intuition

 

Yellow.  I recently ate a fair amount of shrimp.  I find myself enjoying seafood more and more these days.  or do i?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  I recently watched a movie I’d already seen.  I like the part with Dillon’s death but that was from another one in the series.  I watched someone mopping for a while.  Looking great while mopping.  Need to read more novels that are largely plotless.  Been feeling slight depression lately but very slight.  Slight depression is kind of nice in a way.  Watched a bit of Nigella recently.  Forgot how much I love her.  very soothing.  Flatline for a while.  Comfort in the flatling.  We shook hands.  Asked why hand was so cold.  It’s because I had the AC really cranked.  I’ll probably go to the bar later in the middle of the night.  But I’ll leave before last call.  It’d be nice to not have to see or talk to anyone for a while but that’s just not in the cards.  I can feel myself disappearing which is nice.  Just gotta follow that path of disappearance.  I’m yawning as I write this. “I bore myself to sleep at night.  I bore myself in broad daylight.”  I love the idea of people forgetting who I am.  I love the idea of fading away.  Recently someone told me it was nice to see me again and she said it with such conviction that I truly believed her.  there was sadness in her eyes . I think it was because she made good decisions and they are causing her pain.  I just go about a long day and a long night encountering a number of quite lovely people but I just exist on the surface of things for them and that’s nice.  I’m still yawning.  The liquor will wake me up a little.  “Where’s the morning in my life?” Red and yellow.  Black.  Something like powdered sugar the other day.  drank a couple beers earlier.  You know me.  big beer drinker.  Oh to be on a fast moving European train.  I enjoy shaking hands.  So much so that I rarely initiate it these days but it’s always a pleasure when it happens.  I used to think I’m desensitized the things but that can’t be true because almost everything makes me cry or makes me want to go to bed.  I love being asleep but it never lasts long enough though I suspect that one day it will.  Can’t go any further with the new thing.  Of course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper.  I’ll just fade away.  That’s how it should be.  That will make everything better.  I gotta be more responsible with money.  Very impressive mopping.  I’m feeling less green which means I am properly fading.  There was a well dressed man at the same place recently.  Decent looking from what I recall and seemed to invite much chat.  He is far better suited . it is comforting to witness the far better suited.  As it is comforting to fade away.  The idea of the tide taking me away is nice . I like the idea of being gone and everyone gradually completely forgetting about me over the course of a few days.  maybe from a typically gloomy Monday where I’m fresh in the memory but by the time Friday hits everyone I’ve ever known is out somewhere enjoying a drink or with loved ones and they have all forgotten my name, face, personality, everything.  I have completely faded from the world.  Looking forward to wholesome looking movies this summer.  Looking forward to a couple new seaons of some shows I love this summer.  I love that Shakira album with the red cover but it’s not my favorite album of hers.  I have a poster of it though.  They were giving them out for free when the album was released.  That was during one of the heights of my fandom.  Or was it? the more I learn the less I want to know.  I had that poster hanging up for a good long while and then I moved and took it down and never put it back for some  reason but I still have it safely stowed away and that album has only gotten better as the years drag one . it’s a classy work of art.  I’m glad not a lot of things make me happy anymore.  it feels appropriate.  Mopping.  Very strong build.  Lovely build.  I need to buy a book of black and white photographs.  Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow.  I’m reading a short novel that I’m not so sure about but it does feel like the author had to write, had to get out these feelings, which is nice.  I’m thirsty and will drink a glass of water soon . I think the idea of things not really happening in any meaningful order, no real sequencing until afterward when we look back and ascribe order and meaning to things . I like when people are ignorant and proudly express their ignorance.  There was no real language barrier.  I wasn’t faking.  But the other simply had not bothered to try . It wasn’t a big deal either way.  But, it does let me know I’m being talked about.  People always talk about me . but there always comes a point when there is nothing left to talk about because I don’t offer anything more so I just exist in a kind of gray area and that’s okay.  Yellow.  And tied.  So lovely.  Mopping . bad luck today.  Nice that it’s pointed out.  Handshake.  But I will start fading away soon . I found a red pen.  I cannot afford to go at that slowly.  The first time around was slow.  This second time needs to be a fast like a glorious splurge of red hot diarrhea!  I need to print some things.  lots of people think their role in life is meaningful and important but it really isn’t .  I was watching her mop for a long time.  I wanted to drink an absinthe.  There were gulls flying away somewhere