j thots

My thoughts on this first Joker trailer (or is it a teaser?) are numerous and yet sparse.  For some reason I’m reminded of an album I purchased at the end of March in 2009.  An hour or so ago I knew exactly why I was reminded of this album but now I have absolutely no idea but I have been listening to this album lately and it does indeed have a very special place in my heart.  I remember I purchased it at a Target store and then proceeded to listen to it over a roughly 2.5 hour drive and then for several warm days afterward.  Later on I would buy another copy of this album as a gift for someone. Or would I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  The key clue may be the commercial with the red suit and that may indeed be the link between these two disparate things here.  Who really knows?  Of course, it’s all linked from way back to a pulpier iteration while I was strapped to an electric and eating an incredibly rich piece of chocolate cake (I can’t handle milk anymore, that’s for damn sure).  I had many thoughts swirling around my brain (love, vengeance, motor oil, more tenuous connections, it’s all related.  Or is it?  The more I learn the less I want to know).  I’ve since lost interest in most of them because I’m not a very interesting person but I’ll still vomit em out onto the page here so my legions of loyal readers can read and feel good and whatever.  I am a big fan of this trailer and will poo poo any of the naysayers in a respectful way.  Still, I will also remain cautious as this director has never crafted anything quite like this before.  Still, we must all remember that Jonathan Demme had never crafted anything quite like Silence of the Lambs before he did so.  Cinematic history is filled with comparable examples.  Also making me cautious is that trailers are ridiculously good at deception.  Going on what I’m seeing though Joaquin Phoenix continues in a trend of…ugh, can’t think, it looks like he’s doing some great acting here is what I want to say.  Still, can be best Jared Leto from Suicide Squad which to me is still the definitive cinematic portrayal of the clown prince of crime?  Only time will tell.  Time, patience, the right berries.  You know, this trailer really reminds me a lot of the trailers for the movies Lords of Salem and Birdman.  I ended up loving both of those movies so maybe that’s a good sign.  Or maybe it doesn’t mean anything.  Words on the streets is they are shooting this feature film with the ARRI ALEXA 65.  I was initially skeptical of the cinematography because I was aware of some of the film’s influences and so was expecting slash hoping for a grittier 70’s FILM aesthetic.  Yet after a couple watches I now think this cinematography is quite beautiful, garish and gritty in it’s own way and forward thing in a similar way to the photography in Michael Mann’s Public Enemies (again, everything is connected here).  Speaking of influences everyone and their dog has been mentioning Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver and that certainly seems apt but it seems even MORE apt to mention that same director’s own excellent The King of Comedy, especially given the role Robert DeNiro plays in Joker.  Also, I see a sly nod to The Exorcist here with the stairs.  I wonder just what significance these stairs will have in the grand scheme of things.  lots of little eggs and nods there.  I like the appearance of Arkham and some zaniness taking place at Wayne Hall (with Chaplin) and of course the appearance of Thomas Wayne on the tele and then young Bruce Wayne being forced to prominently smile.  This is the future.  Even if this is a failure (though if it I hope it is an artistic ambitious failure as I can never not love those) I hope the future of comic films belong more to these unique idiosyncratic takes rather than homogenized shared universes.  Still, I ultimately cannot grasp EXACTLY what the tone of this is going to be and how violent which leaves me very intrigued.  Random stuff: the song selection was great, trailer making truly is an art form.  I really dig Joaquin’s laugh and physicality and with that scrawled note regarding mental illness I’m very curious as to the state of mind in which we will find Arthur Fleck at the movie’s beginning.  And is that a singing in the rain reference there at the end?  Him running and then posing in front of the mirror seems to take place following the beating he receives in the train (same outfit, bloodied face).  Does he do something to those guys?  Is that why he’s running?  What will he do on DeNiro’s show?  What is this uprising slash movement he’s inspiring (the folks with Joker masks in front of Wayne Hall and then again in a confrontation with the police.  I see a sign with the word “greed”.  Word is that Thomas Wayne may represent at least in part a certain VERY familiar super rich dude.  Having those political overtones could go either way, it all depends on the writing.  I love that this is a period piece, excited for little 80’s detail and VCR’s.  Finally, Gotham just looks dirty which is great and how it should look!  And it’s just exciting to see an actor like Phoenix playing such an iconic character (seems like it could almost be a swell companion piece to You Were Never Really Here, one of my favorite movies from last year) and a beloved villain of mine and seeing a studio take this chance!  I will eagerly await news of the rating and further trailer(s). I’m pumped!  I’m jacked!  I’m psyched!  And all the while I’m still a complete failure and utterly worthless individual!  And such is the nature of wisdom! 

mill10(crumpled up i am paper, but inspiration, have to do better, travels together, nothing real, to destiny)

Returns all around, eh.  Coming back, getting back to things over something.  Ah, no need to be secretive because it’s all right there in the title.  We were all stocking up on bottled water.  As always, it was quite nice to slip back in again.  How easily I forget.  And then again I’m reminded of how deeply unpleasant it all is.  In general, the walkaway no I mean the takeaway is that humanity is utter shit and at best we can hope to delay for a few moments the tidal wave of shit and awfulness which comes from our hellish hearts.  I’m ramblin’ man.  Not there but seems appropriate now.  And I see there is another lady of words who I must check out.  Of course, I understand the mentions of Cormac and I was reminded of nocturnal animals.  It was different but I believe it worked quite well.  I’m no deducer but angel…these letters…I know to whom but there remains still a mystery, yes?  So grim and awful.  No hope for any of us.  Are we waiting for hell to take us all?  Slouching toward.  Riding toward. 

I guess I’m unusually splitting things up.  So much information at all hours of the day.  travels to the holy land sound lovely.  And in an instant an entire imaginary life played out before him and it was so beautiful.  And then a trip to Greece.  And betrayal was everywhere inside of him and he was is will be an awful awful thing and everything is him.  And why in the sweetest of moments did he suddenly reject passion no not the word connection not quite right either but some type of rejection and even that isn’t sufficient he spit something from his mouth but please please there are absolutely no comparisons being drawn for I am awful ugly and utterly useless.  More coffee please, didn’t have to ask.  Covering while the jackal who is somewhere else entirely.  And the costly plans were beautiful and the imaginary life even more so.  And then the asking for affection later on.  Nothing is ever coincidental.  And here, nearly a year later reborn the element of betrayal and division and running through the trees, warmth in the stone and the drops of ocean water as braille.  The noose seems much clearer now. 

But getting back to that central question of the reality of the soul.  We can all see ourselves going in that direction.  Oh these recurrent damnable suggestions.  Of course now in tow the daughter alongside the jackal and everything necessary for the physicality but ultimately hollow.  And I believe there is someone so clear at the ball and there are no masks to be removed, only an errant lock of dark hair to brush to the side.  All alone.  So busy.  So I know see once again the problem with my central conceit here in that I am unable to go on with constant repetition.  This is not a failure of what is seen but on the eyes themselves.  I’d forgotten the flash of blinding white light which begins everything.  The preciousness of that sacred gift was thematic, yes?  Hence the early laughter.  And later on, all for wont of suckling on the glass teat. A  word etched in.  unnecessarily obfuscated perhaps.  Returning back now to compliments for that which I hate.  Hate is much too strong a word.  Simple disapproval.  Was not expecting, doubling down on the kindness.  Nothing really meant to be.  Pinched harmonics now as it seems appropriate this should serve as the backdrop.  There is no real temptation anymore.  Not of the type you’re thinking.  We have moved far far beyond that.  There’s a newfound emptiness but perhaps this is a means to escape a certain type of slavery.  No, that isn’t right either.  The jovial esclavitud has merely switched days and you are still absolutely nothing, an observer to your own self destruction.  And around you are others on their own respectable paths to damnation and they laugh and do not even realize what is happening.  On the contrary, they believe they are doing the right thing and on the up and up.  And why not?  It all feels so good in the moment.  So I volunteer to put memories to words and reinvite the beautiful vampire I created and who knows what may happen now.  He asked for two drinks and they were very fine.  And what followed as you witnessed so many succumbing to their destiny, not realizing you were doing the very same thing. 

Ultimately I had to question why so harsh for this iteration.  Mayhaps I was just feeling a tad nostalgic.  But once again that is not really the best word for this.  Very witty as we no they were not thinking of the lack of air as being problematic in exactly the same way.  Shame it seems this witticism is not something which makes the leap through all barriers of language.  which leads us back to the inevitable and those lovely overseas wishes and the journeys which will never take place as they took place in your mind and of course that is for the best.  Boy people sure do love having kids don’t they?  And then they love regretting it.  I ignored the lush fretless bass work involved in Hunter for far too long.  Maybe it had something to do with the Climate.  And that brings it all back to the receipt and how it all worked the first time and it does look glorious but everything was oh so unsatisfying.  My fault, I didn’t get the joke.  The joke is me. always has been.  But I give this, now in the double digits, I give this high marks and hope a return is in order sooner rather than later.  And he hopes for all the best for you always and may those travels be true. 

It occurs to me that I am quite empty.  I am empty of my own free will. 

$1.95

Often when I’m drinking excessively and starting to feel good I think it would be nice to drink myself to death and that this would be a great way to go out.  Sometimes I’m lying on the floor and almost believe I’m going to reach in back of my head to find a gun has just materialized and I will then use this gun to blow my brains out.  This is a happy comforting thought but so far no such firearm has materialized.  I listened to one song by OV7 several times just a bit ago.  Some odd new thing was discovered recently although it actually is not very new and I find myself drawn to the nurse variation.  Perfect blue is the order of the following week I believe or no maybe it’s after but it is pleasing all around and I think falls in line perfectly with the request of being cruised by the blonde.  Yes, during those moments sexuality isn’t really even a consideration.  It’s a complete non entity and how wonderful for that.  I need to buy a very large book which is actually part of a four volume set.  But not before I tend to the individual of indeterminate sex who keeps throwing bricks at me (and of course I keep mistaking this action for a sign of affection, possibly love).  I think I’m going to go watch a movie now but really, what the fuck do I know? The distance growing between…is staggering. 

Of course he masturbated joyfully while watching a woman eating delicious looking creamy alfredo (what did he wrapped around his head?  It looked designer!)!  Was this before or after that other bloke shoved peppers up his own ass (it makes the intercourse spicier)!  I drank coffee this morning and the night before I watched Rocky V (probably my favorite of the series) and drinking copious amounts of cheap whiskey and cheap wine.  As I fell asleep I fantasized about being physically tortured by a tall woman from another world.  I know I had some weird dreams recently but I can’t remember what they were.  These days I spend a lot of my time standing around with a shit-eating grin on my face.  I’m the king of something but I don’t know what. 

Of course, replacement plastics are going to come in soon to augment the lovely springiness in place all around us.  Or something.  I need a haircut and a stiff drink.  No one has ever accused me of being a warrior poet in the classic sense.  I should have been a photographer.  I should have been a watchmaker.  I’m really tired of people.  I think I’m going to cancel specific contact.  Oh well, or maybe he’ll have to kiss a dead guy’s jewelry after being embossed.  The ear makes more sense now.  It all happened over the course of a Sunday afternoon while eating undercooked red meat (though not undercooked enough for my taste).  Of course, I ate a bowl of rice recently.  And such is the nature of wisdom. 

Of course, I’ve spent much of my recent days listening to the album Influence by Michael Chiklis.  It’s arguably the album which has had the greatest impact on my life.  On an unrelated noted I’m looking for some very specific charms.  I need a specific type of magic which can counteract the recent broken glass accumulation.  Or do I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Would now be a good time to conjure up a flock of woodpeckers?  Mayhaps a real charmer could visit the home and work magic.  Ah, that sensory tactile stuff, those cleverly disguised videos, maybe what I actually need is very tactile very auditory fake magic.  That actually makes a lot of sense.  I need adjuster again.  Didn’t quite pick up on things before.  Are the signs legitimate?  What does this mean exactly?  I’ve said it before but I just adore the movie Manhunter and it is still my favorite version of the Red Dragon story, even more than the book!  And forget that POS from the aughts with Tony Hopkins and Eddie N.  what a pile of shit.  Very soon I hope to be outlining a new.  But not before another iterations is loosed and viewed by naked eyes.  In the sun, the golden light, of course, the great mistake I never made.  Persona non grata and free nachos and the charismatic captain of a sinking ship.  Nourishment at the very sight of you.  So much loveliness in the world.  Star fish.  Not quite right, purple in front, no, yellow and orange.  Back to those old days, eh?  One night at a potluck.  There were two women named Vanessa, how bizarre.  Spring dress.  I was the wordsmith.  I was thanked one time, one time was all I needed for a lifetime obsession.   There’s a few books I want to read.  It is unfortunate how ignorant I am.  Gold Key by a charismatic shifty man at the old train station.  Not actually a station though but a hub of commerce.  Living breathing desire all around and yet I was trapped and enslaved by something so awful it must never be put into words and no one will ever truly understand except for yours falsely. Fun house; the urgent sweaty apocalyptic sound of the end (los angeles, everything heading down the scorching sun as we are all blissfully obliterated…for seven years I talked to…(capital letter…)….he told me to send us all to….

 The most violent, the natural progression of time and new wallpaper.  Maybe one day with the extra special kiss.  I need only say the secret code words (and how could I forgot that 3 – the access code – is shrouded in mystery?).  but no, don’t mix things up here.  I know you’re just missing the.  Jackal who is not the jackal.  And the master of many languages, the numbers and hastily scrawled notes and signs and of course the rhapsody in blue and it’s all coming back to you and you wish to lie down in sweetest sin.  Of course, so much of my life has been spent in slavish adoration of hosiery.  What would I do without it?  It’s everything to me just as I am nothing to everything.  I’m going to drink a cup of black coffee soon.  Black coffee has me.  hark, is that someone at my door?  How I’ve longed for my face to be the footrest of so many.  I’m going to watch red news later on.  What am I excited for? 

so many windows but maybe i was wrong, need it once numbers down, prefer to twelve, don't know about sh....

I’ve been on a big noir kick lately!  Or have I?  The more I learn the less I want to know.  I drank heavily last night from a bottle of very cheap  red wine I purchased at the corner store. I’ve really been paying attention to the dust lately; blue backdrop and an elegant white bird in the foreground.  I understand the concept of peacock in the snow and realize it all relates to the lush land of Italy where I’ve never travelled but who knows what the future may bring?  I cooked liver last night and consumed it with a cup of red red wine.  I like that song Lemon Crush from the Batman soundtrack (not the score mind  you but the score is great too).  It’s like eating a giant lush cold piece of chocolate cake.  Even though I’m not really a cake guy, more of a pie man.  Very soon of course, I must acquire the initial zorn of mine. mayhaps I was taken deep into the throes of inspiration while listening to the scrotum impaled man tear it up on the sax in the luna lounge!  Of course, again, the dust is linked up heavily or something or other.  There’s someone in my house.  A new volume of ugliness is calling to me.  I had liver and onions for dinner last night and liver and onions for lunch today.  And then I ate a popsicle.  And such is the nature of wisdom. 

Of course I spent a decent amount of.  I’m drinking again but hey.  I watched Meet the Feebles recently and loved it.  That Jackson used to make really good films.  It can be truly said that I ate a can of yams for dinner.  

It was all about memories or something.  I think this is how life works.  Then the recurrent moment of love and inspiration and who did I see at the ball?  I’m already forgetting.  Ah, now I remember.  We’re losing touch.  I didn’t know what they hell they were talking about but my body is not made of golden metal.  Soon the season will begin anew. i adored the burning.  slowly at first and then everything perfection in final moments.  what does it all mean?  i'll be haunted for long time.  

And I think I understand what was being discussed now that is then.  My name is pena though it never combs so neatly back.  I am the dreamer and you are the dream and this is….  Chinese box but that is much later and thankfully not even a concern right now.  That’s what it means to be a world class lameass like yours falsely.  The colored ones intrigue me.  I am more interested than anything else but I don’t even know what that means.  Or why. There is a little teal notepad by my keyboard.  I don’t enough enough booze for tonight.  As I said, my name is pena.  Read the books.  I started with Sartre.  And now I won’t be able to sleep but it is not his fault but rather the subject is the culprit.  What have I done recently?  Who can even say.  Ah, the automobile.  I did love the war of jokes and riddles.  And my favorite color is red.  Speaking of, I have the new…he said to me when I climbed into the motor vehicle.  Then years later I would eat a sumptuous dinner straight from the can and it all links back or something.  I just wish I knew who and why the fireworks were going off during the day time but I think I have my answers and it all came after a brisk dance.  I feel so shellish now.  You know what I mean?  I have a new old discovery.  There is a lovely nurse waiting to provide comfort.  I need to get my ass out of the dirt.  I ate ramen earlier today.  I informed a friend the other day of my way to doom. The option for purchase is something which will destroy me.  too much control.  I can’t even think about anything anymore.  Now I see it all cleary no wait that doesn’t make any sense because the most perfect analogy was spoken in another language and it was all so beautiful and of course the clouds go away but the sun doesn’t come back but that’s okay because there’s a blanket on everything and I can sleep but without it I realize there is only being really really scared.  Dry.  I felt love the other morning though.  And then it all came down to what kind of chew tobacco I’m going to chew and that’s what being Ricardo means to me.  I guess.  Or something.  I guess he showed me what I was but maybe I’d feel so much more comfortable walking those urban streets by myself that is until I encountered someone but who knows I just need to…yeah, I know.  I almost left my posh flat today but I was too scared to.  Then I imagined myself being strangled and it was quite exciting.  Lovely just the other day.  I see it was a dinner and there was no such thing as age and it was all happening in multiple eras and there was acceptance and encouragement from a…who has had the most…one day take that trip but for now was this a blissful sign of encouragement we must all strive to do the best and enrich and make beautiful and I read a book by someone I really liked or something but no this moment was superlative and copper hair and I realized the thing about the profile but you know going down that road and I finally understand why cruise me why cruise and I laughed and wondered if I qualify and maybe I do and isn’t that just…lovely and inspiring and great and I

Luckily I made it home in time to see Liptai Claudia from 2013. And for those seven minutes and seven seconds everything was right in my perennially miserable world.  Oh for my face to be her footrest (especially after she had a long hard day of work) while she berates me would surely be the….

the further rich third layer of delicious false identity when the [(mask)s], 2 against one, like the BLANK pendant, clues, jackal and not jackal in same day slash night

The morning legs were returned to me and there was a huntress wearing a skirt, heels and pantyhose and I was predictably swept away.  I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself and I hate myself and boy, I sure do hate myself!  This river reminds me of another river.  Get ready to fuck!  You fuckers fucker!  You fucker!  I was listening to Angel Dust earlier and loved it.  I hate myself though.  I drink heavily to numb…something.  Who knows?  Braille.  I love braille.  Temptation sunrise recently. No, that makes no sense.  An abandoned parking lot.  I don’t fucking know anything.  Touch of evil.  Need to set my eyes on it.  Everything beautiful is ugly now.  I’m in search of feeling something but I don’t know what.  Drilling through the number three.  Haha, those mambos.  How could I forget that the millennium was alive with the sound of the tango.  Brazil!  Don’t fucking forget geography my good man.  I just want to breathe in the ocean.  Words elude me more and more.  I’m losing fucking touch with everything.  I see I need to break it all away. i need to get my ass out of the dirt. Where the hell did number nine go, anyway?!  Who was that masked man anyway?!  And now a simple less than one second gesture has set my development back another 5 fucking years at the very least!  Five years, that’s all we got! 

Yes yes okay tenderness vulnerability and all that crapola!  Don’t know what to say anymore. There is a thin but impenetrable shell around everything.  There’s glass everywhere.  No, that’s not right.  Everything has turned grey.  Haha, sludge monster indeed.  How trite!  He’s forgotten how to feel anything.  Got to awake.  The only thing real is the path not taken.  Not, that’s not the essence.  The hug.  The dance that never came.  The costume party.  I don’t understand anything anymore. Every wandering heart.  Why does anyone like him?  Nothing bounces back.  Everything is seen through a haze.  Even when I’m not drinking I can’t feel anything anymore.  Something wrong happening.  Take your baby by the hand.  I found a ship in the earth.  Arabia is far away.  I don’t think I’ll ever understand those numbers.  I guess we’ll all return to croatoan at some point.  I see now the importance and necessity of listening to those things which have fallen through the cracks.  I need to get good and fucked up and then chow down on a sumptuous seafood dinner.  And such is the nature of wisdom.  I drank a lot of liquor and then a lot of coffee and then a lot of liquor again.  Then I bought an old yellowed paperback western.  Then I bought something else.  I been real nourish lately.  Magenta and black.  Hair tight and combed.  Everything set down, drinks ordered and then adjacent order and he’s all eyes. 

Even if get the money I’m still going to release the virus. 

I see now even the briefest of communication is going to destroy me.  of course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper.  I can see now why nothing would work.  what a wretched little creature I was and still am.  Just a real contemptable piece of shit.  And silt!  I’m a piece of silt!  The drama of Raising the Bar stems from the inherent dysfunction within our legal system.  After hours proved to be a real delight, I said to myself as I worked my way through his entire filmography. 

You bring fuschia.  To sing your name into the night.  A queen.  Torture.  I’m doing my best to preserve the cool aspects of alcoholism.  My frustrations relate to nothing sexual.  Rather, frustration only comes about when I feel my time has been wasted.  There are yellowed paperbacks all around me.  and lemon meringue papers.  Lemon meringue sexuality has been incredibly pervasive these past few weeks.  All these delays have been well fed.  Has been and then have been.  Not great prose.  I’ll come running to tie your shoe.  Thankfully, something new always reveals itself.  Otherwise all inspiration would be dead.  I was watching The Maltese Falcon last night while drinking and then I slept on the floor like a beloved household pet.  Seamed pantyhose feet on face and hands held out and seamed pantyhose feet on hands.  This was a moment of pixelated bliss.  Something or another.  But then the accompanying iterations are just far too much.  I completely neglected to check the western section the other week.  Got a head full of bad wiring I guess.  I just want to see a forest fire though I have no metal plate in my head.  I think I was drunk the first time.  looks like he gotta put off the eventual release.  I was drinking a refreshing cup of broth recently!  And such is the nature of wisdom.  Four three two one. 

The Tommyknockers is one of my favorite Stephen King books.  It’s a bold, sloppy, scattered, bizarre, audacious, utterly enchanting work and I return it at least eight times daily.  I need to help myself to a fine dinner of anchovy loaf.  I just gotta sit down and figure all this shit out.  Macaroni figured into the music I listed to today.  I was driving around wired on caffeine and thinking heavily about the jackal who isn’t the jackal and the one familiar with all those languages and now there are such kind faces and warmth and yet still a yearning for the rhapsody in blue.  And all the while I long for my face to be the footrest of several sweaty pantyhose clad luchadoras after a good match!  And I long to move the stars to pity! 

The transparent butterflies fell from the sky and we all felt peace.  And as they touched the trees and green earth they turned into flowers and everything was blossoming multicolored flowers and the scent was so beautiful and powerful we had to close the windows because it was too much and then everyone who was lost returned and there was warmth and peace and happiness and only one was crying but soon he was full of love too and you felt love and comfort and the one beside you protected and cherished you forever. 

mv002(coffee and oil, the life, have to work through the shit to get to the good)

I think I’m going to read a book by Elmore Leonard soon.  Or will I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  I drank coffee recently.  The 2018 version of Suspiria was playing on my increasing obsolete television last night.  This was my choice.  I adore that film.  Such is the nature of wisdom. 

I’m blasting through it right now having just finished the second installment.  The intro was groovy in terms of the articles of clothing and a particularly cinematic revelation.  It seems much has faded from my brain due to the splitting.  I don’t want to incriminate the content however.  I feel there is something much more honest in the episodic and the key significant fact is my desire to return.  A desire that remains in tact after this heart of darkness reached its completion. 

I went some place recently to purchase a physical copy of Demi Lovato’s 2017 album Tell Me You Love Me but no such copy was present.  I bought a sticker instead.  Of course I’ve been thinking recently about the influences on crimson peak.  To that end I’ve been seeking out plentiful interviews with Guillermo Del Toro.  And such is the nature of wisdom.  I drank whiskey and wine last night and fruit juice this morning.  And then of course looking through the Gomez files for any possible glimpse of Yamila.  Where have you gone?  Yamila, I swear….

You must be careful when purchasing those used goods online.  Though the temptation is real.  The struggle is real as the single moms say.  I’ve never seen the 12 Monkeys series but I do really enjoy the feature film.  There’s a card for a psychiatrist down and to the left of me.  no, there isn’t.  I have to read those ancient texts purchased on the beach and sunset.  Two two two was the opportune number at this point in time.  soon, we must experience the colorful narrative of a man minus one ear.  But we I mean me (sweet/dirty).  Of course I simply loved that linked florida excursion.  Standing on the lavender balcony and smoking a cigarette.  Need to catch up on deuce related matters.  Wires and deep fried brass really came through for me in big ways.  Not to mention those great bars in new York  (or Newark?) suburban areas where I drank clear colored drinks before making the only logical choice for my (not his) life.  And some other stuff.  Female lawyer in flesh colored pantyhose using a banana like a gun.  Dance all day.  I need to acquire so much.  I feel reasonably excited about some things though I’m not exactly sure what.  I see the key errors, what I’m missing through the inky pages.  Need to return to dada esque things.  rataplan rataplan.  Of course I need to return to the costume ball.  Dance all day, huh?  That’s what I’m thinking.  Wang.  Need to add to a collection.  You kids and your vintage music.  I love the feel of a classic little paperback in my hands.  I’m looking forward to that new Candyman movie.  I think it is in good hands.  Where did these magic rocks come from all of a sudden?  Jackie Brown is definitely my favorite Quentin Tarantino flick.  It is a perfect movie. 

You know, I just want to take a moment to say that art is so great.  I feel so good that I am able to enjoy art in so many different forms and so blessed to have so much access to it.  Thank You for that gift.  Thank You so much. 

I spent a decent chunk of my day reading an Elmore Leonard book.  it was overall a very pleasing experience.  Additionally, I watched the movie Saturday Night Fever last night though of course I’ve seen it before.  John Travolta is very charismatic in the lead role.  I also watched the Netflix movie Velvet Buzzsaw at some point recently while drinking heavily. 

I’m sure at some point over drinks I’ll be explaining the grim does not quite gel with the not grim.  Whatever the hell that means, real fluff here on my part, pure filler.  The horror does not work in my humble opinion.  Or something.  I highly enjoyed the satirical aspects.  If only the emphasis could have remained as such.  Bags of garbage as art.  Children playing around in the blood.  Worth it while becoming increasingly intoxicated.  I hope to have a good summer and read some plays and watch beautiful films with my windows open. 

Of course crocs always charm me and I wonder how long the croc will continue stand up alongside the lovely pastels.  Speaking of charms just the other day I bought a box of lucky charms and a carton of milk.  Upon returning home I poured some but  not all lucky charms into a bowl and then poured milk on top and then consumed this breakfast cereal though it was actually around 9:30 at night.  Of course, the denouement was a bit darker than I was anticipating but it brought the central themes home.  The musical accompaniment was great there at the end. 

He was watching a mystical fuchsia witch at play but the odd musical choices left him feeling conflicted.  It was like when all those non detectives were watching the naked woman dancing and then the gull flew away.  Of course, it is so similar to that choreographed work of art acting as a summons; murder done it portrait, carving a path of subjugation into the future, bloody expressionism as hateful devotion.  It is haunting to me to realize I made it all up but it all came true anyway. 

So to bring it all home: I’m really warming up to our leads here while also hoping to see a bit more from the supporters.  Second iterations are very difficult for some reason but this more than passed and if this is an example of a quote average installment then I think I shall be in store for an overall very pleasing time with this mythology. 

dcatsup

I’m listening to Lana Del Rey’s album Lust For Life as I write this.  Or am I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Coincidentally I see Johnny Yen coming in through the side entrance.  And somewhere else is someone shoving peppers up their rear.  There are pink machines everywhere though of course this color would not really appear on all versions of the story.  I get ready, I get all dressed up.  Of course, I find this all to be very enchanting though i don’t believe we have any time anymore to be young and in love.  Sounds like shots firing.  Smells like fear, bitch (seagal direct to…).  Sin was the order of the day once more with jackal who is not the jackal and then of course the darkest of fantasies and there is purple and green and the numbers…not quite right, obfuscating too much.  But two to one, I’ll understand that later on.  Two to one often yields such wonderful results. 

Of course lots of DC on film news has come to the forefront this week.  On an unrelated note I was in a book store today and bought a used copy of a book.  I think I’ll start reading this book some time in the next few days.  I also drank a great amount of booze and coffee today and I don’t feel so good right now but that’s okay. 

But yeah, I guess first off is that little teaser thing for Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn). It’s no secret that I found Suicide Squad to be a steaming pile of crap.  Lemme back the gravy train up though because it is not fun to simply slag on someone else’s art.  David Ayer has worked on many things I very much enjoyed.  Also, I am aware of many of the complications that came along with that particular movie.  But I found the end result to be a shallow, disappointing mess with some interesting character designs and a couple good moments.  I’m drink whiskey right now with two ice cubes. 

I should also add I’ve never been a Harley Quinn  though – compliment time- my favorite Quinn is Margot Robbie’s interpretation from Suicide Squad.  I liked her more than anything from the comics, cartoons and video games.  BUT I’m still not sure if I liked her a significant amount at all.  I constantly struggle to find anything interesting with that character but Robbie’s charisma shined through and won me over (I think?). 

If I had the balls I would’ve thrown myself into the river already.   But yeah, against my better judgement (or something)I’m actually rather excited to see how this film turns out.  I need to track down Cathy Yan’s first film to get  an idea of her style.  I hope this movie is the vision of the director.  The cast intrigues me.  Winstead and McGregor are great choices for Huntress and Black Mask.  And damn!  Rosie Perez is an awesome choice for Montoya and I’m very curious to see what Chris Messina does with Mr. Zsasz and how that character fits into the story.  And of course I’m also DAMN excited to see Black Canary in live action (I need fishnets) and Cassandra Cain as well.  What the hell! I guess I’m damn excited without knowing very much!  At first I thought the teaser gave me Soderbergh vibes – specifically his great underappreciated film Haywire (of course they may have been the McGregor talking).  And then I thought it was actually reminding of John Hyams’ great underappreciated film Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning.  But then I realized it was also reminding more than those two of Harmony Korine’s great underappreciated film Spring Breakers!  I’d be down for it having the vibe of any of those movies!  I know this was only something like a screentest but the look, the vibe, the music, the colors, the costume choices, the cast!  I’m excited!  I can’t believe it but I’m full of positivity the way some people are full of mustard!  Spicy mustard makes my mouth water.  The. 

Of course that was far from the only news!  We now know that former Guardians of the Galaxy guy James Gunn who was fired by Disney due to some old scandalous tweets is now going to direct Suicide Squad 2!  I don’t really care about that though.  I didn’t really like Guardians either.  Whatever. I’m sure I’ll see it.  oh, i should have said earlier that Ayer is still a thousand times more important than a loser like me!

And then of course news that the next Batman movie (to be directed by Matt Reeves) is set to be released in June 2021!  Sounds like it’ll be noirish!  Good!  Soon enough we should start hear rumblings about who will play Batman, villains, etc.  Seems Ben Affleck will have the oddest tenure of any Batman having never actually played him in a solo film.  But you know, I really love the unique, overblown epic that is Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice and I’ll always be grateful for it’s place in the dark knight’s cinematic history.  I imagine we won’t be seeing anymore of Jared Leto’s Joker either but I’m okay with that. 

And for now I will continue to look forward to Shazam! and the Joker movie!  And I’ll probably also watch last year’s Suspiria “remake” at least 8 times a day everyday for the next 17 years.  Testimony.  Wrong wrong wrong.  Embarrassment.  Humiliation.  So has the ship been righted?  It kinda seems so!  Who the hell knows.  I remain as interested as ever.  Gotta get different types of things in there! Different textures and visions!  You gotta razzle em!  You gotta razzle and dazzle em!  I’m keep two rare birds hostage by the way.  Also, I regularly have erotic fantasies where used hosiery comes into play.  Used hosiery has me. 

Technique by New Order turns 30 today.  I love that album. I think it has much beautiful music.  And some of my favorite basslines ever.  I once imagined – no fantasized about something involving the tickling of the ivories, it’s peripherally related somehow.  You won’t even talk to me.  Hook has me. 

mv001(can you shut the blinds please, a solid $8.00, an amazing sight)

So it begins, eh?  Here I am commencing with a series which shall henceforth run concurrent with the other series still ongoing in this humble blog.  In both series I am nothing more than a humble slave to the glass teat.  It’s understandable really.  Or is it?  The more I learn the less I want to know.  Though truly this began a couple nights ago.  And it was quite a beginning indeed.  I can’t recall exactly when the purchase was made but I certainly utilized the daring invention of the internet and likely a sale.  Speaking of which I need to pick up that Cassavetes box but that’s neither here nor there.  sidetracked here but sin was piling up.  A truly dark and glorious fantasy.  And then the jackal and the final letter utilizing that which is close to fences and everything is stunning and seductive and there is another iteration right there awaiting with the recurring element of the dark fantasy and I am willingly submitting to sin.  Oh, I recall the discussion of dying in sweetest sin and I don’t want to recall the spring dress love as it is so painful and wonderful and maybe one day there shall be a reunion in the costume ball.  But please let’s not get sidetracked now.  I should have started this during a steaming boiling summer night but you know it was so good that the overall effect created that atmosphere for me anyway.  I’m going in blind here but believe you me I shall fill in all the ignorant gaps of the conception and history as time goes.  I am committed to this for the long haul no matter what!  It should be said I am a massive Mann fan so this is right up my alley.  And its real alley as tom would say.  And I wondered if this could to my mann fandom as that semi local imaginary hamlet is to the more surreal iteration.  Coffee and cherry pie.  Oh, I am falling in love with this classic style.  But who can really say for sure?  The word executive makes me wonder just how much of mann is present.  But I cannot deny so many of his hallmarks. And the style held me.  I need the suits and synths and the songs were so perfectly implemented I had no choice but to get wasted on jug wine.  Yes, I loved this feature length premiere including the strong transvestite cheese brought to you by a gentleman who would be the late night dinner of the king of terrible lizards.  I’ve never even really cared for in the air tonight but my word was that an epic and gorgeous moment.  Epic is weak writing but I’m a piss poor writer.  Beautifully lensed. And the purple clubs scenes.  All the pop.  I always feel like…just want to have fun.  I will say I’m having harder time pinning down one than the other (the one I’m having a harder time with is given slightly less focus so far) but that is forgivable early on.  I instantly fell for the account of love.  And you know, I should have seen the reveal coming but I was so caught up I wasn’t even bothering to try.  Maybe I wouldn’t have figured it out anyway but it all worked and damn did it work and I loved it. I am giving this initial entry a very high but invisible grade.  It hit all the right marks.  It hit the spot of sweetness and I’ve realized I cannot write anymore.  Has the muse been replaced by empty sexuality, he asks apropos of nothing?  Something is bound to change though.  What else have I done lately?  I watched Gotti recently and quite enjoyed it.  Regarding the Oscars I am pleased that Roma has been so nominated.  Beautiful film.  I’ll have to see the Fellini namesake.  I definitely noticed a strong Fellini influence.  Or did I?  the more I learn the less I want know.  Also, I love the movie Manhunter but Red Dragon is a steaming pile of crap.  What else do I love?  Hosiery of course.  Obsessions are taking hold yet again.  Used hosiery wrapped tightly around my face and I can barely breathe due to the tightly wrapped hosiery and due to the sexual excitement I feel.  We are all slaves.  Of course there is the jackal who is not the jackal and a renewed kindness and everything is wrong again I’ve read a couple books lately and one of them I didn’t really like and one of them I did and I was listening to contortions earlier and I was late on the Camila album but it is a great sumptuous pop album and I like to pretend I am somebody when I drive around and listen to Tangerine Dream’s score to Thief (tremendous film).  Of course all I’m really hoping for is for her to use my face as her personal footrest after she finishes a long hard sweaty day of work during which she was wearing pantyhose.  It should be mentioned I am an utter failure as a human being.  Ah the classic dilemma of course I don’t really know what I’m talking about.  We dumped a few gangsters off the train.  You know I really like both imaginings but I must go with the one who has bluer leanings.  Where did I put my Stetson again.  I hope this does not distract from my glowing positivity speaking of which there is such enrichment in my life due to wholly imaginary people and I am a deeply sad person but at least I have alcoholic beverages to drown my sorrows and yeah no I mean yay very soon there will be sighs.  Quite attractive.  I am speaking of the naval recipient of the aforementioned expression of life; there was also a pet alligator.  I am pleased to be beginning a more recent but still not new sequential of squares or maybe its rectangles this time around with the common factor being the recipient of said love because there was true beauty on display.  I don’t even know who appears in the sun anymore and soon enough I won’t even know what that means but there is always the physical manifestation of inspiration presenting herself in some form or another and I am eternally thankful for this.  And he may have been right when he said we have not gone any further than the electrician.  But yes, high marks for this first one and I look forward to the second. 

addsuptoten

I love the new Lana Del Rey song.  It arrived at a pivotal and necessary point.  I spent much of the day sinning.  Now I’m going to drink heavily, engaging in more sin.  I hope I can finish a book tomorrow or the next day.  I also hope to watch a movie about Nico soon.  It was Scott Walker’s birthday.  I do so love his music and hope he releases another album.  24/7 Sylvia Plath.  Great line amongst many.  I’ve been forgetting to listen to Pantera lately.  I’m pleased that No Line on the Horizon is set to be released in wax.  For some reason I can’t articulate because I’m a piss poor writer that album has held a special place for me.  I love Bowie’s song Heat.  It’s a perfect bridge to Scott.  I adore the back and forth those two had throughout their careers.  Thank goodness I still have some of that eggnog left for when this whiskey runs out.  I cooked up several hamburgers today and was so brazen that I even ate one.  I looked and looked later on but could not find what I wanted.

How did it manifest itself today?  We all know the story.  Hands numb and then shaking or vice versa.  Thought about and fantasized about and turning blue.  So much ink all over the place, in a tight homicidal embrace and down my throat and later kissing my lips and then gloriously stabbing me in the back.  Focusing on two and becoming one, a replacement and the jackal who isn’t the jackal though of course in the end it was the actual jackal who properly set things off; another lethal embrace. 

I’ve got a fever of five thousand and three.  More sinning today. All adding up now.  Whatever the fuck ever.  Just adding to the collection already established.  Just wanna listen to music or something right now.  I watched From Dusk til Dawn a lot as a teenager.  This wine is really hitting me hard.  I already know that tomorrow is going to be a wasted day.

I just watched the movie Nico, 1988 and really liked it.  I love the album The Marble Index.  Also, on the Velvet Underground’s first album I find Nico’s songs far far far more interesting than any of the other tunes.  You  know, speaking of movies: Tommy Lee Jones performance in Natural Born Killers is just so great.  So fucking great! 

I suppose I’m something of a fetishist but who can really be sure anything these days?  Pantyhose encasement …oops, made a mess right there.  it’s a shame I don’t have more money.  It’s a shame I’m such a nobody.  I need to keep reading doom patrol comic books tomorrow.  And pump iron!  Working out is my life!  That new one…Diana looks stunning.  I love the green.  It reminds me of shocked electrocution (didn’t even break a…) and the thing, I think it’s like a deep blue or maybe purple but it sets the pony into motion.  He needs to start saving up his pennies so the exact specifications can be matched.  Watched children of men recently.  I still feel y tu mama tambie is alfonso cuaron’s finest film; just a beautiful beautiful piece of art.  Roma would probably be next.  I’m looking forward to reading Thomas Harris’s next book but I’m not sure if I mentioned that already.  It’s been awhile.  I think one day I’ll probably be traveling through a forest that is slowly turning into crystal. I would like to eat cereal soon but who knows what this ever uncertain future may bring?  I’ll probably go to a bar and read and drink soon.  I’m on a good streak though.  Hot damn, I may pull my name out of the gutter yet!  I may yet pull my ass out of the dirt!  What was I listening to the other day?  that’s right, now I remember!  I was listening to the album Te Atrapare…Bandido by Ana Barbara.  It is a very sweet grupero pop album.  I’ve always felt that Barbara’s voice is aural honey and this particular album showcases very sharp and romantic pop writing which takes advantage of that voice.  I’ve also been listening to Monica Naranjo’s album Tarantula and David Bowie’s album Aladdin Sane.  I love them both.  I now remember back in the day I was going to purchase the Ana Barbara compilation Para ti…Mi historia but I never pulled the trigger on this desire!  I didn’t have the guts!  I didn’t have the balls!  Let’s just face it: I didn’t have the chops!  I couldn’t cut the mustard!  And now it may be too late forever til the end of my miserable utterly worthless life!  I can still recall where I was when I purchased Tarantula and Aladdin Sane.  There are several songs from Aladdin Sane I am attempting to learn on the electric bass but I’m sure I’ll fail because I’m a loser. 

I watched Jennifer Lynch’s movie Hisss last night and rather enjoyed it.  It made me want to seek out like minded, the documentary about the making of the film and more movies with the actress who played the snake goddess.  I plan to purchase the move on the very outdated dvd format and watch it over and over during lonely nights.  Sometime afterward I’ll jump into the river (too many times to make it home).  When I’m dead things will be much better.  I ate a hot dog recently.  I’m also almost finished with the book I’m reading.  Maybe I’ll finish it in a well lit area later on tonight.  But yeah, Hisss, I really enjoyed it.  What else can I possibly say on the matter?  Tomorrow is going to be a wasted day.  and yet, I know but I’m not sure but I actually know I’ll be seeking out the jackal who is not the jackal but maybe just maybe resistance is in the air and it doesn’t have to be like the other times; oh sweet suffocation. if only after a long hard day or reporting the news she would use my face as her personal footrest.  

I miss watching GLOW.  I miss being someone with potential.  Those two things aren’t really related.  I hope I can sleep well tonight.  Maybe I’ll rewatch the entire GLOW series before bed!