You changed the blue

I’ve tapped into a new universal language filled with exciting and startling truths.  I’ve pierced through the veil of chicanery to see the stark dying dreams underneath. I have smelled their festering corpses and gazed into their milky desperate eyes.  I laugh at all the explosive sex going on around me.  I have never felt so alive as when I was this close to sweet impartial death.

So will it be Eddie or Michael?  Or will there be a victory by someone more unexpected?  I have lived my life in the shadows, always saying that I don’t give a damn about such nonsense.  And yet I must admit to feeling a certain sense of yearning for this victory to be realized.  It would be a lifetime of love and devotion somehow brought to the forefront of things in a way I never imagined.  I can’t say “validation”, that’s not right.  You deserve it.  I believe in you.  I love you.

I watched the move Live from Baghdad last night (I’ve seen it before) and then promptly had an in-depth discussion on the various socio-economic effects of the Gulf War with my viewing buddy.  The conversation lasted for roughly 90 minutes during which time I had 3 glasses of white wine.  Afterward I retired to my posh flat and inserted a Blu-ray copy of Samson & Delilah in my Playstation 3 and rested on my bourgeois sofa.  Regrettably I fell asleep during the overture and my dreams were haunted with compromise and uncertainty. 

I recently purchased David Bowie’s new 3 disc retrospective slash best-of slash hits compilation Nothing Has Changed. 

I was crying while I took Polaroid photographs of myself.  I had been drinking that night but only to forget what I’d done the previous nights.  I was laying down on the pool table and making strange faces and taking these photographs and I began to wonder why I do not understand anyone.  Wouldn’t it be lovely if they would all leave me alone? 

I keep seeing myself drowning in an endless expanse of black water.  I can hear music playing and the words are Greek and so beautiful.  It is a very peaceful thought and one which provides me with a great deal of comfort. 

I met a man in the book store today who rambled on about suing the courts.  He was also worried about a potential drought or maybe it was a flood, I was not exactly sure.  He walked by me several times and I considered committing a random act of explosive violence against him but I ultimately decided against this.  There was a new person working the customer service desk and she was quite comely and I requested her help in ordering a book about Wall Street.  I wanted to compliment her but did not know her.  She was a wearing a sweater and a cute pleated skirt with dark stockings and I was surely a creep for noticing.  

We are all caught in a big fucking web.  I turn things on and I don't know how to turn them off again.  I ventured into a plane of thought where there may be no escape.  It was so delicious.  I think I did this before I fell asleep and then again as I was driving.  It was the old familiar fantasy of unbuckling my seatbelt, flooring the gas pedal like SpongeBob Squarepants and slamming the vehicle into a nearby conveniently placed brick wall where I would then be unceremoniously ejected from the car and splatter my brains all over the concrete.  

I am crying while I type this and I have an action movie on in the foreground - Rumble in the Bronx - and I feel slightly nauseous because I drank too much of various things and I am also listening The Time's last album on headphones.  I have the heater of my posh flat turned on as well as a fan which is pointed right next to my head and on the maximum speed.  This makes me giggle.  

Sometimes when I imagine myself lying there dead or dying on the pavement I wonder who may coincidentally drive by at that very moment of my bloody expiration and recognize my vehicle, exit their own and perhaps bear witness to my final moments in this life.  Sometimes I imagine it is you and you are holding my hand and even through the impossible-to-mask look of horror on your face I can still see the beauty and the love and the tenderness.  Oh sweet finality.  

I know things are doing thing inside my head and deep in my brain and I've asked everyone for help in the only ways I know how but no one does anything because no one cares and no one wants to listen.  I have a sneaking and terrifying suspicion that we are all headed to the same place and I don't know why I am the only one who has been cursed with this knowledge and awareness.  I can say that you are all in for a serious surprise.  

The mixed tag team main event between Chavo Guerrero Jr. & Pentagon Jr. against Sexy Star and Fenix on this past week's episode of Lucha Underground was truly spectacular.  El Rey's wrestling program has been of consistently high quality in these initial episodes and it actually seems to be improving week after week.  I was initially saddened that it was only going to be an hour long show - I am used to wrestling programs clocking in at 2 hours - but this actually seems to work in its favor as it eliminates almost all extraneous material and makes each episode a lean hard-hitting jolt of pure lucha (and I stress that last word as the high-flying spots here are spectacular and seem to come every few seconds) action.  The "backstage" footage is equally well done, taking on an almost novela style production on building the storylines and character histories/motivations.  Essentially these qualities almost make it a polar opposite of WWE's Monday Night Raw which sometimes feels like 3 endless hours of 90% hackneyed backstage crap and asinine stunts and 10% wrestling.   So far, Lucha Underground is giving me the perfect mix of storylines and wrestling.  

Regarding this particular match: I am not the biggest fan of inter-gender matches as they are sometimes exploitative (though in other circumstances I have no such issues with this) or unconvincing however this match featured none of these problems.  It helps greatly that the show has been building up this rivalry and that Guerrero Jr. and Pentagon Jr. are doing such great work as the heels.  Fenix is also a top talent and he Sexy Star have fine chemistry and work quite well together.  The match had beautiful flow, I can't think of any spots that were seriously botched and it was easy to be engaged in this battle.  

My only quibble: Having watched Sexy Star through AAA over the years I know she is capable of more than these inter-gender matches allow her to display.  It’s the flipside of my trepidation of such matches as to be able to really sell them she is holding back a bit.  My hope is that Lucha Underground will recruit more Luchadoras than they currently have and build their women's division to allow Sexy Star to have a rivalry where she can really unleash her talent.  One never knows how long this type of program may last but if it keeps up this quality I will stay with it til’ the bitter end!  Here's hoping there is a digital video disc release that I may hold a Lucha Underground marathon party and invite all my nonexistent friends!

Here is a list of folks we are processing: