So The Rhapsody in Blue returned to me. and I still have no idea what I’m doing. My heart is racing. So similar to one of the absolute essentials
along with the one about bare feet. You can’t
keep up. But yes, returned to me and
joyous, bountiful. There was genuine
kindness but I am never truly present to receive it. I’m not sure what any of it means anymore
except that I’m awful. Awful. Maybe that’s
why I wake up with my hands numb every morning?
Do you understand the lilting beauty of
missing? And along with that, is such a
subtle betrayal. I would love to spend
more time down in the…just me and my…. I
think I went through a portal somewhere down the road and ended up in a
fantasy. They were running away together
and sharing everything. But at some
point the real version of you began to seep in.
someone was right in another context regarding what happens when you
chip away the old version. I am
irrelevant, just like they said. there
was such kindness as we discussed the debilitating ailment. Lucinda is singing so softly right now and
the night makes me want to cry. I don’t
feel loneliness. Everything is opposite
inside his heart. And he unintentionally
spreads bitterness due to how much of himself he’s already given away. Desires kill all of us.
My hands are shaking and I realize I’ve quite
unintentionally poisoned myself. No,
that’s not true. Everything was timed with
such exactitude. Did not even feel much
hesitation this time, not with so many paths blocked up and then you appeared
from nothing and we discussed what was eating away at all our insides. He imagined the clandestine taking place in
front of everyone. Room full of
strangers and we’re tired of wearing masks.
One starts to cry and laugh and there is a thing line that is
broken. This face shifts between so many
and we are miles and miles away and then we’re just over the bridge and the process
of true separation and delineation and love ownership is just starting to take
place. He has never been beautiful. There
is no fortunate one here. Quite lovingly
mistaken.
There will never be a moment
which lasts longer than what you were already afforded. You must hold your hands up and be thankful
for that which has already come and gone.
It was surely good for the soul but you cannot be greedy and ask for
more. Don’t cheapen things. just feel envy for the moon and stars over
the park in the night. And all those
fleeting and wonderful thoughts you will never know.
You’re feeling a certain shade as you revise the
pleading and grateful hands in the middle of the night, aren’t you? You watch for the halo again. In that way you are able to keep things
alive. But the time to be fleeting is
here and there must not be any disappointments.
How long was he waiting for that language to arrive. A soft strum now
that only you here and a bittersweet taste in your mouth that is only
imagined. Your head goes fuzzy but you
will never forget. It shall all be
catalogued and each moment given its own accompaniment. What was the meaning behind all of this? What was the missed message?
Do you see the connections now? Out there on the concrete waiting you destroyed
everything you built up. And prior to
this was a greeting so sweet and genuine that you had no choice but to ruin
it. And what is so bountiful now; I guess
some things never change. These are not
broad strokes at all though we create our own myths and symbols. Why did she use that word?
You see the coming torment. You have predicted it all. And he believes there is enough to go
around. You will win in the end. And my accompaniment will be the most utterly
useless thing of all. And then it
returns back to sweltering days where things were broken for the first time and
he wanted nothing more than to be thrown away. It comes back around on itself. Of course, I think as my head goes light, how
utterly proper.
Maybe we have some lessons up our sleeves. This cannot go any further. But in another world seen through the portal
down that road it will go the absolute farthest possible. What will be reached at the end? I hope it is real.
On a lighter (or is it?) and entirely unrelated (or
is it?) note it took some time today, did it not. Though in the end the rewards were great
though his own unreliable physicality failed him. The most…but also the most…presented with such
delights. Truly was more than
welcome. And with such abundance
recently, making up for all that lost time.
though now I see why I was all made up.
Now I see how completely meaningless I am. I kind of don’t feel like myself but even as I
write that I know it’s a complete lie. I
don’t matter though. Not a
revelation. He was constantly renewing and
going back and forth and wondering about seeing through the haze. The hate built up inside of him. There is no proper end to that one. nothing in sight. The past three, clinched, squeezing
tight. They have and will always
work. is he running out of time?
Returned to him, will always be there. he is awful.
The image shifting. What happened? Those words were not as disguised as
before. Please, don’t mess it up. She could never…. This very much seems to be true. Nothing much besides remains. Walking at night anymore? Are they both awake at this very moment? Does anything matter? Black replacing the red is something I cannot
argue with. A set of all would be ideal,
yes? Confidence is key. The additions are most welcome.
I see I am now comfortably and lovingly making my
way through Lucinda Williams’ discography.
This sort of thing is always such a great pleasure. we must be grateful. Need to start rounding that out. And the new Kamasi Washington. And of course, Trent. Thank you.
Thank You.
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