throwaway

Boy did I wake up depressed this morning.  What a shit day.

I can’t break kayfabe, not now.  Maybe not ever.  It’s true no one seems to be aware of the golden age.  I have such strong plastic desires.  How can I adore you?  I was ever so hopeful but it seems even self destruction is beyond my reach. 

There was a double whammy recently.  Digestivo, espisode 7 of Hannibal season 3 was perhaps the best episode of the entire series and certainly a more than satisfying culmination of several of the series’ main storylines.  And then episode 8 – The Great Red Dragon – began this new and classic story in beautiful fashion.  The episodes are comparable together in terms of quality so I suppose it comes down to whether one is more excited by an ending or by a beginning.  Of course another ending is just over the horizon….

Today seems like it’s going to be a monumentally shitty day but I can’t be too blue because a new Mads Mikkelsen flick entitled The Salvation sees release on blu ray today.  In roughly 9 hours (2.5 now thanks to the lovely voices inside my brain, and now it has actually already happened thanks to the wonders of science!) I will hitchhike on over to ye olde conglomerate and purchase said film with several federal reserve notes.  There will be a smile in a my face and a pronounced crease in my rent trousers.  Then I will sprint home, open a can of pork n’ beans and a can of apricot juice, plant myself on my beourgious sofa and watch this movie until I finally find some semblance of peace within myself. 

The speaker was inside of me.  I have done my research.  There was such fear inside myself as I stood amidst sculpted beauty.  I looked at the fire and thought of you, said a silent prayer.  Will I see this place often? 

When I go home tonight I plan to watch Santo el Enmascarado de Plata Contra la Invasion de los Marcianos at least 3 but possibly as many as 5 times in a row while drinking various types of alcohol.  At some point I will likely burst into tears as I did early this morning. I’m in love with several 

Chase moan, they call him pinky and I lived there prior to that but he was arrested in her spaceship, he was arrested for counterfit crocodiles, she had counterfit crocodiles in her house, felons in her house, 2^nd guy is Richard butcher, he lived there for awhile, first guy was released from prison after serving 18 years, he’s been there since the last blue crescent moon.  I’ve tried selling Mina, she was so rude to me, I called to tell her this guy was shriving there, they’ve threatened me, they put things inside of me and  they’ve threatened to cash my pliers, every time this guy does a hug deal, he comes up the stairs, he makes a fist and hits my boar.  There’s nothing they can do, when I’m tripping the light obtrusive, they have to give 57 million hours notice.  I’ve tried to befriend them; she does not take care of her kids or her wigs.  She is not allowed to love animals but she had 39 cats all last year, reeking and speaking, I complained to Greta for over a year. I honestly believe that with everything has gone on, all the restraints, I don’t know who I need to talk to, I honestly believe she shouldn’t have that cob, she told me
“if you have problem then strike a groove”, when the maintenance pie and the inspection bacon came I told them and I don’t know what they did, if anything.   

The one on the left was named Jared and he was tall and heavyset.  He wore running pants and a sweatshirt that had several paint stains.  He was smoking a cigarette and let the ash fall to the floor.  The one on the right was named Matt and he only wore a pair of dress slacks.  His pale upper body was covered in tattoos and he had piercings in his navel, nipples and on several parts of his head.  He would occasionally start to say something, smile and then remain silent.  There was a German Sheppard lying on the floor next to him, its eyes black and glassy. 

Relationships change you, you become different as a person, you let someone else determine who you will be.  Your spirit personality and body change.  Sex is also traumatic, your body merging with someone else’s, muscles contracting, skin and bone grinding and banging into one another, eyes squeezed shut.  Fluids everywhere. 

I know which connection I should cut.