It’s extremely likely that I will be waking up on a
bed with deep red sheets very soon.
There will also be red curtains.
And a river outside which reminds me of another river. I find that I know less….
So the end was nothing he (I?) could have
expected. you’re just a…with grey eyes,
never mind…. The lesson and mercy. Everything was mercy at first and I should
have been thankful but I was only desiring sin and soon enough my awful prayer
was answered. But in the midst of that
sin he found an unexpected fragility and truth.
How could this be happening? Why
did you use the F word? But was it at
once robbed of the betrayal as the connection was renewed. Mayhaps that does not make a lick of
sense. This has invaded into the
beyond. There is the center and now this
vile thing is reaching beyond, straight to the heart. Why was this confession made? What could this possibly mean? This is advancement. This is far beyond. This is true terror and mockery, laughing
madly at our easily stolen mortality.
But the first is to come very soon.
Need to take advantage of every moment possible. I am sorry.
You’ve been with us for a long time now. Why did you use that word? We are on a train somewhere and I rescue you
from a fatal sequence that I began. Of
course, a keep a bottle of Jack in my jacket pocket. Or do I?
surely, you must have something heavily stocked nearby. This was so much more acidic because it did
not have your touch. Fourth round
knockout, know what I’m saying? I would
smile with pride and mistake everything.
Later on it would be so clear and I would be cheering on the beach. One betrayal after another. I consider you… I think of you… what does any of this mean. Always changing the dialogue so the betrayal
remains one sided. The seam was just
like something else. We’re awful (me and
me). Awful. I was and am very thirsty.
Been a month.
Was it really such a short amount of time? I have lost all perception of time. I exist in the past, present and future all
at once and I am always a failure. Succumbing. No resistance and in the end there was
glorious near suffocation and there was relief and there was hate rightly
directed at one specific person. You were
hiding. I was hiding. Somewhere the image was captured but everything
lies through the glass. I don’t know who
the hell I think I am anymore. Now I laugh
and cry at the same time. this does not
make sense. This is happening. That’s what I know. This is happening. Why use the word?
Everything was renewed again and far grimmer than
ever before. I am an invasion. Two separate invasions going on, two entirely
separate assaults. Please forgive. I told you I would…. You’re…right?
Puzzlement and then clarity. Yes,
I will. Is this right? Then the word came. You’re very welcome. You’re hiding. Don’t know the name but young. Not young, no, that’s not right. Not young but not old. Not young but still too young. And now to the maritime city. And I hope we shall not be washed away in a
wave of red. Not you and not you. Me?
fine. Whatever.
And then it was all upon him. Such resistance but then such screaming. Down the throat. The massive mechanical arm. Thrust into the air and then down again. Drowning inside the body. This is the body politic. This is the wandering…. Everywhere, black everywhere. I have failed over and over again because I am
terrible. The electricity everywhere…. Gaze upon the…thy…. Straight to the back and what does this mean
with so much caffeine, I’m sick, have a nice day, drive safe, oh wait just
kidding. Very professional. And the glorious conveyor belt. I’ve seen her in action. She’s a monster. Then into the mouth and this is glory. This is
everything he could ever desire. The word
choice is always so important but why that word? The smile.
Please forgive me everyone. The screaming
again and in the back again, piercing the back this time, gritted teeth. Grabbing the head and writhing. Didn’t even break a sweat, eh? I know, I know. Reaching up, last ditch, then falling and
then ripping and crashing. These things
are all happening at once over and over again and it is so delicious (do you remember
that word? Yes, but why the use of the
other one?!). multiple parties, so much
presence. There is The One of Ice, the
Red Devil, another who for now has no moniker except the real one (and small
fences) and of course The Rhapsody in Blue who sends everything crashing down
again and causes everything and provokes everything and pushes every button and
is the cause of all the great ecstasy and screaming and such lovely
suffocation. His knees were weak. And then we go back and we drown. Can I do this without it being
hypocritical? Will this be genuine or
will it be a sin? I wanted to go to the
park earlier but it rained. You never
know. Another trip tomorrow. Another trip but the same trip and more shear
lunacy. All these languages. A long path to the sunset. Was it a lie?
That would be the most glorious thing of all. So richly appropriate. I deserve nothing less than a lie. I know less and less…. Where did I put my tape recorder? I would never change the blue. The Rhapsody in Blue.
I will very likely need to Tilt and go Outside
today. Woman at heart. It’s difficult to believe. Also, I love the new Nails song, very VERY
Bowie esque, very Blackstar and something else I just mentioned.
I think it is starting all over again. My fault.
Damnation. Why that word?
I will see you at the costume ball again very soon. I miss you dreadfully.
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