Thursday, April 16, 2020

all red bar and computers i never see and don't get the transactions, i am so empty like everythign else (and CIWI19 p. 3)


Lifeforce, I remember a very attractive woman and a strange kiss.  I remember this being surprisingly dull and thinking it should have been good. 
Showgirls is a movie I adore.  It’s a satirical deconstruction of the American dream.  Looks great too. 
High Flying Bird was a sports movie I really loved but then again I am a Soderbergh junkie and this fits right in with that fascinating string of film like Bubble, Girlfriend Experience and Haywire and other things I can’t remember but I’m sure I adored. 
Memories of Murder is one of my all time favorite movies.  So is Zodiac but I can see how much Fincher took from Memories. 
Get Shorty was good lark, nice Saturday early evening kind of movie.  I liked the book more but I still liked this movie.
At Eternity’s Gate is a lovely little movie.  Very very on the nose and that should bother me more but it didn’t, maybe because I’m too big of a willem fan. 
The Seven Samurai is something I need to rewatch.  It was difficult. 
Inglorious bastards  gets better every time I watch it.  My opinion has changed quite a bit since first viewing
Heavenly Creatures is my favorite peter Jackson film.  Is it the dividing line?  Still need to see the frighteners to know for sure.
After Hours was great.  I understand why it gets overshadowed by other work in the director’s oeuvre but this deserves more…something…can’t think right now, it deserves more something though. 
The Maltese Falcon I never quite understand but I like it.
The Big Sleep I didn’t understand but i…
The Scent of Green Papaya was lovely! Just bought Ciclo and need to check out everything by this guy and need to rewatch this with a scotch. 
Hostel is crap but that one scene still works. 
Fighting With My Family was good.  Basic tropes. Prefer Glow.  What a dumb comparison by me.  this was good.
Black Coal, Thin Ice was GREAT noir.  Gets better each time.  very subtle.  Very uncompromising.  Just watched wild goose lake too…but I think I’ll still prefer….
Who Framed Roger Rabbit  ihad never seen before. It had some top knotch animation.  And the always reliable gunton. No, stupid me I meant Hoskins.  My fingers are freezing up right now.  I really liked the first three fourths and not as much the last fourth but overall I dug it. 
Meet the Feebles totally worked for me, back when Jackson made movies I could endorse. 
Water is something for which my own ignorance betrayed but I need to understand deeper and explore further, both in and of itself and of the ouvre from the creator. 

Chasing lust now, eh.  Something like that.  Meeting at the open space, as predicted due to all the liquidity.  The issues of liquidity.  Though humorously it started off about a change, an augmentation not related to culinary arts.  And then progressed to liquidity.  Talking about bouquets the night before in old pages, how I wanted that bouquet.  A little joke, lovely smile.  Black and white during this iteration then frantically running out to meet and then closely observed ascension and then a return and so quick, need to absorb every detail.    

Old texts have me.  is it a coincidence just as 36 has me.  likely not.  There is not much else I’m sorry to say.  Other than that revelation about hotel rooms.  There is an encroaching distance.  Evil everywhere.  Look at how trite all that other stuff was.  I am in search of sin.  Never have to look far.  Candy again.  There’s no meaning to anything anymore.  Live and in living color.  Meat and potatoes style.  Twice in a row really.  The softest pair set aside for just such an occasion.  felt like crying while eating a granola bar today. 

Unexpected peace.  Remembrances.  Torn away by my own anger.  Listened to mad season last night and this morning, felt appropriate.  Johnny mysticism showed up to buy me a drink at some point.  I’m reading a very good book right now and it has a yellow cover. 

Ripley Under Ground is a great book.  Just great!  it was just so complete!  So fucking complete.  Loved the skull bit.  And the humor, really good humor, placation, new headlines.  I couldn’t call it.  Real elegant and precise prose.  Wish a proper movie was made of it (or that I could see the one that was).  I love Tom on the page so much.  This was just dark and comical little gem.  Man, I loved this book.  I need to acquire an old hardcover copy and read it outside during a sweaty summer, maybe while drinking a margarita even though I don’t really like margaritas. 

I missed my red circle chance years.  I FUCKING BLEW MY RED CIRCLE CHANCE BECAUSE I’M A GIGANTIC UGLY FUCKING LOSER WHO FUCKS EVERYTHING UP AND I REALLY REALLY REALLY FUCKING HATE MYSELF!      And it in some ways it is also blue, like staring down a barrel, and boy I just really fucked that up and now no red cirlce for me.  it’s like that glorious piece of gold rubber which will never be mine.  just as well.  Everything I touch turns to shit.

In love with candy bloom. 

I was drinking cheap vodka and watching a late 90’s Abel Ferrara movie recently.  Or was i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Trying to figure out this grainy phase.  Akin to the blackout.  Feels very honest, very cold.  I had a limp and then with a laugh I leaped from the stairwell, fatally cracking my dome like an egg when I hit the hard tiled corporate story floor.  Tech, need to try and reread, last time I was in a bar with a sports game on and couldn’t focus for some reason.  I miss bars.  Or do i?  the more I learn the less I was to know.  Gonna listen to free soon, not the band.  Oh yeah, then I read swamp thing comic books.    

And yes and yeah it’s all empty now and nothing really has any feel to it I suppose it could be worse (blood).  I don’t  know, it all feels so meaningless.  And everything is fading, vision, hearing, whatever. 

I can’t figure anything out.  I have no voice.  36 has me.  lists have me.  back when I was using frog puppets to make my philosophical points.  Back when I was waking up on red sheets.  This river still reminds me of another river. 

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