river

morning started out with coloured kisses which i realized may be one of my all time favorites. i need to buy something reheated.  and wax.  i need wax. and the couple under the alias.  but back to coloured kisses.  it always makes me feel so good and lovely.  it awakes in me emotions that i know i never truly feel and don't think i ever could.  i think at some point but this used to trouble but it no longer does.  it is enough to have this.  so much in life comes down to disappointments and then sad rationalizations.  of course right on that same piece of plastic is a proclamation of love which may very well be in the top ten of your humble and utterly worthless blogger.  i love being invited down to the kitchen.  this is necessary for the summer.  need to make a summer oriented list very soon.  but yeah, that one sounds perfect to me on a peaceful saturday night.  or in the mornings when i am at my most miserable.  it comforts me like no one else has ever been able to do.  also, did i mention that i am a foul miserable person?  but that music...so lovely.  i don't think there ever will be an opportunity and i can't feel too bad about that because its not as though i forsook an opportunity.  but if there is, i will be there.  rest assured.  by hook or by crook, i will.  you know, i also really dig Tamia's album Love Life.  sounds great whenever i put it on.  i need to listen to up! again.  i can't make the smiley face with the u.  red disc.  but maybe green next time.  and blue! sometime blue. i need to listen to a couple Janet albums soon too.  i don't know anything.  i really hate myself. but its a well deserved hate.  this morning there were no magicians in sight.  i was reading Outline by Rachel Cusk a couple weeks ago and I think it is one of my favorite books I’ve read this year. 

i'm miserable right now but i only have myself to blame so at least i can take some comfort in that.  clocks are so awesome.  i should have been a watchmaker.  i find synder's adaptation of moore's source text to be fascinating.  it goes well with a noble failure but it is better than a noble failure.  i do miss the squid though.  and i find that squidless denouement is a bit too literally gutless.  it literally lacks.  it was the gore and the grime form the source text that in part made it so effective.  

i'm listening to dancing in the dark while on the way to somewhere.  

mother forgive me. like the fabled spanish inn, i only ever find what i bring myself.  

strangeness quantum numbers have me.  the text with the red binding.  ancient and hidden books.  volumes containing a wealth of hidden knowledge.  where is my angel of the bizarre?  there is forbidden radiation and absolute elsewhere.  secret societies and esoteric languages are flooding my brain.  numbness in left neck yesterday while reading about alien abduction narratives.  need to balance this all out with Catholic mysticism.  i need scientific books.  i need to read about archaeology and paleontology.  oh, iguanodon, i loved your original form. ah, the old cassettes, black they were.  i remember scooping those beautiful jewels out of the mountain side.  and of course the magic crystals.  maybe my destiny has always been intrinsically linked with magical crystals and the transmutation of metals.  the Rosicrucian society has me.  further research is necessary. i feel nothing (fruitcake). research has pierced....

home life hates, needs to time to meditate.  don't get too personal now.  mask it!  which mask are you?!  i am certainly very deserving of hatred.  i certainly hate me.  Oh, Regina of the Three Letters again yesterday.  A new muppet show?! Yes!

familiar sources of inspiration:

TEN DOLLARS FOR FISH AND CHIPS?! WHAT THE FUCK?! and then of course they cut was geometrical, all down in the lower level.  and then weird looking dogs walked by no wait that was outside later on and at some point i was consuming uncommonly bad pasta and there was flattery and it would be later i would realize that time is significant indeed and of course...never really cared.  understandable.  i am detestable.  no no no, it was a forgone conclusion.  no one's fault but my own.  do you remember a suprise hug.  juxtapose with a beautiful women in a magenta shirt carrying a baby while a ball game goes on in the background and i was given a disapproving glance after letting loose with a stream of profanity. Was that before or after.  At this point…I’m going to say after.  Nice little memory there. That was a formative time I realized it is a terrible idea to cling to the things you loved in high school for the rest of your miserable worthless life.  You have to let go in order to develop taste.  Or do you?  The more I learn the less I want to know.  I recall being excited by the doubly ness of it all.  Atrocious cover art.  You know, there’s some great stuff on there but a lot of it is let down by a VERY flat and lifeless production. 

Still, I bought a rose one morning.  That was nice.  I almost don’t believe nice memories anymore because it’s hard to believe I could actually be associated with something nice since I’m such an ugly piece of shit. 

I need to read more chronicles and more police comics and more Kirby stuff. 

i should mention that All Star Superman by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely is one of my favorite things ever.  just such a beautiful, gorgeous inspiring DEFINITIVE piece of art.  i like the animated movie from it too!  i would fucking LOVE a live action Superman movie like this one day. the Wonder Woman movie makes me feel good too, maybe like the way coloured kisses does.  i almost never feel good but that's okay.   

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