1114

 

Picked up some centipedes today while buying groceries.  At home I read some pages from a pulp novel and read some Green Lantern comics.  By them.  Development of a new muse is underway.  This will all be kept clean though.  Just have to push through the phases.  Gotta listen to tom and warren and jazz.  I often drive to work and cry while listening to a song of the bangles first album.  Or do i?! the more I learn the less I want to know.  Yes, it’s true.  Cried a couple times today.  The futility of it all.  Been falling more for the golden age.  Black and white a great comfort.  need to make some pasta dishes soon.  waitress the other day had a big fat ass and was wearing cat ears and I just lost it.  I mean I really fucking lost it.  need to reread a book I read years ago but was too young and stupid to fully appreciate.  Talked about the book with a girl at the bar a few years ago.  I believe it was her favorite book.  she was younger and smarter than me.  ate cereal this morning.  Probably will hit the bar soon.  I’m very sleep now.  ate some fried chicken earlier.  Less tired today than yesterday.  Stress levels may be higher.  It’s shaped like a hump and I have to ride to it the top and feel those things and then just coast on down to return to a proper place.    I just took a big steamy shit! Was watching a Chinese movie earlier.  Then I remembered an American made Chinese small restaurant delivery guy movie I watched months ago.  Made me wish that was my job.  I gotta get that movie.  gotta buy it and put it on all day in the background.  Think I’ll call in sick this week even though I won’t be sick.  Or I will be?  The more I learn the less I want to know.  Need to fill in the holes with Phillipe and Wim like I’ve been doing with others.  Yogurt looked good.  Gotta start scatting my way through life as only I can.  Need to start scatting my way through an everyday tale of alien abduction.  Almost stayed til last call but I got too tired.  probably left right before last call was called after downing a whiskey on the rocks.  Need to buy a couple decks of cards: on standard Bicycle and the other a tarot deck.  Need to order a Singapore sling at some point.  Need to assume a $30,000 loan at 15% at some point.  Need to get of all these cardboard boxes.  Life is so dreary.  Need to have a drink and write some garbage.  Muse barely spoke to me last night.  That’s okay though.  Riding that hump to the top.  I’m getting to the top.  Then I’ll live there at the top for a while, bathed in white light, and it will too intense, too all consuming, but then it’ll pass and I’ll start rolling downhill and everything will be nice and dreary again.  Comfortably glum.  Remind to put on the manhunter soundtrack while I drive around later.  Good thing I found those centipedes the other day.  all neatly in a bundle.  Good I learned how to make pb and j sandwiches or we would have starved to death.  I was kissing her leather boots by an open flame.  She’d put on some godawful shit by blue October and that should have been the forty seventh major red flag.  Need to listen to some new age crap while I write some garbage later.  Gonna make some eggs here in a bit.  Good thing I bought that bottle of Cholula or I would have starved to death.  Green.  Speaking of green I just finished issue 5 of Grant’s run on Green Lantern and loved how it contextualized everything that had come before.  Or did i?!  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Yes, I did! still working my through that particular run and still loving it.  Or am i?! the more I learn the less I want to know.  SHEENA!!!  I’m cycling through someone again.  Thought about a rainy afternoon, not unlike today, with the window open a little, curtains, everything mostly silent.  Nourishment.  All evaporating quickly.  I have so little left.  I guess as long as I have a pen. 

Ricky Insolvency here reporting from the sidelines.  I’m here like the Lemon Kid.  Briefly, he wished he was her sweater.  At some point I was sitting on recently cooked scrambled eggs in an effort to stay warm.  Museless for a while.  Maybe my alcoholism has to go away for a while.  Maybe my alcoholism has a to get a lot more serious.  Gonna try out a pasta recipe tomorrow.  I was desperately looking for a pencil sharpener a couple minutes ago.  Reacquainted myself with a score I love recently while driving through the rain.  Lately been worried that my chest will soon be exploding.  Eating boiled eggs out of her ass.  Kate’s been one of the only things keeping me going recently.  Where will I go tonight for my imbibing?  I’m under water again, not much to report, don’t see much.  Former boss devolving further into monsterdom.  Lovely memories or sniffing her shoes, kissing her feet, wrapping her used smelly hosiery around my head.  And I just fucking lost it.  I mean I really just fucking lost it.  They fall like flies.  Need to watch some documentaries soon.  Probably have breakfast for lunch soon.  Need to take a good crap here in a few minutes.  Don’t know what I see anymore.  She said it was awkward sometimes, on the floor, smiling at those who’d sexually harassed her previously.  You’re jumping in too quick I told her in my mind.  It’s too soon to think about moving in together.  Maybe I should deliver packages.  My dream has always been to run a laundromat.  My favorite bartenders are the ones who look at me with disgust.  I like when people think they’re important.  I like when people talk a lot about their job and want others to know that their job is important.  I love when pages are intentionally left blank.  I went to a meat market recently and bought two chicken breasts.  He wrapped it up in butcher paper and with a black magic marker wrote “2 birds – breasts”.  This pleased me.  Too much solipsism.  People are exhausting.  I like when people calmy wreck good things in their lives.  I like how stupid we all are.  I need to buy a pencil sharpener.  Then I can write in led all day.