so many windows but maybe i was wrong, need it once numbers down, prefer to twelve, don't know about sh....

I’ve been on a big noir kick lately!  Or have I?  The more I learn the less I want to know.  I drank heavily last night from a bottle of very cheap  red wine I purchased at the corner store. I’ve really been paying attention to the dust lately; blue backdrop and an elegant white bird in the foreground.  I understand the concept of peacock in the snow and realize it all relates to the lush land of Italy where I’ve never travelled but who knows what the future may bring?  I cooked liver last night and consumed it with a cup of red red wine.  I like that song Lemon Crush from the Batman soundtrack (not the score mind  you but the score is great too).  It’s like eating a giant lush cold piece of chocolate cake.  Even though I’m not really a cake guy, more of a pie man.  Very soon of course, I must acquire the initial zorn of mine. mayhaps I was taken deep into the throes of inspiration while listening to the scrotum impaled man tear it up on the sax in the luna lounge!  Of course, again, the dust is linked up heavily or something or other.  There’s someone in my house.  A new volume of ugliness is calling to me.  I had liver and onions for dinner last night and liver and onions for lunch today.  And then I ate a popsicle.  And such is the nature of wisdom. 

Of course I spent a decent amount of.  I’m drinking again but hey.  I watched Meet the Feebles recently and loved it.  That Jackson used to make really good films.  It can be truly said that I ate a can of yams for dinner.  

It was all about memories or something.  I think this is how life works.  Then the recurrent moment of love and inspiration and who did I see at the ball?  I’m already forgetting.  Ah, now I remember.  We’re losing touch.  I didn’t know what they hell they were talking about but my body is not made of golden metal.  Soon the season will begin anew. i adored the burning.  slowly at first and then everything perfection in final moments.  what does it all mean?  i'll be haunted for long time.  

And I think I understand what was being discussed now that is then.  My name is pena though it never combs so neatly back.  I am the dreamer and you are the dream and this is….  Chinese box but that is much later and thankfully not even a concern right now.  That’s what it means to be a world class lameass like yours falsely.  The colored ones intrigue me.  I am more interested than anything else but I don’t even know what that means.  Or why. There is a little teal notepad by my keyboard.  I don’t enough enough booze for tonight.  As I said, my name is pena.  Read the books.  I started with Sartre.  And now I won’t be able to sleep but it is not his fault but rather the subject is the culprit.  What have I done recently?  Who can even say.  Ah, the automobile.  I did love the war of jokes and riddles.  And my favorite color is red.  Speaking of, I have the new…he said to me when I climbed into the motor vehicle.  Then years later I would eat a sumptuous dinner straight from the can and it all links back or something.  I just wish I knew who and why the fireworks were going off during the day time but I think I have my answers and it all came after a brisk dance.  I feel so shellish now.  You know what I mean?  I have a new old discovery.  There is a lovely nurse waiting to provide comfort.  I need to get my ass out of the dirt.  I ate ramen earlier today.  I informed a friend the other day of my way to doom. The option for purchase is something which will destroy me.  too much control.  I can’t even think about anything anymore.  Now I see it all cleary no wait that doesn’t make any sense because the most perfect analogy was spoken in another language and it was all so beautiful and of course the clouds go away but the sun doesn’t come back but that’s okay because there’s a blanket on everything and I can sleep but without it I realize there is only being really really scared.  Dry.  I felt love the other morning though.  And then it all came down to what kind of chew tobacco I’m going to chew and that’s what being Ricardo means to me.  I guess.  Or something.  I guess he showed me what I was but maybe I’d feel so much more comfortable walking those urban streets by myself that is until I encountered someone but who knows I just need to…yeah, I know.  I almost left my posh flat today but I was too scared to.  Then I imagined myself being strangled and it was quite exciting.  Lovely just the other day.  I see it was a dinner and there was no such thing as age and it was all happening in multiple eras and there was acceptance and encouragement from a…who has had the most…one day take that trip but for now was this a blissful sign of encouragement we must all strive to do the best and enrich and make beautiful and I read a book by someone I really liked or something but no this moment was superlative and copper hair and I realized the thing about the profile but you know going down that road and I finally understand why cruise me why cruise and I laughed and wondered if I qualify and maybe I do and isn’t that just…lovely and inspiring and great and I

Luckily I made it home in time to see Liptai Claudia from 2013. And for those seven minutes and seven seconds everything was right in my perennially miserable world.  Oh for my face to be her footrest (especially after she had a long hard day of work) while she berates me would surely be the….

the further rich third layer of delicious false identity when the [(mask)s], 2 against one, like the BLANK pendant, clues, jackal and not jackal in same day slash night

The morning legs were returned to me and there was a huntress wearing a skirt, heels and pantyhose and I was predictably swept away.  I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself and I hate myself and boy, I sure do hate myself!  This river reminds me of another river.  Get ready to fuck!  You fuckers fucker!  You fucker!  I was listening to Angel Dust earlier and loved it.  I hate myself though.  I drink heavily to numb…something.  Who knows?  Braille.  I love braille.  Temptation sunrise recently. No, that makes no sense.  An abandoned parking lot.  I don’t fucking know anything.  Touch of evil.  Need to set my eyes on it.  Everything beautiful is ugly now.  I’m in search of feeling something but I don’t know what.  Drilling through the number three.  Haha, those mambos.  How could I forget that the millennium was alive with the sound of the tango.  Brazil!  Don’t fucking forget geography my good man.  I just want to breathe in the ocean.  Words elude me more and more.  I’m losing fucking touch with everything.  I see I need to break it all away. i need to get my ass out of the dirt. Where the hell did number nine go, anyway?!  Who was that masked man anyway?!  And now a simple less than one second gesture has set my development back another 5 fucking years at the very least!  Five years, that’s all we got! 

Yes yes okay tenderness vulnerability and all that crapola!  Don’t know what to say anymore. There is a thin but impenetrable shell around everything.  There’s glass everywhere.  No, that’s not right.  Everything has turned grey.  Haha, sludge monster indeed.  How trite!  He’s forgotten how to feel anything.  Got to awake.  The only thing real is the path not taken.  Not, that’s not the essence.  The hug.  The dance that never came.  The costume party.  I don’t understand anything anymore. Every wandering heart.  Why does anyone like him?  Nothing bounces back.  Everything is seen through a haze.  Even when I’m not drinking I can’t feel anything anymore.  Something wrong happening.  Take your baby by the hand.  I found a ship in the earth.  Arabia is far away.  I don’t think I’ll ever understand those numbers.  I guess we’ll all return to croatoan at some point.  I see now the importance and necessity of listening to those things which have fallen through the cracks.  I need to get good and fucked up and then chow down on a sumptuous seafood dinner.  And such is the nature of wisdom.  I drank a lot of liquor and then a lot of coffee and then a lot of liquor again.  Then I bought an old yellowed paperback western.  Then I bought something else.  I been real nourish lately.  Magenta and black.  Hair tight and combed.  Everything set down, drinks ordered and then adjacent order and he’s all eyes. 

Even if get the money I’m still going to release the virus. 

I see now even the briefest of communication is going to destroy me.  of course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper.  I can see now why nothing would work.  what a wretched little creature I was and still am.  Just a real contemptable piece of shit.  And silt!  I’m a piece of silt!  The drama of Raising the Bar stems from the inherent dysfunction within our legal system.  After hours proved to be a real delight, I said to myself as I worked my way through his entire filmography. 

You bring fuschia.  To sing your name into the night.  A queen.  Torture.  I’m doing my best to preserve the cool aspects of alcoholism.  My frustrations relate to nothing sexual.  Rather, frustration only comes about when I feel my time has been wasted.  There are yellowed paperbacks all around me.  and lemon meringue papers.  Lemon meringue sexuality has been incredibly pervasive these past few weeks.  All these delays have been well fed.  Has been and then have been.  Not great prose.  I’ll come running to tie your shoe.  Thankfully, something new always reveals itself.  Otherwise all inspiration would be dead.  I was watching The Maltese Falcon last night while drinking and then I slept on the floor like a beloved household pet.  Seamed pantyhose feet on face and hands held out and seamed pantyhose feet on hands.  This was a moment of pixelated bliss.  Something or another.  But then the accompanying iterations are just far too much.  I completely neglected to check the western section the other week.  Got a head full of bad wiring I guess.  I just want to see a forest fire though I have no metal plate in my head.  I think I was drunk the first time.  looks like he gotta put off the eventual release.  I was drinking a refreshing cup of broth recently!  And such is the nature of wisdom.  Four three two one. 

The Tommyknockers is one of my favorite Stephen King books.  It’s a bold, sloppy, scattered, bizarre, audacious, utterly enchanting work and I return it at least eight times daily.  I need to help myself to a fine dinner of anchovy loaf.  I just gotta sit down and figure all this shit out.  Macaroni figured into the music I listed to today.  I was driving around wired on caffeine and thinking heavily about the jackal who isn’t the jackal and the one familiar with all those languages and now there are such kind faces and warmth and yet still a yearning for the rhapsody in blue.  And all the while I long for my face to be the footrest of several sweaty pantyhose clad luchadoras after a good match!  And I long to move the stars to pity! 

The transparent butterflies fell from the sky and we all felt peace.  And as they touched the trees and green earth they turned into flowers and everything was blossoming multicolored flowers and the scent was so beautiful and powerful we had to close the windows because it was too much and then everyone who was lost returned and there was warmth and peace and happiness and only one was crying but soon he was full of love too and you felt love and comfort and the one beside you protected and cherished you forever. 

mv002(coffee and oil, the life, have to work through the shit to get to the good)

I think I’m going to read a book by Elmore Leonard soon.  Or will I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  I drank coffee recently.  The 2018 version of Suspiria was playing on my increasing obsolete television last night.  This was my choice.  I adore that film.  Such is the nature of wisdom. 

I’m blasting through it right now having just finished the second installment.  The intro was groovy in terms of the articles of clothing and a particularly cinematic revelation.  It seems much has faded from my brain due to the splitting.  I don’t want to incriminate the content however.  I feel there is something much more honest in the episodic and the key significant fact is my desire to return.  A desire that remains in tact after this heart of darkness reached its completion. 

I went some place recently to purchase a physical copy of Demi Lovato’s 2017 album Tell Me You Love Me but no such copy was present.  I bought a sticker instead.  Of course I’ve been thinking recently about the influences on crimson peak.  To that end I’ve been seeking out plentiful interviews with Guillermo Del Toro.  And such is the nature of wisdom.  I drank whiskey and wine last night and fruit juice this morning.  And then of course looking through the Gomez files for any possible glimpse of Yamila.  Where have you gone?  Yamila, I swear….

You must be careful when purchasing those used goods online.  Though the temptation is real.  The struggle is real as the single moms say.  I’ve never seen the 12 Monkeys series but I do really enjoy the feature film.  There’s a card for a psychiatrist down and to the left of me.  no, there isn’t.  I have to read those ancient texts purchased on the beach and sunset.  Two two two was the opportune number at this point in time.  soon, we must experience the colorful narrative of a man minus one ear.  But we I mean me (sweet/dirty).  Of course I simply loved that linked florida excursion.  Standing on the lavender balcony and smoking a cigarette.  Need to catch up on deuce related matters.  Wires and deep fried brass really came through for me in big ways.  Not to mention those great bars in new York  (or Newark?) suburban areas where I drank clear colored drinks before making the only logical choice for my (not his) life.  And some other stuff.  Female lawyer in flesh colored pantyhose using a banana like a gun.  Dance all day.  I need to acquire so much.  I feel reasonably excited about some things though I’m not exactly sure what.  I see the key errors, what I’m missing through the inky pages.  Need to return to dada esque things.  rataplan rataplan.  Of course I need to return to the costume ball.  Dance all day, huh?  That’s what I’m thinking.  Wang.  Need to add to a collection.  You kids and your vintage music.  I love the feel of a classic little paperback in my hands.  I’m looking forward to that new Candyman movie.  I think it is in good hands.  Where did these magic rocks come from all of a sudden?  Jackie Brown is definitely my favorite Quentin Tarantino flick.  It is a perfect movie. 

You know, I just want to take a moment to say that art is so great.  I feel so good that I am able to enjoy art in so many different forms and so blessed to have so much access to it.  Thank You for that gift.  Thank You so much. 

I spent a decent chunk of my day reading an Elmore Leonard book.  it was overall a very pleasing experience.  Additionally, I watched the movie Saturday Night Fever last night though of course I’ve seen it before.  John Travolta is very charismatic in the lead role.  I also watched the Netflix movie Velvet Buzzsaw at some point recently while drinking heavily. 

I’m sure at some point over drinks I’ll be explaining the grim does not quite gel with the not grim.  Whatever the hell that means, real fluff here on my part, pure filler.  The horror does not work in my humble opinion.  Or something.  I highly enjoyed the satirical aspects.  If only the emphasis could have remained as such.  Bags of garbage as art.  Children playing around in the blood.  Worth it while becoming increasingly intoxicated.  I hope to have a good summer and read some plays and watch beautiful films with my windows open. 

Of course crocs always charm me and I wonder how long the croc will continue stand up alongside the lovely pastels.  Speaking of charms just the other day I bought a box of lucky charms and a carton of milk.  Upon returning home I poured some but  not all lucky charms into a bowl and then poured milk on top and then consumed this breakfast cereal though it was actually around 9:30 at night.  Of course, the denouement was a bit darker than I was anticipating but it brought the central themes home.  The musical accompaniment was great there at the end. 

He was watching a mystical fuchsia witch at play but the odd musical choices left him feeling conflicted.  It was like when all those non detectives were watching the naked woman dancing and then the gull flew away.  Of course, it is so similar to that choreographed work of art acting as a summons; murder done it portrait, carving a path of subjugation into the future, bloody expressionism as hateful devotion.  It is haunting to me to realize I made it all up but it all came true anyway. 

So to bring it all home: I’m really warming up to our leads here while also hoping to see a bit more from the supporters.  Second iterations are very difficult for some reason but this more than passed and if this is an example of a quote average installment then I think I shall be in store for an overall very pleasing time with this mythology. 

dcatsup

I’m listening to Lana Del Rey’s album Lust For Life as I write this.  Or am I?  the more I learn the less I want to know.  Coincidentally I see Johnny Yen coming in through the side entrance.  And somewhere else is someone shoving peppers up their rear.  There are pink machines everywhere though of course this color would not really appear on all versions of the story.  I get ready, I get all dressed up.  Of course, I find this all to be very enchanting though i don’t believe we have any time anymore to be young and in love.  Sounds like shots firing.  Smells like fear, bitch (seagal direct to…).  Sin was the order of the day once more with jackal who is not the jackal and then of course the darkest of fantasies and there is purple and green and the numbers…not quite right, obfuscating too much.  But two to one, I’ll understand that later on.  Two to one often yields such wonderful results. 

Of course lots of DC on film news has come to the forefront this week.  On an unrelated note I was in a book store today and bought a used copy of a book.  I think I’ll start reading this book some time in the next few days.  I also drank a great amount of booze and coffee today and I don’t feel so good right now but that’s okay. 

But yeah, I guess first off is that little teaser thing for Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn). It’s no secret that I found Suicide Squad to be a steaming pile of crap.  Lemme back the gravy train up though because it is not fun to simply slag on someone else’s art.  David Ayer has worked on many things I very much enjoyed.  Also, I am aware of many of the complications that came along with that particular movie.  But I found the end result to be a shallow, disappointing mess with some interesting character designs and a couple good moments.  I’m drink whiskey right now with two ice cubes. 

I should also add I’ve never been a Harley Quinn  though – compliment time- my favorite Quinn is Margot Robbie’s interpretation from Suicide Squad.  I liked her more than anything from the comics, cartoons and video games.  BUT I’m still not sure if I liked her a significant amount at all.  I constantly struggle to find anything interesting with that character but Robbie’s charisma shined through and won me over (I think?). 

If I had the balls I would’ve thrown myself into the river already.   But yeah, against my better judgement (or something)I’m actually rather excited to see how this film turns out.  I need to track down Cathy Yan’s first film to get  an idea of her style.  I hope this movie is the vision of the director.  The cast intrigues me.  Winstead and McGregor are great choices for Huntress and Black Mask.  And damn!  Rosie Perez is an awesome choice for Montoya and I’m very curious to see what Chris Messina does with Mr. Zsasz and how that character fits into the story.  And of course I’m also DAMN excited to see Black Canary in live action (I need fishnets) and Cassandra Cain as well.  What the hell! I guess I’m damn excited without knowing very much!  At first I thought the teaser gave me Soderbergh vibes – specifically his great underappreciated film Haywire (of course they may have been the McGregor talking).  And then I thought it was actually reminding of John Hyams’ great underappreciated film Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning.  But then I realized it was also reminding more than those two of Harmony Korine’s great underappreciated film Spring Breakers!  I’d be down for it having the vibe of any of those movies!  I know this was only something like a screentest but the look, the vibe, the music, the colors, the costume choices, the cast!  I’m excited!  I can’t believe it but I’m full of positivity the way some people are full of mustard!  Spicy mustard makes my mouth water.  The. 

Of course that was far from the only news!  We now know that former Guardians of the Galaxy guy James Gunn who was fired by Disney due to some old scandalous tweets is now going to direct Suicide Squad 2!  I don’t really care about that though.  I didn’t really like Guardians either.  Whatever. I’m sure I’ll see it.  oh, i should have said earlier that Ayer is still a thousand times more important than a loser like me!

And then of course news that the next Batman movie (to be directed by Matt Reeves) is set to be released in June 2021!  Sounds like it’ll be noirish!  Good!  Soon enough we should start hear rumblings about who will play Batman, villains, etc.  Seems Ben Affleck will have the oddest tenure of any Batman having never actually played him in a solo film.  But you know, I really love the unique, overblown epic that is Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice and I’ll always be grateful for it’s place in the dark knight’s cinematic history.  I imagine we won’t be seeing anymore of Jared Leto’s Joker either but I’m okay with that. 

And for now I will continue to look forward to Shazam! and the Joker movie!  And I’ll probably also watch last year’s Suspiria “remake” at least 8 times a day everyday for the next 17 years.  Testimony.  Wrong wrong wrong.  Embarrassment.  Humiliation.  So has the ship been righted?  It kinda seems so!  Who the hell knows.  I remain as interested as ever.  Gotta get different types of things in there! Different textures and visions!  You gotta razzle em!  You gotta razzle and dazzle em!  I’m keep two rare birds hostage by the way.  Also, I regularly have erotic fantasies where used hosiery comes into play.  Used hosiery has me. 

Technique by New Order turns 30 today.  I love that album. I think it has much beautiful music.  And some of my favorite basslines ever.  I once imagined – no fantasized about something involving the tickling of the ivories, it’s peripherally related somehow.  You won’t even talk to me.  Hook has me. 

mv001(can you shut the blinds please, a solid $8.00, an amazing sight)

So it begins, eh?  Here I am commencing with a series which shall henceforth run concurrent with the other series still ongoing in this humble blog.  In both series I am nothing more than a humble slave to the glass teat.  It’s understandable really.  Or is it?  The more I learn the less I want to know.  Though truly this began a couple nights ago.  And it was quite a beginning indeed.  I can’t recall exactly when the purchase was made but I certainly utilized the daring invention of the internet and likely a sale.  Speaking of which I need to pick up that Cassavetes box but that’s neither here nor there.  sidetracked here but sin was piling up.  A truly dark and glorious fantasy.  And then the jackal and the final letter utilizing that which is close to fences and everything is stunning and seductive and there is another iteration right there awaiting with the recurring element of the dark fantasy and I am willingly submitting to sin.  Oh, I recall the discussion of dying in sweetest sin and I don’t want to recall the spring dress love as it is so painful and wonderful and maybe one day there shall be a reunion in the costume ball.  But please let’s not get sidetracked now.  I should have started this during a steaming boiling summer night but you know it was so good that the overall effect created that atmosphere for me anyway.  I’m going in blind here but believe you me I shall fill in all the ignorant gaps of the conception and history as time goes.  I am committed to this for the long haul no matter what!  It should be said I am a massive Mann fan so this is right up my alley.  And its real alley as tom would say.  And I wondered if this could to my mann fandom as that semi local imaginary hamlet is to the more surreal iteration.  Coffee and cherry pie.  Oh, I am falling in love with this classic style.  But who can really say for sure?  The word executive makes me wonder just how much of mann is present.  But I cannot deny so many of his hallmarks. And the style held me.  I need the suits and synths and the songs were so perfectly implemented I had no choice but to get wasted on jug wine.  Yes, I loved this feature length premiere including the strong transvestite cheese brought to you by a gentleman who would be the late night dinner of the king of terrible lizards.  I’ve never even really cared for in the air tonight but my word was that an epic and gorgeous moment.  Epic is weak writing but I’m a piss poor writer.  Beautifully lensed. And the purple clubs scenes.  All the pop.  I always feel like…just want to have fun.  I will say I’m having harder time pinning down one than the other (the one I’m having a harder time with is given slightly less focus so far) but that is forgivable early on.  I instantly fell for the account of love.  And you know, I should have seen the reveal coming but I was so caught up I wasn’t even bothering to try.  Maybe I wouldn’t have figured it out anyway but it all worked and damn did it work and I loved it. I am giving this initial entry a very high but invisible grade.  It hit all the right marks.  It hit the spot of sweetness and I’ve realized I cannot write anymore.  Has the muse been replaced by empty sexuality, he asks apropos of nothing?  Something is bound to change though.  What else have I done lately?  I watched Gotti recently and quite enjoyed it.  Regarding the Oscars I am pleased that Roma has been so nominated.  Beautiful film.  I’ll have to see the Fellini namesake.  I definitely noticed a strong Fellini influence.  Or did I?  the more I learn the less I want know.  Also, I love the movie Manhunter but Red Dragon is a steaming pile of crap.  What else do I love?  Hosiery of course.  Obsessions are taking hold yet again.  Used hosiery wrapped tightly around my face and I can barely breathe due to the tightly wrapped hosiery and due to the sexual excitement I feel.  We are all slaves.  Of course there is the jackal who is not the jackal and a renewed kindness and everything is wrong again I’ve read a couple books lately and one of them I didn’t really like and one of them I did and I was listening to contortions earlier and I was late on the Camila album but it is a great sumptuous pop album and I like to pretend I am somebody when I drive around and listen to Tangerine Dream’s score to Thief (tremendous film).  Of course all I’m really hoping for is for her to use my face as her personal footrest after she finishes a long hard sweaty day of work during which she was wearing pantyhose.  It should be mentioned I am an utter failure as a human being.  Ah the classic dilemma of course I don’t really know what I’m talking about.  We dumped a few gangsters off the train.  You know I really like both imaginings but I must go with the one who has bluer leanings.  Where did I put my Stetson again.  I hope this does not distract from my glowing positivity speaking of which there is such enrichment in my life due to wholly imaginary people and I am a deeply sad person but at least I have alcoholic beverages to drown my sorrows and yeah no I mean yay very soon there will be sighs.  Quite attractive.  I am speaking of the naval recipient of the aforementioned expression of life; there was also a pet alligator.  I am pleased to be beginning a more recent but still not new sequential of squares or maybe its rectangles this time around with the common factor being the recipient of said love because there was true beauty on display.  I don’t even know who appears in the sun anymore and soon enough I won’t even know what that means but there is always the physical manifestation of inspiration presenting herself in some form or another and I am eternally thankful for this.  And he may have been right when he said we have not gone any further than the electrician.  But yes, high marks for this first one and I look forward to the second. 

addsuptoten

I love the new Lana Del Rey song.  It arrived at a pivotal and necessary point.  I spent much of the day sinning.  Now I’m going to drink heavily, engaging in more sin.  I hope I can finish a book tomorrow or the next day.  I also hope to watch a movie about Nico soon.  It was Scott Walker’s birthday.  I do so love his music and hope he releases another album.  24/7 Sylvia Plath.  Great line amongst many.  I’ve been forgetting to listen to Pantera lately.  I’m pleased that No Line on the Horizon is set to be released in wax.  For some reason I can’t articulate because I’m a piss poor writer that album has held a special place for me.  I love Bowie’s song Heat.  It’s a perfect bridge to Scott.  I adore the back and forth those two had throughout their careers.  Thank goodness I still have some of that eggnog left for when this whiskey runs out.  I cooked up several hamburgers today and was so brazen that I even ate one.  I looked and looked later on but could not find what I wanted.

How did it manifest itself today?  We all know the story.  Hands numb and then shaking or vice versa.  Thought about and fantasized about and turning blue.  So much ink all over the place, in a tight homicidal embrace and down my throat and later kissing my lips and then gloriously stabbing me in the back.  Focusing on two and becoming one, a replacement and the jackal who isn’t the jackal though of course in the end it was the actual jackal who properly set things off; another lethal embrace. 

I’ve got a fever of five thousand and three.  More sinning today. All adding up now.  Whatever the fuck ever.  Just adding to the collection already established.  Just wanna listen to music or something right now.  I watched From Dusk til Dawn a lot as a teenager.  This wine is really hitting me hard.  I already know that tomorrow is going to be a wasted day.

I just watched the movie Nico, 1988 and really liked it.  I love the album The Marble Index.  Also, on the Velvet Underground’s first album I find Nico’s songs far far far more interesting than any of the other tunes.  You  know, speaking of movies: Tommy Lee Jones performance in Natural Born Killers is just so great.  So fucking great! 

I suppose I’m something of a fetishist but who can really be sure anything these days?  Pantyhose encasement …oops, made a mess right there.  it’s a shame I don’t have more money.  It’s a shame I’m such a nobody.  I need to keep reading doom patrol comic books tomorrow.  And pump iron!  Working out is my life!  That new one…Diana looks stunning.  I love the green.  It reminds me of shocked electrocution (didn’t even break a…) and the thing, I think it’s like a deep blue or maybe purple but it sets the pony into motion.  He needs to start saving up his pennies so the exact specifications can be matched.  Watched children of men recently.  I still feel y tu mama tambie is alfonso cuaron’s finest film; just a beautiful beautiful piece of art.  Roma would probably be next.  I’m looking forward to reading Thomas Harris’s next book but I’m not sure if I mentioned that already.  It’s been awhile.  I think one day I’ll probably be traveling through a forest that is slowly turning into crystal. I would like to eat cereal soon but who knows what this ever uncertain future may bring?  I’ll probably go to a bar and read and drink soon.  I’m on a good streak though.  Hot damn, I may pull my name out of the gutter yet!  I may yet pull my ass out of the dirt!  What was I listening to the other day?  that’s right, now I remember!  I was listening to the album Te Atrapare…Bandido by Ana Barbara.  It is a very sweet grupero pop album.  I’ve always felt that Barbara’s voice is aural honey and this particular album showcases very sharp and romantic pop writing which takes advantage of that voice.  I’ve also been listening to Monica Naranjo’s album Tarantula and David Bowie’s album Aladdin Sane.  I love them both.  I now remember back in the day I was going to purchase the Ana Barbara compilation Para ti…Mi historia but I never pulled the trigger on this desire!  I didn’t have the guts!  I didn’t have the balls!  Let’s just face it: I didn’t have the chops!  I couldn’t cut the mustard!  And now it may be too late forever til the end of my miserable utterly worthless life!  I can still recall where I was when I purchased Tarantula and Aladdin Sane.  There are several songs from Aladdin Sane I am attempting to learn on the electric bass but I’m sure I’ll fail because I’m a loser. 

I watched Jennifer Lynch’s movie Hisss last night and rather enjoyed it.  It made me want to seek out like minded, the documentary about the making of the film and more movies with the actress who played the snake goddess.  I plan to purchase the move on the very outdated dvd format and watch it over and over during lonely nights.  Sometime afterward I’ll jump into the river (too many times to make it home).  When I’m dead things will be much better.  I ate a hot dog recently.  I’m also almost finished with the book I’m reading.  Maybe I’ll finish it in a well lit area later on tonight.  But yeah, Hisss, I really enjoyed it.  What else can I possibly say on the matter?  Tomorrow is going to be a wasted day.  and yet, I know but I’m not sure but I actually know I’ll be seeking out the jackal who is not the jackal but maybe just maybe resistance is in the air and it doesn’t have to be like the other times; oh sweet suffocation. if only after a long hard day or reporting the news she would use my face as her personal footrest.  

I miss watching GLOW.  I miss being someone with potential.  Those two things aren’t really related.  I hope I can sleep well tonight.  Maybe I’ll rewatch the entire GLOW series before bed! 

FPOTY(HB)(and of course the multiple obsessions taking hold, so kind last time, sweet suffocation and...)

Anyone who knows me knows that Once Upon in Mexico is one of my all time favorite films.  I keep getting polar and arctic confused due to the common denominator.  Watching mqb last night I nearly had a heart attack during Denise’s portion but that’s what made the moment so lovely.  My new year’s resolution is to sink even further into the depths of alcoholism.  I’ve been listening to the album Disraeli gears by cream recently.  I love that band name.  and bruce’s bass playing.  I’ve been listening to other stuff too.  At some point last night I became convinced the last wave was pointing to signs extraterrestrial though ultimately I did not have the intestinal fortitude to find out for sure.  But the owls, the shadowy figures, strange visions, disturbing drawings, the eyes.  Or is it more of an ink blot?  Am I just projecting?  I read Katerina recently and I’m not sure if it was good or not.  I think it might have been.  Why qualify anything?  I watched cruising recently.  Loved it. 

I’m just waiting for the middle day these days and of course there will be the jackal who is not the jackal.  Though have things changed now with the new clocks?  Maybe I’m only setting myself up for further waiting and disappointment though that would certainly serve me right.  Can’t stop thinking about…the blue…the fish….  I don’t know anything, why we have to live in so much pain. And then she became the jackal, no that’s not quite right she sort of morphed into the jackal who is not the jackal it all makes sense though and numb hands and shaky hands and I can’t think straight and this is everything and there was actual niceness last time, that’s right I said niceness, prefer here or there?  no preference, whatever you want, laughing but early bird on the compensation but whatever I don’t understand anything but I deserve (incomplete sentence). 

There was ice earlier and it all made sense but then he realized the importance of a proper greeting.  Arms have him.  Plants as well.  It all adds up so solid but of course this is just the beginning of a very long span of time and the hope is that the body does not give out before then.  Man, I need a drink.  I’m reading a Dean R. Koontz book though not in this very second.  The music videos of Encanto Latino get me through some very HARD times.  My itunes crapped out before I could properly sync up my ipod.  I drove somewhere today but they did not have the item I needed.  So then I drove to another place and they had what I need there but not what I wanted from the previous place and during the course of it all I realized the morning is the only opportune time to visit a place that I visited between those two places and that place used to be a shang gri la and I have hopes. 

The clips have me.  and the jackal again. And something green.  Like the pendant life comes back around on itself, eh.  How long?  Why so long?  But now this surging hormonal fever dream it all suddenly makes sense again.  Sweet and beautiful pleasure against the ropes.  Could blade trinity be the greatest movie ever made?  Speaking of pure cinema I need to place an order today.  That is, after I drink more black coffee.  Got that list here.  Palmitas arriba.  The dancing again, blue, only once and probably only once ever but at least there is the one time. 

Tinta tinta everything is tinta.  Awe, the sins seen through deeply coded words.  And the taunts come in different forms.  Hands shaking and going numb.  Hard to think straight.  Anything for science.  Waited too long. Submissions have me.  hold a little tighter, I might just….  Of course it all comes down to the proper catch of the day.  all these things and then tinta again.  Tinta and china.  Good thing plastics haven’t failed me.  this country is built upon plastics.  One day I plan to deliver a speech about the importance of plastics while standing in front of an American flag before then giving a deceptive gift to a kind alien.  I’m something of a savant.  I watched a movie last night that I liked.  I think no I know that I’ll get a drink later. 

Of course, the latest edition of sin was released at the most opportune moment, replete with green dress.  Hunting.  And something else now without hair but not in the iteration display.  Later talking about something beyond compare, constant presence, eyes of mystery, die tonight.  But then of course the purchases have been made.  It all adds up. 

And now of course there was the aforementioned ice and there was so recent the earmarked but does that even make sense and of course he means the words replacement and bedecked in the décor of the holiday many deem controversial and trying hard not to focus too greatly. But easily this could be the perpetrator of so much electrocution among other things and recently seen that there was a return to the little pleasure and of course this previously brought so much pleasure but one must treat lightly and oh what is anyone even saying anymore and so many purchases in so little time. 

Living in oblivion is a movie I really like.  I’m going to listen to aerosmith tomorrow.  That has nothing to do with anything though. And will the presence of the jackal who is not the jackal be achieved, that is the question and who knows about that unknown location that has so much in common with pasta iterations and everything sin related is lined up so well and there is so much awful about me and I and yours truly and me and me and me and me and he is obsessed with that jackal and that dark and the most violent and the denier and everything is so amazing. 

And now just before it changes I raise a drink to you and humbly say thank you for everything.  Thank you for your art.  It lives on forever. 

YIR

You know what I liked?  I liked that thing that just popped up with the tiger and it was a darker sort of iteration but really that word is so useless these days but I was less of a jerk and more of a child for a while.  Of course just the other day he attempted to rediscover the loveliest of muses only to find that there was no possibility it was a sorta bittersweet thing though perhaps one day in the stacks of literature there will be a rediscovery.  It’s nice to be remembered, eh?  Oh who really gives a flying fuck?!  Seeing something glowing and glorious recently.  Not wearing skin.  The first thing has nothing to do with the second thing but he is saying goodbye to things that where steel.  Listening to peter Gabriel a lot lately.  And lots of other things.  and of course still the jackal who is not the jackal and horrible superficial obsession ruining everything but wait is obsession really the right word.  Read a really good book the other day and then I missed the celebration and he genuinely does feel bad about that but is this a danger of being too focused on something?  Oopies.  He is remembering that which was lost.  Cranberries.  Black cranberries.  Or some fucking thing.  Oopies.  Are you feeling okay?  What is going on here?  New year new—old fashioned the style. 

Of course just the other day the little star was returned to me and I was overjoyed and I thanked (did not finish sentence).  Of course, now I understand the hourly timetable and my heart is broken but also elated knowing it is not completely the end and I hope that one day if I am ill I will be ill in a very specific place.  Apropos of nothing I’m going to spoil my eventual list and say that Hereditary is probably my favorite movie of this miserable year.  But yes, the little start returned and angel and iconography and prior to this a stripped away wedding dress and….  

I was listening to some ted nugent albums recently.  Then I was driving around doing stupid shit.

Lets put it all in perspective.  I wont’ call it a failure but I can’t really call it a success either.  It’s somewhere in between but I think it’s set up for something greater the rhythm is everything now and I watched the thing the other day the thing with the thing (but not the thing) and there were many appendages playing drums and  you know I really thought it was more or less what I was looking for and that’s it and that’s enough. 

You know I guess sin really did win out this time. and by this time I’m talking about an extended period of time but that’s so predictable isn’t it?  Ah, of course, lets repeat things three times speaking of which I recently finished a book with a purple cover I don’t know if it was good actually I do know it was in fact very bad. 

Speaking of sin there was the one of ice today and that was everything.  Right down, that doesn’t even make sense but right in front and idle chit chat had me and was everything and ice was everything and now I see with the red on the peach or something or other and constant laughter hahaha and smiles hahaha and of course I don’t even know how to finish now there has to be something more to say but there is only a few periodic words and I realize this entirety the entire thing to which we are paying homage really is perfectly meaningless I mean mine is and of course there is the spring dress from so long ago which currently yields almost nothing but just the faintest hint is enough to last thousands of years and I am surviving on nearly nothing now but I am slave to this and have no choice but there is a precious decade which divides everything and why do I still feel everything man I am so bleeped up and awful.  Tee hee giggle chortle fuck fuck fuckity fuck man I’m stupid what a worthless bastard I am but whatever the fuck ever you know I was there for the presentations I saw it all and there was the Italian who wasn’t Italian and only one other person on this fucked planet understands that but I’m sure he’s long since forgotten but I could never forget the main subject here but I suppose I should oh whatever.  Brick wall waterfall magic wand be gone! 

And everything is neatly space out now and it begins with ice and always there is the jackal who is not the jackal and now who looks to be the main thrust of this upcoming new iteration and suddenly recently there was a thawing and why did that happen I don’t understand anything but still the same glorious thoughts remain and imagines the suffocation and it is everything and of course there is a beautiful seam traveling the length of things and it is wondrous.  Simultaneously is it true now that rhapsody in blue is no more but of course in the stars there is a continuance which will never end and or course this absolutely for the best and he I must be thankful but there will always be such yearning and regret.  It’s richly appropriate.  Little by little everything is going away and that may be the only way anything can be saved.  There is a new one just over the horizon, not far from the jackal who is not the jackal.  Of course all those lines of numbers still have me.  what does any of it mean?  But that’s not really the question I want to ask.  Another one down with nothing to show for it.  Seems appropriate I guess.  also, i love the new of tif and of course the aforementioned and the stripe.  

I read a book recently that I really liked and then afterward I read a book I didn’t like as much but I plan to read another book by the author of the former very soon.  I ate salmon earlier. 

I own two copies of AC DC’s 2000 album Stiff Upper Lip.  I think the reasons are obvious. 

gar

The jackal who isn’t the jackal was everything again.  Sharp objects okay.  Just not sure about any of the fonts but I cannot and should not and will not belittle the overall sweat necessitated to put something to former trees.  Can’t remember if I said the other day but I really like that new musical iteration by the man who would be fly.  Amazing how all that build up did not amount to much except for laundry.  Been listening to a lot of results lately and boy is it giving me good results. 

Of course the sweetest of sin presenting itself again.  Made of ice in less than 24 hours but resistance may or may not win.  And then so soon again the many languages and the issue of replacement and mayhaps the jackal who isn’t the jackal all combining and then afterward of course these latest iterations with sensual voluminous darkness and that classic hunter (of course a word there needs alteration) this time in the secret location and with the most preferred stylistic leanings.  And the one right before as well. 

A dark new obsession begins to take hold.  Who woulda guessed a similar iteration of mud would be unleashed in that already so promised land?  And now double fisting is in order. 

I really enjoyed the outsider and am curious to see what hbo does with the property.  I think of myself as a playful sex kitten but this has nothing to do with what I just wrote.  Yamila, I swear.  I’m such a fool.  Always haunted by the office moment.  And then accompanied with an water logged illustration.  Need to get over it.  Need to suck it up.  But I don’t have the chops.  I can’t cut the mustard.  I’m feeling very louche today.  Feminine ice.  It all added up after a while.  Or something.  Then I made a great advancement in a single increment of twenty minutes.  I may plan to read something big at some point in my life.  I felt good for a while there but it was not my doing but that is a comforting thing or something. 

Engaging in sin again.  But there is something new on the horizon.  Mayhaps all these classic texts can be a guide to something greater.  A new way to live.  I love Tiffany’s new uniform.  I am so impure.  And then again that same person whom I mentioned in the opening salvo was present though this time everything was terrible and I realized what a terrible destructive force I am.  As my vision becomes crossed now.  They were all there though.  I still have a day to figure things out.  It can and will be done.  Or something.  Need to quit this.  Fast car is coming my way.  It’ll all mean something.  Nothing to prove. obvious now why nothing works anymore, a lovely little warning of the inner deterioration of everything good.  

There are no more lines left to cross.  The loving homoerotic occult has it.  No that’s not right at all.  I am so perverse and awful.  I am everything wrong with the world.  Forgiveness can it come.  Anger.  Be careful what you investigate.  Need to keep with the text yet I am so obviously not worthy.  I just need to sing into a painter’s light and all will make sense.  Stomach burns right now.  Delete delete but it will always be there walls closing in please let me not ruin everything in the eleventh hour.  I need to drink a whiskey now.  No that’s not right either they’ll be drinking around me and it will all pass very slowly and today this afternoon there was the joyous jackal who is not the jackal again and control was utterly lost and then this was further perverted beyond measure and I am everything wrong with the world.  Ah the rich tortured psychology at play.  These are not exaggerated forms at all.  The blue is just us on full display just me on full display electric blue. I experience beauty in the midst of sin and the only thing I could think to do was destroy it because I am I am an awful thing and everything is awful you me me you it’s all terrible.  Wonder what’s happening to the skin now.  Perhaps eruptions are destroying.  Love streams merits another looksy but there is also so much much more to delve.  Everything is half formed now except for my fully formed tainted and ugly soul.  No coincidence the reason for the deep shame.  Does this partial repentance mean anything?  Doubtful.  Maybe it can be a start though.  Need to return to the classicism of sin.  Full of scorpions.  Of course the connection is one through time and language but with beady blue and bypassing the black and white iteration of that second iteration and there was the time when everything was thrown out and then self-destruction bubbled forth in such a beautiful way again.  He knows what he needs more of and less of.  Hard to pull the trigger.  Ignore that word from earlier no not ignore but its not the gestalt it was just a reference to the not seen anger except for the alteration of certain states though I’ve never sampled these fantastic machines.  What the texts up to?  Of course a lovely little gift.  I went to a department store today.  I feel like I need to shave right now.  Can’t shake anything.  No more lines.  Now very close to my eyes.  Means nothing.  How in the face of this have i.  maybe later the starry conclusion will come.  This is distinct.  I’ve ruined everything and all for nothing.  Need to get back to patrolling asap and charging through the battery in the second iteration or something.  It was all a miracle early on.  This is tainting. Everything.  Heart awful.  Spirit dying.  Brain decaying.  Drifting and falling.  All lost all lost fucking gone and slouching toward.  Old idea was the best idea.  Getting ready thighs. 

I need to start a blog about alternate dimensions.  I believe in multiple dimensions. 

The bilocation of Mary of Agreda has me.