the dying over there

 

Saw mickey mouse with his face melted off.  Mickey mouse skull.  Day before easter saw a woman wearing blue lace bra and panties with bunny ears and a little tail.  That was sexy.  It didn’t mean anything though.  It registered but didn’t mean anything.  It’s all just information.  Need to watch flashdance again.  Need to read more often.  Vivian’s tears.  It was far too long.  I wish I was an opium addict.  I need to sit my stupid ugly ass down in the corner somewhere and think about triangles for a damn long time.  I still think the end of The Blair Witch Project is very damn scary. 

I wish that I and everyone had appreciated Elizbeth more when there was time.  Lone Star is everything. 

The drama of Raising the Bar stems from the inherent disfunction within our legal system.  The reminds me of the time my blowtorch accidentally went off in a crowded room.  This was around the time I first learned what love truly was. 

I need tropical hot dog night.  That always makes me feel better.  Is there a second act or is this it? 

Of course I loved everything related to the hollow.  It felt delightful. More of that and less of the pretty faces though in many other circumstances the pretty faces are very alley!  It made me remember how much I long to once again see the 90’s Land of the Lost series.  I would do anything for that series.  I hate myself.  I hate my childhood and I hate the childhood me.  But I also hate the adult me.  I hate the adult me more.  Both the child and the adult me are worthless and stupid but the child one at least has an excuse cause kids are naturally dumb. 

Were to start living off the land I would change my name to dimensional gates.  Do we all remember when porn star Hot Gates began to utilize fourth world iconography.  I think it was right at the end there.  The comedy to the tragedy.  Real vibrant color.  Pen and an imac.  That’s all it really takes in the final analysis. 

I’m evil I’m evil I’m evil!  All I want to know is what the geniuses at Lucky Charms have up their collective sleeve this time?  God, I need a drink.  After work I’m gonna get real fucked up on cheap whiskey and think about Lucky Charms.  Then I’m going to say in my thick Irish brogue “nobody will get their hands on me unlucky worms!”

Blue hammer, I think I had a blue hammer once.  Red screwdriver, green wrench and orange pliers maybe.  They were all in a small plastic bag.  ASMR had him.  Someone body slammed the door saying there was a deadly creature but then there was nothing. 

Heartache in the night again, oh well it doesn’t really matter.  All the things I cause don’t matter.  Polish night music helped me immensely the other day.  And a crocodile too.  My eyes are burning right now.  Industrial culture.  The daughter of Vulcan.  Molten metal.  Everything liquid metal.  Glorious rivers of liquid metal.  Everyone always fucks things up in the end.  The human body is disgusting.  Disgust is something I commonly feel.  I love to be alone.  Miriam had me the other day.  Sweetest sin.  Descending again.  Always.  I need to drink some coffee now.  Middle of the night discovery again down that familiar road.  Secret school haunting. 

I read something about plants the other and then I made spaghetti but I called it macaroni.  Tangerine this morning (thief).  Some days I feel.  I’m the gentleman who fell.  I don’t know how.  Which connection I should cut. Is this a moment of clarity.  Can I get rid of that one thing?  Once I clear up the accruals. 

I watched that thing with the ballet over the weekend.  Adoration. Always on my mind.  No, ballet isn’t correct.   I’m such a fucking idiot.  Modern.  It’s modern in a period setting.  Berlin of course.  I think.  I don’t know anything.  I like all the iggy references in the other thing I’m not currently discussing.  I am she.

Theatre and masquerade always break my heart.  All artifice.  All glorious and beautiful artifice.  Apropos of nothing, I’m waiting at the bottom of the stairs.  I need to know if I’m wasting my time.  If so, nickel plated needs to be accelerated.  But it’s not time yet.  True attempts must be made.  Sontag’s words valuable.

Need to consider when the passing out occurs.  Everything ongoing.  Tears halting for the moment.  Realization.  All of use in our beautiful artifice.  I hate myself so much.  I’m at my happiest when I’m asleep.  The sad thing is even in those moments – even in dreams – I can’t escape being me.  Hahaha that’s so pathetically melodramatic.  I’m such a piece of shit.  I’m fat and ugly too.  I really hate my dumb fucking ugly ass self. 

The quarantine has been very kind to Miriam.  She destroyed me.  No macaroni and cheese this time though. 

Have I overrated the dark knight all these years?  Possible.  More though required.  Need to watch flashdance again.  I ate corned beef hash the other day.  It was a satisfying meal.  Listened to a charly Garcia album while driving around.  Going nowhere.  That’s me.  Going nowhere.  Reminds me of a valentine’s day from so long ago.  Cruise me.  Maybe I just to engage in a more meta take, meta analysis.  Something like that.  Can’t think right now but I know I’m full of crap.  I can’t depend on anyone and it’s a glorious feeling.  I’m busy.  I like the. 

I’ve really been enjoying the series I’m working through and can how it influences what came later.  3 out of 5 currently.  I might eat pickles today.  The rhapsody in blue is all gone from me.  Everything is illusory.  The muses are illusory.  Little star falling.  I love to be used because I deserve it.  There is really no one left.  Except.  She liked vampire novels.  It’s the only way I can know her mind.  New year, new life.  White on valentines.  Are you okay?    

It’s my fault.  You get the relationships you deserve in life.