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These days I mostly spend my time dropping Bible verses, watching birds fuck and lamenting the passing of the Aztec civilization.   Timecube! Earthfucking!  The other day I was sitting in a corner, scared out of my mind and thinking about triangles.  Cardboard is really building up in my posh flat.  Ate canned fish recently.  Ricky Insolvency here again! Still under water and bringing you true pure journalism.  From the gutters of New York. Just learned that my favorite watering hole is going to be closed early tonight for a staff Christmas party.  This means I’ll have to get wasted within the confines of my posh flat.  I was watching a wrestling movie last night from the 80’s that was very good.  I listened to music on the way to work this morning.  I recently ate a small packet of fruit snacks and washed it down with a glass of luke warm tap water (personal favorite).  I’m lost in the invisible forest again.  I think I seek these things out because they make me feel special.  Or some bullshit like that.   Whoops! Dropped my balls! Lemon Kid beckoning again.  Need to invest more in nonsense.  Was looking at some thunder thighs last night.  Glad the sobriety didn’t hold.  The liquor weight is coming back.  was out late to stave off the fear.  Been thinking too much about triangles lately.  About to embark on the next great and sure to be failed chapter of my increasingly worthless life!  was eating some peanuts earlier.  Was reading a report earlier.  Need to get back to Tangier, sweat it out and write my own reports.  Always fighting my way back.  Damn I really need to lay off the caffeine.  Or do i?! the more I learn the less I want to know.  Had some peace for a while.  Didn’t last too long.  Oh well.  Checking on rejections, all the same.  i’m a reading a book right now and I’m having a hard time deciding whether or not it’s a piece of crap.  Or am i?! the more I learn the less I want to know.  Cleanse.  Writing water again.  Not yet but hopefully soon.  a new photo went up.  Quite lovely.  Having trouble forming thoughts anymore.  I don’t think it’s because things are becoming more abstract.  Or more just feels like things are becoming undone, closing in themselves, disappearing and taking all remnants of themselves with them.  There is just less.  My existence is just blowing away.   An inappropriate ex boss gave me something with a ufo on it.  it was a nice gift.  So many people are just lost and are committed to being lost.  Ate some bread earlier.  I like the new girl down at the local watering hole.  She is pleasant.  She has a fun laugh.  Nice energy. But she’s too excited when she sees me.  I’d like her to express more disdain or annoyance or at least indifference.  Red ribbon  I liked the red ribbon.  Red heart, red heart.  Feel like I should take a nap.  Cyr.  Was crying at some point while driving around.  I sent my thanks to a guy who gave me a used book around 23 years ago.  Green on the cover.  The other day there  was nothing I would l have loved more than.  I successfully disabled the copilot.  I’m moving so slow.  Stunning.  Could barely speak.  Dying to know how her pantyhose clad feet would smell at the end of that long day of good honest work.  but that sacred knowledge would never be mine.  drove around and listened to that one song that always reminds me of her.  then I promptly ejaculated into my rent trousers.  Reminds me of some writing course taught by a British guy.  Could be good.  It’s good to free up thoughts.  They were leading me around by dick.  Aircraft! What are they gonna think of next?  hovercraft?!  That woman was talking about bruising and how was worried that her implant was damaged.  So she whipped out one large boob and showed it to me, the nipple very pronounced.  Then she seemed embarrassed about the whole thing.  I didn’t really feel much of anything.  Mound flesh and synthetics with a pronounced nipple.  It just kind of sat there, not really doing anything, it’s presence neither remarkable nor offensive.  Not sure if I should have reacted a different way.  I will say the work done was good, I had not known they were synthetic.  Or maybe I didn’t care enough to consider it?  maybe I should have cared more.  Maybe I’ll read more pulp novels in the coming year.  You can usually find me at one of three places: my posh flat, my dead end job or the local watering hole.  And I’m not at one of those places it’s probable that I’m driving to and/or from one of those places.  I received a used action figure in the mail yesterday but I did not order this item.  I was so disturbed by it’s arrival that I kept it in my car rather than bringing it up to my posh flat.  I was worried that I was starting to receive correspondence and/or parcels from outside intelligences and I was terrified of inviting that into my home.  Such is the paranoid, dreary life of one Ricky Insolvency!  Still thinking about her feet.  How they would have looked and smelled in that dark pantyhose.  How I would have given everything for her to use my face as her personal footrest while she laughs at and berates me and/or tends to common or menial tasks on her phone such as paying bills or making loose plans with friends and associates.  The smell of those sweaty pantyhose clad feet at the end of a day of good honest work would have been heaven.  I would kiss the soles as she demanded.  I would kiss the toes as she demanded.  Would have rejoiced in her telling me what a fucking loser I am, how unworthy I am, how pathetic I am.  Gonna cook up some red meat a little later.  Gotta get back to tangier.  Water.  I think I need a drink.  I don’t like silence.  It scares me.  It makes me feel like I have no control over what is about to happen.  I uttered those words countless times some 23 years ago.  Back when I was trying to learn and understand things that I still am nowhere close to mastering.  I will likely always be a worthless failure.  Should have happened by now.  these words feel depressing.  I need a drink.  I’m wondering how many more things I can screw up.  The losses keep adding up and it’s not cute anymore.  just sad.  Time to cut and paste.