New Savina
has me. in the worst moments there are
reasons. Water. It is another sign. Programming the worm. I need to have a drink at midnight in every
local bar. I want answers! I recently ate salmon. The last decade or so has featured a
tremendous amount of failure. I am no
longer capable of a net positive. Shadows
colliding . I wore my v neck t shirt
yesterday for nothing. Been far too long
since I’ve had a pair of used pantyhose wrapped around my face. I shouldn’t interact with people because I inadvertently
spread my disease of failure. I’m a
charmer. I was always easily available
for the positive moments. Need to reread
some stuff. Post office. Green.
Again, I understand now the need for those terrifying visions. Every single afterward was looking for a
replacement. Ate sausage for
breakfast. With honey mustard. “his mouth watered from the spicy mustard.” Some of the most brilliant writing of all
time? gorilla creature sex. Dolphin sex.
If I came back as a dolphin. Someone
once compared it to a too rich piece of chocolate cake. Fortunate enough to witness piano
accompaniment. Need to drive around with
gold experience. Need to grow a sloppy
beard and pose with the laser disc of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Or do i?
the more I learn the less I want to know. Not sure if I slept okay last night. I was depressed this morning though. I suffer from depression. Love when people say that. I need to throw away a little rectangular box
that’s on my desk. I need to clean my
life up. Done reminds me of her. the long game. How insidious. How disgusting. My feelings are fake. Way out in the sticks. Highs and lows. Eating pizza.
Disgusting slob of a man. Adjudication. Well that’s a good idea, that’s a good
idea! I’m moving past things. love Carly Rae. Felt bad the other night about all the tears
spilt over bad checks and a concealed gun with an altered serial number. Why are you trying to make it worse? There are truly no good memories of the last
several years. That should feel
sad. But it doesn’t really. Of course, I think as my head goes light, how
utterly proper. I really do love pop
music. Or do i? the more l learn the less I want to know. I suddenly have the feeling that nothing good
will ever happen ever again. It’s my
fault though. That is the energy I am
putting out into this universal slipstream so it makes sense that it is what
will come back to me. kissing
frogs. I need a wet shave. I need to read more garielle. I recently took a tremendous crap. Gotta talk to my landlord. Gotta break the bad news. Jewish bear has the answers. Layne.
The river. Hope. All these pieces of water around my room .
need to write more things in longhand. Need
to write in a composition notebook. So much
desire has left me. I am dying inside. Hard
to write long sentences. Picard was a
perfect sendoff. Remember that time I really
liked that karol g album? Remember that
time I was crying and listening to new lana while falling asleep beneath the
covers? I had popped a pill. Maybe I’ll
go get some chicken wings later on. But really,
what the hell would that solve? It sure
wouldn’t take care of the national deficit.
All my friends care deeply about the economy but they’re all phonies so
how can I trust them? The lemon
kid! The eyeball kid! I was doing some square dancing the other
night. Real shit kicking shit! One last roll of the dice to make something
of my useless life! It’s a pretty nice
day out. Maybe I should try not being such an asshole for a
change. Need to buy more ice cube
trays. i only consume ice that’s made
the old fashioned way. Nothing has come
close to the icy perfection of ice made by ice trays. I’ve never really liked margaritas but I’ve ordered
my fair share. Too long I didn’t listen
to carly. Too long I’ve been a worthless
asshole. if only my mother had just
aborted me? tears. Please please please why didn’t you just fucking
abort me?! you should have just flushed
me down the toilet. Or played a game of
baseball with my aborted fetus as the ball!
Pop fly! My heart rate is
up. Excuse me, I gotta eat some
carrots. I gotta drink a glass of
water. Classic drink. This album is too much. In the best way. But I want you in the worst
way. Haha. That was a joke. Classic humor. Lot of heat between charlotte and tiffy. Not sure what to believe. “rimmed with deoderantal chalk,” so revitalizing . it would be nice if I could
make everyone forget who I am. It seems I’ve
fallen on vaguer days. My tummy is
unsettled. Need to drink some of the
pink stuff. I shouldn’t have been so
rude to that general contractor. He was
and remains a far greater man than i.
that’s not really so hard since, after all, I’m not worth a tin shit in
any way. Keep thinking maybe I’ll walk
into the right place and. Likely just be
ignored. Like when colleen saw me that
one time in the hallway roughly 23 years ago.
Never forget! That would break
me. I’m going to get this out there and
keep a contributor’s copy in my car at all times just in case. Looking forward to king’s new novel. Love that poster for the life of. Could you be the most? Another worthless day in a life of full of
them. Should have learned a trade. Should have kept all my pogs. I like black and white photographs. I like that one pj Harvey song about saying
something. I miss you dreadfully. I strongly dislike myself. Last day of all time.
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