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I took a trip down to Blowjob Park after drinking 17 cups of Nescafé.  Don’t mind me, I was just toiling away the hours searching ebay for used pantyhose and watching plus size pantyhose try on haul videos on youtube.  Oh my tender heart, it can’t take this!  I read a book recently.  Of course I spent most of my day playing Mario Golf for the Game Boy Color, still arguably the greatest video game ever made.  The movie Princesas always makes me cry.  I just love that movie and Candela Pena’s performance in it so much.  I’ve added it to my all time favorites list but of course that doesn’t really mean anything because I’m an utterly worthless person and growing more worthless by the minute.  Another night failure begins now.  No, I’m already in the throes of it and my hands are very cold.  I wonder what time I’ll wake up.  I’ve been listening to some Frank Zappa music recently.  And other music too.  Hope for Vikina.  By now I probably know.  I drove many miles to watch Parasite but not as many as for Suspiria.  I’ll drive many miles for Pain and Glory.  I feel blessed.  I am but I don’t acknowledge it nearly enough.  Please let that be the last time. 

I was drinking black coffee while finishing the Ken Russell movie Gothic.  Or was i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Let’s show this asshole we mean business. I’m currently reading the book Rum Punch by Elmore Leonard!  Or am I?  The more I learn the less I want to know.  No, wait!  I definitely am!  It’s a real corker of a novel!  That Leonard sure knows how to spin a yarn!  It’s good to mix up your reading.  Is D’arcy an underrated bassist?  Hard to say.  Finally, I’ll watch the extended cut of Margaret.  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the theatrical cut for the past 15 years.  I recently watched the movie The Love Witch and loved it!  I was drinking heavily while watching it but that’s only because I’m often drinking heavily.  I would have ordered the little kit with all the hip tie in shit but I used up all my money (this was shortly after I was living like a king in the big apple).  I’ve watched a dance competition over the past several weeks.  What happened?  I was doing so well and now I’m back to wasting large blocks of time again!  I need to break out my old brown binder of management practices and really bone up on proper time management! 

I wanted to get very close to a painting today but could not bring myself to do so I just got kinda close but I did walk away with a small card that has an image of the painting and I guess that’s the best I can do.  Thinking of that late period Argento now.  Man, I love Joe Lally’s bass playing, just fuckign love it, so fuckign inspirational.  Eric Avery too!  What a player!  And Sting!  And loads of others!  You know, I love Flea, just love him, beautiful creative lines BUT I’ve never really been a big fan of his tone.  I’m sorry.  I feel like shit for saying it!  I’m gonna get a drink soon.  You know who’s an underrated bassist?!  Ben Shepherd from Soundgarden!  Man, Superunknown is full of tasty sumptuous playing!  Can’t forget about all the great keyboard bass out there.  I just have to play my tambourine.  Now I get it, though it’s much darker in this contemporary context.  My fault, no one else’s.  great placement right before something purely patriotic.  I regressed.  I messed up. 

I hate you! (I’m talking to myself).  I was listening to Ataxia’s first album earlier today while gleefully sinning (later on this glee would be transformed into deep self loathing and such is the nature of wisdom!).  I love that album and it is a constant aspirational and inspirational force.  You know, The Empire Strikes Back is just a great popcorn film!  Juts a classic slice of grand entertainment.  I’m still much more of a Trek guy then a War guy but… but you know what?!  Why the hell do we have to choose?  You can like what you like and that’s it.  Whatever, I’ve already lost interest in anything I’m saying.  Angel dust tomorrow. Thank you Milica for dressing so wonderfully again.  oh, i so desperately need help.  

Of course, I understand now!  My mental and emotional self defense against my self is too damn strong!  That’s why the much needed self loathing is always suppressed!  I need to kill those defenses!  I need to bathe in that self loathing!  Also, I’m damn excited for Camila Cabello’s new album dropping this coming Friday!  Hope I can find a few extra bucks on the street so I can purchase a physical copy! 

Is this the dark chapter of my life, he asked himself.  I want to spend this upcoming Saturday doing nothing for 7 straight hours.  Trent Reznor has artistically aged the best more than just about anyone involved in popular music in the past 30 years.  I really like the 80’s Scott Walker album Climate of Hunter.  I really like the 80’s Elvis Costello album Imperial Bedrooms.  I really like the writing of Barry Gifford and Elmore Leonard and Phillip K. Dick and J.G. Ballard and William Burroughs.  I’m overall quite a worthless person.  oh, I also really like Wes Craven’s 70’s movie The Hills Have Eyes.  Alexandre Aja’s 00’s remake was really good too!  And I really like his most recent movie Crawl!  I utterly failed again quite recently, twice in fairly rapid succession.  I feel so grateful that there is so much art in the world for me to enjoy and investigate.  Martin Scorsese’s last 2 movies are as perfect a career capper as I could imagine; they are stunning and beautiful works. 

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