Man
follows her home. Just another day in this shitty place. Don’t make
me laugh with any explanations. All those hoping that there exists a
chance for redemption are going to walk away very very distraught.
Still desperately looking for meaning anywhere. What are those chants? I don’t know who is truly saved anymore. I keep falling down stairs. Tumbling and tumbling. I’ve been missing out, the idiocy is far stronger than normal these wretched days.
The Star two nights ago, was that not one of the greatest things ever? Dear God, what is happening to me?! But it was amazing. Holy shit, as they say! You deserve it! Beautiful storytelling.
I’m far more excited
for Latina than Lemonade (no knock on Lemonade though) but I hope to give them
both proper attention. I’m so useless
(just do it already).
Fuck, why is everything
so ugly now? Inside and outside, how can
we digest all this shit? This must be
what we deserve. No doubt about
that. Foul foul things.
Fish people, it all makes sense now. He was right. And I can’t seem to stop crying. Perhaps another drink will help. A profanation of the symbols of purity. How appropriate. How do we look at each other anymore? What is this thing existing? We’re just trying to scrub the black oil off.
It is highly likely nothing is ever going to be okay ever again.
(Why don’t you just do it?)
New era and all that. I suppose at some point everything old has to become new again. how trite indeed. the window is open and there is a nice breeze coming through. I feel like I’m right there at the bar even though I’m here at home. I’m not quite ready for anything and that’s as true a statement has ever been uttered by me. Perhaps I’m mostly upset because I can’t seem to locate a dvd copy of The Vampire and the Ballerina. Such a beautiful film. Make me cry. Nets. Or perhaps it has more to do with the fact that I’m an utter fucking failure. Either or I guess. Still slave to denier. Don’t suppose there’s anything I’ll ever be able to do about that. or is there?
Having lived that – if only for an all too brief time – I can say it does evoke that feeling so…. Hug heart. That is perhaps the secret which brings it all together. Jim you might say. And he Waits but it was the highest at the time. so much chatter. Don’t know who can be abandoned now. That last thought is at least separate form everything else. You have to ask your self sometimes what is intentional and what isn’t.
Another day, another sign. All similarities after a while. Are they looking too hard. Manifest destiny and all that. still so hard, even in the dead of everything, to come up with anything. I guess nothing makes sense. Though I know it doesn’t really matter. Never any decisive action. Things keep going on. Lets just throw some eels into it. what kind of…if….
I’ll be fine I’ll be fine I’ll be fine hahahahahahaha
Let’s just serve it all up one big chopping block
I twitch and convulse everytime you….
Honestly, can anyone really understand anyone else anymore?
Too long and too comfortable inside a crucible. Always that third type of person. That does seem to make sense. And change. Set em up. hating self so much. I think we’re all out of the good times. Nice deterioration. No need to ask permission for any of these things, there are no keys. It’s alive for now.
Oopies. That is what you always said. Just a bit of coldness but not the way you think. Those few minutes can erase years. In that delicate span of time everything is right. Even in those perfect moments he is doing level best to drown them. Quite an unusual brand of happiness. He created this tragedy and through that earned so much. the attention. For just a moment. That was enough and everything else. This homemade gift bought and sold and hidden underneath and lovingly inhaled later on. If only to suffocate on….
And then this grim realization of the true character which lies underneath. That’s how it always starts, right? Isn’t that what they said? You did not even realize it until it was right on you and breathing down your back. And now you’ve turned into far uglier than what you’ve always pointed out. Much better off without…much better off….
I understand now what they said about his voice, it makes such perfect sense. What a fool I was for ever doubting.
How necessary to place on a pedestal sometimes. The only healing thing.
It’s getting quieter now. Settling in. this is the best part, right? To be able to return to the masquerade ball. That is the only thing. Sometimes showing up with a clear mind, sometimes not but always find that broken and blissful understanding. Kiss. Embrace.
Only so much more, isn’t there? never.
In the field, the sun and blue and green. And then burgundy and black. Do you remember what he saw? It hurts to confront its own because of all the hatred. Hurts to speak in…. Best not to relive it that way. Don’t be so bold.
But there, walking through the field and freely giving life. There are the many faces of…. A heart here. Every single time she was always central. All things being defined, she was in every single one of them. Impossible to listen anymore without…. And the place where he bought it all. And going there and wondering and laughing and dying. Somewhere in there was loving and it was glorious. Do you recall the generosity? The renewal of spirit. Always freely giving life. Green that day. And the sweetest sound. Head hurts a bit again. but not for this. Walking past and smiling. So much transparency. He has done so much to destroy it but never really succeeds. Introductions echoing forever. So lovely. this is how it had to be, thankfully. Everything else that followed but has anything truly…? Always be the question. No strength to even finish, right? But these are guarded away and treasured. Not to be used too much. tears and just a tiny bit of pure. Are they all one? The very last time, has that arrived yet? There will likely never be a chance to say thank you.
Never been seen by anyone like you before.
Still don’t know the color.
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