Wednesday, April 1, 2020

sin because (and CIWI19 p. 2)


Of course in recent days I’ve been watching far too many Candy Bloom videos.  Or have I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  No, I definitely have.  Addiction is forming.  Have you read Naked Lunch?  Burroughs perfectly describes what its like…read the books.  Shame told me that.  It means shame, right?  That stranger I encountered on black and white new York streets.  Oh yes, but Candy Bloom, so wonderful, bountiful.  I would be your slave.  What’s the cost?  Anything!  Anything!  Anything for my face to be used as her footrest after a long hard night of burlesquing.  Oh, I am truly vile and putrid.  It hasn’t been all Bloom though, I’ve been breaking things up with luchadora videos, specifically barefoot ones (though not entirely bare, they’re still wearing hosiery!  Oh God what is wrong with me?!  Denier!  Denier!  Their soles crushing my face after a good match is perfume of the gods!  I’m awful! Awful!)  Just choke me out using the hosiery clad crook of your knee!  Please!  Oh man, I need help.  And now remembering the one of ice.  Yes, seeing now as never before, black lace and nylons and heels.  And of course, must admit, must mention, celestial.  Something celestial.not given the proper respect for so long.  Even though an integral part in one of my favorites.  Played to a t.  jobber  expert jobber.  And then so recent.  Entwined.  And then like that.  See, total underestimation.  Couldn’t handle a viewing. Deep in the throes.  Luchadoras have me.  countless hours.  The look of the hosiery after the match has gone on for 10 minutes or so.  Oh, sweet denier.  Oh heaven scent aromas…if only.  The icy one again, loving when I scream.  Stand and strangle me with your hosiery clad ankles. Why  no response?  I missed it today!  I fucking missed it!  I was watching so close and I fucking missed the only worthwhile opportunity of the miserable fucking day! but then coffee made me feel better.  Fishnets have me. 

I’m reading a couple books right now, liking one and loving the other.  The one I’m loving has 8 or so sequels.  I think I’ll purchase them as well.  Oh yes, make no mistake, I still hate myself.  More than ever.  I am by far my least favorite person.  it’s hard to imagine that ever changing. 

Gotti was utterly delightful!  Great makeup job too.  The Miami Vice pilot (feature length, 96 minutes) was great Mann art.  I am currently enjoying the series very much and am reminded at how in many ways I prefer older shows to contemporary ones.  I remember really liking If Beale Street Could Talk when I first watched it and thinking it was also a beautiful looking film and I would like to see it again but I guess it didn’t stick with me as something major.  This and Moonlight both seemed a bit too calculated and carefully crafted, very well made but just too overworked to be truly moving for yours falsely.  Madeline’s Madeline was of the real avant-garde stripe but as such was a stellar example, stuck in my diseased brain.  Need to buy it and have it on every night.  Speaking of, I loved Aquaman on first watch (during which I was wearing an orange shirt and after the viewing I texted a friend and told her I was wearing an orange shirt) and my fondness has since continued to grow.  It’s a comfort food type of movie for me, lot of good cheese, well filmed action.  Polar was a shameless John Wick ripoff (I don’t care if the comic came before that great franchise) but was still salvable due to the game performance of Mads Mikkelsen and some gritty action.  I loved Cam.  Great viewing on a Thursday or Friday night, seems appropriate for this age and I liked the unexplained tinge of supernatural, one I’ll definitely watch many more times.  The Favourite was pretty damn impeccable and my favorite so far from the director!  In many ways 2019 was the year of the cute bunnies.  I love the fisheyed things.  probably not the right term but I’m an idiot.  Need to buy this one.  hahahaha I loved Serenity and will tell everyone I come into contact with to watch it!  The sheer audacity!  I need a fishfinder.  It’ll make a perfect double bill with another movie coming up here.  I fucking loved Serenity!  At many points I watched the Suspiria remake last year.  Diligent readers may recall its spot at number 2 on my favorite movies of 2018 list.  It still continues to entrance, befuddle, and fascinate me.  I think about and obsess over it for at least 9 hours of every day.  Bumblebee was another movie I loved!  I guess I’m just full of love today!  It had a lot of color!  A lot of heart!  A lot of great music!  A really strong and charismatic lead performance!  And the transformers actually looked like themselves! And damnit, I loved Velvet Buzzsaw too!  Really hilarious in parts.  The horror elements didn’t really work but I appreciated the ambition and novel setting and so I can overlook that!  Memorable says I! Saturday Night Fever is a deserved classic.  Has some unexpected topicality to it.  Travolta is in his element.  Still holds up.  Still works.  Muriel’s Wedding a little gem more people should seek out.  Toni Collette never disappoints.  This is a Saturday night movie for me.  Kill Bill Volume 2…eh, I liked it more than part 1 but I still don’t like either of these movies and they are by far the worst things Tarantino’s ever done in my opinion.  Go watch the movies these two reference but skip these two themselves.

Whiskey in hand. I am the face of failure.  Destroying me.  I am destroying me.  read the books.  So useless.  I am so utterly useless.  All for nothing.  Controlled by my big nothing.   And right now it’s all being recalibrated to start all over again.  To take control all over again.  But I have no one else to blame.  That ugly awful thing regularly seizing control is just my true self. 

I really love the movie Swamp Thing.

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