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I was considering the glossy greatness of Shania Twain’s 2002 album Up! [not to be confused with Peter Gabriel’s 2002 album Up (a very difficult album imho)] when I went to the latrine.  I took a steaming meaty shit and the toilet paper in the public restroom was nice and rough which felt great against the crack in my buttocks.  Last night’s cheap whiskey weighed very heavily on me.  Hot whiskey shits.  At some point while driving it off in the glorious dawn I was listening to Jerry Goldsmith’s fun and frothy (but not frothy like Up!) score to the 1992 box office bomb Medicine Man starring Sean Connery and a post Goodfellas, pre Sopranos Lorraine Bracco (whose legs in Sopranos gave me all manner of joyously impure thoughts).  That reminded me that I need to order Goldsmith’s score to the 1996 box office bomb The Ghost and the Darkness starring a woefully miscast Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer.  I also really like Gary Chang’s score to the 1996 box office bomb The Island or Dr. Moreau starring Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer and though that movie was and is critically derided I really enjoy and have watched my blu ray copy literally hundreds of times.  I also love Elliot Goldenthal’s score to the 1995 box office hit Batman Forever starring Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman and Chris O’Donnell.  I feel that score is underrated due to Danny Elfman’s legendary work on the preceding two movies.  Or do I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  At some point I offered to buy someone a shot but she declined the offer which was and is perfectly within her rights.  Tattooed goddess in white and blue with long black hair to the left of me.  Will I ever see you again?  I stared at the picture of Tatiana in nude pantyhose for so very long.  How I wish she would use me as her personal footrest after a long hard day of concerts and hosting television programs while in those nude pantyhose.  How I wish she would laugh at me and berate while ordering me to smell her gorgeous hosiery clad feet. 

I’m thinking I should order a massive plate of raw oysters for lunch.  Or am i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  They’d probably go good with whiskey or maybe a beer (even though I don’t like beer).  It’s too early now for whiskey but it won’t be once lunch rolls around.  Tattooed goddess was eating what I initially thought was a grilled cheese but upon closer peripheral inspection I think it was actually a BLT with tots on the side or maybe it was some kind of fish sandwich cause she asked for lots of lemons and even took a little plastic cup of lemon wedges to go along with what she didn’t finish of her late night dinner or maybe the lemons were for drinks later that night or for something she was going to cook (fish again?) or maybe she was going to a get together and the lemons were for something she was going to eat and/or drink there.  She looked beautiful when she was eating.  She was totally unabashed and took glorious lovely bites which immediately brought to mind many of my vore fantasies.  Oh in that moment (and many after) how I wanted her to shrink me down with some kind of 50’s era sci fi shrink-ray contraption or with the powers of mysticism and dark magic and that she be my hungry and merciless tattooed giantess.  How I longed to be pressed to the roof of her mouth by her tongue, crushed between her powerful molars and dissolved by her saliva.  I desperately wanted to buy her a drink but I ultimately chickened out.  However, should the fates bestow upon me a second chance i will not make the same mistake twice.  Or will i?  the more I learn the less I want to know. 

I don’t even have a name.  she’s gone forever.  But I will never forget her.  Or will i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  What I’m drinking right now has a black cherry citrus flavor.  Red heart.  Red heart.  Where can I find the hd version.  I’m sure it’s somewhere.  It’s a great piece of work.  I love cinema.  I loved the movie I watched last night.  Pink envelope.  Pink envelope.  Such a lovely touch.  Envelope isn’t exactly the right word though. And now a deadly new obsession takes hold.  Reporting the news.  Long hard day.  Overdrive brain.  And that knowing smile.  Knowing smile when the pink parcel is handed over.  I am ruled by obsessions.  She knows.  Rhino.  Takes me back to the Palm Springs days.  Such wonderful days.  Feel like they happened to a different person entirely.  And then never again.  Where did she go?  Slowly, they are all leaving.  As it should be.  Need to read danse.  Been on my shelf for a while.  I think.  I don’t fucking know anything anymore.  Muses gone.  The jackal who is not the jackal.  This seems to be the denouement of the Rhapsody in Blue.  It is fitting.  Just need to procure some baked goods.  That’s why I need to start keeping a small stack of federal reserve notes in my breast pocket.  But yes, that will be the finale.  Baked goods of real worth exchanged for currency plain.  And then there will be almost nothing left.  I liked to be looked upon with seething hatred.  Little pleasure always got it wrong.  New ice queen.  Square dishes.  I’m washed up.  I’m old hat.  The vampire and the ballerina.  Incredible.  There is no one left for me at the ball.  No one waiting for me or looking for me.  That’s how it should be.  I don’t like the phrasing because it makes it sound like a negative.  Even if I feel awful, it’s good that I feel awful.  It’s how it should.  Final letter of the alphabet.  June Palmer.  How the fuck did I never know?!