1003

 

“good boy” she said to me after I barked like a dog. I had a conversation with NASA recently about ovulating.  Then I talked to an astrophysicist about 3i/ATLAS and my certainty that it’s actually an alien spacecraft.  One of those grifters is pretty sexy and I’m always wildly turned on when she wears turtle necks and is conning my sorry stupid ass.  I would be nowhere without the melted screwdriver I always keep by side.  I underrated the third one but I still don’t quite like how it ends.  Probably hit the bar tonight and get wasted.  And such is the nature of wisdom!  The rubber crocs (or are they gators) and the melted screwdriver.  I’m scratching my knee in anticipation.  Why are there so many fake knockers these days.  what does this all mean?!  The night of the fake knockers!  Remember that season where I fell madly in love with a woman who had fake knockers?!  I yearned for her!  one time she was wearing a leather jacket and she gave me a salutatory pat on the back and I wanted to melt into her arms.  I think I was reading a book at the time and I did not comprehend a single word of it’s roughly 500 pages.  I drank beer with her and her fake knockers.  And we discussed passion and determined the best course of action for her love life which she ultimately did not take.  Do you remember what happened next?!  I was watching a female centric martial arts move and cutting up paper into small pieces and putting those pieces into a cowboy hat that I acquired roughly 9 years ago.  That helped me move past my tender feelings.  Then one day after flying into a drunken rage and losing her job she and her fake knockers abruptly exited my life and I have not seen her since.  That is the tragic love life of one Ricky Insolvency.  People frequently mistake infatuation and lust for love because we’re all stupid monkeys.  Need to watch something about dance soon.  I work tomorrow but I’m not going to apply myself.  I just don’t give a crap anymore.  really love that dirty day remix.  I connect that song with someone for whom I have very deep feeling . or do i?! the more I learn the less I want to know.  Tried a ghost energy drink the other day.  that was the same day I saw that beautiful woman wearing pantyhose (see previous blog post more details on that).  I’m not really hungry but I’ll probably eat here soon just to check that box.  Was crying the other day with the river of deceit.  My favorite part of relationships is when they start to go bad and people can’t stand each other but pretend otherwise.  It’s truly amazing what a fucking loser I am.  The scales have just tipped too far.  Doubtful that anything good can be made of this mess.  I just took a tremendous crap!  brainfuck! The smell of her nylon ass!  C’mon, water, water!  Need to get back to tangier.  Always self sabotaging.  Always crashing in the.  See the centipedes crawling up the wall!  Blow on them! Smoke them!  Blood from a fucking rock here.  500.  just 500.  Shake baby shake.  Got the 500.  Not so bad.  it’s alive in there, in the text.  Honing in on those moments.  It means something to me at least.  I’m not in Tangier yet, nowhere near, but I’m at least pointed somewhat in the right direction.  Was listening to a Britney Spears album while cranking out this garbage.  I have a little book about this album but I haven’t read it yet.  Maybe I’ll bring it to work tomorrow and it’ll take up a chunk of my die while my work responsibilities continue to languish.  I need to buy liquid soap.  I’m going to eat garbage for lunch tomorrow.  I was looking at these 2 blonde German woman, at their fat asses in red lace panties with pantyhose on top, and listening to them speak in their native tongue when I abruptly exploded in my rent trousers.  Need to buy more liquid soap.  Searching for the Queen of Sleaze lately, it seems.  New figurehead in my life.  but her identity is a mystery (that reminds me of that woman’s feet from the other day).  such is the life of Ricky Insolvency, looking for the Queen of Sleaze, never sure of her identity.  There is some truly scary shit out there though and his focus has been on all the wrong things lately.  That must be why I’m so paranoid when I’m in the shower.  Thinking about being stared at my something horrifying.  Thinking about an antechamber.  What a strange thing, an antechamber.  Step in the right direction though.  Symbols, self mythologizing.  Gotta be careful though.  Would not behoove you to go sit in a corner and think about triangles for a while.  God I need a drink.  Standing in opposition.  I know who.  No code name.  she has no code name.  of course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper.  She is in so much of the texts.  How much ink spilled in her name.  who is the Queen of Sleaze?  I’m Ricky but who is she?  She is in a lot of places. some are scary.  But the opposition.  There in the early hours.  And then gone.  But still here.  that British guy has some of those answers. The words are powerful.  He writes about her and there she is, standing in opposition, always there in the witching hour without fear.  All the while I drink myself to death.  Keeping thinking that pile of clothing is a dark figure lurking just off to the side there.  remember that ice rink?  The scent of danger was in the air that night?  Laughter, message passed along.  Let me know when you get home.  I care about you.  are you still up at all hours of the night?