they were patterned which is how i recognized it was (unrelated, in the blood of and slept on the last one...)

 

Secret world again.  Braille.  River.  Running ghrough a rainstorm.  Fu;ll of desire.  Electricity.  This desire is more real.  At  least I refrained from exchanging currency plain for items of real value.  The essence of commerce and genuine growth.  Rife with symbology.  My brain frantic with caffeine and like a trickster I was in the grip of the archetypal!  The scorpion!  The snake! The dolphin!  And others I may have missed.  Just imagining the color.  What color?!  WHAT COLOR WHAT COLOR WHAT COLOR WHAT COLOR WHAT COLOR WHAT COLOR?!??!!  Texture and taste.  Drinking in it and wanting to drown in it.  Ink.  Once more.  But changes are taking place.  Things are slowly working.  A puppet was saying my name.  laying down.  wanting to be laying down. 

And then today, in hot sun, driving around like an asshat.  Wanting to be spinning.  So whimsical now and just wanting to be spinning. The important thing is to put in the work even when you feel like dogshit.  Remember toni.  Follow the xample

So cute that box that thalia unrolled online.  It’s aimed for the female fans but I think it’d be okay if a male bought it.  Or would it?  The more I learn the less I want to know.  Why do my hands hurt so fucking much?  I havnen’t had a drink all day.  I’m listening to john carpenter’s score for the recent Firestarter remake.  Or am i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Man, I suck!

I have to say I am greatly enjoying cerebus so far.  I know that’s controversial.  I will decide when I come to whatever is coming.  But it is excellent cartooning so far.  Or is it?!  The more I learn the less I want to know.   

 

So tired now.  brain fried.  Brain went in too many directions.  Stretched too far.  Realized there were two of me.  but they’re the same.  Two but the same.  Too many colors.  Too many images.  Wishing upon a side of beef.  Strings and then modular.  What was it yesterday?  Afternoon on beige carpet.  Encased.  And then from moving images to still photography.  Wrapped around.  Four in one.  And Josefina.  Sweet Josefina who is almost certainly lost to him.  Saw her once.  Somewhere in some secret location.  Reports now from yellow pages.  Information overload the night before.  Everything well documented.  Need to clean my room.  Living like a pig.  Need more coffee but my stomach felt like it was eating itself.  My god, all true experience is lost to me.  what does that even mean?  Sticking something inside of me.  alien encounters in the morning.  Measurements.  Aliens to Josefina.  Pain.  Read something about pain.  Can’t recall the strange travels I made to Europe and the woman with whom I spent at least part of those travels.  Hard to reconcile the idea of inherent goodness.  I’m hungry.  I’m hunched over.  Slowly killing myself.  Can I have a nice clean month?  Dying inside in all sorts of ways.  Kick.  Time and again I tell.  Numbing, everything is numbing.  Morning and everything is numbing.  And grey.  Italian criminals.  Sadistic.  The most violent and lovely.  And Josefina.  I should be burned at the stake.  Need to drink mango juice, it’s my fave.  Need to listen to jazz.  Chinese films.  Halfway there.  maybe more or less.  All been wasted.  I’m all washed up.  Steak sauce.  Can no longer do it the same way.  I’m hungry.  Fishnets have me.  need to watch more hawks. 

 

Still hungry.   Amazing how nothing has changed.  Renewed revulsion.  Exact same.  Definition of.  Exact same.  As the initial impetus.  How many years now?  doctor.  Frantic.  Black scorpion has me.  taking me back.  Glory.  Twenty one.  zodiac.  Losing badly.  Need to absorb the message of the third iteration of Europe.  Repetition.  Red currency plain.  Time and again.  Only you, Josefina, can help me this time.  If I have any hope at all.  Shame on me.  need to find solace in a bottle.  I’m dry and washed up.  Big thighs, I like really big thighs.  I feel so empty.  All down the drain.  Need soccer mommy. 

 

I had a glorious dream last night/this morning during which I was with La Morenaza del Fuego.  Her hair was positively drenched in sweat and as such I knew that she’d finished up with a great match.  Pink and blue.  We embraced.  She held me very tight.  Then I was being subdued and she was showing her clear dominance by putting her glorious sweaty pantyhose clad feet on my face.  She was letting me know in no uncertain terms that she was in charge.  After that we kissed and kissed and she was a fabulous kisser.  This dream was the only thing I’ve enjoyed from the last several days. 

 

Walking up the stairs.  So much bountiful color in front of me.  pipes.  Wrist to wrist.  Before that raising a glass.  Extra looking fine. 

Iwas listnening to Lydia lunch.  I recently ordered a comic book that features alan davis artwork.  I suck.  Everyrhing I do sucks.  I was watching a Cynthia Rothrock movie yesterday and was taken with how sexy she is. 

This recent news excites me.  she always looks fantastic in hosiery.  Doe while I write this crap.  I feel unbelievably empty.  Man, I could use a drink.  The last page of that book with the white cover really made me tear up.  Then I promptly finished a book with a beige cover and nearly had the same reaction.  I want to eat ramen soon.  Or do i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Yes, that was a wonderful dream. 

Realize of course that none of it is real.  An Vietnam vet was going crazy beside me.  someone lovely to the rescue.  No disrespect.  My rescuer had great thighs.  Later on a stroke across the back.  It’s good.  It’s pretty.  I know it’s not real.  Salty.  Tears me up.  And tears me up.  WE HAVE GOT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!