Awaythrow

I wrote this stuff last week and now it’s even more irrelevant than normal but I thought I’d post it anyway for all the die-hard followers of the cream out there. 

All reports indicate the new Fantastic Four movie is going to be absolute crap but I could not be more excited to see it!  Would I be this excited if it did not have such disastrous word-of-mouth?  Almost certainly not!  2005’s feature film was directed by perhaps our greatest auteur Tim Story.  I first saw this movie opening night way back in the sexy, steamy summer of 2005.  I watched it with a dear friend who now never speaks to me and after the movie we went to Denny’s for some well drinks, bacon and eggs and bowls of oatmeal with milk and brown sugar (how come you taste so good?).  I happen to also own two copies of it on DVD [the standard version and the extended cut (not to be confused with a director’s cut)] and the blu ray.  All this financial support for a movie I would say is quite bad!  But I love bad movies, they provide me with endless hours of pure pleasure. 

I’m also looking forward to Joel Edgerton’s directorial debut The Gift which also premieres this upcoming day of Fri.  I think I’ll make a day of it with milk and cookies and go theatre hopping in a mad sojourn to see these great feature films on the big screen.  Then I’ll return to my posh flat and weep over the futility of my life.  I am such a loser.  It is amazing how little I’ve accomplished over the course of my life.  Have I ever done anything of which I am proud?  Nothing comes to mind.  I feel sorry for myself.  I also feel sorry for all the folks who are actually somehow proud of the meaningless things they have done – things they will admit mean nothing to them in and of themselves.  I am filled with so much sorrow. 

I also desperately want to see Shaun the Sheep Movie and I still need to view Ant-Man and the new Mission Impossible flick!  That’s a motley total of five fucking feature films I want to view post haste!  Perhaps instead of a simple day I’ll make an entire weekend of it and fully give myself over to the art, the magic, the wonder that it cinema!  With each movie I will purchase an extra large tub of hot buttered popcorn, an extra large fountain drink which will be filled with Coca Cola Classic and a box of mini Butterfingers.  If I’m feeling frisky and am at one of the more sophisticated theatres I may also order a hot dog and/or a slice of pizza and/or nachos with extra cheese. 

I know in my heart of hearts I’m going to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street part 3: Dream Warriors and A Nightmare on Elm Street part 4: The Dream Master back to back tonight while guzzling a bottle of cheap white wine which I purchased from the corner market.  It is the only sane thing a man in my position could possibly do this evening.  Afterward, I will likely reflect upon the strange circumstances which led to my own tortured and bizarre existence. 

For the past who knows how many weeks I have been