I feel my excitement and fondness of big splash
blockbustery type movies is fading into a dark oblivion. I cannot recall a single movie of this type
from this year that I truly loved; there were only a couple I actually even enjoyed. I find it increasingly difficult to glean any
meaning from them and most often when I leave the theatre I leave with a
feeling of emptiness bordering on despair.
Am I simply becoming more of a snob?
Perhaps. It astonishes me now when
people see a movie like the Hobbit or
Hunger Games or Avengers and declare it the best movie they have ever seen. Still, those are all well made flicks (I
suppose) and I do believe there is genuine passion behind many of the people
involved (maybe). So why do they all
feel so hollow now? Just so much
polished product for the masses with nothing to offer but surface thrills.
What has happened to me?
I think my love for this type of movie died with 2012’s The Dark Knight Rises or 2013’s Man of Steel. It would be more poetic to conclude it was
the former but probably more accurate to go with the latter. Even more accurate still I could say the
summer of 2013 had a trifecta of big giant tentpole movies that disappointed on
some level: the aforementioned Man of
Steel, Star Trek Into Darkness
and Iron Man 3. Plus, in winter there was the bonus of the second
Hobbit movie in Peter Jackson’s
endless adaptation. I’m actually a bit
surprised he didn’t split the upcoming third movie into two parts. I just can’t do it anymore.
See, all this time I’ve been thinking my overall lack of
enthusiasm or hope for the upcoming stupidly titled Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice was due to a lack of faith in
Warner Bros/DC to successfully launch a sustained comic-on-film universe but I
realize this is not the case. It’s true
that I do not believe in them anymore after so many botches and it would not
surprise me at all if BVSDOJ is crap (and I predict it will be embarrassingly
outperformed by Marvel’s Captain America
3 just a little over a month later) and that goes for the recently
announced Suicide Squad and all the
other upcoming movies on their slate. I
want to believe they can and will be good – even great! – but I am unable.
But that alone would not quash my enthusiasm so violently
for there have been plenty of movies I’ve greatly anticipated where their
quality was always in question. No, I
realize my lack of enthusiasm is simply because I no longer respond to this
type of movie. They no longer thrill
me. They no longer move me. It’s hard to say if I would even be able to
truly recognize a “good” one from a “bad” and almost impossible to say why I no
longer enjoy the big giant multizillion dollar movies. Has there been an overall decline in quality
these past few years that has drained away my passion? Or have my life experiences changed me
sufficiently to where I’ve simply, and not condescendingly, “outgrown”
them? Maybe I once needed them and now I
do not. Or maybe it’s something else
entirely. I do feel slightly sad that I no longer enjoy these movies as in the
past. I will surely still watch all of
them which seems a tad strange. Maybe
one day my enjoyment will return, maybe stronger than ever!
I had a wonderfully aromatic erotic dream this morning, excellent
color and denier and perfume of the gods.
The newest episode of Lucha
Underground aired last night but I’ve yet to have the good fortune of
viewing it. This is partially due to my
being exceptionally busy these last couple nights, reviewing ledgers and analyzing
current investments as well as new prospects.
Yet it is more due to the fact that as previously mentioned I do not receive
the El Rey network and as such I will be unable to view this episode until it
re-airs this Saturday on Unimas. However
I did hear that it was a corker of an installment and I greatly look forward to
this hour of television. I’ve often
dreamed about starting my own wrestling federation. Who knows if I will ever go through with
it? Back in 8th grade I met a
girl who I swore I would love for all my life and I broke that vow. From an early age I established a toxic
reputation of breaking promises and not going through with things and this has
put the value of word in the proverbial dump.
I am about as undependable a guy as you will ever have the misfortune of
meeting.
I find that I know less and less about who I am or who
anyone else is. I’m not sure how to be
honest anymore. I tell so many lies to
so many people on a daily basis that it is now an entirely natural, utterly
inescapable thing. There are so many
instances where there is no reason whatsoever to lie but I do it anyway and I
have no idea why. I must confess that
for some time now – I would say the better part of 2 years – I have been taking
something that is absolutely not good for me.
I tried it once because I was looking for something new. The first time I was not impressed at all so
I do not know why I tried it a second time but I did. The second time I was also unimpressed and I
understand even less why I tried it a third time but I did. The third time did it. I was hooked and I could not get enough. From the moment I woke up to when I left work
or at any given time on the weekend I wanted more. My thoughts, desires, motivations and
ambitions were subservient. I have tried
to quit on several occasions but I always fail.
I believe the longest I was able to last was a period of 3 weeks. As stated it has already eroded away at my spiritual
core and it is beginning to take its inevitable toll on my relationships. Two years putting this inside myself and I
want it now more than ever. No one knows
about it because I lie to everyone. I
will likely continue to lie until I hit rock bottom and probably afterward as
well.
Thank you Marcela, it was the only time I felt good
today.
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