Wish I had a ghost dog

I was happier than a coprophagiac about to chow down on a big bowl of fresh steaming shit to recently learn that El Rey Network’s seminal program Lucha Underground is coming back for a second season in early 2016.  Those who know me best know of my deep unhealthy love for professional wrestling in all its many forms.  Actually, that’s not quite true: I’ve never been a fan of the literally bloody hardcore matches nor the type of women’s matches that become excessively vulgar or tawdry.  However all other types have provided endless hours of entertainment for yours truly and I can safely say Underground features the best wrestling I’ve seen in at least a (largely wasted) decade!  I pray a blu ray release of the first season is released that I may feature it at my annual wrestling party this year; all are invited!  Relatedly, I recently watched a Lucha Libre Unida match online which featured Sadica la Ultraviolenta (the most violent luchadora in Mexico), what a great worker.  She could put anyone over!  How I’ve longed for her lock me in reverse headscissors while laughing at me and taunting me, telling me what a pathetic loser I am (all in her native Spanish of course).   Her sexiness makes me burst into tears as it reminds me of all my inadequacy.  I need her in my life.  Would you be my wife?  I have countless bootleg copies of her matches and I watch them every night before passing out on my bourgeois sofa.  I’ve also been meaning to purchase some Resistance Pro matches for years now.  Billy Corgan’s recent and excellent shoot interview made me want them even more.  Please someone buy me every single one for Christmas and you will have a backstabbing friend for life! 

I’ve been on a mammoth Spike Lee kick lately and have watched 9 of his movies this week and ordered a few more to fill in the glistening well-lubricated holes in my collection.  Though it might not be the popular choice I would say Summer of Sam is my favorite of the feature  films of his I’ve seen (that includes the typical odds-on critical darlings like Malcolm X and Do the Right Thing and the mainstream greats like Inside Man and The 25^th Hour but boy howdy, they’re all fucking good!).  His last flick – Da Sweet Blood of Jesus – was a messy and challenging work and I await with bated breath the upcoming release of his new joint Chiraq.  I understand why his films sometimes piss people off to no end and wish more filmmakers would take such chances and be as bold with their voice. 

I have been jamming hardcore lately to David Bowie’s 1973 album Aladdin Sane.  The follow-up to the classic The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spider From Mars, this one enjoys a slightly less celebrated reputation than it’s big brother but I dare say the rewards it offers are just as fulfilling to those who seek it out.  Drive In Saturday will forever be my jam, especially when the bombs drop and I’m left with nothing but the music but every track rips my face off.  If I had any guts at all I’d learn the entire album on bass guitar and then go out and play it naked during a hail storm.  Seriously, the playing on this album is top notch.  And the vocals!  Cripes, just listen to Panic in Detroit!  I have a special connection with that song as people often tell me I look like Che Guevara and because I panic a lot (though admittedly, I’ve never been to Detroit).  Also, Fijacion Oral Vol. 1 by Shakira has come back to the top again, such a beautiful album.  And I’ve been crushing mad on Public Enemy these past couple days; need to get their new live record and Blu-ray!  It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back and Apocalypse 91…The Enemy Strikes Back are urban slabs of awesome, they make me want to saw my own arm off and slap my face with it due to their intense greatness.  What a mainstream piece of shit I am! 

 
Halloween is finally upon us dear children!  What are everyone’s favorite scary movies and books?  Does anyone have any suggestions?  Any hip new and terrifying shit I need to check out?  I started reading a book by Donna Tartt called The Secret History the other day.  It is a shockingly rich and satisfying work, thankfully reminding me how glorious books can be.  I have read many books that started strong and turned to poop though so I will keep you dear fans updated as I go along.  But after 200 pages it is one of the best things I’ve ever read! Please keep it up, book!  But yes, please suggest some good terrifying movie and book stuff down below.  And no found footage flicks; horseshit I say! Unless you insist it is truly amazing (though I probably won’t believe you). 

Prying (and rather dangerous) minds have been asking why I’ve been smiling so much lately.  I can safely say it’s been a recent switch in toothpastes.  All my miserable and worthless life I’ve been a Colgate man but just the other day, on a complete whim, I purchased Crest Fluoride Anticavity Toothpaste which came replete with tartar protection whitening.  Brushing my teeth with this cool mint paste is like having a daily wintry party in my mouth.  Subsequent to this dental hygienic revelation I don’t know how I could possibly go back to any other brands.  It made me wonder what else I’ve been missing out on all these years. 

Everyone who is exactly like me needs to run out and see The Duke of Burgundy right this very second.  So great and possibly the sexiest movie I’ve ever seen.  All others need not apply and should probably do something else like eat a banana split or go white water rafting!  

I like to listen to Scott Walker’s last four albums while I work.  It puts me in a very terrifying state of mind.  His 1995 album Tilt is a particular favorite of mine and I adore that it came out the same year as 1.Outside by David Bowie which is one of my favorite albums of all time.  I would die for that album and have already reserved my copy of the deluxe vinyl scheduled to come out this upcoming Black Friday despite the fact that I do not own a record player.  Amazing and haunting works.  David Lynch’s Lost Highway also came out around this time and its connection to the latter album delights me in my declining years.  

I was just reminded the other day how much I love The Fragile.  I think I’ll listen to it 59 times in a row while eating bowls of Count Chocula cereal. Then I’ll throw a pair of pantyhose over my head and watch old episodes of Elvira’s Movie Macabre.  Please someone help me. 

Criterion blu ray releases for Mulholland Dr., The American Friend and Lady Snowblood guarantee I will be drooling in front of my television while simultaneously masturbating and doing jumping jacks for many future hours.  They need to give the rest of my favorite movies the Criterion treatment and I’ll never sleep a wink! 

 
I recently watched Guillermo Del Toro’s newest flick Crimson Peak in theatres.  It is almost a certainty that I will view it again on the big screen but you should not interpret that as me saying I liked it but you also shouldn’t interpret that as me saying I didn’t not like it.  

I’ve watched the Cubs lose their asses off these first two games and all I can do is hope for a better tomorrow.  What else can I say?  I mean really, what else can I fucking say?  Fuck, I just don’t know what to do?  Maybe I’ll just drink poison.