i am awful, so much is dark, hate me, at least i have hard alcohol and sleep

I really love that Black Flag album My War.  I was listening to it the other day while parked in front of a sushi restaurant hating myself.  At one point an attractive woman arrived, went in, ostensibly ordered take out and left.  I watched her in an inappropriate way and enjoyed the sight of curvaceous body.  I like the cover of My War.  The actual album cover.  It kinda reminds me of the cover of the first Adolescents album but probably only because they are both blue and I am stupid.  She was wearing very tight pants and I enjoyed the sight of her buttocks as she walked into the restaurant and when she hauled that ass out of and into her car.  I don’t really care much for sushi myself.  I played a lot of Videoman back in the day.  I eat it about once every six months or so. Maybe longer.  And that’s enough for me.  I doubt I’ll ever see that woman again but who knows what fate may have in store.  I need to get this album on wax!  Get it on wax, they say!  Scorching guitar work, my friends!  I need more wires.  Maybe I’ll buy the Mortal Kombat soundtrack and listen to it while contemplating suicide!  Would that make ya’ll happy?!  I’ve been reading a book lately.  I already have a laptop that I think will suffice for my idears.  Always put on your money on apes.  Their playful love of bananas tops all!  Behold a….

I’m just made of lines and blocks these days.  Conjuring woodpeckers soon.  When did we become terrified of our own sex?  I need some visual aids for tomorrow’s stirring discussion.  Head already shaved.  You want to talk control systems?  Or mechanisms?  Unbelievable.  I never realized it’s his feces he has in that blue bowl and that is what he is generously throwing out to all of us.  Gaze upon the….

Sometimes we’re dreaming our lives.  Really like the goldmine.  Mini novels.  Color me something.  Maybe I am intrigued.  I was reading somewhere in the dark yesterday and then I felt terrible and had to stop.  Luckily, there was plenty of booze and brass to smooth my wrinkled heart.  Gotta tell ya, I really like Lucinda Williams’ album Car Wheels on a Gravel Road. 

I was inspired and then I was in a panic.  A calm panic but that doesn’t make much sense, does it?  I ate classic pb and j for dinner.  I gotta stop thinking black thoughts.  The first four ep’s is such an inspiring lp.  Thankfully I have many things on which to fall back.  Of course I viewed the interview today.  Very heartfelt.  The tears were quite touching.  You shall be missed.  I’d like to go to a movie theatre soon and watch a movie but I don’ t know if that is a possibility.  S/he is so accelerated.  There must be something wrong but I’m just too stupid to figure it out.  Hopefully I have not alienated by best chance at a cure.  Hopefully it is not too late.  Stop worrying about saving face you fool.  You worthless bastard.  My head hurts so much from intentionally banging it on the door earlier!

[Attempt (First, see the Exhibit(ion)]: He arrived home from a busy days of sales.  No, that’s not right.  He’s not a salesman. Or rather, he is but he isn’t. at some point the landlady asked him to remove the long dead plant from his balcony and he promptly complied and took the dried out thing to his kitchen and ate it over the course of 8 long minutes, washing it down with a fresh glass of tap water (straight up, no ice). Then Maria arrive home from a hard day’s work, her voluminous shaking and quaking with each step underneath her hip hugging black skirt (which was standard issue at her place of employment).  They discussed politics and geometry, reflecting on various books of mathematics while she removed her black high heel shoes, exposing her seamed RHT pantyhose clad feet to the air where the combination of oxygen of the hard day’s work created a powerful and lovely perfume.  She then promptly walked over to him, pushed him down to his knees and then against the sofa with powerful arms and then began to choke him with the sole of one pantyhose clad foot.  He futilely begged for mercy while she applied more pressure and looked for a book of geometry amongst the stacks to read.  Once a volume was selected she lay on her back and continued to press down on his throat while pressing the sole of her other pantyhose clad foot against his face, all the while uttering insults, proclamations of power and dominance and pontifications about mathematics.  She occasionally laughed while reading a particularly amusing passage in the book. 

Secrets in Lace seems to make a very reliable product.  More on that in the future.  But what do I know?!  I’m just Ricardo, the universe’s punching bag.  So much do and so little time.  I need to wake up early but I’m all out of café.  Maybe battery acid will be a savvy substitute?  Maybe I’ll give a brick to someone as a gift.  Punk rock is saving me.  or is it?!  The more I learn the less I want to know.  Hahahaha, I love how deadpan that was.  Hahahaha.  Deadpan isn’t even the right word.  I’m just too dumb to think of the right word.  I need to stock up on Breyfogle’s Prime.  Gotta a girl about documentation tomorrow.  Bruises everywhere.  It’s going to be such a busy day it will practically be not busy at all!  Thankfully I’ve found those new wordly inspirations.  I don’t care!  I don’t boast.  Call Me By Your Name was just beautiful.  Loved it. 

I constantly find myself surrounded by morons.  Such is bank!  Room to dream.  I look forward to having a room to dream.  Peace of mind was probably never meant for me.  lovely.  What an utter shame I am bereft of talent.  Still thinking of that other…so much fleeting now.  I saw you. I don’t get anything anymore.  The feelings were real and now they’re out there, somewhere, being beautiful.  I understand the geometry though.  The meeting of angles and clad flesh.  Angels.  Man, my computer speakers really suck huge dick! 

I didn’t know Boom! was publishing a Rocko’s Modern Life comic book!!!  I need to hunt down all back issues now!!!  I’m such a hopeless bastard!!!  I really fucking hate myself!!!

the clones and hybrids revisited (sub), new world of words, need more of the little always

My copy of The Vampire and the Ballerina arrived today so for a brief moment my life has meaning again. 

Of course, I was bamboozled recently!  Hoodwinked!  Taken from the sky and from me twice!  Twice I was robbed and I cried and I did not understand.  I don’t have a name anymore.  The Heartbeat Accelerator.  The potent chemistry being used.  Pitch black.  I’m usually the one who makes it.  There should have been quotations recently.  Drive safe.  It’s all out yet it still has total control.  What’s he going to do?  Is The Rhapsody in Blue beckoning?  No, that is not the word.  But why use that word? 

My own little 8.5 is shaping up horrifically.  At least I have the stage now, the setting.  And all the accouterments.  Really, everything is in place.  The lovely players.  I am evil.  I am something truly awful.  Please forgive me. 

She gets that little burst of energy.  You know something will happen, hopefully nothing horribly bad. 

Did the Rhapsody in Blue change?  Hard to say at this point.  I’ll need to think about it over lunch. 

The greatest nightclub in the world made me want to fry my brains.  Of course, I abstained.  For Lorena.  Ah, Lorena.  What is Lorena?  What isn’t she?!  I reply.  This is genius.  I was apprehensive due to all your macrobiotic properties.  Was he designing some type of weapon.  I suddenly and without warning felt very afraid.  I sense we were living in…something.  You don’t say?  I know exactly how this will all fit together.  Hybrids of course.  As a young man nothing was more frightening to me than hybrids.  Even saying the name.  it does not make all the colors illuminate.  I am differentiating from el dorado, starting now.  Have you ever dared to make pancakes at midnights.  Only those who’ve traversed the lands of very monkeys would go in such a bold and ostentatious direction.  I find myself liberated by the vast cosmos inherent in our local library.  Did you find the turquoise lingerie to be your liking?  Personally, I thought it was very sumptuous.  Always through the glass, don’t you know?  .  Delete. I have not yet begun to channel my inner ham sandwich.  Don’t let him be that which he could never be except in the rotten apple of your eye.  Piece of pie.  Without pie I think I would probably have no  choice but to shine shoes for a living.  You know, I think we’re all headed for a breakdown.  This is all going to fall. 

“What do these files even mean?”

Walk by while wearing a silly hat though you are still there.  the golden hour, everything at the golden hour.  This will gorgeous cheapness, as is my wont.  It will play to no one.  truly ignorant and perfect.  Cursi.  That’s what the kids will say.  And there will be a blue ring on a black background because what could be greater than that?  Blue ring!  Nothing happens when I examine the wheel.  Maybe that’s because it stopped providing the necessary master sequence caps a long time.  I say this apropos of nothing.  I don’t think I’m turning into a giant fish but how can I know for a certainty one way or another?

I was blessed with a great and unexpected gift last night which will also be tonight?  Do you see it?  Lovely and red.  And fire. 

Tiny booklets fill the sky.  Give the production duties to guy.  You don’t understand, laser beam.  I wanted to run with her.  I wanted to leave with her. forever.  And now I am unrolling a plan which will take place 2 weeks from now.   A true shell game. Trade craft.  Need to obtain the craziest of cats. 

The shoulders is what did it for him today.  Made from ice.  Carved out of ice.  And then such a biting political conversation. Really put him right in his place.  And such a frame.  Such strength.  Lovely hands.  He wished he was that chunk of food being consumed, being chewed and melted down by powerful saliva.  Icy.  Always so icy.   The lineal impression very clear.  Perfumed air.  It was all of such great and necessary assistance later on. 

The smell of coffee.  That might not be it but I love the way she says it.  Car wheels.  Just starting to get in.  though I have the double.  Careful craft but much more than that.  X again.  Reminiscing but not really in a sense.  Pure enjoyment.  The beauty and the beasts I’d like to watch.  We’ll see what happens.  Just one more off! for the fullness. 

I run this courtyard!  All these appearances make sense.  Always on my miserable mind.  Pavlovian.  Drool with the sound of the proper music.  One of my old faves.  White.  And now gone.  But remains.  For the upcoming ignorant album. 

Gotta scheme for a little bit and then make a list.  A list is very necessary.  I have many lists.  I hope I don’t have to depend on the kindness of trees again.  Or do I hope for that?  Instrument.  Need to re-up on Instrument. 

Ye right now while mixed with some grand commentary.  Or something.  Little ninja move.  I can relate to an initial sentiment over some airwaves.  This sounds a bit pedestrian right now.  Did someone else with a hat already do this?  But I like the idea.  A few sevens. 

Going through some atrocities right now.  Maybe crystals later on.  This all makes sense. Starting the week with shoulders.  And atrocities. around the four and the six i adore.  

The last letter of the canonical twenty six certainly was and remains one of the greats in the division.  I hope the worldly organization figures out something a little more concrete to do with this.  The door is always open thankfully.  Boricua Boricua Boricua Boricua.  The specific connection with this paragraph will likely arrive in the future along with a few (as expected though still endearing) botches. 

Leading into here.  Maybe cutting down on triples is the answer.  Or the beginning of the answer.  We almost all self-destruct.  How cool is that?! 

That first thing I mentioned actually happened a while ago.  And it is absolutely fantastic.  The spells, the pull of magic.  Rolling on the ground without control.  These are all new designs for the top floor.  8.5.  it’s all connected.  The realm of the new one that is now in between two worlds.  Big mojito fan, eh?

I am excited for another period piece for sure.  Someone to claim us?!

3m3c

I don’t want to disguise tonight.  Smile in your eyes.  Beautiful lines around the eyes.  Want to remember that exactly as it was.  Red wine on top and white underneath.  Did not recognize.  Streaks.  Butterscotch.  You didn’t recognize me?  coffee.  And water.  The classic drink that never goes out of style.  Everything disjoined now.  It all happens over and over again, sometimes in order, sometimes out of order and sometimes all at the same time.  top of the stairs.  Something happens.  Too scared to go down.  I’ll come back for you.  Ya regreso.  Not quite right.  But perfect.  Sorry.  You’re very colorado.  Walking back the questions.  He wants to ask everything but knows what a mistake that would be.  I would like to be your friend.  but friendship isn’t possible.  That makes me very comfortable.  Brujeria.  Witchcraft.  Black magic.  Playful black magic.  Sexy.  Incredible.  Wonderful.  Flirt.  Little by little.  Tease.  In a circle.  That felt right.  Mini skirt.  If you want you can wear a mask.  Perhaps made of lace.  With the pole on the floor.  This did not come to pass.  Same breathing method.  The ice cream will set you back.  Fruit and chocolate.  I just want to stay there forever.  Furtive glances.  I don’t know anything anymore.  Then at the end the long walk and the desire to do it all over again.  This moment is forever sealed.  It exists and it doesn’t.  this is a precious thing.  And everything is you.  Wanting to hug.  Don’t lean in.  laughing genuine.  Inside the car and nothing makes sense anymore.  There is more life than time.  what does she do?  Need to walk it off.  There was no sin here.  But that may not be what he wanted.  One in a different direction.  Perfect smile.  Laugh at me if you please.  Ukuleles and brass when he thinks of you.  Making love in the ocean.  Swimming together.  Light of the moon.  He ran to get you out.  Out of his system. Outside of his mind.  To keep each other warm.  A hug.  Never can happen.  But if only.  I have to apologize.  I can hear the fingers slide across the strings and this is you.  I want to know all the tastes.  I want to know every moment.  I want to experience every new thing and re-experience everything from before but now anew.  Hushed and then laughing.  Arm in arm, hand in hand, no, this never happened.  Only in the ultraviolet dreams.  Walk the...quoting now, where you held me in that night.  Paid the price.  Can’t forget…the crooked…wonderfully crooked but I can’t say a word.  The feeling of desire.  The wish to give in to desire. To be in the sun with you.  To see the sun on your face and watch the ocean kiss your feet.  Hands clasped.  You’ll come back for me.  is that friendship a possibility?  The future is not exactly the right phrase.  Already the best wishes are being thrown out and he cannot bring himself to depart.  A shoulder.  This is what he asks himself over and over again.  There is an indestructible chain.  Don’t worry about anything else.  No sin yet.  Everything is imagined and beautiful.  This word again beautiful.  He tells her that she is beautiful.  But no, this never happened either.  Family.  Story of the brother.  A similar fear.  Comraderies.  Where was he in that moment?  Worried because everything was too real.  In the elevator now.  One hand so close to another.  The wind pushes me home.  And now exhausted and nothing in between us.  Everything now through the glass.  This will one day all be gone but for now it feels so good for him to live and swim inside of it.  Outrunning it.  Can never happen.  That moment with the smile in your eyes.  Sing your name into the night.  A queen.  Where are we going to leave our love?  I want the warm rain to wash it away.  I want to be swept up in it.  He wonders everything.  He wonders how everything will feel.  Never find out.  These are such small moments, gone the second they begin.  But they are infinity.  They are everything forever.  Please forgive the endless longings.  I’ve ruined everything as usual.  No betrayal. I’ve never fallen into the ocean.  I see you at sunset.  Never compromise the one thing above all else.  It’s all the difference in what you’ve seen day after day.  Otherwise I am nothing.  Those moments will live on and on and travel up to the stars.  Never utter a word about the free form.  Leave it all inside the night.  I could fall in love.  Leave all the love inside the night.  The tide will carry it out.  Fingers touching lips.  Hands so close.  Everything is temptation.  We’ve already fallen in love.  Smile and its everything.  The love is already here. It is real and lasts forever.  I miss things that were never true.  He cannot plan for another moment.  I want to get every detail but how many are already lost to the universe.  I hope somewhere I can see it all over again.  Sitting on the table.  Envy.  Inanimate objects.  We are all like astronauts.  Message with a rose.  And the morning smelled so good and it was all imagined.  A secret inner existence.  What are we all hiding from one another?  There is nothing more fascinating.  Longing.  Some things can never be repeated.  We’ll take everything day by day.  I keep going to places where you have been.  The places have a strong vibrant and wonderful memory of your presence.  I’m seeing the echoes of you.  I’m hearing your voice in the walls and retracing your steps and imagining myself there in all those former moments that we will never be able to recover.  The entire lives we will lead and leave behind.  Everything we will ever do.  All the choices we’ve made and all the chances we will never have to make things right. 

Will I be seeing another at the costume ball?  I miss you dreadfully. 

mill7(going back probs but hopes that today of the two the one shown is the one which is everything to me!)

After spending so much time in the treme it felt hip and fresh to return to my old Y2k fears.  No, that doesn’t make any sense.  I’m already off my game.  I don’t know if it was the time away and apart or what but this just felt great and is one of my faves of this initial lucky number.  It would be right near the top!  I spotted or maybe imagined but I think I spotted some great allusions to a manhunter (not a martian one, mind you) and another lucky number though the same lucky number as I previously mentioned.  Prints and blue.  Deep blues.  Love color.  Man’s color (not the man we’re thinking of but a man but another consonant is necessary).  It opens with a word(s) from one of the new four which is always a risky prospect if you don’t have the goods with which to back it up.  If you don’t bring your A plusses as a Danish man might say.  And though I’m not sure anything could have lived up to that particular selection I do believe the themes introduced prior were neatly carried over.  It all added up.  Catherine remains a warm and necessary presence and I enjoyed her increased involvement here and hope that will continue.  I am going to throw some meat down near the dogs to distract them whilst I go looking for the correct scrap heap.  I’m not sure if my plan will work though.  Dogs always get the better of him in the end.  I sense I should have anticipated the denouement but I give peanut butter kudos to the team that I did not and suspect my deep involvement and very specific trickery with lenses prevented this from happening.  I don’t know that I can fully parse out or agree with the motivating conclusion but I was with the entirety of the thing so I can accept it (like a tank of compressed air).  However the ultimate ultimate black magic marker in newsprint conclusion I can fully 100% parse out and accept and once more I left with troubling conclusion that I am unsane (sinks down in his seat again).  Don’t let my troubling self realization blind anyone from the fact that this was a fully quite good three-fourths of an hour and again, thus far ranks at the very top (hey, wasn’t he shattered after being frozen in ice by a captain?).  that newspaper was so troublingly realistic.  Harmless psychopath.  Or am he?  Why did you have to use that word?  Still hung up on things, eh?  Someone remembered just yesterday as I was drinking a couple of doves.  My fingers were sticky with salt.  Used to be during the week, long time, how was he noticed?  Everyone notices.  There was The Angry One.  in blue but not The Rhapsody in Blue but invading thoughts and now everywhere and Diana the Huntress was enough but not enough and like the Jade Pendant life circles back around on itself.  Will be enough later on though.  And there was black, everything was black from the troubled morning to replacement of magenta and a sore neck and a lot of caffeine  (go on and wring my neck, no, that’s the wrong one but the word kinda relates).  It’s starting over again and I regret that and I don’t and I regret everything and I don’t.  at least there was the one – stradlin – which did not return.  Very nearly.  And upon re-entry I considered doubling down, double or nothing as the kids used to say.  Why not?  I am no longer in control.  That’s another ten dollars to lightning larry.  All money well spent of course.  Justice without shoes.  And all at once the answer was upon me.  it would be the perfect synthesis.  Such a short amount of time and I can bleat and blather away.  Must make oblique references.  And now I see about the brains. Now I understand and I sense the sublimity deep within.  It all makes sense now.  I don’t think I’ll eat burritos today though.  But yes, so inspiring.  Fourteen times two.  And now I must return to the place of strange medicine. Everything appears twice and yet it is all so brief.   Does he dare go for a custom job?  Does he dare plunk down that seafood.  The place of strange medicine was still home to the T-doppelganger.  Nothing had changed.  He lost control again (oh hooky).  You know, I really like that silverman film I just watched.  Actually it was the second time I watched it but I really like it.  Two digital facsimiles of love and sex in one day.  Careful, your true colors are starting to show.  I need more off right now and I am going to remedy that immediately while also shipping over a vampire and a ballerina.  I forget an exclamation mark in the last sentence but it was actually implied.  How said that he went looking for The Icy One and came up short.  And in the end everything was so hopelessly flaccid.  The Jackal again.  And now Zeuxis leaving us.  Somehow it all makes sense.  The morning was empty.  None of this information is relevant.  I have really learned nothing.  But it’s all calm for the time being.  Who knows how it will look tomorrow.  It’s 1915 that is so important to me.  and aspects of what follows.  I’ll repeat that number in my mind with a bifurcating punctuation.  On the medical path.  But thank the heavens not leaving behind this other life.  Please let us be reunited today.  Do you understand what I am saying?  I look up to the sky.  Putting on act.  That sounds not nice but it is necessary while we’re out on the floor.  I don’t understand anything.  Rocks.  But that is not the correct spelling.  Pink dreadlocks.  And the sweet sounds of strangulation.  Really liking bad brains, I say to myself apropos of nothing.  Maybe I’ll buy a book later.  Would now be the right time to book my flight to Fairbanks, Alaska?!  THAT is the question.  Maybe I’ll live.  Or maybe I’ll just live in my room (which is the color electric blue).  The Little Star returning was, is and shall be everything to me.  stop counting down the days, motherfucker (reverse this and there is a sly generational (new) reference).  Oh no, this is all reborn.  Commentary on the police officer garb.  Yes father, I shall become a piece of shit.  What crashed through my window just then?!

place to place (how many?!), remain, stained, all...where's my little tape recorder?!

It’s extremely likely that I will be waking up on a bed with deep red sheets very soon.  There will also be red curtains.  And a river outside which reminds me of another river.  I find that I know less….

So the end was nothing he (I?) could have expected.  you’re just a…with grey eyes, never mind….  The lesson and mercy.  Everything was mercy at first and I should have been thankful but I was only desiring sin and soon enough my awful prayer was answered.  But in the midst of that sin he found an unexpected fragility and truth.  How could this be happening?  Why did you use the F word?  But was it at once robbed of the betrayal as the connection was renewed.  Mayhaps that does not make a lick of sense.  This has invaded into the beyond.  There is the center and now this vile thing is reaching beyond, straight to the heart.  Why was this confession made?  What could this possibly mean?  This is advancement.  This is far beyond.  This is true terror and mockery, laughing madly at our easily stolen mortality.  But the first is to come very soon.  Need to take advantage of every moment possible.  I am sorry. 

You’ve been with us for a long time now.  Why did you use that word?  We are on a train somewhere and I rescue you from a fatal sequence that I began.  Of course, a keep a bottle of Jack in my jacket pocket.  Or do I?  surely, you must have something heavily stocked nearby.  This was so much more acidic because it did not have your touch.  Fourth round knockout, know what I’m saying?  I would smile with pride and mistake everything.  Later on it would be so clear and I would be cheering on the beach.  One betrayal after another.  I consider you…  I think of you…   what does any of this mean.  Always changing the dialogue so the betrayal remains one sided.  The seam was just like something else.  We’re awful (me and me).  Awful.  I was and am very thirsty. 

Been a month.  Was it really such a short amount of time?  I have lost all perception of time.  I exist in the past, present and future all at once and I am always a failure.  Succumbing.  No resistance and in the end there was glorious near suffocation and there was relief and there was hate rightly directed at one specific person.  You were hiding.  I was hiding.  Somewhere the image was captured but everything lies through the glass.  I don’t know who the hell I think I am anymore.  Now I laugh and cry at the same time.  this does not make sense.  This is happening.  That’s what I know.  This is happening.  Why use the word? 

Everything was renewed again and far grimmer than ever before.  I am an invasion.  Two separate invasions going on, two entirely separate assaults.  Please forgive.  I told you I would….  You’re…right?  Puzzlement and then clarity.  Yes, I will.  Is this right?  Then the word came.  You’re very welcome.  You’re hiding.  Don’t know the name but young.  Not young, no, that’s not right.  Not young but not old.  Not young but still too young.  And now to the maritime city.  And I hope we shall not be washed away in a wave of red.  Not you and not you.  Me?  fine.  Whatever.

And then it was all upon him.  Such resistance but then such screaming.  Down the throat.  The massive mechanical arm.  Thrust into the air and then down again.  Drowning inside the body.  This is the body politic.  This is the wandering….  Everywhere, black everywhere.  I have failed over and over again because I am terrible.  The electricity everywhere….  Gaze upon the…thy….  Straight to the back and what does this mean with so much caffeine, I’m sick, have a nice day, drive safe, oh wait just kidding.  Very professional.  And the glorious conveyor belt.  I’ve seen her in action.  She’s a monster.  Then into the mouth and this is glory. This is everything he could ever desire.  The word choice is always so important but why that word?  The smile.  Please forgive me everyone.  The screaming again and in the back again, piercing the back this time, gritted teeth.  Grabbing the head and writhing.  Didn’t even break a sweat, eh?  I know, I know.  Reaching up, last ditch, then falling and then ripping and crashing.  These things are all happening at once over and over again and it is so delicious (do you remember that word?  Yes, but why the use of the other one?!).  multiple parties, so much presence.  There is The One of Ice, the Red Devil, another who for now has no moniker except the real one (and small fences) and of course The Rhapsody in Blue who sends everything crashing down again and causes everything and provokes everything and pushes every button and is the cause of all the great ecstasy and screaming and such lovely suffocation.  His knees were weak.  And then we go back and we drown.  Can I do this without it being hypocritical?  Will this be genuine or will it be a sin?  I wanted to go to the park earlier but it rained.  You never know.  Another trip tomorrow.  Another trip but the same trip and more shear lunacy.  All these languages.  A long path to the sunset.  Was it a lie?  That would be the most glorious thing of all.  So richly appropriate.  I deserve nothing less than a lie.  I know less and less….  Where did I put my tape recorder?  I would never change the blue.  The Rhapsody in Blue. 

I will very likely need to Tilt and go Outside today.  Woman at heart.  It’s difficult to believe.  Also, I love the new Nails song, very VERY Bowie esque, very Blackstar and something else I just mentioned.

I think it is starting all over again.  My fault.  Damnation.  Why that word? 

I will see you at the costume ball again very soon.  I miss you dreadfully. 

the colors explain everything to those who...tues again is good...

What will be the theme of today?  I think I have a pretty good idea and I thinks it will be failure.  But maybe not!  It’s all up in the damn air right now!  The little star has returned and thusly some semblance of meaning in my life has returned as well.  The only meaning in which I am permitted.

I’ve been renewing my love with the ol’ horizontal black and whites lately.  It’s been a worthy experience and I think it may lead to great things.  no one has ever considered me to be a world class plate spinner.  I’m just Ricardo, failure extraordinaire.  I was walking down the streets of spain and the paparazzos wouldn’t leave me alone.  Wait, no, that was someone else.  I’ve been spending a great deal of time down in the treme recently and find it to be very satisfying.  That team has not let me down yet.  I need to make the rounds to a few pawn shops and see if my trombone has been recovered.  Then I’ll eat some fried food.  Been listening to The Germs recently.  And a lot more of The Ramones.  Watched a great Altman movie the other day.  My Brando impression cannot compare.  Green.  I bought a Scrooge McDuck comic book the other day but I’ve not yet made the time to read it.  Soon I hope to rectify this error. 

The real question is whether or not I am willing to attempt that 37 hour drive.  Were I younger man it would already be a foregone conclusion but time stops for no one.  still, I picture that far away meeting amongst siblings and crawfish.  Who knows what would happen and why but I imagine a nice peaceful walk where the air smells clean and the lights of bars and ships guide our way.  Ah, the discussion, the misheard words.  The sweet poetry inherent in the laws of accounting and of course multiple languages neither one of us really understand.  Let us not forget the archaic writing.  Or that brave soul electrocuted and then bodily slammed onto a conveyor belt. That was always the fantasy. And white belts.  And white collared shirts and ties.  Hair dye.  Different and lovely and then dark again.  Homemade pastries.  There is no chance for a new beginning for anyone.  Turning dangerous. 

Of course, if I haven’t already expressed my extreme excitement that The Vampire and the Ballerina is finally receiving it’s blu ray release next week then that I was mistake.  I will order it, pay for next day shipping and then watch it 17 times in a row while sipping cognac.  I am eager to add this to my collection.  Apropos of nothing, I am regretful that I never paid for a headscissors session.  So many regrets.  I love music but I don’t have a lick of musical talent.  Tom Waits, love his stuff.  Love Haim’s albums too.  Maybe I’ll go for a midday jog?

You have been so good.  Why break things now?  That is the question to everything.  But really, have you been good?  Caffeine surges through the rivers of life!  I don’t know even know what anything means any more but I was down by law.  It was in paris that I most properly utilized a stick of butter. 

You see, he can resist the one but the other one – the Rhapsody in Blue – is so much harder. Do you understand the mental and emotional addiction taking place?  You are unsane.  That is you, right there shrinking down in your seat.  You are the terrible thing no one wants to see.  They say I can’t be killed!  They say I drink blood!  I was all alone and then the party came.  I am goat.  Goat am I but unfortunately I cannot use my special goat powers to get me out of this situation.  I’m going to read the book Annihilation and maybe another book or two before re-reading The Stand.  Then I’m going to stand. 

White cotton.  Ah, but of course there is another, always another says he.  Dock hands.  Red devil.  Nothing adds up anymore.  Balanced precariously while the steps cover the face.  I try the best I can but the best I can is not (ever) enough.  I need to go the craft store soon and pick up some craft stuff.  Yes, it really is a question of brute strength isn’t it.  These words are all meaningless.  Cash back.  The sun was in my eyes.  Mayhaps Ballard has the answer.  I adored that Bukowski book I read and promptly purchased 7 more.  That’s too bad man, I’ll pray for em.  The ending that I thought was the ending was no more.  Love the new nails.  it sounds so very much like the blackstar.  That should never be confused with the little star (the most but also the most.).  hope I didn’t miss my chance.  

Though I’ve come to realize I don’t really need much of anyone.  I would rather never leave my room.  Shear will on the horizon again.  I’ve seen her in action, she’s a monster.  And then comes the screaming.  Voice inside the inside comforting and admonishing.  Everything is planned days and weeks and years in advance.  Something is so cold now and I fear it may never unthaw.  Once the club is willing to let you in it’s no longer fun to be a member.  My own personal touch.  Pink drink with a cherry on top.  I will stay after they leave.  I am awful. 

Yes, it seems he cannot keep from sinning.  Of course it is all his own choice.  And things may yet work out for the best.  Do you recall…?  Peanut butter.  That always the password.  No, password isn’t quite right.  It was a key word but also a code word.  It with that the kingdom and every soul within was lost.  It was orange at the beginning as I recall.  The color of insanity.  Or course, I think as my head goes light, how utterly proper. 

So back at the beginning again.  Meanwhile, back at the old wrench.  After a long hard sweaty day’s work.  red devil.  And the one made out of ice.  Stand on your tiptoes to….  The Rhapsody…why does it always come back to…I miss you dreadfully…forgiveness not forthcoming. 

AIW Review (Part 5 of 5, final 1024 words)

They leave me overall feeling indifferent and for some reason that bothers me more when it comes to an artistic endeavor.  And like I said with Black Panther with black kids and black audiences and Wonder Woman with little girls and female audiences, I do genuinely like that there is a universe of largely positive characters that kids can enjoy and that audiences overall can grow with and love.  I just wish I felt the same and was as taken by them. 

A real quick aside before finishing: regarding DC and any bias….  I would hope my Smallville rant shows that I can be objective with DC properties (though maybe my thoughts on Nolan’s Batman movies tipped the scale back in the other direction tee hee though I could also throughout a possible Marvel bias on the part of some fans who seem to give a free pass to anything in a Marvel movie but would castigate the exact same thing in a non-Marvel movie) but here’s some quick reminders: I largely hate Superman Returns (sorry, I really don’t say that in a mean way at all, I tried so hard with that one), I hate Green Lantern and while I guess I don’t outright hate Suicide Squad I can’t call it anything other than a humongous mound of steaming dog crap!  I would probably rather watch any Marvel movie over those (with a few exceptions like Iron Man 3, Thor: The Dark World…maybe the Guardians movies).  And though I do like Man of Steel I would say the Supergirl TV series has far and away done a much much better job at capturing the spirit of Superman and his mythology than anything in his current movies (and Returns). 

Also, if I gave you the impression that I think Justice League is a good movie then I apologize.  It definitely is not.  But I would (sorry) put Infinity War and Justice League on about on the same level.  Infinity War is definitely much more competently made but the end result still leaves me feeling about the same.  They just have different types of problems (though a couple of the same ones, I really don’t see much difference in Thanos going from place to place to get a stone and Steppenwolf going from place to place to get a box and from a story standpoint in and of itself I don’t think either should get a free pass).  That makes sense to me since its clear WB/DC was trying very hard to model that after a Marvel movie (intentionally copying a successful purely commercial property always yields great art). 

Also, keep in mind I love Spider-Man and growing up I read just as much of him as I did Batman.  I still think the first two Spider-Man movies are great (3 is terrible) and I would put those well ahead of most of the current Marvel Universe movies.  The point being is that I think it’s the style I’m chaffing against, not the company or characters.  AND there are some Marvel universe movies I really like!  I do think the first Avengers is a great popcorn movie as you put it (though that term has come to mean something ugly to me.  Are Nolan’s Batman movies popcorn movies?  If so, I want more like that.  Does a popcorn movie mean light, breezy and not challenging or thoughtful?  Is there a relation between a movie’s intelligence level and how much it is a popcorn movie?).  But for sure The Avengers is a great adventure!  I think it got by in part on the innovation (I didn’t even use the word novelty!) of the then budding shared cinematic universe and seeing so many heroes together but it was extremely well done and exhilarating and everyone had their moment and I would easily say it is an essential superhero movie. 

I do think every Avengers/group movie since has merely tried to outdo it by adding more characters and not a better story and I think that’s also a major problem for me with Infinity War: that innovation is only awe inspiring the first time.  I get what people mean when they talk about the ambition of Infinity War but just adding more characters and effects does not make it more impressive to me.  Yes, the brothers Russo film more actors and effects each time.  But it would be infinitely more impressive if each (or at least some) of those characters had arcs as opposed to just appearing and throwing a punch.  Plus, Robert Altman already made the huge ensemble thing with movies like Short Cuts!

BUT more positive stuff: I think the first Iron Man movie is still a very good origin film!  I think Winter Soldier is nearly great.  It dips at the end but it is overall very strong and DOES do some different things with the formula.  I’ve already spoken highly about Black Panther.  I also like Spider-Man Homecoming quite a bit and – while I don’t think it really touches the original two Spider-Man movies (not crazy about the Stark scenes) – I do think the current Spidey is the best.  And I have nothing bad to say about Ant-Man!  That’s right near the top for me!  And lest we forget that the X-Men are Marvel properties as well and I still love X2 and I would say Logan is a truly great film (and one where death and violence actually means something)! 

But if you want a biased statement here goes: I love Wonder Woman more than any of those movies I’ve just mentioned and I’m quite sure that when Wonder Woman 2 comes out next year it will have a far more interesting and thematically rich story than anything in Infinity War 2 or whatever it will be called!

So…that’s all I got! 

Quick Summation: If I had to watch Infinity War or Justice League all the way through again I’d probably pick Justice League just because it’s shorter (it also has a better score: Danny Elfman beats Alan Silvestri every time!  Though strange that Elfman’s score for Age of Ultron was so unmemorable…hmmm…)!