing it away now. gotta call a
tree tomorrow. Saw a familiar face the
other day when I went to get my haircut.
We all have greater lines and bags now.
we’re all just spinning our wheels.
Missed out on the snow queen. More
pissing away. You moron! Of course, I think
as my head goes light, how utterly proper.
I think I was missing some kind of connection earlier but that might
have just been one of those traps that my mind sets for itself. There is a desire that arises that isn’t real
desire. It’s the external expectation or
beating of the head that you should be desiring. Must watch out for traps. I have felt rather
insular lately. But maybe I need to get
a little more in touch with myself. Need
to address the interior before I can hope for anything in the exterior. Or whatever.
Running like a villain now. kinda
hungry. Maybe I’ll eat some more yogurt. I’m all about fitness these days. when I go to restaurants I order a steak
medium or medium plus and ask them not to cook it with butter or oil and to
only season it with salt and pepper. I gesticulate
with my hands a lot. A lot of people
smell bad and I always wonder how their partners can stand FUCKING them and not
throw up in the process. I wish I had
the guts to be exterminator. It would make
everything perfect. coming up
short. Fictions have me. yet, in some ways, don’t they become like the
real thing? Even better than the real
thing. Need to wash my eyes. Yes, that’s why I was thinking about moving
to Naples, florida. Hopefully this all
works out. Hopefully there’s some
protection. Finally can accept that
modern love can be a strain. Shouldn’t
be looking so hard for those symbols and mythological figures out there in the world. They are all as disappointing as you. and you can’t afford all that drain
action. Besides, one does not need to
leave their home to find the much clearer and better examples. An emphasis on magic now. these are real people though, you see? Even though people is not exactly the right
words. The chronicler is just the one
who is able to tap into the live mythology in that moment. Some channel it better than others, purer,
which is why it sometimes comes out wrong.
Don’t need to leave to have that. the lack of updates is truly
disheartening. Need to update some card information
tomorrow. Gotta write about that
haircut. Gotta string words together
that no one will ever read. Need to just
keep filing reports, can’t lose focus on that, please. Need to keep filing reports on what is seen
and what is happening. Like I’m in
tangier. Like I’m an alcoholic. Which I am.
Was nice to be missed a few weeks ago.
But I can’t really afford to be missed anymore. in the shitty night, in my crappy life! there’s no one in charge. No one is really deeply connected to me
anymore.
