crocodiles

I should have been a corn baron.  Of course multiple visages behind layers of latex.  Grubby pages have and had me.  he’s going to the store soon to buy physical copies of pornography; is it nostalgia or is it luck?  I ate corn on the cob recently with black coffee; this was my lunch.  Sin begets sin.  Sky.  Heaven.  Both of those things abbreviated.  All to the tune of wearing someone else’s scalp.  Jobbers were running through my mind as I journeyed through the secret life of plants.  I reserved a hotel room recently.  I listened to some movie scores recently.  Suites.  Of course there is an application for both those topics, eh?  Suites for the sweet.  How fascinating.  It all reminded me a bit of a cherry bomb really.  Ahead or behind the time?  chagrined to know that the standards have not been met down that path where secrets travel.  But is it superior to current iterations?  I was going to hose a viewing for the day of birth which is generally not a day really worth celebrating. 

With horror, I realized I forgot the construction but then seconds later I felt relief upon remembering I am actually a dog.  Not sure if I will take a trip into the funhouse but actually that is not true and I’m pretty sure I will.  I went to a bookstore by water the other day.  extraterrestrials and eating disorders.  Of course the golden study of magic will likely works its way into things very soon.  What are the dangers inherent in these texts?  Maybe not the aforementioned text.  Of course, those forbidden books, the text which has never had any conclusive findings.  Everyone these days is talking about the whistleblowers and I’m pondering the waves gravity make.  The sphere we’re looking at which creates gravity and then light and radio waves bend around the craft and as I look up I can no longer see anything.  My neck hurts.  Waiting for the mentioning of bodies.  Back to back Italian creators and a man of indeterminate accent.  Eerie.  Hopefully I will be ABEL.  I see now the importance of Keel’s texts but I am so reluctant to truly delve deep.  I drank too much coffee earlier.  Of course the other night I took lsd and danced the night away and found large blocks ambient color to really be harkening back to a needle point (understanding now the significance of researched and piercing) opera and some pink socks and something very strange and frightening in the corner there of my place.  Probably was the kindest but the brisk helped. 

The messengers of deception  now with decades behind us.  The cross cutting of radio shows.  Have we ever considered the possibilities of mass deception behind the deception.  Not mandela but maybe this could be related and there is always the dulce myth coming back onto things.  underground or from above?  And the reaction of dolphins.  My mind can scarcely comprehend.  Implications that we are being deceived.  No, beyond that.  Move beyond that.  But my feeble alcohol soaked mind cannot compute.  Does not compute.  Don’t not compute.  It’s saying that the connections are to an even larger more all encompassing phenomenon and maybe the speculation was wrong all this time and these forms in and of themselves are mere illusory…no, that’s not quite right.  Not illusory.  They are…masks, yes.  I think i start to understand now.  It’s like a Chinese box.  That’s not you.  Jacques is there again and I have not fully grasped the significance of the cults.  Ancient texts.  Secret texts.  Before very careful about what you read and who you listen to.  A man in a tan trench coat walked across the room of the broadcasting demonstration and in front of the learners.  The room smelled like pine sol.  He swore as he walked and was drenched due to lack of umbrella.  I met a lovely reporter there whose name I cannot recall but maybe with time I will.  Stairwells and then everything was behind the glass.  I did good for once. 

Interdimensional hypothesis in the morning.  What your eyes see can be bad for your health.  She had a nourish appearance and I was befuddled.  The secrets we keep damage things in ways we are not aware of.  No, I mean to say they damage things in ways we chose to ignore.  What is the eighth tower?  These treatises on magic; I believe soon Moore will be releasing on.  I saw several orange volumes with strange symbols and they were terrifying and now I cannot stop looking over my shoulder.  I am not sure how those genealogies could have been derived and fear that further investigation may prove devastating to more than just my mind.  And still there is a number of letters which remain undecipherable. 

The white goddess.  Where did this come from?  What are these influences which have been immortalized?  Objects appear and then disappear.  Different shapes.  Nine different shapes were remembered.  We’re sailing somewhere.  They said they saw that man floating.  Horror.  They themselves were whisked away.  Underground tunnels but then…far above everything else.  The place was messy.  Dreams by the mother and children, being taken from the home, mother hiding in the closet and the children are taken, children crying for the mother and they are taken.  Then at different times different experiences, by the car, other places, horrible feeling of dread preceding.  What is there behind the scenes?  Secret school.  Has this all been some sort of terrible preparation?  Long trips to the continent.  The awful knowledge will takes it’s toll.  The contact which allegedly took place seems to be a sure path to eternal damnation.  Scrying.  Does this all go back to the morning of. 

In lighter news Shania twain has been wearing hosiery (often fishnet pantyhose) in a slew of recent interviews and for that I am eternally grateful. 

While writing all this crap I was largely listening to Mike Patton’s excellent score for the movie 1922.  While stuck in traffic the other day I was largely listening to Vangelis’s excellent score for the movie 1492: Conquest of Paradise. 

undiscovered in ch, new phi insp, miss jackal not jackal, everything weakening

And suddenly Tiffany is using fishnets again and she has made me the happiest man alive. 

I’d forgotten how much I love the song Word on a Wing by David Bowie from his NAME album Station to Station.  Odd that I could have forgotten since I absolutely love that album.  I dunno, I’m just stupid I guess.  But that song is immensely important to me.  there was las vegas first and then California.  Former friends.  No bitterness.  I’m listening to Tyler the Creator’s new album.  I hear it’s a breakup album.  Need to analyze.  If I obtain a physical copy I want it to have a pink cover.  And such is the nature of wisdom.  But getting back to that first thing I would later relate the sordid tale via microphone to a group of devoted listeners.  Where did it all end up.  Hopelessness.  So much money left behind.  I did spend wisely.  But I suppose it all makes sense.  I just started reading Thomas Harris’s new novel.  Or did i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  The end has come and gone.  I’ve been listening to the new Madonna album lately.  Full review to follow shortly in an upcoming post.  I love the recent iterations with the uniquely feminine restorative power and then trains and clocks and small dire dangers.  Labyrinthine inspirations have me. 

Judy.  Breaking glass in my room again.  I see it now for the sign it was.  So many pieces everywhere and now it makes whey it felt a few days before.   Even more shaved down.  that phrase always interesting.  Haha, of course, how right, another grand who realizes we haven’t advanced any farther.  Is someone looking to break down my door?  Say it’s not true.  Lion goddess again in purple and then teal.  Of course, these were blocks, right?  Blocks of sound, constructed and the men on the battle field and maybe it all relates to the 120 days of Sodom and perhaps barry is present yes this seems appropriate.  Must wait so long for this language.  humor in the dark.  I see it now.  The brass layers on the interval and what became of the barracuda iteration?  Forever inspiration.  I understand no I don’t but glass traps will always have me.  right from the beginning when I was naked and then doing all those pushups and then fighting the guards and then rubbing butter all over my body.  Of course, I see now how the electrician works at the motel.  How often I’ve been drilling.  We haven’t gone any further than this.  So true.  My name is pena (not quite spelled right). Read the books.  That slicked back.  Incomplete.  I’m going to show you how weak you are.  the very first time driving through the boiling summer and tilting and not understanding but knowing I would or I wouldn’t even need to as I entered the free.  At least I know how to whistle.  I hope you’re both having a drink together. 

I’m watching the movie 1492: Conquest of Paradise.  Or am i?  the more I learn the less I want to know. I find Angela Molina as Beatriz Enriquez de Arana to be utterly enchanting.  I don’t I would have left her had I been Gerard/Chris’s situation.  Apropos of nothing, the more philosophical side of things has been liberating.  I was driving last night.  I quite like the new Gloria Trevi album I’m listening to right now.  Lots o’ highlights, lots of propulsion and rough loveliness.  Mayhaps I’ll go and see her live again.  Man, the melodies and vocals are seriously on point.  I’m going to get stupid and needlessly hyperbolic and say it may be from top to bottom her overall best vocal output!  I’m on the fence on the production however. I’ll need at least 57 days to make up my stupid mind.  Sacred geometry keeps getting flung right in my face.  I did not realize the amphibious connection between Stephen King’s The Lawnmower Man and my favorite Peter Gabriel album but in retrospect it’s all so obvious.  So beautifully obvious.  Something of the end of an era for me today and a rather unmemorable ending it was.  Oh well.  Two of the best will always remain.  “just like the rest of you.”  Mica Levi’s scores for the two movies she’s scored are so damn fucking good they make me want to eat a big bowl of sugary cereal!  I was extremely excited to learn that William Friedkin’s fascinating film Cruising is finally getting a deluxe blu ray release!  I’ve already preordered!  When it arrives I will watch it!  Then I’ll watch it again!  I will need to invest more fully in imagination or something.  What am I talking about?  Removing the collection.  Of course safety in the minded as yielded through meditations.  More scoring.  Not quite right.  Ah, that first grey note is so them.  Takes me back to my years writing for a widely circulated periodical.  He remembers the beautiful boss wearing patterned hosiery and wanting to be shrunk down and forcibly wedged between the soul of hosiery clad foot and her black leather high heel shoe.  Teal shirt.  Those truly were the days.  “Earthfuck” written in black magic marker somewhere nearby.  Yes, you see those were the days of anticipation and neck aches and deep insecurities and spring dresses from the future and obsessions taking hold at potlucks and this is simply oh so beautiful and what I see in front is grey and looks oh so similar and he would be accused of an inappropriate combination but it was creative commons; I have not seen the accompanying Vietnam war as told in 3 letters.  Yes, takes me back.  If only I knew then what I know now.  Neck hurting now.  Need to wait for something physical with the darkness and that fire bird in the center.  All forgettable but want to focus more.  Hands increasingly shutting down and whole body going crooked. 

I did not have my meditations today.  Despite the overall disappointment I’m realizing now there was some goodness.  Confused by all the score accolades.  Maybe I’m tired of the one making compositions who relates most to the last letter.  To lie with her in sweetest sin.  All the  bright red atop the chef’s head.  Oh to be eaten alive. 

mill31&32&3m3c3(maybe?)

I’m thinking of changing my name to The Banana Brothers and taking credit for something not mine.  I recently ate nine hearty bowls of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.   Or did I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  I was reading from two separate books last night.  One has broken glass on the cover.  One has skulls on the cover.  Apropos of nothing I was recently unable to resist the lure of Diana’s fishnet pantyhose.  Hosiery controls my actions to an alarming rate.  I like to smell books when I read them.  I need to go to the liquor store later on.  Already, I don’t like what I’m writing here.  time to return though plentiful were skipped.  I see now how this all relates to  disconnected iteration involving cigarette being smoke by a non human entity.  Years having passed I need to break out and return.  I’m still bristling, not quite sure what to think.  I suspect it will only all make sense to me once I’ve absorbed it all.  Are we disappointed the apocalypse has not yet taken place?  We have a beautiful right to be cynical.  Confrontation in the stairwell and then I made the jump across the building, abandoning all negative attitudes. Apropos of nothing I just realized I was a brick in another life. 

I’m very happy now that Steven Knight’s film Serenity starring Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway is out on blu ray and I plan to set aside my entire weekend to watch it as many times as possible in a 48 hour period while drinking Jim Beam and consuming frothy bowls of Cap N’ Crunch cereal with soy milk (cause cows are for calves).  It is easily my favorite movie so far in this great year of 2019.  I drank black coffee this morning.  I guess now molding two together because they feel of the same piece.  Actually that’s not really true but I think I’m seeing a through line here.  a welcome return, actually two welcome returns and maybe I know too much.  We can only learn so much and live (I need to travel back and dance the tango; I don’t cry much).  Maybe it’ll all feel right down the line but right now I regret the change but do not place any blame on the interpreter.  There was giddy inappropriateness right there in the church but now it was not a church but actually the setting of a grand reenactment or maybe it was a church and at one point there was a stuffed dinosaur and of course because of that I am now considering a new nightmare, which will always be amongst his favorites, especially as we consider skinning cats.  I was smoking a pack of kools the other day and it felt right.  Kools and coffee.  I need to buy a suit but not the type of suit ya’ll are thinkin’ of.  I need to buy a membrane. 

He spent part of the morning buried under Brazilian bbw (a lovely 350 pounds at least) Mary’s massive and punishing ass and found it to be an exhilarating and satisfying experience.  Mary’d put on a bit of weight recently which really enhanced the experience.  She talked politics during the act and he was unable to respond.  I need to order some books soon.  Skeletal horse just arrived by snail.  I need to move things around.  I need some boxes.  I need to use some bleach.  Chemicals have me.  when I open up that club I’m gonna blast some techno and drink a lot.  Wondering if the father was a big exaggerated.  Interpreter error may be to blame in that sense.  All mute joe wants to do is fuck and hence the nurse later on.  Font is important.  I need to find out the font he’s been using and then I need to purchase white.  Helluva color, white.  Helluva thing, killing a man.  He was looking at her in a very formal location and all of a sudden he realized she looks very much like Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre luchadora Tiffany with whom he’s been unhealthily infatuated for years which he was now and forevermore infatuated with this lovely woman and then when he noticed she was also wearing flesh colored hosiery he nearly died of ecstasy and longed for her to use his face her footrest after she arrived home from a long hard sweaty day of good honest blue collar work, really pressing down on his face with hosiery clad soles and berating him in the English and Spanish languages. 

I’m investigating matters of before and after science.  I finished reading a book today.  I drank black coffee today.  I felt angry at one point and that anger was bolstered to an irrational level due to bad choices on my part.  Temptation and sin of the cheetah print variation.  There was a lot of paperwork to fill out.  Handshakes are very civil and appropriate.  I need to continue along with a thousand year narrative.  Very much on the nose there.  I watched a movie two nights ago that I loved.  Red and black arrived by snail.  I had so much and now I forgot it all.  Homicide by apple.  Distress.  We all have to be careful when in the lethal world of milkmen.  I can’t remember if I’ve talked about cereal already.  Immediate feelings of emptiness much deserved.  Nice to break things up with…I don’t know…free form something or another.  I’m drinking alcohol from a dirty glass.  There was a sturdy woman in pantyhose and black heels earlier and I found her to be utterly enchanting. 

Ah now, I remember where I was.  Not really.  But back to back.  Winners. All in different directions. But I am very involved. Maybe I’ll eat a sandwich tomorrow.  Maybe I’ll slit my wrist.  Won’t really make much of a difference.  Oh yeah, I forgot that I planned to drink in excess tomorrow but I should still be able to work that in or I could always switch it to multiple other days.  Or something.  What the hell am I even talking about anymore? 

loa

Everything out of order now because I didn’t bother to set it straight during the initial time.  or something to that effect. There’s monochrome everywhere. 

I was laying down and thinking about suicide.  Of course if he didn’t have someone who depended on him he likely would have made that logical choice a long time ago. Fingers hurt now.  I had a pillow over my face while listening to some lovely music and I kept imagining a beautiful ethereal woman coming along and lying on top of me and sticking the barrel of a big loaded gun against the pillow and blowing my stupid brains out really royally fucking up my face but of course the pillow would deter the large mess which would occur sans pillow.  It’s nice to imagine such a lovely woman sometimes coming along and commiting this act. 

I was reading something the other day and it felt good.  I drank a lot of wine before and after writing this I think.  I’m your man.  It’s odd.  Listening to Lana Del Rey makes me feel better but then I realize I’m not really depressed.  I think.  So if I’m not really depressed it doesn’t make sense to feel better.  Feel better from what?  But I’m think of killing myself before and after I listen to her music but for some reason it’s better while and after I’m listening to it.  But mostly while I guess.  But that’s not depression.  Not really.  It’s more just a nice constant thing.  But then I listen to her music and it’s like a nice blanket wrapped around me.  or like a hug.  But not a like the types of hugs everyone else has ever given me which feel fake and awful. This feels like what a real genuine loving hug must feel like.  So I guess that really is something better.  I don’t really know maybe.  It just feels good listening to her music and hearing her voice and reading her lyrics. 

And at one point I had to laugh because I realized suicide is only romantic and interesting for the good looking beautiful people.  And of course I am not attractive so my suicide would not be particularly interesting or beautiful at all.  It would just be another foul person scraped off.  another foul useless person gone.  Which I suppose is a good thing ultimately but it wouldn’t be beautiful.  But that’s probably okay, right? It’s just that my face is so motherfucking ugly that even if a bullet went right in the middle there and caused my face to explode it would not make an appreciable difference as far as looks go.  It would only make a bloody and brainy mess and little pieces of bone and whatever and maybe parts of my eyeballs or my tongue and teeth or something depending on where in my face I shot myself but boy it’d probably be an awful mess but it wouldn’t make an appreciable difference, you know?  and it wouldn’t be romantic. 

I remember the doctor asking if I’ve had these type of thoughts and I always said no but she hasn’t asked in a while.  It’s funny though.  They never feel bad.  They are comforting thoughts.  Maybe it’s just knowing the option is always there.  its nice to think about self harm.  It prevents any thoughts about anyone else.  I was looking at some photographs earlier and this felt really bad so I stopped.  And I realized everything gets distorted and twisted around and I think maybe my vision is not so clear on some things. 

Of course, I’ve thought about all the reimbursements i’d have to make.  It’d only be proper after all.  Should say now I never proof read anything.  Sorry.  But yeah, only appropriate.  But if I drop all reimbursements in the mail at night and send out corresponding emails in the middle of the night and then shoot myself shortly thereafter everything should arrive on time and no one will be ripped off and everything will be happy and everyone will go on their way and no wrongs will have been done and I will be dead.  Yes I will very dead.  Oh yes I will be very quite fucking dead and my silly  brains will be splattered all over the walls and no one will really give a flying fuck and that is richly appropriate and exactly as it should be and I would be righting so many wrongs. 

All only thoughts of course.  It’s strange.  So much vomiting going on.  All over everything.  How many stories he’s listened to.  No one ever made the proper list of priorities.  Everything is disguised now.  It’s all about letting loose with the useless shit which has filled your life.  And the recurrent fantasy again. He’s too afraid to make the purchase because he knows he’d more than likely use it on himself one night.  Relating to something on the wall.  The comforts are always feminine.  And now an instrument of death.  Desire for death. Death fetish, his own death fetish and this is awful.  But no, not really because it only applies to him and no one else and were he dead it wouldn’t really make a difference and it would actually probably be a good thing.  And nothing anyone says really registers anymore and there is never any breaking down permitted and the only escapes come from things which are not people because everyone around him is needy and terrible and he supposes he is needy to but with himself scraped away that need not be a problem anymore. And these are all just things spinning around and don’t really matter and don’t really mean anything.  Brains out and all.  Probably shit myself afterward.  No, that’s definitely a certainty.  Yes, my posh flat would surely smell of piss and shit afterward and if that lovely ethereal woman did not come to help me out I would be leaving a nice big abstract on the walls.  I’m your man. 

bb(in)sin1

Is a tally of the sins necessary at this point?  It all seems rather obvious.  At least to anyone with functioning eyes.  And now they keeping up rather ably with him.  One wonders what wonder will be see the light of zeros and ones day next.  Already a glimpse and already so certain.  We are all like astronauts.  Forgive these….  Inside the dreaming dream.  Don’t know upfront.  Timbre.  Accordion.  On, I see now two decades of corruption and disease have taken place.  Are we approaching the end?  I wonder this as blackness was restarted the night before.  1000 years over.  I mistook the location, it was actually some place quite a bit hotter.  But yes, over two decades, how rarely we realize when it is that particular bolt of damnation sliding shut.  But we wouldn’t have it any other way.  How many times pictured?  The entire narrative. All the little narratives over and over again.  Visages altering but it’s always the same.  Inclusions of observers and now facial distortions.  He waits patiently.  Corporate saboteurs.  Industrial saboteurs.  No, before that such awkward skies, throwing one over the ledge.  They’re gonna kill me.  out of business.  Taking in and then metallic squeeze.  Innocuous a bit, who knows.  But everything then changed with the first real initial.  I’m living a paper life.  But where were we.  Yes, the initial.  The one that doomed everything.  Destiny set.  Slave to sweet sin set.  Sweetest sin.  Difficult to go through it all without….  Going in and looking around and what’s the…  what the warning with freaks and newness.  And all at once I realized I’m not a fast learner at all and I understood the importance of water.  And this is already glorious.  Was it glorious at the onset?  I suspect it was in a way not quite fully understood.  A glorious and necessary precursor.  Perhaps I should have written help in blood on the way (millref).  But of course money must be exchanged, what amount desire.  No wonder.  And then such a terrible miscalculation on my part.  And everything now is always  verbatim to him of course setting forth with an inanimate sluggishness and tipping the scales.  Look out!  There is so much calcium in the way, did not realize the true nature of formation and the dangers of calcium, right at the neck and stopped short standing and then back and forth.  He can’t quite get the words out here, far too difficult when sin has really taken over.  Back and forth and up again, and this is so amazing.  And wrapping.  And the auditory is of course key and one massive impact.  So close now, always the anticipation is also key.  The repetition of sin.  The customs and patterns of sin.  The lovely memories of sin and how desirable they are to relive, to reenact, to reimagine.  And there is a struggle, the sounds of struggle and pain and fear and then a merciless command which now appears in multiple languages and then you he I am screaming and then I am not screaming.  Unable.  Wide eyes.  There is shock and fear.  Movements have me.  again with the reenactment.  Shifting and shifting.  Tightly clamped.  Rapid.  Cycling.  All the while there is the other sense.  This sense understands the ongoing trauma.  Before finally there is only blackness and the tension removed.  Is anything disguised properly.  That works in a couple different ways doesn’t it?  Why was there a delay after everything came up.  Secrets.  Not good.  Noble attempt always when thinking back and forward and paper life again.  Noble attempt but ultimately futile and such surprise.  Makes cents.  Large cents.  And of course there has to be happiness so a return to sin can take place.  Seeing the trickiness now and the differences of materials.  Or something.  Loss of inn….  This what makes most sense.  Finding I still have a lot to learn about….  No warning of course.  And that position filled by the running of a financially related computer.  Very appropriate.  And now so much difficult.  One marked for replacement so long ago but nearly as long ago as the fateful beginning.  But replacement serving as support and castigator.  And of course nothing truly related to Italian and yet that iteration exists and without the advent of nicotine everything is so much greater, more powerful.  And then of course who even knows, say the docks, the docks in the morning and once there was slight pink visible and everything and the combination along with ice and the unexpectedness and the sheer delicious terror and somewhere is the rhapsody in blue.  And now there is the hope of the jackal who is not the jackal and so many without  moniker and how knows what strange places they inhabit. And now I see how much importance this initial not so initial entry truly had and time is really flying.  But soon there is so much electricity all around a deck of playing cards.  This would later on be everything as well.  Multiple everythings.  Finally understand the meaning of ita.  And there is another caring word for darling.  And flipping things around and slowing things down.  what was that.  That is the very next.  No, not true, not the very next but coming up soon and that was the one which solidified everything wasn’t it?  I don’t know really.  It’s so hard to tell anymore but he can recall the anticipation.  First there is a touch of.  Or maybe that is later.  Everything is around the same time.  electricity again.  Nothing writes like a…. but of course it is the contents which is truly important.  There at the very beginning, celebrating the independence inside their office.  Never beaten.  Sadistic merciless anger.  Everything was put on ice for a time but this was only the beginning of a lifetime in the gutter.  Giants in the trees during all of this, first taste, lot of props.  Quite loved first blush.  Happy for the ink on the cardstock.  The clams for the second is yes.  Word again.

mill17&18(beautiful now there is the chance this could go alongside my all t

I’ll think I’ll go on…to find out….  Instantly I knew the thesis of this particular iteration’s discontent and I was pleased as peacocks to discover I was correct.  Of course, locations had me and at once dingy backstreets felt warmly familiar and then white newsprint lettering proved that he (which is, i) was not really going insane.  Apropos of nothing I still consider Lords of Salem to be Rob Zombie’s best film and the only one which really rises above its influences.  I pounded my fists against the glass.  No, that wasn’t me at all.  But it was a most compelling kickoff.  It is full of eternity.  That’s not quite right.  The young boy’s hair came back all white.  The shortcuts I took today as I regressed in aging remind me very much of riding in a tiny and bloody airplane.  I understand the intimacy.  Remembering on the cheek. Dog connection. 

And once I was very much aware that the one of ice would now be taken away.  We must always enjoy the precious moments we have.  There’s no going back.  I don’t want to let this all go to waste because it needs to be said the formula was so altered I wasn’t quite prepared the alterations also began previously and they will kick into full rampant force very soon and I am so exponentially pleased.  Apropos of nothing you want to talk control mechanisms?  We have unbelievable control mechanisms. 

I want it clear, the stairs in the EIGHTEENTH variation was one of the greatest moments in suckling glass history.  I cannot possibly overstate this.  The wool gloriously being pulled.  And from then on we are now examining the nature of pure evil. 

No, I’m badly underselling everything.  Lamentation.  I’m badly underselling the awesome.  Beauty.  Horror. Of course I knew her as an ant, shame about the rocks crushing siblings.  But no, I first came across the pure manifestation of evil of someone selling flowers.  There was trickery afoot, see?  I was lulled into falsehood.  And it was a beautiful lulling, replete with far away familiar faces there on the stairs.  Everything on the stairs.  It is difficult to recall what went on before this meeting.  Not because the antecedent was somehow inferior but rather this new acquaintanceship was just so monumental, horrifying and impactful.  Perhaps I should have strangled myself with wire.  No, hanged myself I meant to say.  Walking down the stairs, the real form.  Where are the flowers which were sold.  We traced the steps back to locality.  And then falling and violence.  Ah, the rich dangers of pharmaceuticals. My finger hurts.  But the commitment to go on with kindness and the ways of teaching and then soon after we cannot return to the yellow house.  This is everything I look for in the imaginings.  And now I see I must also trade circles for snow.  Of course I am talking about auditory snow.  Was there a storm outside?  Child ok.  But how as that possible.  The forms.  I found an organ in the fridge, an organ removed from someone still alive (but not for much longer tee hee).  My dreams terrified me later on so it’s a good thing I can’t remember them (for the most part tee hee).  Distortions of flesh oh please don’t let them touch me.  a two for one, eh?  Hopefully not cheating but formats are changing all around.  The purest distillation of this emotion on the square venue.  All through the geometry of descending.  Once masculine and then feminine and then with wings and then feminine again, smiling.  Where have the flowers gone?  As I recall there was a younger version of myself madly in love with what later become the purest manifestation of….  What was slowly phased out.  How odd there is now parallels being made to something…wait…tiny place of living, things starting up as he was beginning the new school.  Not just parallels, there are string commonalities and holy moly (red cheese) just how much of my miserable life have I wasted?  My fault, my fault, I didn’t get the joke.  Yes, love and then phased out in an utter nonsensical way as someone who was not me assumed control of a coffee shop and boy but I do love the linn.  The sound of the year so dry and sparse and beautiful, let’s pretend and then acronym and then I realize how automatic all the masochistic leanings are.  but yes, never seen from again, an uncomplicated flower, right?  Something to that affect to the one who was around when we realized how dependent this country is on plastics (cigarettes were mixed into the compound, maybe the marlboro’s I was smoking on my balcony last night).  Yes, this was the one who stayed behind and then she was the one who raised the first love of the one who stayed behind and for a brief time during the contextual history there was lovely competition with the flower owner who would become the terrifying pure manifestation of…and I searched and searched to provide zeros and ones compliments but I was seemingly unable to do so but I so look forward to return engagements and I now have no idea about the progression only that yes we are very much on the final precipice.  On unrelated news analysis this pretty generation is most intriguing and angular and somewhat castle like but I really note a lot of influence of young men and their obedient animals.  Maybe I’m crazy.  My pallet is so unrefined.  I very much appreciated the warning provided by the red fish.  Think about that word fish for a moment and the color.  Maybe the term isn’t exactly correct but it all goes back to the wool.  And the maternal spirit so upfront.  Would going down or up be more natural in the moment.  Why masculine and then feminine?  It depends on who’s looking.  My lips are rarely dry thankfully.  I bought a book today.  And of course no, due to the mention, it’s like I’m losing my mind.  Coffee.  Who will it be now?   I need to stress again: this was possibly the best ever. 

mill16(&dfl)

Interesting two words back to back.  I feel like there is a connection I am missing to something unrelated.  This was another winner.  I need to start search for new words because some are being worn out.  But it is indeed the case that consecutive satisfaction has been made.  Unfortunately I committed a boner in the classic sense and inadvertently soured the denouement for himself (that is, myself, in the light of day it is often difficult to face our own actions).  This was a boner I’d like to think I won’t make again but only time will tell.  Time, patience, the right berries.  All the same, the overall effect was not too dampened, eh?  No.  small tragic horrific details which continue to set things apart.  You will find traces of urine and blood on the kitchen rug.  Also, in the others, in and then another word.  Or not sure if they can be separated.  The angels factor was difficult to parse.  Coincidence that earlier there was a prophecy unfolding?  Spilled milk.  Seen the angel before as a vampire; I’m going to show you how weak you really are.  read the books; Sartre.  We sin because….   We are awful.   But things close down on an unresolved note.  The rock with writing through the glass was before the unresolved.  It is good to change rhythm now and then. 
Before yesterday morning I had no idea who Diana Fuentes was and by yesterday evening I was purchasing her new album off iTunes mere seconds after it became available to purchase.  And such is the nature of wisdom.  And such is the fast paced, crazy world in which we currently live!  Rich in information and wild at heart.  Lovely little album.  Some real tender songs and some nice summery tunes which I’m betting will get plenty of play in the coming months.  I think it’ll pair well with Thalia’s most recent album and perhaps with Marina’s upcoming album.  Really like that song with gente de zona.  This album will help cheer me up when I’m feeling like the complete worthless loser I am.  Unfortunately I am never not feeling like that and it’s impossible for it to cheer me up 100% of the time.  still, I appreciate the work Diana’s done here.  it’s not her fault that my mother chickened out on that abortion in the end.  If only she’d done what was necessary (my mother, not Diana).  You know, I like that it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome.  I’m a big fan of short albums.  And long albums!  And medium length albums!  But this is a joyous little slice of summer.  It’s sunshine, drinks, laughter and a bit of sexiness.  Pretty warm production.  Lots of different and classic styles on display too but the album overall has a very chill, feel-good vibe, a little wistful in a couple places and rather romantic in many others.  All the songs benefit from Diana’s voice which is honey sweet and very easy on the ears.  Good sequencing too.  Pideme comes along at just the right place; lovely. 
A moment of fragility then, as I searched for Ondine.  I realized later on my search parameters were flawed.  Makes sense, it’s very very rare that I can actually do anything right.  In an instant I am reminded of the sheer ugliness all around.  There is only ever one reason anyone breaks through the barrier.  But as long as this swimming can continue to take place there will always be something worthwhile.  Words fail me.  no, that’s not right at all.  I fail words.  The failure has always been and always shall be mine.  I laugh because I know it will all go wrong in the end.  I suppose I do enjoy when those around are afforded a more accurate glimpse.  Many times this results in him being bothered less which is always good.  We’re all so precious.  Half light.  Cold.  My desires are awful because I am awful.  It’s not really a difficult thing to understand. 
Recidivism has me. nice for a little philosophical debate over coffee and perhaps a sandwich.  Both sides of the coin made plenty of cents.  I guess I need to go into some deep soul searching to figure out what I believe.  Nice trick with the rule.  Trick isn’t the right word, it was an example.  If I painted a ruler gold would it be the golden rule?  Convert.  You do something to my chemistry.  The crimson cubes keep chasing after me.  I believe there are lasers at some point.  Wanting to believe seems apt though there is a mythic crosscutting.  No, that’s not really true, not yet anyway.  It is more a bleeding into one another.  I’m going to wear a shirt today.  Try not to be filled with hatred.  I enjoy watching people make colossally stupid and obvious mistakes, especially when they absolutely know better. 
There was one thing – one precious thing – in the midst of beauty which stood out in a negative way to me.  what a friend once erroneously referred to as shoe clomp (seriously, how the hell does he come up with this stuff?).  it is by no means ruinous and it is thankfully quite brief.  Let it not ruin the overall very good and strong feelings I have for this.  Things end on a right note so to speak (tee hee).  I’m a very much a big horns fan.  Digital horns.  Analog horns. Synthetic horns.  Horns in person.  I love horns.  Briefly, I can imagine I am happy.  That my life is actually worth a damn. thank you for that.  We dance into the night. 
Must pull back the curtain.  No, that’s not quite right either.  But he can’t let things finish on hope, wouldn’t be proper.  There will likely be another visit tonight.  The name mispronounced over drinks; how to properly dive in.  everything is so much different in the light.  I am aching again.  There are no more options left and this is for the best.  Time for another exercise in futility.  Here’s to a l….  (but celebrate those who achieve completion). 

mill15

And of course it makes sense to start things off with a bit of mystical theology.  I must locate very specific texts.  Education has me.  and what a rather frightening notion.  But we so love to believe we are free from sin.  It is consistently amusing.  I need to buy some rope and hand tools.  I was very happy to learn that one of my all time favorite movies if finally receiving a lovely blu ray release.  I always love when the rain sets in.  you know, I ignored Bria’s disc for so long because I was so jazzed for the other two discs.  It’s been a decade of ignoring this.  I can’t believe it’s actually been a decade!  I hope I was thinking about it on the day of.  But you know, I’m listening to bria’s disc right now and I do quite like it.  Much like I really like all the protégé albums!  And some I even love!  Man, the playing on this disc is so smooth and the production so sumptuous!  But really, the  production on all three was very strong.  What a dope I’ve been.  Speaking of albums, I’m curious about Patitucci’s new release.  I had the movie dark blue on earlier.  It goes well the other movie I mentioned the other day. Ah now the much welcome return of the maternal spirit for whom I have been clamoring.  And indeed the rich obsession is taking hold.  I was surprised by something mentioned.  What, was it again?  Think!  Goddam you, think!  Forcibly bangs my head against filing cabinets.  Something about mutilation I think, something about a specific mutilation.  But there was also terrified swimming and again one must wonder about the psychic connection.  If it indeed exists.  Staring up the stairs.  Father figure.  It all comes down to. … loose theme maybe, so sidewalk walking is very appropriate and a nice little denouement.  I think sunnier fruitier things are going to be invading my ears in the coming months.  But I will of course reserve time for the apocalypse.  I see myself dirty and homeless somewhere.  Of course I immediately made a connection to well loved text.  There was a wolf.  No, I’m wrong, it was a fox.  And the mention of the plague.  Which of course brings forth the cruising factor again and then we’re back at the opening salvo where I mentioned the grateful edition and the deeper understanding I discussed yesterday ( I shake).   Slouching towards Bethlehem.  We all.  Vibes of weather report are from the lotus.  A lot of rich musicianship booming.  It has been too long.  I’m always a neglectful individual.  I’m going to purchase some texts and images with which to delve deeper.  The same thing that did it for him last time did it for him again today.  Three pairs.  You know I like the new song by knarias.  I found a book I was looking for.  Deep self analysis must take place to analyze my every choice, my every like and my every dislike.  It can be truly said that I am a terrible and largely useless person.  I am often amused by people who do not believe they are terrible but really are.  Angel from Canada in yellow and then green.  Oh this never ends but I do believe many have thankfully been spared.  There’s too much peanut butter logic going on around me.  super lush I must say.  I am glad to have that digital form of auditory clarification on these subjects, I can see the difference on the triple aim; hit the target.  Though again, as I alluded to just the other day I do believe the jellyfish variation will continue to remain my preferred of the set.  Arbitrary family is not my preference getting back to the central thesis.  But we shall see about the possibility of reoccurrence.  Saw diana on an early morning program and realized I needed more sunshine so now I wait for a nighttime revelation.  Maybe it will carry over.  And now just a little bit of summary revisal I see I was dense, likely from alcoholic consumption that my former confusion is no easily alleviated.  I have underestimated psychic connections between parents and offspring and therefore inadvertently minimized certain important revelations (perhaps not a bad word considering the path to perfection).  And indeed, this is very massive is one is now inheriting those visions and perhaps confirmation on a prior suspicion slash confusion.  Ah, this shall be one of great importance during the eventual foreign second coming (connected back to the widening in the initial entry, don’t confuse line number one, mispronounced name to someone who purports fondness).  Yes, I am even more intrigued.  Acceptance can come despite the ever shifting thesis.  Or was this element always present?  Can’t help but feel on the cusp on something.  Boiling.  Best not to make so many parallels.  I do believe this would fit in perfectly down that mysterious road.  Is there a place where they all meet?  That is the motel, or is it a hotel?  Yes, I see now, it is a hotel in one space and a motel in the other.  Exploding you.  These all go down the same path and I am wondering what happened to me during those years.  For a terrifying moment I thought a specific wildness had been completely removed from this world.  Renewal.  I’m not really here.  I still remember holding the world in the palm of his hand.  And now this links back to one trade for coin.  Yes, even the name.  all linked up and now need the very same in melted candle wax.  And of course all the stars but particularly the living sun, the very same and why can’t the silver be more like the silver?  I think that could just be the key.  Silver to silver.  Giant key.  Embrace.  On the cusp of a premiere now.  Communication frightens me.  how to end?  Another winner.  Traveling back for comfort.  Internalizing.  Pot luck.  Spring dress.  Torture.